Chapter Fifty Two- Change
A/N- An angst filled one up ahead! I hope you all enjoy it!
We waited anxiously for the next five hours. There was nothing for us to take our minds off of what was happening to the two Winchesters. Sam had failed to get in touch and neither had Dean. The worst thoughts possible started to run through my mind.
Dean getting butchered by Alistair, Sam bursting in just to see his brother getting killed and then him loosing it. In the end Sam would end up dead or he would take down Alistair in the most unnatural way possible with Ruby looking proud in the background. The angels however were nowhere to be seen in my little nightmare.
I raised my hands to cover my face as I sighed. I was sat at the kitchen table along with Bobby. I heard him shift from his position and I peeked through my fingers at what he was doing. He was standing up and grabbing his coat.
"What are you doing?" I asked. My voice was a much higher pitch than usual.
He looked at me with sad eyes, "I'm going after them. We don't know what's happened."
"Exactly!" I started standing up to block his path, "we have no idea what is happening. Alistair is involved. He is terrifying and he is more than capable of killing humans. If Cas and Uriel are doing their job properly then everything will be fine."
"You keep tryin' to convince yourself with that, don't ya?"
"Yes," I nodded, "That's because I trust Cas. Uriel can go to hell for all I care but I know that Cas wouldn't let anything bad happen to those boys. Please, just stay."
My pleading seemed to do the trick as the man huffed and removed his coat. He sat back down opposite me and we continued to wait for any sign or signal that everything was okay.
The clock hanging over the kitchen doorway sounded louder as it ticked every second and then every minute away.
-M-
We got a call from Sam an hour later.
"Sorry, I've just arrived outside of the place they've took him too. I haven't had chance to call."
His voice crackled but it wasn't from any static. It just didn't sound natural anymore. For a few moments I assumed that Ruby was in the background talking. It wasn't the case though. That was actually Sam's voice.
"That's a lie and you know it, boy! We've been worried sick about ya idjits over here."
"I'm sorry but it was a long drive and I kinda forgot. I'm gonna go and grab Dean now."
"Do not do anything stupid!" Bobby hollered down his cell phone to him.
He hung up without another word and there was a tension hanging in the air.
"There's something wrong with Sam," I muttered darkly.
"What do you mean?" Bobby turned and asked me when he had placed his cell away.
I shrugged, "I don't know. He just sounds different."
"We'll all have a talk when they get back," he considered the information to himself for a long while.
Zachariah poked his head around the doorway checking that we were still there. When he saw us he merely rolled his eyes skywards and disappeared again. He often retreated to the study or another area of the house that we rarely went to. I guessed he didn't like the human stench.
Suddenly the rosary began to itch. It was like I had to do something, that I had to get up on my feet rather than just sit around. My eyes flicked to the yard that I could see through the kitchen window. I had the urge to walk outside.
"I'm going for a walk," I told the old man distantly as I stood warily from my seat and advanced outside.
-M-
The wind was picking up and had been for most of the day. I wrapped my arms around myself to try and retain some warmth seeing as I was only wearing a thin sweater and some casual jeans. My hair was tied up after being cut ready for the funeral the other day. I looked up and down both sides of the house. The itching had gotten worse. I had the urge to walk to my left around the side of the house. As I did so I couldn't help but wonder if this was a good idea.
I didn't stop walking until I was stood in the middle of a couple of wrecked cars that were being used for parts. The garage was locked up tight. I felt the same tickling all over my skin as I did hours before. My head whipped around worriedly. It was an angel.
I bet that it wasn't Gabriel. He had a bit of a habit of sneaking up on me.
"Rox," a tired, gravelly voice greeted me.
I whirled on the spot to face them. Cas stood there bruised and bloodied before me although his wounds appeared to heal slowly before my very eyes. He was wary. His eyes kept shifting from mine to the floor.
"Castiel," I said formally looking him up and down. I had not forgotten what he had done last night nor had I forgiven him for it, "What do you want?"
"I..." he started raising his blue innocent eyes, "I wanted to talk."
I shifted uncomfortably as my resolve began to weaken and fracture. I gulped, "about?"
"It is hard to explain," he began. I let him continue, "Dean tortured Alistair although I was thoroughly against it. It was an order from Heaven. It was a direct order."
I nodded. My walls of resistance were crumbling further still, "Okay. What does that mean?"
He took a deep breath full of emotion, "It means that I doubted my Father."
"You're doubting God?" I gaped. Then I considered something else, "God tells his angels to torture?"
His eyes went to the dirt, "No. I don't believe he does. I believe that...the orders are not coming from my Father anymore."
I approached him with worried eyes. It was clear where this line of thought was going to put him. He was going to fall and end up on Earth. I wondered, "So what are you going to do?"
"I am going to think for myself although it is difficult to do," he gave me a brief, fleeting smile, "I am also sorry for how I behaved last night."
Tears began to fill my eyes although I didn't understand why. I wiped them away quickly blinking rapidly as I did so.
"Why are you crying?" he tilted his head slightly to the left.
"I don't know," I managed to answer. Another thought occurred to me then, "was it you who caused that feeling in the rosary? Did you bring me out here?"
