Ok, let me have it I know. It's been a long time. I seriously meant to have lots of chapters up, especially over the summer, but my laptop completely broke about twice since June which has majorly bummed me out. I therefore have written this chapter about 3 times, and it was a tough chapter to begin with, so adding college stress to all of this cause classes just got a hell of a lot harder...well you get the picture. But I am sorry for the long update time. Please let me know if anyone is still reading this, and thanks a bunch if you are!
52: Expectations
I woke the next morning earlier than usual after a restless night of not good sleep. I laid in the bed, curled up in the blankets and pillows and just stared at the ceiling waiting for the sun to rise. My heart-rate was slowly coming back to a normal pattern, and I was losing that prickly cold sensation that always comes after a long drawn-out nightmare.
I sighed. This was why I usually preferred to either work late only going the bed when I was too tired to dream well, or I slept with my earphones in and my music blasting loudly in my ears. I hadn't wanted to use my MP3 player here because I didn't think people would respond to it well, and they had already demonstrated that they were willing to come into my room at any time and surprise me, and apparently I hadn't been tired enough not to dream.
The dream of course, was not a surprise; it mainly centered around the murder. While I managed to try avoiding thinking about it while I was awake and moving around, my nightmare made it obvious that the grisly scene I had witnessed had more of an effect on me than I had realized.
I waited calmly. I'm pretty sure Selca would be here soon to order me around and act like she was the boss even though I was supposedly the Lady here. I didn't really dislike this woman, but I didn't have much patience for her. Quite frankly though, my night had made me more tired than I was the day before and I wasn't sure what to do now. Just go along with what I was supposed to do I suppose.
I frowned lightly. Since when am I known for doing what I'm supposed to do?
I didn't have much more time to process that however. Selca arrived, knocking insistently on my door, and then not waiting for a response, she came right in with another servant behind her.
"What a surprise my lady, to see you already awake." Selca said with a sniff. I just looked at her. She was already sniffing again. I hated that. "Well since you are awake, that will make things much easier. I intend that you begin your day much earlier than you did yesterday." Selca said again as she turned away with a sniff.
I thought of a quick retort that I was sure would make the woman speechless, but decided to hold it in. In that moment, I decided that I would be completely good today, and then maybe she would leave me alone, and I could regain some of my inner-peace.
So, with no words of annoyance spoken, and a blank cool look on my face, I followed Selca as she ordered me around. We had a repeat of the bath from hell, a small light breakfast, and small walk around the manor and gardens, and then we reclined in the shade and read from scrolls.
Well, no. I looked at the hieroglyphs on the scrolls and made up stories for them to try and entertain myself. Selca would read, look up at me, make some comment, sniff, then go back to reading. She did this often, and it was really pissing me off.
So this bird is going to this person here and saying, 'hey you, I want that corn you have there' and the person is like 'naw man, I'm friends with this king here, and he's going use this knife thing on you' and then the bird is gone so it must have run away, and now there's more knife things cause obviously the king is scared the bird is gonna get some bird friends and flock back and start a war and—
"You are smiling? I wonder what it is you find amusing in that scroll of ancient philosophies." Selca pondered aloud with a sniff. I stopped, and closed my eyes for a moment. I hadn't even been aware that I had been smiling at my stupid story. I was just trying to cheer myself up over here. Why the hell did this woman find it so necessary to try and berate me?
"I suppose I just find it all very interesting." I said coolly while trying to keep calm. Honestly, with the past few days and this woman's attitude, I was beginning to feel a little like a volcano. As in, give me enough of a shake right now, and I will blow up.
Right? Shakes, earthquakes can sometimes lead to volcanic eruptions? Hmm. Shaken, not stirred. Ha.
Selca raised a brow at me and sniffed again.
I don't know why it was that sniff that did it, but for whatever reason that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'd had it for the day. I was done with this, and long past giving a crap.
