DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NICKELODEON'S AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER OR ITS CHARACTERS. I just, really, have run out of witty things to say. Give me a couple of weeks - I'm sure I'll get the spark back...
Author's Notes: Thanks to my betareaders. bowow0708 (who accidentally got two chapters of "Shatter Me" instead of this fanfic this week), and sunflower13.
Zuko kept his eyes locked on the other ship as it pulled away, although he did not really see it as the officers aboard gave a final salute, or as it receded into the distance. When it was gone, he continued to stare sightlessly out at the water, his hands clutching the railing tightly until it glowed red beneath his fingers as his anger – and his certainty that Lan Chi was the spy – grew.
But how could it be her? How could she have done it – oh, not the actual thefts – she was a waterbender, and possibly, through her association with her Uncle Fai, familiar with many of the garrisons. But how could she betray her country so?
"How could she betray me?" He whispered into the wind.
"Prince Zuko?" Iroh came up behind him, his voice quiet.
Zuko could feel his uncle's presence close to him, and he wondered if Iroh had known about Lan Chi's treachery. He had, after all, concealed information about the garrisons that their ship had visited to the investigators.
Didn't you do that, as well? Aren't you complicit now?
"Uncle," he said, quietly, and waited for Iroh to step up next to him. "Did you know?"
He kept his eyes on the horizon – if he turned to his uncle now, he knew that he would betray himself – he would betray the hurt that should be anger, too.
Iroh was silent for a long time, and, when he finally answered, his voice was quiet. "We cannot be certain that Lan Chi is responsible for the thefts, Prince Zuko."
Zuko whirled to face his uncle, his face twisted with fury. "Did you know?"
Iroh looked at him, then shifted his eyes to his feet. "No."
Zuko took a menacing step towards him. "Then why did you destroy the log book? Why destroy the only evidence?" He asked through clenched teeth.
Iroh's eyes snapped up. "For the same reason that you lied about our ports of call, Prince Zuko. Because I love her."
Zuko's face reddened, and it was his turn to look away. When he spoke again, he had his emotions under control again. "Why did she do it, Uncle?"
Iroh finally answered after a long, awkward silence. "I don't know, Zuko."
Zuko closed his eyes, as if gathering strength. When he opened them, the hurt and confusion were gone, and all that remained was rage. "I am going to find out."
Zuko stood outside Lan Chi's cabin door, trying to concentrate his thoughts on what he wanted to ask her – what he wanted to say to her, even though all he wanted to do was rip the door off and scream.
But he couldn't. He had to remain calm. He had to let her explain.
But what explanation could there possibly be? That it was an accident? A misunderstanding?
It was ludicrous to think that it could be either.
Perhaps it wasn't her. It could be one of his crew – Jee, possibly. He had no love left for the Fire Nation. His jail time might have soured any regards he felt for his country.
But if it was one of his crew, why had the thefts suddenly begun with Lan Chi's arrival?
To throw suspicion from the real culprit to Lan Chi?
He gave free rein to that possibility. It could be true. She could be innocent.
But what about the time that he had chased the spirit to the ship? Could it have been one of his crew?
Could one of his crew have scaled the wall of the ship?
Could Lan Chi have done it?
She could have if she had used waterbending to reach a rope.
He frowned. That would explain why it had looked as if the spirit had entered her cabin window.
He had been so flummoxed by his accidental view of her nude body in the bath to think straight that night, but, as he thought on it, and as he pieced the puzzle together, he realized that it must have been her.
He pressed his palms against his eyes. Spirits, why? Why had she done it?
Give her a chance to explain. Iroh's voice was so clear in his head that he wondered, for a moment, if the old man was lurking behind him again.
But, no. He was alone – standing in the middle of the corridor outside Lan Chi's cabin.
He would give her a chance to explain – although Zuko feared that there was no rational explanation.