He glanced at me sheepishly, "I did not want Zachariah to know."
I laughed then. It was my first true carefree laugh in so long. It felt good. I quietened down when I noticed that there was still something wrong with him, "What's happened?"
"I have doubts about Uriel. I believe he is not telling me the truth."
"What do you mean?"
"My brothers and sisters are dying yet Alistair claimed to have no knowledge of it. He also escaped from the Devil's trap that I built. He should not have been able to break it. Uriel was the only being capable of breaking the trap."
I took a step backwards in shock. My hand flew to my open mouth, "Did he hurt anyone?"
Castiel's eyes avoided my own as he answered me, "Dean is in hospital. Alistair almost exorcised me to Heaven but Sam arrived before he could. Something is wrong with him. His psychic powers have grown. I fear Ruby is behind it."
His knowledge reinforced my own doubts.
I started to cry, "Is he okay?"
His eyes met mine. They were wide and sad, "he will live."
"Oh thank God," I gasped. Tears cascaded down my cheeks and I approached him. I held his hands and looked deep into his eyes, "which hospital is he at? Cas, I need to know."
He gulped and watched my hands as they clasped his own, "Saint Martin's Hospital, Cheyenne, Wyoming."
"Okay, now you have to leave. You have to get out of here before Zach sees or senses you. You do not share any of the thoughts that you've had with anyone else, okay?"
His eyes flickered up again. He watched me silently. There were tears of his own beginning to fall. I watched as one slowly rolled down his skin.
"If any of your superiors find out then you will fall and die, do you understand me?" I raised a hand to his face and wiped the tear away. My voice was breaking, "you cannot come here anymore. I don't want you die, Cas. That is the last damn thing that I want."
His hand came up to his face and squeezed mine tightly. He looked at me with pleading eyes. I shut my own which sent another wave of tears gushing down. I felt his presence disappear and when I opened mine I found that there was only air in front of me.
-M-
When I got back to the house Bobby was on the phone with Sam. He hung up and turned to me with tears in his eyes.
"Dean's been hurt. He's at Saint Martin's in Cheyenne."
I nodded not really sure what to think anymore.
-M-
A few moments later we were ready to head out of the door when Zachariah raised his ugly head. He smirked at me from his position on the sofa in the study as I walked by.
"Where are you going?"
I stopped walking and turned back to face him. Tears were threatening to overwhelm me at any moment. I glared down at him, "Dean is lying in a hospital bed thanks to you and your garrison. I'm going to visit him and make sure that none of you dicks actually managed to kill him! If you want to stop me then you're free to do so."
I turned on my heel and left the building to join Bobby in the car. Zachariah didn't attempt to stop me. I wasn't surprised in the slightest.
-M-
It was hours before we got to the hospital. I charged ahead of Bobby when we got there as I couldn't wait for the elevators to take us up to Dean's room so I took the stairs instead. When I got there I found Sam pacing up and down.
When he saw me he began to walk towards me. When we met we threw our arms around each other in a tearful hug. I was about to ask him how he was when I caught a weird scent from his neck. It was difficult to place. It was similar to a watered down version of Ruby.
"What are you?" I whispered in his ear just as Bobby's heavy feet sounded around the corner.
He released me and gazed fearfully. He knew damn well what I asking about. There was something he wasn't telling us.
"Sam!" Bobby called behind me.
I took that as my cue to leave. I ghosted into Dean's room and sat in the spare green chair pushed up close to the bed. He looked a wreck. Machines bleeped regularly and a tube travelled up his nose supplying oxygen to his body.
I stroked his forehead and began to sob. I broke down as I looked at the man.
-M-
It was near mid-night when there was any sign of the man coming around. Sam had disappeared hours ago and I didn't dare think where he had gone. Bobby slept quietly in a chair by the wall that one of the nurses had kindly brought in.
I was holding Dean's hand and made circular motions with my thumb to try and soothe whatever nightmares he was suffering with. He took a deeper breath than normal and his green eyes flickered open lazily. He was doped up on morphine.
I leaned forward and smiled at him. This time tears of happiness sparkled in my eyes, "Hey there."
"Rox?" he struggled to say the word. His eyes looked at me wildly, "is it really you?"
"Shush," I hushed him stroking his forehead with my other hand. My voice was barely above a whisper, "it's me. Everything's okay."
"I did it," he whimpered, "I started it."
"Shush, what did you start?"
"The apocalypse," tears began to fall. He griped at my hand, "Alistair told me."
"It's okay," I soothed him. I chose to ignore the words for the moment, "It's okay."
There was a moment of silence as he looked at me. His eyes were droopy and he was about to fall asleep at any second.
Out of the blue he whispered, "I love you, Rox. Running out of ketchup was the best thing I ever did."
"Shush now. You have to sleep," I told him.
His eyes closed and I waited until his breathing had slowed again. When I knew he was asleep I sat back in the chair and glanced up at the doorway. I saw Castiel standing there watching me with forlorn eyes. There was a deep ache in the rosary like there was a longing, a craving for something he didn't have.
In the moment that our eyed met I realised something.
I loved him.
Within the blink of an eye he had vanished again.