I smiled back at the woman with a calm clear face. Then I carefully put the scroll down and stood up with all the ease and grace I had. Then I turned and bowed very slightly to her. "If you'll excuse me, I have remembered something I would like to get from my rooms. I will be back shortly." I said all soft and sweet, every inch the court-woman Selca seemed so certain I could never be. Please. I could play this role, or any other, a million times better than she could.
Selca seemed surprised, but she quickly recovered and sniffed again. "You should send someone to fetch it for you. A proper lady would not go running off for every errand she has."
I nodded my head, still smiling. "Of course I understand, but I think the walk would do me some good. I will return soon." With that, I turned and left before she had the chance to say something else to me, and before I had the chance to snatch the scroll from her hands and hit her repeatedly on the head with it.
So I walked away from the garden, knowing that Selca was watching me, probably with a shocked look on her face and a sniff waiting to happen. This wasn't what she was expecting from me after all. Probably not what anyone was really expecting of me.
General was probably being all diplomatic today. He was probably talking down to people in some snotty, aloof way and sending servants here and there to do whatever he wanted. He was probably trying to pin down whoever murdered Yareth. He was probably keeping up the appearance that he was this awesome, great noble with untold battle-skill and unheard of charm.
And he was probably expecting that I was a good girl today like I had been yesterday.
Selca, was probably expecting me to wander off and take forever coming back to the garden, maybe even get lost and then she would have had to come find me and tell me all about how proper ladies never get lost. She was probably thinking that she was going to continue having a long hard day of trying to deal with me.
Too bad I was disappointing the both of them today. Not that I felt sorry about it of course. But in fact, I wasn't even in the mansion anymore. Once I had gotten away from Selca, I had raced back to my rooms, put on a plain dress, grabbed my big shawl, escaped through the window and then snuck out the servants' entrance. Again. I know I know. It was incredibly stupid of me. But I hadn't slept well, and I was tired of all the bullshit that woman was handing me today, and I was really in no mood to just sit and take that. So what did I decide to do? Well obviously not sit around and do what was expected of me. Nope, I did the stupid thing and snuck out like a teenager who was mad at her parents' restrictive rules.
But it's not like I was being completely irresponsible. I'd brought along the coins that I'd earned as a dancer, and my Swiss army knife too. Both were in a small pouch that I tied to a sash around my waist. The bag wasn't heavy, and my shawl was big and long enough that I wrapped around and covered the bag so that it wouldn't be seen by others on the street and no one would know it was there to try and take it from me. Which was good because I don't know what would have happened if someone discovered the knife which was very obviously not made around here. Would they try to replicate it? That would seriously alter history. Unless the replications became lost and forgotten. It would probably still end up showing up in archaeological digs which would again probably be not good. Or would it? In any event, I'd rather keep my knife.
Also, to add to my not being as stupid, I had a clear plan in mind. I wasn't going to just wander around the city, I was going to visit Kel. That wasn't so bad. It was good even. He didn't seem to be the type given to adventures anymore, so I probably wouldn't get into any trouble with him, but I'm sure that he has lots of stories to tell, and we could always have a Senet rematch.
So you see? I wasn't really being as bad or stupid as I could have been. But then again, the day is young.
I made it to Kel's easily, the hardest part being that there was actually a fair bit of noon traffic. Still, with no incident and completely unnoticed, I slipped into Kel's little garden.
Kel stood with his back to me, but as I stepped farther in, making no effort of stealth, he turned to see me. His eyes narrowed slightly at first, then his face smoothed out and he nodded.
"I figured you would be coming back here at some point." he said gruffly.
I smiled and reached up to take the shawl off. I shook my head a bit to loosen up my hair then moved even closer to the older man. "Well I wasn't going to stay in that boring mansion forever." I joked lightly. Kel nodded again then moved off toward the house.
"I do not imagine that those people up there fed you well." he said stepping inside his house. Still smiling I skipped in after him. "It wasn't too bad, but they've not made the rest of the day easy to deal with. So I decided it was time to sneak out for the day."