If he could get her to admit it, without accusing her directly – that would mean that she was sorry – or that there was, indeed, a credible reason for her actions.
He would drop hints – and, hopefully, she would confess, and explain it all to his satisfaction.
But what could he say to her to make her confess? And, if she did confess, what would he say then?
I love you, but you're a filthy traitor? Why did you do it? Why did you betray the Fire Nation?
Why did you betray me?
He knocked, finally, on her door, and she wrenched it open immediately, almost as if she were standing just inside.
"Zuko!" Her smile was one of huge relief. "I was starting to worry."
He quelled the anger starting to build inside, and tried to give a non-committal smile. "Why?"
"Well, you said that you would see me later – and – and I've been waiting for hours!"
"Well," he said, hearing his own voice sound rusty and tight, "here I am."
She smiled, suddenly, and the love he saw reflected in her face seemed so genuine that he wanted to throw aside all thoughts that she might be a spy as ridiculous.
She slid her arms around his torso and laid her head against his chest. "So, what did they want?"
"Who?" He knew that he was prevaricating, but he wanted, for some reason, to postpone the revelation.
She looked frustrated. "The men from the other ship."
"Oh, them." He shrugged as he embraced her, hoping that it was not the last time. "They wanted to ask us a few questions – that's all."
"Questions?" Her voice sounded too casual. "What kind of questions?"
He took a deep breath. "There have been some – break-ins – at some Fire Nation garrisons, and they were tasked with questioning all the Fire Nation ships that they crossed."
He thought he detected an overly long pause. "Break-ins?" She asked.
He nodded. "Someone might be stealing secrets."
"Wh – what kind of secrets?"
He shook his head, trying to seem nonchalant while still trying to gauge her reaction. "Military secrets, I guess."
She blinked. "Oh. Were – were you able to help them?" She sounded trepidatious.
He shook his head. "Not really."
"Hmm." Her hands caressed his back through his uniform.
"It was odd, though." He continued, even though it was difficult to concentrate with her so close. "We've been to quite a few of the garrisons."
"Really?" She sounded uninterested. "Which ones?"
"Oh. Let's see." He pretended to think on it. "Um – Changsuo Shui. Daejeon Ju. Nanzhou."
She kissed his jaw, although he thought he felt her tremble. "Strange." She murmured.
"I know. Do you remember that night that I chased the spirit in Changsuo Shui?"
She smiled at him. "Do you mean the night that you barged into my bath?"
He ignored her smile. "It seems that what I chased wasn't a spirit – it was a spy."
She ignored his words, and brought his head down so that she could kiss him.
He felt her lips against his, cool and dry, and he wanted to push her away and yell at her. He wanted to demand to know why she had done it – why she had betrayed him – why she had betrayed her country.
But he also wanted to hold her to him more closely – wanted to hold her forever, and shut out everything else in the world.
Shut out her lies.
Please say something, Lan. Please tell me the truth. I've given you an opening. Please take it.
"Let's just forget all this, Zuko." She stepped away and allowed her hands to close around both his wrists. "There are much better things that we can do with our time."
She started to walk backwards towards her bed, bringing him gently with her, and, despite the lump that he felt in the pit of his stomach, he allowed her to.
After all, it might be the last time.
An hour later, Lan lay curled in Zuko's arms, her back pressed against his chest, and was content.
He had acted so – odd earlier, and she had been concerned. What had those Fire Nation officers said to him? Something about secrets and spies?
The thought that he might have been notified of thefts shadowing him across the world concerned her.
No, it was more than concern that she had felt – it had been fear. Fear that he would discover her treachery.
So, when he had mentioned the night that he had chased the spirit, and when he had revealed that he suspected that the spirit had been no spirit, but a spy, her pulse had jumped, and she had tried – casually – to distract him.
She was not entirely proud of the distraction that she had provided, but it was important – vitally important – that he drop the subject from both the conversation and from his mind.
It had not been difficult to turn his mind to other things.
