I'm sorry? I promise you that I do NOT abandon anything. I finish things up or I die trying and I'm not dead yet, soooo. Good evening lovely readers! I'm very very sorry you had to wait 16 days for a new chapter of Misfit Toy Hero Squad. I promise you will only have to wait two to three more days for the next chapter. I can't post every day like I did before, but it will be more consistently every two to three days.

HAPPY GLEE DAY, EVERYONE! WOohoo! Super exciting. I found spoilers on tumblr for what they're shooting now and I'm debating on whether or not to read them. Eh, I'll give this a quick run through and my resolve will likely crumble.

The chapter title is taken from Sam Evan's lovely little ditty "Baby". I hope you enjoy!


Misfit Toy Hero Squad

Chapter 51 – "And We're Like Baby, Baby, Baby….whaaaat?"


Human life is a miracle.

Under the most optimized conditions, the precise moment of ovulation, the world's strongest and most amazing sperm, the chances of creating a human life are still only at best 16 to 25%.

When you break down the act of conception thusly, to create a new human life, you have to NOT use your brain, but your body parts and hope that two miniscule objects that can't even be described as multi-cellular find each other. Like a feather and your nose. The feather floats down from the sky and out of all the places to land, it must find your nose. The feather doesn't move so well, mostly because it doesn't have eyeballs. And your nose stays placidly on your face and can't reach out for the feather.

Without a doubt, without pretense, and without irony. Human life is truly a miracle.

You can however up the odds by jumping each other's bones off at every single opportunity.


"Where did you guys go?" Tina demanded, looking back at Sam, Artie, Brittany, Finn, Mercedes and Blaine for answers.

In response, she received five guilty faces that obviously didn't want to say anything as all of the Gleek's piled out of Puck and Rachel's room as they got themselves decent. Finn's face however, looked incredibly confused. He looked to his time-traveling companions and furrowed his brow. Finally he shrugged and admitted,

"I totally don't remember. But wherever it was, it made me super duper happy," Finn grinned, wrapping an arm around Mercedes' shoulders.

"You don't remember already?" Mercedes whispered incredulously.

"I knew he'd be the first to forget. His mind has to think too hard about other stuff," Brittany grinned. "I'm the smartest person in the world, so I'll remember forever. I bet Sam forgets next."

"Forget what? I mean…where were you all?" Santana demanded hotly. "Sparkplug was fucking DYING, you assholes!"

"We're sorry, we're really, really sorry," Blaine said softly. He took two steps forward towards Puck and Rachel's closed door, feeling the need to make sure Rachel and Puck knew just how sorry they were for being gone, even if just for a minute. A newly arrived Kurt put a hand on Blaine's shoulder and he looked back, his face full of worry and a good amount of fear. "I can't imagine what straightBlaine just fucking went through. Artie and I didn't know what we were doing…we didn't mean to leave. And they looked really scared. And Rach looked so pale..."

"It's okay, interrupting would probably make it worse," Kurt smiled. "Let's just go downstairs-"

Everyone? You can come back into the room now. I'm fully clothed and ready for visitors.

Blaine was the first one through the door and while everyone else went for Rachel, he threw himself at an unsuspecting Puck, who staggered as the shorter gay version of himself gave him a bone crushing bear hug, complete with gender appropriate back thumping.

"Uhm. Okay?" Puck furrowed his brow, his arms hesitantly going around Blaine's shoulder's and thumping the guy's back as well.

"I'm really fucking sorry, man. We tried to be quick. We tried to be back as soon as possible," Blaine mumbled miserably. "You look scared and I know I hate being scared, so I figured you'd hate being scared too."

"He's fine. I'm fine," Rachel assured Blaine as Tina, Santana and Quinn engulfed her in hugs.

Brittany hung back and watched with a stifled look of concentration on her face. Santana looked up at her better half and smiled, waving a hand for Brittany to join in.

"Come on, Britts, it's lady snuggles time. It's not lady snuggles time without you, baby," Santana cooed before she buried her face in Rachel's hair.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Brittany whispered. She looked to Artie who nodded in agreement with her. "We should hug her one by one and not too hard."

"She's sturdy, she's not gonna break," Tina insisted, squeezing indiscriminately. "I never want to have to heal you again, Rae-Rae."

"The nicknames are getting a little more silly as time goes by," Rachel said softly, as a small and happy smile taking over her face. She wasn't really going to complain about the adorable terms of endearment people were throwing at her.

