Author's Note: Wow! Next chapter is finally here... and I didn't make y'all wait for forever! Enjoy.

Waatp, Thank you for being the best beta and friend a girl could ask for. With your support, I know that I'll finally get this behemoth of a fanfic finished (only 10 chapters.. Too Funny!). You're the best! xx


o~O~o
Chapter 43
o~O~o

"You Lost Me"
Christina Aguilera

"I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won, now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me

o~O~o

Beca shook her head as she tried to shake off the hurt, guilt and anger.

It had been three long weeks since she'd told Jesse to get out. For the most part she was doing fine, had developed what Luke referred to as a 'partial British stiff upper lip'... she still didn't know what the heck that was but went along with it anyway. She had long since stopped shedding tears over her future ex husband; but every now and then, something would set her off and she would overthink and overanalyze what could have been. It wasn't as though she missed him really as they'd spent so much of the last year apart. It was more the annoyance and the inconvenience of everything.

She knew she needed to stop thinking about everything that happened and concentrate on the task at hand. It was time to move forward, even if she was doing it on her own. So far, everyone had been so supportive and non judgmental that she was starting to believe she might be ok in the end. She had noted, with some pain, that no one had seem overly surprised that he'd gone. And that made her sad all over again. Had she been blind to his many misgivings or just hopeful and unintentionally naive?

Through unshed tears, she looked around the master bedroom. A room that should have been theirs and theirs only, but Jesse, by his own admission, had invited others into their private space and so easily and willingly shared their bed. Since she found out about his many affairs, Beca had been sleeping in Lila's room. While the full size bed in there wasn't nearly as comfortable, she certainly wasn't going to sleep in what used to be their bed or their room. It felt tainted now and she was uncomfortable even retrieving her clothes so much so that Luke had brought some of her clothes into one of the guest rooms to help out.

She enjoyed having Luke around. He'd visit every night after work and call around lunchtime to see if she needed anything but she quietly admitted to herself that she just needed some space. She barely had time to think, let alone process anything that was happening around her. To help her from thinking about Jesse every night before she went to bed, she took to closing the master bedroom door so she didn't have to see her bed before she went to sleep in Lila's room. In fact, most days the door remained closed all day, as if what was behind it was some forbidden treasure.

She was ready to move now, to start fresh in a new place, where Jesse hadn't contaminated everything. Sadly, in the end, it hadn't been a drawn out decision for her to sell her beloved house. She needed it gone and was ready to say goodbye to that part of her life despite the investments and the time spent on getting it just the way she wanted it. She wasn't taking a lot of the furniture with her, choosing to listen to Luke when he suggested she donate everything then have some fun buying new things. She knew she'd have the money from the sale of the house when it went through to replace everything she needed immediately. He'd even offered to come with her and pick out everything she needed which Beca had really enjoyed as she knew Luke detested any kind of shopping, online or in any store. She was now ready to get rid of everything Jesse touched and the sooner the better.

She hated that she had to go back into the master bedroom at all but she had to pack her stuff and silently cursed herself for having so many things. Aubrey offered to pack it all for her but as always, Beca was bound and determined to do everything on her own and in her own time. Aubrey respected that and instead carefully collected the discarded items that Beca no longer wanted, which amounted to several trash bags. She bagged everything according to size and loaded them into her car, promising to take everything down to the consignment shop the next day.

Beca had cried thousands of tears over the past few weeks; tears that Jesse didn't deserve. He hadn't been home since she had kicked him out and what made matters worse was that he hadn't even tried to contact her… not even once. He didn't call to ask about collecting his stuff, let alone to ask how his daughter was doing. But still, the dozens of thoughts and questions ran unanswered through her brain. What had she done to deserve this? Why wasn't she good enough? Did he cheat because she was pregnant and asked for time to rebuild their relationship? Exactly how long had he been cheating on her? How many women had there been? She knew she'd never get the answers to her questions but was grateful it was all out in the open now.

