She couldn't sleep. She couldn't eat. She couldn't move. Not even to sip the tea that had appeared in the cell with her chipped cup overnight. She just sat there, staring at the door, willing it to open for her. She had spent the endless hours thinking of every possible scenario of what would happen when it did finally give way. In her imagination, she had already stormed out without a word, rushed off to talk to him, yelled at him, and insisted that she was going to stay. In her mind he had responded with every possible reaction: he'd told her she was right and begged for forgiveness, he hadn't said anything and stalked off, he'd watched her silently leave, and he told her that he couldn't stand the thought of her going because he loved her.
He did. He did love her. That much was clear. The curse had been breaking. And when she thought back to the moment before he had realized what was happening and it became obvious. He had kissed her back. He had reached for her as his skin had changed and grasped her waist gently like she was the only one that he had ever needed, like he wanted more of her. He was her true love, and she was his. He knew it...but he didn't want to believe it. It wasn't her. It was the power. She had assumed that he wanted to be freed from his curse but obviously, that was not the case. His curse gave him the power and it had become so much a part of him it was no wonder that he had lost track of the man inside. He was so desperate to hold on to that infernal power that he had convinced himself that no one could ever love him. She could. Even after all this, she knew that she still could, if only he would just admit it. If he would let her go and choose her over his power, she could help him to see how much of a man he really was.
As if she had summoned him, the door to her prison suddenly swung open with a creak and banged against the wall. She startled at the sound and stared as he walked into the small room. All the words, all the imaginary conversations that she'd had here alone left her mind. She'd built a cocoon of courage in this cell and now that the door was open it was escaping her. She swallowed hard, trying to slow her heartbeat and not burst into tears at the sight of him. Words. She needed words.
"So," she whispered, hoping he could hear her meek voice. "What are you going to do to me?" She had wondered this the entire time. Would she spend the remainder of her life locked in this little cell? Would they work out what had happened? Or would he just decide that she was still his maid and they would remain together in painful separation for all of their days? She didn't think she could bear that. Not knowing what she knew.
He was watching her, just as she was him, with the same amount of pain on his face that she bore. She didn't expect it to be an easy decision but she still wanted an answer. He raised his arm and pointed at the door, and with his teeth clenched together ordered simply, "Go."
"Go?" she prompted, never had such a simple word confounded her or held so much? Go?! Go where? The Library? Clean? Out of this terrible cell? She watched, expecting him to say more to her, to explain. Instead, he turned his back on her, not saying a word.
"I don't want you anymore, dearie."
Her chest heaved with his words. She'd faced this in her mind, but she didn't actually think this would be how he'd respond. At the very least she expected to remain here in some capacity. She didn't expect the words to be like that though. She felt like it was ages ago when she'd first shown up and been locked in and called "dearie". He was putting space between them again, separating them not just physically but also emotionally. "Dearie" made her no better than the nameless people he made deals with. He was attempting to make it easier. On who? Himself? Her? It was much too late for that.
She could feel the tears swelling in her eyes as she stood and brushed herself off, daring to give him a glance. This was it? After everything he'd been through this was really how it was going to end? One poorly timed decision and he dismissed her with a few unfeeling words?! She felt her legs carry her out of the cell, all the time hoping he would call her back at the last minute and say something. But he didn't. And it made her feel...
It made her feel strong?! A rush of intense courage flooded her body making her stop just outside the door. If he wanted her to go, to spend the rest of his days cursed and alone, then she would leave. It was supposed to be easy for two people truly in love, and she didn't want to fight for something that should have, that had, come to them naturally. But she wouldn't leave him with the upper hand in this. What was happening wasn't her fault, he had made the choice and he had to know exactly what he had chosen.
Riding the wave of bravery she turned on her heel and stormed back into the place that was her prison, that he was voluntarily locking himself into. She stepped in front of him, forcing him to take his eyes off the window and meet her gaze. After this moment he could put all the space between the two of them that he wanted, but for now she was going to break into as much of it as she could. It was her last stand.
"You were freeing yourself!" she yelled, her voice raw from the tears she had cried for him. "You could have had happiness if you just believed someone could want you!" She could see the sadness painted on his face. But she couldn't allow herself to feel sorry for him. He was doing this to himself, not her. "But you couldn't take the chance."
"That's a lie" he whispered.