"Probably was not too hard in that place. Security around here is terribly lax. Although now that one of those fools got himself killed, maybe things will tighten up a bit. At least for a while." Kel said gruffly.
I refrained from saying anything about the fool who got himself killed, even if I had been at the murder scene. It really was none of my business. And I had no wish to talk details about it. I had already relived it again and again last night in my dreams.
"Well, eat something I cannot have you fainting on me. That is not how I plan for my day to progress." Kel said as he set some food on the little table in this small room that seemed like a nice, tidy little kitchen. I was kinda nervous to be in here, it was a kitchen after all, but I figure as long as I just sat at this little table in the middle of the room, nothing bad should happen. Besides I feel like Kel wouldn't allow anything to happen. Like if a spoon so much as fell onto the floor in the wrong way—if there is a wrong way—then very bad things might happen as a consequence. I dunno, is it possible to ground, or disown a spoon if it does something wrong? Can I possibly be a normal, sane person if these are the types of questions I have running through my head? I think not.
The food was simple, even more simple than the simple breakfast at the mansion, and I put that on the fact that Kel hardly seems to the type to be fancy or ceremonious about anything. There was warm bread, and honey, and water. It sounds like tough rations, but it was actually very delicious. The honey was in fact, some of the best I think I've ever tasted.
We ate together in silence. Kel stared some what moodily at the wall, and I looked around the room with interest. All very neat and clean. Everything in its place and a place for everything. Nothing extra or unneeded anywhere, and just about no decorations.
"So what can you tell me about General?" I asked wiping the crumbs off my hands. Kel turned to look at me and seemed to take a moment to think about my question.
"Many things. What is it you are asking?" he answered somewhat guardedly.
I grinned. "I wanna know how to get to him. To really get under his skin and piss him off."
Kel raised an eyebrow and seemed surprised for a moment, and possibly a little surprised and maybe even confused by my language; I should probably make an effort to keep the slang to a minimum.
"Hm. I would have thought you would want to know how to gain his attentions." Kel said after a moment.
I grimaced and made an awful, very unattractive face. "No. I would very much like to lose his attention. I want to make him suffer. To show him just how much of an ass I think he really is."
Kel chuckled. "I see he has made an enemy out of you. It's never smart to make an enemy out of a woman. They are tricky creatures, and it is a hard thing to fight back against them. You cannot just knock them back into place after all." he picked up the dishes and still chuckling lightly started to put everything away.
I grinned too. "I'm very tricky, and I think his ego needs to come down, a lot. He deserves a few knocks of his own."
"Ah the man. He's always making an enemy to someone, and often times it is a lady. Usually though she changes her mind and tries to win him back again." Kel raised an eyebrow at me again as if to ask if I would change my mind and try to re-win General over.
"No no no. The idea makes me gag. I'm not some girl he chased and tossed aside and now wants revenge for her foolish lost love, I want to get back at him for his thinking that he's the king of the world and has every right to do whatever he pleases. I'm so tired of him pushing me around, and then turning on the charm to get everything he wants from everyone." I insisted crossly. There. I'd finally told someone out loud just what I think of that pig-headed jerk.
Kel looked at me for a moment silently. Then he gave just a small jerk of his head in a nod.
"That's right. Pushing people around to get their way, when they don't deserve a thing. It is not right. Should stop it somehow." he muttered loudly as he continued putting things away.
"Exactly. I mean, I don't think I ever did anything to him, why can't he just leave me alone to live in peace?" I crossed my arms and leaned forward onto the table.
"Yes, they should all just stop and leave the rest of us alone. We do not need their meddling." Kel said gripping the pot he was cleaning very hard.
I sat up straight and got a little alarmed. His attitude had just gotten darker, a lot darker. And I really didn't like the sound of what he was saying. "No no, that's not what I meant. I just meant he can't keep treating me the way he does. I don't think he actually bothers other people, ass that he is."
"They are all the same. If it is not you, then it is your neighbors and your friends." Kel continued to mutter unhappily. I was really becoming alarmed now. What was he talking about? Why was he talking like this?