"We should really hug one at a time," Sam insisted strongly, looking at Rachel cautiously, his eyes going to where Quinn was squeezing the girl's midsection.

"I agree," Artie nodded, he winced as he and Sam were clearly worried about Rachel's delicate condition.

"Hugging so much is bad for the-"

Blaine cleared his throat as he finally released Puck from his deathgrip hug. He looked to Brittany warningly and the girl nodded in understanding before finishing lamely.

"Hugging with so many people is bad for your complexion."

"You'll get zits," Sam nodded emphatically.

"You will?" Finn demanded, earning a swift slap to his gut from Mercedes.

"You guys are being weird," Quinn accused, finally detangling herself from Rachel before going over to Sam and hugging him. "And you haven't answered our questions. Where did you guys go? I mean…for a minute you just…blipped out?"

"They just blipped out a little by accident," Rachel announced suddenly as she detangled herself from Tina and Santana with as much delicacy as she could. Santana really did have a death grip. She hugged Brittany first and communicated wordlessly with the girl. Both of their brains going so fast that even the nonverbal communication was too speedy to discern. Words didn't quite get exchanged between their minds, rather huge blocks of information were pushed into each other's brains effortlessly and immediately. Rachel pulled away and couldn't help but smile giddily and couldn't help but mirror Brittany's actions as they jumped and giggled together.

"Super weird, B's. Super weird," Kurt dryly muttered.

"What's going on?" Puck questioned quietly. He looked at Rachel with a great amount of curiosity as she could only stare back at him with a gooey and love struck look. He couldn't help but smirk at her dopey face before he turned to Blaine and Sam for answers. "Speak, fools. Where were you? What'd you see? Why's my girl acting like she just got one of those Tony guys and a Grammy?"

"I gotta go," Sam said quietly, knowing that Puckerman could beat it out of him. He gripped Quinn's hand and asked, "Introduce me to Beth?" He hesitated when he almost added again to his request.

They made their getaway and Puck concentrated his efforts on Blaine. Blaine's eyebrows shot up towards his hairline and he shrugged before reaching out and taking Kurt's hand, blipping out of the room completely. Puck rolled his eyes and gave up quickly on Finn, who was staring off into space with a decidedly euphoric grin on his face. Mercedes gave Puck one look of pure sass that told him in no uncertain terms that he would be getting nothing out of her.

That left Artie. Sam was kind of a noble chicken shit. Finn was an idiot. Mercedes was a stone cold biotch. Blaine was a slippery devil, much like himself. Brittany was too fucking smart to be fooled into telling him what had happened when Rachel had clearly not wanted it said. But Artie was his bro. Artie would speak the truth. Puck put on his best bros before ho's face before he demanded,

"Speak the truth, or I will beat your legs until you can feel them again."

"NOAH PUCKERMAN!" Rachel yelled.

Puck's head snapped towards Rachel and he was about to start bitching his case about how he hated being left in the dark when he had watched her almost die for a full minute earlier. His bratty and obnoxious rant died in his throat however, when he saw Rachel's eyes literally turn red. The lovely deep brown Bambi eyes squinted and narrowed and were a clear red and he didn't know how he knew, but he knew he had to duck. And he did so just in time as a laser beam shot in the direction his forehead had just been as he sprawled on the floor.

"JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST ON TOAST, SPARKY!" Puck roared as he picked himself off the ground warily, looking behind him where Rachel's laser beam had burned a small and precise inch wide hole in the concrete of the wall behind him.

"Oh dear," Rachel breathed. She looked to Brittany and bit her lip before looking back at Puck, who was dusting himself off warily.

"Oh my God," Santana whispered. Realization stole across her face in slow inches and her mouth gaped in a cartoonish gesture as she quickly added things up in her head. She looked back at Puck in disgust and hissed, "OH my fucking God!"

"Huh?" Mike furrowed his brow.

"I think I need to talk to Noah alone for a moment," Rachel said primly as she did her best to avoid Santana who was now looking between Puck and Rachel with near supersonic speed, her eyes practically bulging out of her head. "Give us half an hour and we will reconvene downstairs so that we can make a group announcement. Santana…"

"No can do, guys!" Sam announced as he and Quinn rushed back into the room. Kurt and Blaine blipped back in at the same moment. Sam looked at Kurt sadly and said, "Jesse just told us that our facility in Ohio has unfriendly visitors."

"Are you FUCKING kidding me?"

. . .