Beca knew that one day she and Luke would need to sit down and talk about what he'd seen and done that day but for now, they were both content in ignoring the elephant in the room. She knew Luke was in no rush to relive that day; he was perfectly content in looking to the future and being the best Uncle he could be to Lila. That helped Beca get through the dark moments, and she had plenty of them every hour. She liked watching how Luke seemed to simply enjoy being near Lila. It was effortless.

She thought back to her pregnancy as she began packing the final things from her closet. She was so desperate to protect the baby that she had turned down Jesse's intimate advances, more than once. When she had gotten past the twenty five week mark, she was more receptive to being intimate again because she was more certain that the baby was safe.

There had been times she had tried being intimate with Jesse, and he had gone through a laundry list of excuses. From not feeling well, to being tired and he had even turned the tables on her by telling her he couldn't because he didn't want to hurt her or the baby. Beca was upset by the obvious rejection because she wanted and needed to be with her husband but she figured all couples went through dry spells, especially during pregnancy. Her body was changing to accommodate their baby and things were going to be different, but she never thought that he would stop touching her all together. There were times when she had to practically force him to feel her belly when the baby was kicking. And if by some twist of fate he did touch her, it was never in a sexual manner, it was always kept very PG.

It suddenly dawned on her that things changed right after she told him she was pregnant. In his defense, it had happened a lot quicker than either of them thought it would but she couldn't have been happier and wouldn't have changed a thing. Being pregnant, while stressful, made dealing with the loss of Bodhi a little easier. She knew that Jesse took his Dad and Pepper dying a lot harder than she had thought he would have and understood he wasn't in the mood but now the thoughts tumbling through her brain had her wondered who else he was seeing, and getting it from, during that time.

Now that she knew about the affairs, she was so easily able to connect the dots and felt stupid for not seeing all the signs sooner. He was stumbling in at all hours of the night, if he even came home at all. Then there was the drinking. The hangovers. The late nights at the studio. The last minute gigs. The parties. He knew that if she'd known ahead of time about his gigs and the parties that she would have moved Heaven and Earth to be there to support him just like she had done so many times before. But he couldn't risk it, so he never told her about them until after the fact and always made it seem like it was no big deal that she wasn't there. She had chalked it up to him trying to get all the partying out of his system before the baby was born.

Beca stood, staring out of the bedroom window, watching Jagger and Roxie as they played in the yard. She had imagined Lila, years down the line, playing with the dogs, playing in a treehouse and on the swing set that Beca had always hoped Jesse would build. Everything she had previously hoped and dreamed of involved this house and now everything had changed.

She just couldn't bring herself to stay in the house any longer than it took to get their things and get out. She had called Miranda Grainger, her realtor, as her mother had suggested and arranged to put the house on the market as soon as possible. The house that was once so warm and loving was now cold and meant nothing more than a roof over her head until she could move into her new house the following week.

Miranda began sending new listings in Beca's desired area of Calabasas. She lucked out in finding her new home tucked safely at the end of a cul-de-sac in Calabasas.

"This luxurious 7,500 square foot Country European estate is located on Prado De La Mariposa Court, a cul-de-sac in the newest, most prestigious and sought after, 24-hour guard-gated community in Calabasa. It sits on ten acres of land, boasts six bedroom suites, six and half baths of pure magnificence and grandeur. All crown molding, baseboards, windows and door frames are hand-crafted. Five inch plank walnut floors with cherry stain are throughout the home. The large gourmet kitchen has antiqued European cherry cabinetry and golden ivory granite countertops which overlook the massive family room. Situated behind the kitchen is the main butler's pantry. The master suite incorporates a separate sitting room. All closets are fully customized. There are four wood-burning fireplaces throughout the estate and three courtyards with water features. This masterpiece includes a dream oasis backyard fully loaded with hand crafted touches, a covered outdoor gourmet kitchen, an infinity pool and spa with beach entry and volcano waterfalls leading your eyes to the sunset through the unobstructed views of the Santa Monica Mountains and Canyon. This house also boasts a fully equipped guest house which is 3,000 square feet and is equipped with a full kitchen, three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The garage apartment is 2,000 square feet and has three bedrooms, two full bathrooms, ample closet space, an office, as well as a large kitchen and living area. This amazing property is located only minutes from Malibu, beaches, World Class Golf Courses and award winning schools. This spectacular property won't last long. A must see!"