Wait a minute. Hadn't General mentioned something about Kel before? What had he said? That Kel was too extreme in his opinion on nobles? How had I forgotten that? Kel certainly sounded extreme now. And extreme in politics was usually a bad thing as it often led to conspiracy, and bad things. Like falling buildings and murder.
"Um, actually General seems to be pretty good at his job. I've only heard good things about him from other people, and he seems to do well. And the Mayor seems well liked too—just maybe a little slow on things." I said trying to backtrack out of this topic. It seemed I had said the wrong things however.
"The people do not know what is good for them! They follow blindly and are led by the greedy fools who own them!" Kel said more forcefully and he slammed a jug back into its place.
I opened my mouth to try and calm him down some more, but then I looked into his eyes. His eyes had this faraway, unseeing look to them, and the thing was, I don't think he was talking to me. I wasn't even sure he was really paying attention to the fact that I was even there. It was like he'd absorbed himself in his little world of conspiracy and injustice, and he was blind to any voice let alone mine.
"Kel? Hey solider you're getting yourself lost over there." I stood up trying to get his attention. He ignored me, or rather didn't notice me and continued to mutter darkly to himself.
"Hey Kel, let's play Senet huh? Shall I bet you again?" I tried to be highly cheerful.
"Lies and deceit from them all! Not caring who they hurt!" Kel slammed his fist down on the table.
"Kel! Snap out of it!" I shouted back at him. He looked at me finally, but his eyes were burning with fire and some old pain inside. "They forever hurt and never understand." he said more quietly.
I bit my lip. "Kel, I think you need to calm down." I said softly standing in front of him. He looked directly into my eyes and just stared. I didn't like the way his eyes were. He seemed haunted. I had the sudden idea that maybe he wasn't well. Like perhaps, because of his older age and stressful job, maybe his mental health wasn't the greatest. "Kel, are you alright?" I asked gently.
He moved slowly, his hand came up and moved some of my hair from my face to behind my ears. "So much like my Deliha. My sweet girl." he murmured. Then he turned away sharply. "For my Deliha I won't forgive them. For my girl, for you." his voice got darker again and he glanced at me, but I don't think he saw me. He was seeing Deliha now, and thinking of what had happened to her, and what justice he wanted to see because of it.
"Kel," I tried to speak to him, but he was muttering to himself now. I felt bad for coming now. This was certainly not what I had wanted to happen.
Why didn't General tell me about this? Why didn't he say that Kel…that he wasn't stable? I thought a little angry. General had only mentioned in passing that something might be off with Kel, he'd never made it seem as serious as it obviously was. I wouldn't have come if I'd thought it would hurt him.
Maybe General didn't know. Kel was fine yesterday, and they obviously hadn't seen each other in a while. Kel is really all that old so it's not something you would expect either.
I looked sadly at Kel for a minute, unsure of what to do. But I was pretty sure that I couldn't stand here, letting him think I was Deliha and getting him all upset and ready to do something upsetting. Slowly, I pulled my shawl on over my hair, and backed out of the room. Kel didn't notice. So I turned and blinking rapidly, I left the house.
I got out onto the street again and took a deep breath. Well. That was not what I had wanted to happen. At all. I really, really hoped that I hadn't caused any irreparable harm, or really inspired Kel to do anything that would end up hurting him. I had thought that going to see Kel would cheer me up, but instead I seemed to have brought back old pain and memories that were better left forgotten. Not only that, but then I had just walked out and left him. But what else could I do? My being there was not helpful. I had no idea about phycology or anything like that; I couldn't help the poor man.
I sighed again and started walking, thinking slowly. I understood some of what Kel meant about how self-concerned and heartless many nobles could be. Well, actually I guess I just knew what politicians and rich people from my time where like. But they were bound to be the same in this time right? Yes, I nodded. Everything I had seen of people here was pretty much the same as what I'd seen in my time. Some people were good, some were not, but somehow people born into, or given money and power had a bigger chance of being pricks. Call it peer-pressure or whatever, it just seemed to happen.
