When Was The Last Time You?
Chapter Fifty Two: When Was The Last Time You Winked?
A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell
"Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does."
The bitterness of the winter chill cut into me like a knife cuts through air – easily, without any force causing it to come to a grinding halt. I ran across the grounds hoping that I would find Draco underneath the large tree by the lake; however my search was to no avail. I had not seen him all day, and quite frankly, I was beginning to panic. It was as though something in my mind told me something was dreadfully wrong and there was little I could do to stop it. However, I put this down to being a mere force of habit. It seemed as though nowadays most of my life was ruled by those strange and almost impossible habits to which I kept without noticing. My habits had become so much more noticeable these days, they mostly revolved around avoiding the other students at all costs; many had come back from holidays with a strange vengeance. Almost as though the holidays had only increased their dislike of Draco and by an unfortunate extension me also.
This, however did not bother me. I could think of several situations worse than the entire student population that called Slytherin their House disliking everything about me. In fact the reason that it was for little less than mere association was almost comical to me. However, there really was nothing comical about the situation at all I had found a rather cold air to how I was treated by other's these days, as if I were contagiously diseased or worse. This did little to dampen my spirits; I doubted they could fall any further than they had already. My final conversation with Harry and Ron had left a gaping hole in my heart for a reason that was all too clear to me. I knew they would not forget the things I had said to them, or the way I had left them standing there, both hurt by my judgment and cruelty. There was nothing I could do to change what I had done; however there was no notion in my mind that I wished to take it back. No thoughts that I had done anything that had gone against my personal morals. Perhaps they too had changed greatly recently.
Late at night I would hear Lavender's muffled sobs, she had not had a pleasant holidays. In fact, she returned home to what could be described as the scene of a massacre, the dark circles beneath her eyes hung there as a constant reminder of what she had seen. It seemed as though she was anything but fine, she claimed that she was alright, that she was fine. She wasn't. I doubted anyone would be alright finding what was left of their family lying strewn across their living room, the Dark Mark hanging sinisterly above the household. I had heard people say that she was lucky to have survived – that running inside was the last thing she should have done. What if a Death Eater remained within? The thought caused my stomach to turn uneasily. How close had my friend been to suffering the same fate, days? Minutes? Hours? It seemed to close to call, too disturbing to think of the possibilities. Yet despite everything, she did a good job of appearing fine of the surface, her mask almost impenetrable. Yet it fell away at night as most masks would, when no one was around to see it for themselves. In a way I could understand, yet in so many others I was glad I did not know how it felt.
Several times I had felt compelled to do something – anything to help her. Yet there was little I could say to someone in her situation. I had hugged her and offered my condolences, I had offered my help if she ever needed it. She told me she was fine. Parvarti had moved into the Room of Requirement following the holidays, she felt that it was her duty to her best friend. However after several conversations it seemed as though there was little more she could do than to be there when she was needed. In the current climate it seemed as though that was all we could do for each other when words were not enough to express how we really felt. It seemed as though there had been a rather steady increase in the numbers inhabiting the Room of Requirement, it was almost common knowledge among those in Dumbledore's Army that if Neville, Ginny, Draco or I were needed we could be found in the Room of Requirement of a night, apparently if they were searching for us a loud bell would sound as they approached the non-existent door. That way we could meet them without bringing other's inside as we had no intention of bringing many others into our sanctuary at the present time.
Sometimes, we became better at lying to ourselves than telling ourselves the truth. I should know this better than anyone else. It was almost as though you became accustomed to lying to everyone, that even lying to yourself became so much more easily than it ever should have. I had denied far too much to be able to continue in the downward spiral of lies and deceit any longer. It made me feel hollow inside lying, as though the fight with Harry and Ron had opened up a part of me I never knew existed. A part of me that needed to tell the truth, to be open and honest with the world, knowing that I would never be able to start afresh any other way. Of course, I did not feel compelled to do the right thing constantly. That would not change, a force of habit I doubted would ever leave me, the adventures I had been a part of burnt strongly into the front of my mind formed a constant presence that never truly left me.
I wandered back towards the castle in a daze, confused and concerned as to why I had yet to see him today. I had awoken earlier to find him nowhere in sight, everywhere I had looked had failed to produce any sign of him. This seemed to almost frighten me in ways I could not explain. Almost as though part of me ached for him when I was uncertain of where he was, or how far away he was from me – almost as though there was a constant fear that he would never return. I found myself at the door to the Room of Requirement quickly, as though everything had zipped by me without my notice. That seemed to be happening an awful lot these days, two weeks of classes had already passed by and it seemed as though beneath the homework and my duties as Head Girl, Draco seemed to be taking almost a back seat in my life. I wished that was not always the case, but he was almost as snowed under with the tasks in his life that there was little time between us to be spent on any form of date. There still had not been another Hogsmeade weekend. However we made do with what was available to us, although the grounds were not particularly exciting.
I had found that after several hours of practice flying seemed to present slightly less of a challenge than I had first thought. Draco, while not being as naturally gifted as Harry was an extremely good teacher. I had spent a whole hour hovering slightly above the ground three nights ago; this surprised Draco considering the ground seemed to attract my body weight. This generally resulted in my back ending up pressed against the frozen ground. Draco always smiled and helped me walk such instances off as if they never happened, however it did little to stop the large bruises that formed on my back and arms where I landed particularly nastily. Slowly I had been practicing landing and other such required aspects of broom handling, it seemed as though this practice had another motive, although the only one that came to mind was securing a method of escape if we were left with no other options. Of course it would be a rather futile effort if we were attempting to leave Hogwarts, there was very little that could be done to escape a place such as this. The sheer complexity of the warding spells and the barriers which had been placed upon the boundaries went even beyond mine and Draco's combined knowledge.