Or, so she had thought.
He had been loving, as he always was, but he had also seemed distracted and almost ill at ease, although he had whispered words of affection and tenderness, and she had allowed herself to believe that all was well.
She had done a good job of convincing herself of that, however, so that his words to her after, as she lay cocooned in his arms, had shocked her.
"Where are they?" He asked, his rough voice deceptively light.
She frowned, but did not turn to look at him. "Where are what?"
"The secrets you stole from the Fire Nation."
Her face drained of all color, and her heart pounded in her chest. "Wh – what?"
He sat up, releasing her. "You know. Everything you've taken. Unit movements, strategy, the number of troops. All of that."
She turned to him then, and pulled the sheet up over herself protectively. "I – I don't know what you mean."
His anger burst out of him suddenly. "Do you think that I'm stupid?" He yelled at her, his face twisting in fury.
She blinked in the face of his rage. "N – no, Zuko. No! I just don't know –"
"You stole them!" He interrupted her and rolled to grab his breeches, which he pulled on in haste.
"I – I don't know what you're talking about." Her face was a mask of fear and dawning horror as she watched him get to his feet.
He advanced on her, and she scooted back, still holding the sheet up to cover her nakedness.
He leaned down close to her. "Someone's been stealing secrets in Fire Nation territories."
She shook her head frantically, her voice failing her. No! She thought. He can't know! He can't!
"Changsuo Shui. Daejeon Ju. Nanzhou. All places that we have been in the last several months. All places that we have been with you." He continued, his voice and face both cold.
Her eyes dilated in fear, and she continued to shake her head. "Z – Zuko, no." She finally squeaked.
"No? No what? No that you didn't steal them, or no that you can't believe that I discovered that you've been using me all these months?"
She scrambled to her feet and retrieved her robe from a discarded heap on the floor.
She stayed silent as she slid it on, not sure what to say. Should she deny it? Should she reveal all, and explain her reasons? Should she throw herself on his mercy?
He advanced on her as she tied the belt. "And, since you have no answer to that, I will ask you again," he grabbed the edges of her robe and yanked her up onto her toes, "where are the things that you've stolen? The secrets? The intelligence on the Fire Nation?"
Dangling from his hands, watching the man that she loved treat her so coldly, her face coalesced into an emotionless mask. "I don't know what you're talking about."
A sardonic smile lifted one side of his mouth. "Oh, I'm certain that you do," his voice had dropped into a purr, and, still grasping her lapels, he gave her a shake. "And if you make me search for them, I will burn every single thing that you own, starting with this robe." He allowed his hands to heat up, and smoke began curling from the fabric.
Her eyes had turned to stone. "You wouldn't dare."
"You don't want to test me right now, Lan. You really don't." He gave her another small shake.
He dropped her to her feet, and she shoved him away. "Did you think that you could kiss a confession out of me?" She asked bitterly, walking to the wardrobe where she kept everything, and yanked it open. She pulled out the bottom drawer with unnecessary force, and it fell to the floor with a clatter, spilling clothing everywhere. Pushing those things aside, she grasped the edge of the panel that hid her secrets and tugged it out, exposing a bundle of clothes, a mask, and several metal scroll holders. She gathered up the scrolls in her arms, walked back over to Zuko, and dumped them at his feet. They bounced against the floor panels, but Zuko ignored them for a moment, and walked over to the drawer. He bent down and retrieved the mask, and turned accusing eyes turned on her.
"It really was you," his voice came out as a whisper. "You were at the opera in Daejeon Ju. You passed me in the corridor. And at the major general's house in Changsuo Shui. You kicked me on the balcony. I fought you."
She scowled. "You gave me no choice. I didn't want to fight you."
"And that night, I thought I saw the spirit climb in your bedroom, but, when I came in, he wasn't here. He wasn't here because he was you."
She looked away from him. "Yes. It's true."