Twelve pairs of eyes turned to Rachel, who had the good grace to gasp and put a hand over her mouth after her very uncharacteristic and vulgar outburst. Santana stopped her game of eye ping pong between Puck and Rachel and let her gaze land on Rachel finally as a low and throaty chuckle started in the pit of her stomach. In a matter of seconds Santana was cackling hysterically, pointing at Rachel with a wobbly hand as she clutched her stomach as the laughing became even more insane sounding.

Rachel rolled her eyes at Santana's reaction before taking a deep breath. She closed her eyes and concentrated. Puck actually felt his energy drain from across the room, no physical contact seemed necessary. He actually swayed and fell to his knees. He blinked slowly and saw that the rest of the Gleeks were similarly drained, leaning upon one another and furniture in the room as Rachel stood in the middle of the room, eyes tightly closed as she fairly hummed with an intense concentration fueled by the energy she was sapping from everybody available.

Puck could feel it when she had accomplished what she had wanted to do. He felt his energy slowly regenerate and he looked at Rachel with amazed curiosity,

"What did you just do, Sparky?"

Rachel smiled as her friends recovered and she turned on her heel. "Let's head downstairs and see, shall we?"


General Kate Benson opened her eyes, feeling her stomach flutter uncomfortably as its contents quickly and violently made its way upwards. She wretched and coughed uncontrollably as her body doubled over. Her equilibrium was way off and she had no idea what had just happened. She had been bearing down on the super powered teenagers' hideout with a force triple the size of what she had brought originally, intent on getting her hands on the girl that had shown her power and strength days ago before banishing every single government agent to the middle of Times Square.

She had nearly been court-marshaled over the entire fiasco. Luckily she had been able to talk her way out of any disciplinary measures using one key point. The girl who seemed to control all of the powers. The girl they had not known existed. If they could get the girl, everything would fall into place.

"You can't do it you know."

General Benson's eyes flew open and she bit back a gasp as she realized her surroundings. She had been in the backseat of a large humvee, in the back of her troops, ready to invade. Now she stood in the middle of a clean and sterile room with one other person. A man, no older than thirty, strapped to a bed. William Schuester. She knew he had been taken back by the Glee club after their liberation of the three other adults that her colleagues had foolishly held hostage.

"Mr. Schuester," she said dryly.

"Oh, you're on top of some things, I guess," Will laughed mirthlessly. His face was deadly serious though and he said, "You can't get Rachel. She won't be taken. Those kids won't let it happen."

"I have no choice," the General said honestly. "The girl…Rachel. We need her."

"Helpful hint. If you kill one of the others, she dies," Will said shortly. He arched a defiant brow, some small part of him happy to have extended a little insurance policy for the kids that had him locked away at the moment. He didn't know that allowing Rachel into his mind would start regenerating his humanity. He sort of hated it. He shrugged and continued, "Just so you know. It's God's or…whoever is in charge…it's their funny way of keeping things in balance. You only get to keep her if everyone is there to help her."

"Good to know. Where are we?" Kate asked curtly.

"She'll be able to answer you," Will nodded to the door that Rachel was filing through with the rest of the Gleek's.

"This is some grade a freaky ass shit," Santana whispered. She looked to Brittany and demanded, "Rachel transported the entire Ohio facility here?"

"She had an extra super power boost," Brittany whispered secretively.

"Laser eyes," Santana giggled to herself. "Swear words..."

"General Benson. I think you'll find that your troops are in Alaska," Rachel said primly. "I can understand your tenacity. I have quite a bit of my own tenacity. However, I must tell you that our team will never be your little mercenaries. You're wasting your time and I would imagine you are wasting quite a bit of the taxpayers' hard earned money."

"I want to make a deal," the General said suddenly.

"Rachel," Will interrupted. "You can't deal with-"

"Shut it, Mr. Schuester," Sam snapped at him.

"We have things we could give you all," Kate insisted, her powers of persuasion at their height. "Added protection."

"Don't need it," Quinn held up a shimmering blue orb effortlessly.

"Money…"

"I can get a million dollars if I really needed it, but sweetheart, look around," Kurt gestured to the state of the art equipment in the infirmary. "We're not hurting for cash."

"Medical technology you couldn't possibly have access to," Kate said with quiet conviction as her gaze fell to Artie.

"oh…" Brittany whispered, looking down at Artie fretfully. Her eyes widened in understanding as she figured a few things from the future out. "Oh."