"A little big for me, Lila and the pups but maybe one day it will be full. When something feels right… it's right." Beca said to herself before promptly calling Miranda. It didn't take long to get a call back to confirm that Miranda scheduled a viewing for later that same afternoon.

When it was time to go, Beca loaded up three week old Lila into the car and drove them both the thirty minutes to the house in Calabasas on Prado De La Mariposa Court. She had enjoyed the drive and Lila had been an excellent car buddy, sleeping the whole way and politely not filling her diaper before Beca had to meet the realtor. The neighborhood was very nice, the houses weren't on top of each other which gave the feeling of country living in the city. The security guard at the main gate was very polite and professional and gave Beca a very secure and safe feeling. He made some lovely comments about Lila which warmed Beca's heart.

As they walked through the house, Miranda explained that the house had just gone back on the market after the original buyers financing fell through just a few days previously. The contractors were already waiting to begin a new project building a row of high end of beach cottages in Malibu and were pushing for a quick. This put Beca in a good position to make an offer at a lower price if she chose to. It was a lot more house than Beca would ever need but the more she saw of the house, the more she fell in love with it. She could see herself raising Lila there. She envisioned a recording studio in the back, family gatherings and parties, things she no longer saw in her current house. As she walked through the house, she picked out which room would be Lila's as it overlooked the backyard and had a nice view. She half smiled as she imagined Luke claiming a room for himself as he wrestled Anne and Will for the room at the front.

After seeing the entire house and all it had to offer, Beca told Miranda that she was ready to put in a full price offer on the house and she insisted that the sale go through as quickly as possible. It was a new build so everything was pristine, she had been pre-approved for the mortgage and there was no need for home inspections, it was simply a matter of signing the paperwork. The home would serve as a perfect new beginning for her, Lila and the dogs.

Miranda asked Beca if she was ready to put in an offer or if she wanted to see more houses. Beca told her that she didn't need to see any other houses as she had her heart set on this one. Miranda explained that the house passed all of the original inspections in order to be put on the market and additional inspections weren't necessary. Since the builder was pushing for a quick sale, there was nothing in the way of making everything go through at lightning speed.

Beca decided to make an offer that was one hundred ten thousand dollars lower than the list price, which was risky. Considering the builder was pushing for a quick sale, it was a risk she was willing to take. She was in disbelief when the builder called back ten minutes later accepting her offer. He said that they could close the sale on Monday and that Beca could have the keys and move in before the end of the week.

It was the first piece of good, positive news Beca had had in a long time.

She knew having a newborn, two very young, very active dogs and organizing a move was ambitious especially since she hadn't been cleared to lift more than Lila. With the help of family and friends, she knew they could get everything done if she only had the patience to hand it over to Aubrey, who she knew would have the whole thing and everyone organized with a carefully detailed and color coded plan by the end of the hour. It was going to be a lot of work but it would all be worth it in the end and she envisioned herself sitting on the deck overlooking the backyard with a glass of wine after move in day. She smiled at the simplicity of the plan.

Most people going through what Beca was would have found a new, happy home for their dogs rather than put themselves through the stress. However, she couldn't bear to do that. She knew the commitment in keeping the dogs and despite the extra work, she wasn't going to abandon them. She was glad to have their company and their wagging tails and enjoyed the fact that she was loved, even if it was by her four legged furry children. She felt more wanted by them than her own husband.

Beca knew she needed to call Spencer, Luke's dad, about signing the divorce papers and find out what the process was to get them filed with the county but she couldn't bring herself to do that just yet. One thing at a time and while it was what she wanted, it all seemed to unbelievably final. Spencer had been a great source of support for Beca and she truly appreciated it and throughout it all, he absolutely refused to take any money for his services from her and told her to take what time she needed. She explained that she needed some time to move and get settled in her new home before she could do anything else.

After the visit to the house, she felt freer as she drove home. She sang along with the radio and even managed to feel excited as she heard one of Luke's new clients getting some decent, prime time airplay. It felt good to think about something else other than Jesse, if only for a few minutes. She felt more determined when she got home and cooked herself a decent meal while the baby slept, tired out from her adventure to the new house.