He tossed the mask aside and picked up a scroll, pulling the cork from the top, sliding the parchment out, and unrolling it. "Do you know what this is?" He asked as he read details on troop movements in the Earth Kingdom colonies.
"Yes." Her voice was small.
He shook his head. "How could you do this?"
"You have to understand."
"Understand?" He was incredulous. "You keep saying that! What is there to understand? You've been stealing secrets all this time, and you've been using my ship as a base."
She tried to touch his arm. "Zuko, you have to listen. Please listen to me."
He threw her hand off. "I don't want to listen to more of your lies!" He lifted his hands to his head and paced away, then turned to face her, his eyes still blazing. "Who are you working for?"
"I'm not working for anyone."
"Liar! Who are you stealing Fire Nation secrets for, Lan?"
She lifted her chin, not in pride, but in defiance. If he wanted to paint her as a villain, she would allow him to do so. "The Earth Kingdom."
He was silent for a moment. "How long have you been doing this, planning this?"
"Since before I got on the ship."
"And this," he indicated the bed, "all this. Was this just part of your plan, too? So I wouldn't suspect you of anything? Did you think I would be so blinded by – love," he snarled the word, "that I wouldn't discover what you've been doing, or that I wouldn't care?"
She shook her head. "No, Zuko. It never had anything to do with us."
"It has everything to do with us," he nearly spat the word at her. "You've been lying to me and using me to betray my own country!"
She grabbed his arm. "I wasn't using you! I love you!"
He shoved her away roughly, and she staggered back. "Am I supposed to believe you now? Are you telling me the truth now, Lan? Can you tell the truth?"
"I am telling you the truth. I swear."
"How can I believe you? Spirits! You've betrayed everything! Your country! Uncle! And – and me! Everything and everyone that I thought meant something to you! How – how could you do that? We're fighting a war"
"Zuko, please try to understand…" Panic was starting to overwhelm her.
"Stop saying that! What is there to understand?! That you're a spy? A traitor? I understand all of that! I don't understand why!"
"No, Zuko. Please listen."
"No? Then you're not a traitor? What exactly would you call someone who plots against their own country – your country?! Spirits, Lan, your father was a great warrior! A patriot! You betrayed him! His memory! Why? Do you hate my father so much?"
"It's not because of your father." She insisted.
He threw his hands up. "You've told me everything that isn't to blame, Lan. Why don't you tell me what is to blame? What did the Earth Kingdom promise you?"
She was stubbornly quiet, and Zuko fisted his hands. "Tell me!" He yelled.
She jumped, and looked at him with scared uncertainty. "Immunity. They promised immunity."
"Immunity." He repeated, not understanding. "Immunity from what?"
She threaded her hands through her hair. "Zuko, we're going to lose." She took a deep breath. "The Fire Nation is going to lose."
He reddened. "You're wrong. We're winning."
"We're winning? How are we winning? Lu Ten is dead, Zuko. My father is dead. Your mother is dead. The air nomads, all of them, are dead. Tell me, Zuko, how that is winning?"
"The air nomads were amassing an army. They were planning to attack us."
She gave an aggravated groan. "Zuko! They were not! That's a fairy tale that the Fire Nation tells itself so that no one has to think about how Sozin committed mass genocide!"
His scowl deepened. "There are always casualties in war."
"Casualties? Is that what you tell yourself?"
"It's true, Lan! You're lying if you say anything else!"
She was exasperated and frustrated and disappointed. "Go ask Uncle!" At his truculent look, she continued. "Go ask him! He'll tell you the truth!"
"So – what, Lan? Am I supposed to mourn people dead for a hundred years? Should I mourn every person who's been killed in every war since the beginning of time?!"
"Only the ones that your family killed!"
"It's not true! None of what you're saying is true! It's just your sick, twisted way to justify your treachery!"
"No! It is true!"
