After the awkward meal, in which Henrik watched Roxanna and John easily converse, leaving him out of most of the conversation, though John did try to pull him in at random times, he was more than ready to go home. He had tried to make the effort, but the more Roxanna froze him out, the less inclined he felt to add any thoughts to the discussion. Finally, they settled the bill, John surprisingly paying for them before he got up and kissed Roxanna's cheek, giving him a small nod before he left them alone.
"Roxy…"
"Not here, Henrik." She gave him a long look before pushing against his upper arm, urging him from the booth. "I still need to purchase groceries for tonight's meal, even though I'll only be able to taste ashes in my mouth."
Her words were barbed and sharp, and he wondered what he could possibly do to soothe her feelings, even if he didn't understand why she was so upset with him. "Roxanna!"
"What? What do you want me to say, Henrik? I need to process this new information, and not react out of anger. I love you too much, even if I am furious with you right now." Her hand absently touched her torso, and he gave her a confused look. "I am currently sick to my stomach over what you said to me about Maja. And I don't understand why you don't get that. Please, let's just head to the grocer, and pick up what I need, in silence."
He nodded a little, surprised when Roxanna reached for his hand, threading their fingers together. Even in her anger, it seemed that she still wanted to be in close contact with him, and he allowed her to guide them from the restaurant and out onto the pavement. Henrik abided by her declaration, keeping silent as they entered the store, though he did take charge of the buggy so that she could easily fill it without having it get in her way.
It was surprising how easy it was for him to shut down, once they weren't speaking, and as she started to put out feelers to him, trying to gauge how he was feeling, he began to answer less and less. "Henrik, would you rather have parsnips or potatoes this evening?" she asked tremulously, and he took a good look at her face, seeing that she was close to tears.
"Whichever you think would go best with the meal you have in mind," he said, hating that he sounded so cold, but not knowing a way to reel his temper in. Roxanna winced a little as she nodded, reaching out for the parsnips and placing it in the buggy. He couldn't quite control the slight curl of his lip, listening to her sigh deeply as she replaced the parsnips with the potatoes, her lower lip trembling even more.
The rest of the shopping trip went that way, until they weren't speaking once more, and he felt the rift between them keenly as he paid for the food. Roxanna took hold of the bags and began to stalk out of the shop, heading towards home at a fast clip. "Roxanna…"
"I swear to God above, Henrik, if you say one more word to me right now, I will start crying on the street, and I do not want that. Just, no, not until we're home."
He nodded a little as he caught up with her, reaching out for her hand in an effort to stay connected with her. Roxanna pulled away from him, transferring one of the bags into her free hand in a clear rebuff of his affectionate outreach. He frowned a little as he pulled in on himself, fairly trudging on next to her as a jagged silence fell between them. He unlocked the door and let them inside, watching as she disappeared into the kitchen immediately.
Henrik stepped out of his shoes and picked up his bags, bringing them into the bedroom. On the bed there were fresh sheets, and other touches of Roxanna around the room, that filled him with a longing to just hash everything out. Sitting heavily on the bed, he picked up his suitcase and unzipped it, picking up the clean clothes and bring them over to the closet, smiling a little when he saw that she had neatly divided the space for his clothes and hers. In the short space of two days, she had made the space over to include her, leaving it as though she had always been there.
"I, I can move my things to the other bedroom."
He turned to look at her, seeing that she was crying as she hugged herself tightly. Shaking his head a little, he took a few steps towards her, opening up his arms and hoping that she would fall into them and let him embrace her. Roxanna stiffened a little as she stepped into the embrace, burying her face into his chest as he encircled her with his arms. "I don't want you anywhere else but here," he whispered into her hair as the first sobs began to tear from her throat.
"I don't want to be anywhere else, either, but you're not making me feel very welcome at the moment, honestly. I don't know what to do to make everything right between us. Everything was fine up until I left Sweden, and now there's a wall of ice a mile thick between us, and I don't know whether to climb it or to chisel my way through it. Either option might seriously injure me, and I still might not reach you." Roxanna spread her hands out on his chest, digging her fingertips into his shirt. "I know, you've told me about your issues before, but this was a new side that I have never seen before. You were cruel, to her, and unapologetic about that."
Henrik wanted to say something, to justify his response to Maja, to heal the hurt in Roxanna, but he couldn't find the right words to say, instead staying quiet, pulling in on himself even more as the seconds stretched into minutes. Roxanna's sobs petered out, and she sniffled a little as she pulled away from him, looking up into his face. Her eyes were so read and puffy, her look so heartbroken, and he tried to reach up to stroke her face, only for her to flinch away. "Roxy?"
"I, I need to get out of here for a little bit, to clear my head. I just wish that you felt like you could open up to me about why you treated Maja that way." And before he could say anything else, Roxanna had pulled away from him, running from the bedroom. Moments later, he heard the door to their apartment slam shut, the force of it rattling the picture frame on that wall. Henrik sank heavily to the floor, burying his face in his hands as he started to cry, feeling completely alone. He didn't know how he had allowed everything to spin out of control so quickly, but from the devastated look on Roxanna's face, he wasn't certain that he could make everything right, even if he could find a way to tell her everything that had happened after she had left Sweden. But for the moment, he knew that the only thing he could do was give her the space she had requested and hope that they could talk, really talk, when she returned.