Luckily, she had four months to get her life in order before she had to return to work but she knew if she spoke to Sawyer, he'd probably let her have some extra time off for the extra hours she usually works. If not, she thought to herself, she'd just start talking about nipple pads and breast feeding and make him squirm that way. She knew Sawyer. She knew he would rather her be focussed when she returned to work and she was determined to be at her best.

It wasn't until Lila started to fuss that she came back to the present and realized how much time had gone by. Her face was wet and tear stained, her boobs were leaking and ached like they were bruised but that pain was nothing compared to the pain in her chest, the pain caused by a battered and broken heart. She didn't bother to change her t-shirt, she just took it off and dropped it on the floor as she walked over to get the baby from her swing.

After changing Lila's diaper, she removed her sleeper and took comfort in the sweet smelling baby skin against her own. There was something about being skin to skin that was so comforting and soothing for both of them.

She sat in the rocking chair and began to nurse Lila. Beca could spend hours staring at Lila; getting completely lost in her sweet little face, her perfect rosy cheeks, little pink bow shaped mouth and dark, curly eyelashes longer than her own. She spent nine months growing this perfect little person, equal parts her and Jesse, and she couldn't understand or fathom how he could just walk away so easily and yet, he had done just that. He'd spent less than an half a day with their daughter since she was born.

When Lila had had her fill, Beca gently burped her then carried her downstairs and put her in the bassinet in the family room. After staring at her for a few minutes, the baby fell asleep and Beca slipped back upstairs to put a clean shirt on before making a few trips up and down the stairs, carrying bags and boxes she knew were not going to be transported to the new house. She began placing the boxes by the back door, she had a plan and if it killed her she wasn't going to chicken out.

She brought the dogs in from outside and cricked her neck a few times before she took a few moments to gather herself and her feelings before going out to the backyard. She dumped the first of the many boxes into the fire pit, doused it liberally with a bottle of lighter fluid and pulled a box of matches from her hoodie pocket. She struck one of the matches and watched as the flames licked up the small stick of wood. She let it burn, holding it carefully between her thumb and forefinger. She felt an amazing feeling wash over her as the match burned towards the end. She just knew she was going to be alright in the end.

She lit a second match and twisted it until it was fully alight before throwing it towards the fire pit. Within seconds, an entire box of Jesse's clothes was up in flames. She knew that she should have donated everything to Goodwill because someone in need could have used his old threads but it felt so much better to watch it all burn. She made a mental note to make a monetary donation to goodwill and the women's shelter instead, as she was enjoying this too much to put the fire out.

The flames grew as she gradually added more and more of his things until every last stitch of clothing he had in the house had burned beyond recognition. Thank goodness the pit was big, because Beca had managed to fill it quite quickly and easily.

She was tired from the activity and looking toward the back door, she decided to go in and check on Lila before she finished her task. She made a pass through the kitchen to wash her hands and get a bottle of water. She was happy to see that Lila was still fast asleep and in the softest whisper she could muster she said, "He'll never forgive me for this and I really don't care. What he's done to us is far worse than anything I could ever do to him." She gently kissed Lila's cheek then patted Roxie's head. She had been laying guard at the bassinet since Beca had put Lila down. "You're a good girl Rox. Keep an eye on your sister for me." Then she turned and went back outside, armed with a couple of large boxes that she struggled under the weight of.

She laid the box down on the ledge by the firepit and one by one, she started breaking each and every CD, DVD and Blu-Ray that Jesse owned in half, tossing them into the fire as she went. She enjoyed the crackle and watched, completely mesmerized by the colors of the dancing flames as the plastic coating on the discs twisted in what looked to be burning agony. She almost wished it were Jesse, but only for a moment or two.

Reaching for the very last box, she hesitated before questioning herself. 'Can I really do this? Can I actually burn what's left of our life together?'