She shook her head at the words and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down and find the words that she needed to say because she knew that she might never get this opportunity again. It wasn't a lie. If it were he wouldn't look this sad, he wouldn't look like his best friend in the world had just died, maybe she had. She certainly didn't feel like the person she was when she befriended him. She took a step closer to him, closer than she'd ever dared come before she'd kissed him. "You're a coward, Rumpelstiltskin," she didn't know where the words were coming from, only that they were true. "And no matter how thick you make your skin, that doesn't change."
He didn't yell, and he didn't interrupt, he didn't even give an inappropriate giggle. "I'm not a coward, dearie," he whispered harshly. Something about her words had touched a nerve, and he was just as human with her as she was him. Good, he owed her that much. "It's quite simple really, my power means more to me than you." Anyone else might have taken him at his word, but it was too late for her. She'd been with him too long, she'd peered behind his mask; she knew what he was really thinking and feeling. He couldn't hide from her. He did love her, and he did love his power. He wasn't his mother, who had given him up for the prospect of power, but he was acting like her! He was different. His power wasn't what he treasured; it was his shield. And like any good coward would he was using it to protect himself against the fear he was really feeling.
She took another step forward "No," she answered looking at his face. If this was it, then he was going to know exactly what she knew and what he wouldn't let himself know. "No, it doesn't. You just don't think I can love you." This time it was him that had to take a deep breath. She saw the shock under his stony expressionless face. She had been right. All along, she had been right. And he couldn't hide the panic shining in his eyes. He was trying to hurt her. He was trying to make her leave. If he didn't, she knew, as well as he, one day she might really wear him down, and he wasn't willing to risk that. She wasn't going to live her life like that. He didn't have to make her leave. She had heard all she needed to and she was about to make it very easy for him.
Her heart pounded against her ribs. She wanted everything to be forgiven; she wanted him to admit it to her, but she needed to say the next words. And they were the most difficult words she'd ever said in her life. More difficult than her first "thank you", than the "yes" she'd said to her father about marrying Gaston, more difficult than the words "I will go with you, forever". But she'd managed once, she would manage now.
"Now you've made your choice. And you're going to regret it..." she tried not to think of what would become of him after she left. What her life would be like now that she would never see him again. But the images crept into her mind, and they were the catalyst that broke her voice and made her eyes swim with tears. Him sitting alone by the fire. Her reading a book that would never truly satisfy. Making deals. Cleaning kitchens. "Forever..." one look at his eyes told her that the words were sinking into him, and he knew they were true. No adventure, no story, no amount of time, no thought would ever compare to what they had shared. "All you'll have is an empty heart," she had to take a deep breath to make sure that her words weren't coming out in an agonizing cry as she felt her heart begin to shrivel in her chest for what she was about to do to them both, "and a chipped cup!" She bit off the last word and watched him. His face showed signs of the hurt that she was feeling but he didn't act on them. She could.
Not being able to say good-bye, and not being able to hold the hurt in any longer she turned on her heel and hurried out of the dungeon. She marched up the stairs, their favorite room blurring as tears clouded her sight, vaguely aware of the strange crunching under her feet. She pulled open the heavy wooden door and ran down the path, putting as much space between the two of them as she could, not even daring to glance back at the place she felt like she was leaving her heart. She just hoped that he somehow knew that, and that he would keep it safe for her. She may not have the gift of knowing the future, but she hoped she was wrong. She hoped the two of them could scrape together what was left of their tragic cowardly lives and move on, but she suspected it wouldn't be possible. How could they after what had passed between them?
Her legs failed her. She found herself on that same road she had first met the strange woman, the Evil Queen she supposed if his guess was correct, and exhausted from running, mind racing a mile a minute, her legs fell out from under her, and she collapsed against a tree. It was there that she let out the most heart breaking cry that she had ever heard in her life and allowed herself to sob.
She hoped they wouldn't regret this choice, but as another howl worked its way passed her lips, she doubted it just as much as she knew she'd always love him.
And so it has happened. We're not done yet. MK&U features everything that happens up until the curse hits so we've still got the adventure with Mulan and some captivity to go before we're done. I know there is not more physical Rumbelle from this point on but I think you'll find that there is still plenty of Rumbelle angst to go around and a lot of awesome scenes that are important for the rest of Moments! Don't leave me now ya'll, Moments is just getting started!
Thanks to Skitzoeinhoven and my Unnamed Guest for your reviews on the last chapter. I know...it wasn't a fun one but thank you, all of you really, for sticking with me on this adventure! I hope to hear more from ya'll soon! Peace and Happy Reading!