"So you betrayed the Fire Nation because Sozin killed the Air Nomads?" He turned and slammed one hand into the wall before turning back. "Sozin's been dead fifty years!"
"It's not that, Zuko. Ba Sing Se is coming into the war."
Zuko looked unimpressed. "So?"
"So? Ba Sing Se is the largest city in the world. It has more people in it than the entire Fire Nation."
"And you expect me to be afraid of them? I'm not." He slid on his shirt.
"You should be."
"We have technology that they'll never even understand, Lan!"
"And they will overrun us, Zuko, technology, and all!"
"You're being ridiculous!"
"And you're being blind!" He turned away from her again, and she tried to release the tension in her shoulders to try to calm herself. "I don't want you to be a casualty, Zuko. Or Uncle Iroh."
His voice was tight as he addressed the wall. "The Fire Nation is going to win."
"Oh, Zuko, you've been traveling the Earth Kingdom for two years. Haven't you seen it? Their resistance is not dying. Their numbers are not dwindling. They have far more resources than we do. More land, more people, more food. They'll isolate us and overcome us, and when that happens, we will lose. And when Ba Sing Se starts to send soldiers, we'll be crushed." She shrugged wearily. "It's – inevitable."
He whirled to face her. "No, it's not!"
She groaned in frustrated anger. "Zuko..."
He glowered at her. "Where did you hear this – about Ba Sing Se? From one of your Earth Kingdom contacts?"
She did not want to mention Changda's uncle. "It's true, Zuko. Don't ask me how I know; I just do."
"It doesn't matter. Fire is the superior element. We are the superior nation."
"Zuko, even if we had thousands of fire benders as good as Uncle, we still wouldn't win. The sheer number of soldiers they'll send will swamp the Fire Nation forces. There'll be no chance of victory."
"Not with you helping them!"
"I'm trying to save you, Zuko! You and Uncle Iroh!"
"Save me?" He asked incredulously.
"The immunity is for you, Zuko! You and Uncle Iroh!"
"What?! Have you lost your mind? Why do we need immunity?" He scoffed.
"Because, when the Earth Kingdom wins the war, you'l be both be charged with war crimes! You'll be sentenced and found guilty, and executed."
"And so you betrayed your country for that?" He yelled. "For some stupid promise for something that we're never going to need?!"
She was silent, not knowing what to say.
He shook his head in disgust, and turned away. "Does Uncle know about this?"
"No." She came up behind him to put a hand on his arm again. "I couldn't help you after the Agni Kai, Zuko. But I can help you now. Let me help you."
He turned and flung her hand off him. "You have lost your mind! I wouldn't accept your help if I was being led to the scaffold right now. I'd rather die."
She recoiled. "Don't say that." She grabbed his hand again.
He shoved her away as if she were unclean, and she dropped to her knees. "My father was right about you." He looked at her in disgust. "You're – beneath me." He stamped his feet into his boots as he spoke. "We can't get to Tao Xing fast enough. I want you off my ship. Marry your fiancé, Lan, if he'll have you, because I never, ever want to see you again. You sicken me."
He grabbed his armor from the floor, as well as all the parchment scrolls, and stormed from the room.
She fell forward onto her hands, and sobs tore from her throat at his harsh words. "No," she cried. "Don't say that. Please. Zuko – I – I love you. I swear. I'm sorry. I did it for you. Please - understand." She was talking to an empty room.
Author's Notes: Poop, meet fan.
Seriously, thanks for reading and being so patient and loyal to this fanfic. Since Zuko now KNOWS THE TRUTH, things will obviously have to change, which means that we are working into the finale of this "book."
Oh, and for all of those people who have said that they know how this ends, I am happy to say that no one has guessed it! Ha! I always smile when I read those, and giggle a little maniacally.
Please review so I can move onto the first page of highly reviewed Zuko fics! I need 274 (I know! A lot!) to move onto the first page, but only ONE more to move onto the second page!
Woot!