She slowly opened the very last box and took a moment to look at the final piece of her life from before and pulled her wedding dress and veil out of the box. She hugged them tightly to her body, burying her face in the familiar fabric before she tossed them onto the burn pile. She cried hot, fat tears as the flames quickly took hold of the bodice she had loved so much the year before and watched as the repair that MawMaw had done so beautifully after Amy had ripped the lace on the skirt an hour before the ceremony disappeared into the embers. She looked upwards as tiny pieces of fabric danced their way into the night sky like fireflies. The very last thing she burned that night was their wedding photos and if she thought that throwing her wedding rings into the fire would make them disappear, she'd have tossed them in too.

She wanted so badly to be the better person in this whole situation but she was tired of that task always falling on her. She was tired of being right, of being hurt and of having to always pick up the pieces. Being the bigger person was exhausting and if she was honest, it was the reason she was in the situation in the first place; her boss, Sawyer had said so himself. She was so busy helping Jesse get established in his career that she was letting things fall through the cracks at work. She had missed a few deadlines, skipped a few release parties and missed a few awards shows to be at Jesse's side so that he knew that nothing and no one was more important to her. She supported him one hundred and ten percent but obviously it just wasn't good enough. Nothing she ever did was good enough for him it seemed.

Slowly, and with time, she had gotten herself back on track at work and she found that she was still able to support Jesse and all his endeavors while still doing all the things she needed to do. It made for some really long days and even longer nights but seeing him happy had been well worth it.

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she was too good and gave him nothing to fight for in the relationship. She didn't believe in playing games and pretending to be someone who she wasn't so she didn't know how else to be.

Beca watched as her wedding dress rapidly burned. At one time, she loved that dress. It had been the latest fashion and fit her impeccably. The lacy corset was sheer and sexy without being too revealing and when she wore it she felt like a million bucks. But now… she felt nothing but anger, frustration and most of all hurt. She had allowed Jesse to treat her the way he did and ultimately, she had also given him enough rope to hang himself… and their marriage.

And she wasn't going to let anyone do that to her again.

o~O~o

Warrior
Demi Lovato

This is a story that I have never told
I gotta get this off my chest to let it go
I need to take back the light inside you stole
You're a criminal
And you steal like you're a pro

All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken and bruised

Now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again

o~O~o

The day after Beca had burned all of Jesse's belongings, she woke up with more determination and fire in her belly than she'd had in the last couple of years. She was naturally feisty, which is partly the reason she was so successful at work. Beca realized that she needed to apply some of that feisty, fiery spirit into her personal life.

She showered and dressed quickly, before the baby woke up calling for a clean diaper and nourishment. Beca felt more in control and organized than she had in a month. As she finished pulling one of Luke's old t-shirts over her head she heard the baby monitor come to life and announcing that her daughter was awake… and apparently very hungry.

Beca quickly collected Lila from her crib and got comfortable in the recliner. She watched as Lila made quick work of seeking what she needed from her mommy. Beca changed her diaper before carrying Lila downstairs to get herself some breakfast. She knew she had about an hour before Luke, Aubrey and Amy arrived to help with moving day and she relished the peace and quiet before they turned up. She thought about making some breakfast muffins for everyone until she remembered all her pots and pans had been packed away and all she had in the fridge was orange juice and a few questionable yogurts.

Beca put the infant seat on the counter then snapped Lila in and tucked her blanket around her. As she pulled a fresh sheet of paper and an ink pen from the kitchen drawer that held all of the current important paperwork, she realized that she still hadn't taken off her engagement and wedding rings. Just the day before, she had taken the jewelry Jesse had given her over the years and placed everything in a small wooden box on the kitchen counter, unsure of what to do with it all. She held her hand up and looked at the rings on her hand one last time before taking them off and placing them in the box as well. It was hard to believe that she would never feel their weight on her hand again. She felt a sense of loss and the same time as feeling excitement over the new adventure that was about to take place. Her mind was a strange place to be that morning.

While she was thinking about it, she took her house key off of her key ring. Why did it have to be this way? Why did it have to be so hard? She hated herself for crying… again as she laid the little golden key next to the pile on the kitchen counter and ignored the tear that snaked its way down her cheek. Why in the hell was she still crying? He wasn't worth it. The pain that he caused wasn't worth the gunpowder to blow them all to hell.