Rachel looked shrewdly at Brittany and the pair communicated at hyperspeed with their minds yet again and Rachel understood. She smiled at Artie warmly before getting the agreement from every Gleek in the room. She turned back to the General and said coldly.

"We have conditions. We choose the missions. They are only to be humanitarian missions. They will be as non-violent as humanly possible. We reserve the right to not do anything we choose. We will never kill for you," Rachel said stiffly. "NEVER."

"Rachel!" Will scolded. "Don't be an idiot."

"SHUT YOUR HOLE, SCHUE!" Puck growled, instantly igniting his hands.

"There's a young man being unlawfully detained in North Korea. He has vital information about nuclear weapons that we must have. We want him freed. He's 27, a journalist and a former member of the Peace Corps. He doesn't deserve to be imprisoned," Kate pulled out her blackberry and began accessing files, steadfastly trying to remain nonchalant as Puck's fists were engulfed in very powerful and harsh flames as the young man stared down the seemingly harmless man strapped to a bed.

"Oh please, hand it over," Kurt rolled his eyes. He gripped the Blackberry without even looking at the screen and muttered a string of numbers to Brittany, who had a paper in her hands as Mercedes scrambled to get her a pen. The coordinates were drawn and Blaine was given his directions in less than five minutes.

They all linked hands immediately after Blaine gave the slight nod of his head that indicated he was ready. The thirteen kids blipped out of the room and exactly two minutes later, they had blipped back with an extra body in tow. The man was unconscious, starved and badly beaten. But alive and now free.

Rachel glared at Kate Benson harshly and said, "We will meet weekly. In a week's time, I want every piece and scrap of information you could possibly have about helping Artie be able to walk again. In return, we will do another mission for you. You should choose wisely a set of missions that you think we would take, remember our restrictions. We won't kill for you. In return, you will never try to apprehend another one of us again. Mr. Schuester told you and you've already seen that we only work as a group. Harm one of us, and I will end you. If you bring another gun near my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my community or my baby again, I will destroy you and everyone associated with you. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Kate said stiffly.

"I'll place you back in Washington so that you can get this young man proper medical care. Be ready to come back in a week," Rachel ordered.

"Wait-could you not do that transport thing it makes me-"

Rachel smirked as she blipped the offensive General and the previously imprisoned young man out of their facility. She gave an arched eyebrow Schuester's way before turning and leading her team back up into the community compound.

"I'm so glad you brought my skeeball table to us," Brittany grinned at Rachel appreciatively. She clapped her hands together and squealed as she realized, "AND MY STUBBS! Yay!"

"I'm glad my Dad is back with us and not stuck in Ohio," Kurt reached out and squeezed Rachel's shoulder appreciatively.

"So, we're like…a super hero force now, right?" Sam wondered happily. "Missions…and saving people for the good of the world…"

"It's cool, I know," Quinn smiled up at her boyfriend brightly.

"Three, two, one," Blaine whispered a silent countdown before looking at Puck expectantly, knowing exactly what was just now hitting his straight brother from another mother's mind.

"RACHEL BARBARA BERRY!" Puck literally squeaked.

"Yes, darling?" Rachel asked sweetly, giving Puck her biggest and most beguiling smile.

"You said BABY! What the-how the-you said we were okay that it was okay to go all-what the hell, I mean…seriously? You said my baby. WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING HELL? You said I didn't need a condom! Baby…and then no…I mean…what? Baby? A baby? We just went to North Fucking Korea and there's a baby? You could have been hurt, a baby could have been...YOU SAID NO CONDOM!"

Blaine whispered to Santana as quietly as possible, "I would have handled that news the same way."

Santana smirked and shrugged, "I would have probably used porn words in place of the no condom parts, but whatever, the dude's whipped now, he doesn't use his porn words."

Blaine nodded, "That's fucking sad."

Meanwhile Puck stood stock still in the middle of the hallway swaying uncertainly on his feet as he just continued to mutter the word baby repeatedly.

Seven of the Gleek's faces didn't register any sort of surprise. Finn however, even after his trip to the future, looked most confused, "Wait, Rachel's going to have a baby? That's nuts!"


Thoughts? Theories? Questions?

Thanks to everyone who messaged me, emailed me or sent a private message through ffdotnet. It's really stunning to know how much you missed this the past two weeks. I hope to see you Thursday or Friday! Much love and smiles and GLEE day to you all!

See you in Chapter 52 - "We Could've Had it All, Rolling in the Glee."