I continued walking through the streets of town, not ready to go back to the mansion and honestly just walking without a clue in the world as to what I should be doing. I came to find myself in the small market area. It was more rundown, and I guessed that at some point, without noticing, I had exited the rich neighborhood and entered into the common people areas.
I looked around with some interest, but not much energy. I was pretty well emotionally drained at the moment. I really couldn't think of the last time I'd had a really good pick-me-up. It must be the lack of caffeine and chocolate. I was going through withdraws or something.
The market area I was in wasn't too terribly active; the sun was high up in the sky at the moment making the world and sand very hot. With no cloud cover and no moisture in the air, it made sense that the market area seemed to have cleared out some. People had retreated indoors if they could to avoid the strong afternoon sun. Nevertheless, the market looked like it wasn't too bad off; there was some good stuff for sell and enough people shopping for it to be a steady stream of business.
I stood off to the side for a moment trying to decide if I wanted to buy anything or not. I wasn't hungry, but I was just hanging around a shopping market. What else should I do but shop? Maybe just keep walking. After all, even if I did buy anything what would I do with it? Oh I really loved the idea of having a souvenir from ancient Egypt with me, but I wasn't sure that would be such a good idea. What if after I got back, someone found it? Or maybe I was just thinking too much and should just go ahead and get myself a small cat statue or something. I loved cats. And this is Egypt; there should be plenty of cat statues around here somewhere.
That's when I looked over and noticed someone else who like me, was just standing nearby and not buying anything.
It was a little girl. She wore a dress that was no longer the pure white color it had probably once been, and was patched and worn through in places. Her hair was cut short and uneven and looked messy like it hadn't been washed properly for a while. She stood not too far from a food seller's cart and she stared at the food with a hungry, sad look in her eyes.
The girl looked too skinny to me, and the look in her eyes hurt my heart. No child should ever have to look that hungry and lost.
I walked over to the food cart and swiftly bought a small roll of bread and 2 pieces of some kind of good looking fruit. I paid with some of the money I had gotten as a 'dancer' the other night. Distractedly I realized that I didn't know how money here worked and was glad that the merchant took the coin I handed him without any comment.
Now with the food in hand, I walked over to where the little girl stood. She was watching the food in my hands with a child's simple hungry longing, but her eyes widened and she looked at me in shock when I knelt down in front of her and held out the bread.
I didn't say anything, I just smiled softly and continued to hold the bread and fruit. She continued to stare silently back at me for a few minutes before she very slowly and carefully reached out and took the bread from me. She stood there in front of me, just staring and holding the bread close to herself for moment. Then, without a word, she turned and raced away from me, running as fast as she could possibly afraid that I would come after her and demand the food back or payment for it.
I stayed kneeling on the ground for a moment as I watched her go. Once I'd given her the bread I'd thought that maybe I would feel a little better, a little more at peace with the word, but I really didn't. I knew that the little girl would be hungry again soon. And what must she have seen or heard or had happened to her that she seemed so afraid and wary of the kindness of a stranger? And an even worse thought, was that there were probably plenty of children in this town in just the same sad situation as that poor little girl. General had mentioned something about a famine at one point right? How many children were suffering right now with no one to help them.
I stood up and looked around a bit. The market seemed to continue on; no one else looked overly worried or upset. Why was I so upset? It's not like this was a new thing to me. None of this was. Murder? Political intrigue? World hunger? There was nothing that I had come across in this time that I hadn't come across in my own. So why all of a sudden was I so depressed by it?
Because, my mind in its weird jumping and sometimes insightful way answered me. In this time frame you're just a nobody again. And there's nothing you can do to stop any of it.
No need to tell me this chapter's kind of lame, I am well aware. but once i get all this stuff out of the way, the cool stuff which is my reason for writing this fanfic will come up; eventually. soon. i hope. but yes, it will bet getting good with the next few chapters, but no promise as to when I'll have those chapters posted. sorry guys!