She straightened up, dried her tears, checked the baby and set out to write the most difficult thing she'd ever have to write.

o~O~o

June 10, 2015

Jesse,

I really don't know where to start or what to say so I'm just going to say what needs saying and hope that by the end it all makes some kind of sense.

Today our daughter is a month old. An entire month and you've missed all of it. Instead of relaxing and enjoying my time as a new mother, I'm packing up my life and moving out of a home I used to love. I didn't want to move, I loved this house but now it's full of memories I'd rather not have.

Last week, we should have celebrated our first wedding anniversary. When I envisioned that day, I saw us celebrating with a nice dinner, reminiscing about the last year and planning the year to come while we snuggled with our daughter. Instead, I spent part of that day exhausted from lack of sleep and the other half packing up what used to be my happy home.

In the last three years we've gained and lost so much. We found love, broke up, got back together, got pregnant, got engaged, lost Bodhi, got married, got pregnant again and had a beautiful daughter. The good far outweighs the bad and yet, it still wasn't good enough for you. I wasn't good enough for you. What's worse is that you have been Killing Me Softly and slowly since the day we met and sadly, I was so caught up in your charm that I let you do it.

I honestly thought you were the love of my life and the half that made me whole. You were the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. We were supposed to have a family and grow old together, instead, we've just become another damned statistic… another broken home and a young marriage that ended in disaster.

I certainly never thought I'd see the day when I'd be strong enough or have a enough reason to leave you for good, but unfortunately, that day has come. The fact that I can do this a month after giving birth still amazes me. I'm not sure where the strength is coming from, not that you really even care, but I know if I don't do this now, then I never will.

For the last three years, I've given you everything I had and so much more. I allowed you into a place that very few others have ever gone… my heart. During that time, we had our ups and downs just like every other couple but I never thought you'd ever stoop so low as to actually cheat on me, time after time… and while I was pregnant with our daughter no less.

I tried to love you through all the pain, the drugs, the booze and without knowing it… through the other women. I tried to love you enough to fix you… instead, I ended up broken, even more broken than you.

I was supposed to be the love of your life and Lila your pride and joy but instead we were discarded, thrown to the curb like yesterday's garbage. It leaves me to wonder if you ever really loved me at all or was it all just a farce?

Did you ever want Lila? Do you ever love her? She shouldn't have to sacrifice so you can have the life you want. You should have been the one to make changes so that she could have the life she deserves. I guess she'll never know those sacrifices because you don't do anything for anyone but yourself.

I've finished packing all of my things as well as Lila's so you're free to move your flavor of the week in. Not sure if it's Stacie or Jessica or Ashley; there have been so many that it's hard to keep up.

The bedroom set was mine before we were married, but seeing as how you saw fit to bed your mistresses in it, I no longer want it. I can't bear to look at it much less sleep in it. Enjoy it… consider it my parting gift to you.

Initially, I was going to leave the few pieces of jewelry you'd given me over the years but I probably paid for all of it anyway, so I'm taking it all with me though I'm not sure what I'll do with it all just yet. I'm planning to save your grandmother's engagement and wedding rings for Lila. If you want to do something else with it, let me know and I'll get it back to you. I once had a lot more jewelry, but then I found out about your sticky fingers… and I know that you pawned several of my things, which I've somehow managed to get back, but most of it is gone for good. I certainly hope the drugs were worth it.

The realtor called. Seems there's a bit of a bidding war on the house so I'm not sure how long you'll actually get to stay here. We should know in a few days what the outcome is. Don't get your hopes up that you'll come out of this in a good way. Lila needs a safe place to live and the sale of the house will go towards funding her future, not yours.

In the meantime, all of the bills have been put in your name and taken off auto pay. I closed the joint bank account and moved your money to your savings account. It was then that I found out that you had a separate checking account as well. On top of everything else that's happened, it was really quite a shock to find out that you've been hiding money from me. I really do hope you aren't doing anything illegal. I thought those days were over, but guess I'm more than likely wrong.

I was going to leave a check to cover my half of the mortgage and bills for the month but then I learned that you've been squirreling away money. Since you've got a nice little nest egg in your own account, I'm sure you can more than afford everything on your own for a little while. It's a shame you couldn't help out a little while we were married but I'm sure you had your reasons.