I opened the door to Draco's room slowly, peering inside to see if he was inside. It was the last palce I had thought to look after checking once. The room was dark save for several small flickering candles. I stepped inside and closed the door slowly; I shuffled forward carefully, to ensure that I did not trip on the corner of the large bed that my memory told me stood roughly near where I now stood. I heard a slight movement from the corner and suddenly the room was flooded with a bright light. The bed and all the furnishings of the room had vanished. In fact the floor had been replaced with a smooth grassy hill atop it sat a picnic rug, blue and white checkers complete with a small wicker basket. It was warm, however that came as no surprise I looked about the room however Draco was nowhere to be found. I noticed a piece of parchment sitting beneath a rock slightly ahead of me, walking forward I freed it an opened it. In Draco's elegant yet simple script it read: I love you.
Slightly confused, but nevertheless impressed I walked up the small hill and settled myself upon the picnic rug. Clearly Draco would appear soon, this had clearly been planned right down to the position of the note and the picnic set, clearly as it contained actual food. There were several beautifully scented candles lying scattered about the ground, they had provided the light I had seen earlier. I carefully took of my grey coat and set it aside, realising that it was far too warm for such garments. It was clearly the middle of spring in this room, the weather and the flowers that were beginning to bloom in the grass showed me that this was designed to be such a way – essentially perfect. I noticed Draco walking towards me slowly a large grin upon his face that seemed to illuminate his eyes as he walked towards me. I quickly scrambled to my feet and ran to embrace him. As I reached him I leapt into his outstretched arms and pressed my mouth to his, the warmth of his lips filling me as I did so.
"Happy three months…" He whispered in my ear.
"I completely forgot! This is such a lovely surprise!" I whispered in horror.
How could I have forgotten such an event? I thought to myself.
"Never mind that, I can remember for the both of us." He whispered dragging me down onto the rug.
I carefully lay against the smooth surface of the rug, Draco's body pressed lightly atop mine. He held his weight carefully above mine with ease as he kept his lips pressed gently to mine. Somehow amidst the constant kisses we had managed to end up sitting, I was sitting within his lap carefully. "I have something to give you." He said quietly when his mouth was not pressed to mine.
"What would that be?" I asked, kissing him back once again.
"It's nothing I promise." He said defensively pulling a small black box from within his jacket pocket.
"Of course it's something." I replied pressing my lips against his once again. "It has a box."
"The box is removable."
"What is it?" I asked as I carefully opened the large box which had been placed within my free hand.
"It didn't cost anything, I promise." He said defensively wrapping his arms around me.
I look down to find a piece of parchment nestled carefully within the box that for a moment I had feared contained another expensive piece of jewellery, alike the ring I wore constantly. I pulled it out carefully setting aside the box opening the parchment. Written neatly across the top was the single line: Dear Hermione. I looked at Draco confused, "Just wait." He whispered pressing his lips lightly to my cheek.
I watched as the letter began to slowly appear line by line until eventually the entire letter was visible:
Dear Hermione.
Actually, forget that. Let's start again.
Dearest Hermione,
Where can I begin to tell you just how much I love you? Certainly it is impossible to express such emotion in a form such as a letter, it seems almost cowardly. However, if you refuse to allow me to spend money on you, perhaps my time is all the more valuable. I don't wish to drag this out too long, for there is so much I have planned for you on this day, so much you have missed out on because of me. So much you will continue to miss out on in life because of my presence weighing you down. It's enough to make one fell dreadful within. So I will cut to the chase, I love you, I loved you from that moment you spoke to me, that evening all that long ago in the corridor, that night when I realised that I could never love another as much as I did you at that very moment.
How can I begin to describe such a love that I feel for you, how can I begin to list the ways for which every moment I think of you my heart seems to miss several beats. There is no way that words can describe how I feel, but I hope that you too feel it too, enough so to know that there is nothing I can say that will explain it, there is nothing in this world that will change it.
I Love You,
Draco.
I glanced up at him, tears in my eyes. I clasped my hands to my mouth, two tears falling gently from my eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you." He said quietly.
"It's in a good way." I replied. "There are no words to describe how I feel about you." I replied.
He pressed his lips to mine, his tongue brushing lightly across my lips. He carefully lifted me into his arms, in response I wrapped my legs around his waist supporting myself carefully. He spun me around slowly as the rain begun to fall softly, followed by snow and by a heat that warmed my skin in a way I had not felt in a long while. "We could spend the night here…" He said winking at me after several minutes of ever changing weather.
"Don't get your hopes up." I replied softly kissing him once again.
"I know. We have forever." He replied.
"Forever. What a wonderful concept." I replied.
"I'd give up everything for you." He whispered.
"You already have." I whispered pressing my lips to his neck gently. "Well mostly everything." I clarified winking at him.
"Was that a wink Miss. Granger?" He asked in a horrified yet melodramatic voice.
"I think it was." I replied pressing my lips to his once again; content to remain in this single moment for the remainder of eternity.
Dedicated To: He Who Hath My Heart – How you put up with all this, I'll never know, but I'll always appreciate that you do.
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Author's Note: Apologies for the extreme lateness of this chapter! I had three major assessment tasks due this week and three major, overall score affecting tests. To say this week has been hectic is an understatement! However I absolutely love the random way in which these topics make me smile, almost like something inside me just loves the quirky "times" like these. I hope to have the next chapter up as usual, but I can't guarantee that or the next weeks. I'd like to give a massive thanks to everyone who reviewed and favourited last week! My emails were crazy! Keep up the good work! I'd also like to point out that this weeks quote is simply one that I found online, it made me laugh mainly due to the fact that it reminds me of a situation I have been in.