When Miranda, my realtor, called me to sign the papers for my new house, she informed me that during the credit check she found out that your new Camaro was purchased in my name. Nice one. I'm guessing that Stacie helped you with that purchase since I was told by the dealership that a 'pretty brunette' was with you 'at the time of the purchase'. So I guess in addition to lying, cheating and stealing, we can add forgery to your laundry list of misdeeds, as well as Stacie's list of sins. When does it end Jesse? When? I trusted you… how could you do this to me? To us? To Lila?

I swear the more I find out about you, the more I think I never really knew you at all. I'm so disappointed in myself for ever believing in you… and in us. Still, after everything you've put me through, I'll never truly regret loving you because you gave me Lila. She's the very best part of you. She's my silver lining in all this mess and the absolute love and joy of my life. In the time that she's been on this Earth, she's taught me the true meaning of love. For that, I'll always be in your debt and forever thankful.

I hope for your sake that you seek the help you need for your addictions and straighten your life out before it's too late. No matter how horrible you've been to me, I'll always wish you all the love and luck in the world. Although I do hope that our paths never cross in the future.

~Beca~

o~O~o

Beca finished her letter, read it through a couple of times and decided not to add everything else she wanted to say. Taking Spencer's advice about not committing anything in writing that could affect the divorce (that Jesse knew nothing about), she folded the paper three times and slipped it into an envelope. She left the letter propped up against the cheap vase that Jesse had once bought her flowers in and wasn't bringing to the new house, picked up the wooden box that contained what was left of her her jewelry and placed it in her purse as she eased herself off the one and only barstool she was leaving him. She called for the dogs, collected her keys, the diaper bag and the baby and made a move to leave the house, ignoring the pounding in her chest as she prepared to say goodbye to her house. When she got to the door that lead to the garage, she turned around and took one last look.

She knew she needed to say goodbye to the house and let go of her demons, there and then. She told the dogs to stay by the door and laid down her purse and diaper bag. Carrying Lila, she began to say goodbye to her home. She realized, as she took one last walk through the house committing as much as she could to memory, that she'd never see this house again, nor did she want to. While it held so many happy memories, the memory of Jesse telling her about his indiscretions and the fact that those indiscretions took place in what used to be her home, in the end, was just too much to handle.

Ten minutes later and she was ready. She was keen to get to her new home. She'd had a tough morning and was eternally grateful that her friends and family would be rallying around to help and Aubrey had promised to keep Amy from stashing any of Beca's things. Beca gave Aubrey a key to the new house and asked everyone to meet at her there after they had loaded the moving truck with the things she was taking with her. She had also rejected Luke's idea to stay over the night before to make the journey with her.

The house was still and quiet and the dogs seemingly knew that this was a thoughtful time as they sat patiently guarding her purse. She patted their heads once more, set the alarm and closed the door one last time. "Come on guys." she told the dogs as she turned the knob and entered the garage. "Let's load up."

She hesitated for a few moments, fighting back her emotions and a fleeting feeling that she wanted to stay. Once Beca had the baby and the dogs buckled in her Range Rover, she felt better and her resolve was firmly back in place. She began the slow process of backing out of the garage. When she was clear of the door, she grabbed the garage door opener from her visor and got out. She hit the button to close the door then tossed the remote into the garage. That was it. It was over. Her life as she had known it just a few short weeks before was really over.

She got back into her car, leaned over the steering wheel and sobbed. She was mourning the loss of her marriage, her life and her home. As she sobbed she heard a light tap on the window and looked up, in alarm, praying it wasn't Jesse.

It was Luke. Her knight in shining armor. Her defender. Her rock. Her port in the storm. Her very best friend.

"Thought you might like some company." He said through the glass. "I know you said not to but..."

He opened the door and pulled her into his arms. Standing in their embrace, Beca buried her face in his chest as her tears soaked his shirt. The skies chose that moment to open up and the rain began pelting down on them. It was her sign that God was washing away all the negative, awful, terrible things in her life so she could start fresh and new.