It's surprising how comfortable it is to lean against a thoroughbred's extremely bony ribcage while you sleep. It's also surprising how warm and safe it can feel, especially when that thoroughbred has a long, violent, fiery history. I snuggled up against Hunter, not conscious enough to A) remember the fight of Pelenor Fields, B) realize that Hunter wasn't waking me up with his breath, and C) be aware of the fact that Hunter was actually allowing contact without squirming and complaining that feels make him squeamish.
Unfortunately, that peaceful sense vanished as we were abruptly jumped by a shrieking woman with a broom.
"Milady, watch out! There's a troll in bed with you! Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Be gone, foul beast! Take this! And that! Ha! Hiya! Fus da ROOOOOO!"
Poor, confused Hunter just stared at her as she smacked and poked his rump with her broom. It wasn't until she landed a particularly nasty blow on his face that he got his bearings and tackled her onto the floor.
"FOOLISH MORTAL," he boomed, smoke pouring out of his nostrils, ears pinned flat against his neck, teeth snapping. "YOU DARE RAISE YOUR BROOM TO ME? I WOULD ROAST YOU LIKE A MARSHMALLOW ON A STICK! I WOULD DEVOUR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB LIKE A GUMMY BEAR, AND USE YOUR BONES TO PICK MY TEETH! I WOULD TAKE THIS BROOM YOU LOVE TO BEAT POOR INNOCENT HORSES WITH AND USE IT TO-"
"Hunter, leave her alone," I yawned, standing up and starting towards the two.
"No, you're not allowed to be up- erk!" She started to lecture, only to be cut off by Hunter biting the broom into splinters.
I ignored her, staring out the doorway into a dusty stone corridor. How long had I been out? Had I missed the march on the Black Gates? The hand that had stabbed the Witch King felt fine from what I could tell while it was all wrapped up in cloth.
"How long have I been asleep?" I demanded, turning back to the room, noticing a distinctively charred-looking Olivia on a bed. "And what happened to her?"
"Around a day," she squeaked, turning slightly purple under Hunter's weight. "She was hit in the head with Denethor's body."
Oh… that explained a lot. "Good, then I haven't missed anything too important… Have I?"
"Uh, no."
"Excellent. Then I'll just be on my way." With that, I swept out of the room, only pausing to sharpie a moustache on Olivia's face. "Elf out!"
Hunter and I wandered the stone cities (actually, I wandered and he stomped, muttering sulkily about crazy old hags), getting ourselves completely lost after about three steps.
"We should stop and ask for directions." My voice echoed eerily down the completely deserted street.
"Good idea," Hunter grumbled. "That pebble looks like he knows the place like the back of his hand. Be careful of that rock, though, he looks pretty nasty. Do you even know where you're going?"
"Yes. We're on our way to that one meeting in the Citadel… although if we're actually heading in the right direction is anyone's guess- ack!" I tripped over the 'nasty rock' and did what must have been a spectacularly hilarious acrobatic sequence of stumbling and flailing before I ran into a wall.
Hunter burst into hysterics.
I made the 'I'm watching you' sign at the rock, then resumed my lost wanderings. "That rock is trying to assassinate me."
He was too busy laughing at me to reply.
After five left turns, eight right turns, four dead ends, and two incidents where I was certain that the rock was following us, we turned up at the stables. Would I have wandered right past it without knowing that it was even there if Erica hadn't waved at me? Most definitely.
"Glad to see you're awake!" she grinned as we came closer.
"Thanks! I'm on my way to the Citadel. You're coming too, right?" I asked, elbowing Hunter when he muttered darkly to himself.
"Of course!" she said, then turned to a herd of ornery-looking pegasi and pointed at them excitedly. "And you, lot, you're coming to that meeting too!"
With Beregond to give us directions that were simple enough for even a hobbit to understand, I only got us lost twice on the way to the council. Have I ever mentioned how bad I am with directions?
So, when we arrived at the Citadel with our group of bickering Pegasi, the council was already in session.
"Hi! Sorry we're late," I grinned as we all crowded into the room.
"Mithrellas! How's you?" Legolas called, a giant smile on his face, seemingly unconcerned with the gaggle of pegasi that were infiltrating the council.
"I am fine!" I replied.
"You should be in bed," Aragorn advised.
"PLEASE don't start," Erica grumbled under her breath as she took a seat.
"Ahem…" Gandalf gave us a dirty look.
"Oh, right… Draw out Saruon's armies. Empty his lands. Then, we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate." Aragorn continued where he had left off when we came in.
"I think I'd rather just cut the wire," Tony proclaimed.
"Tony, that made no sense in this context," Steve muttered.
Tony snorted. "I do what I want!"
"Hey! That's my line!" Loki snarled, a dangerous gleam in his eyes.
"CALM DOWN, BROTHER! 'TWAS MERELY A JEST," boomed Thor, giving Loki a nudge that sent the skinny Pegasus stumbling into Bruce.
Gimli choked on his pipe (Mwahaha, serves him right for smoking so much).
Eomer stepped forward, staring at Aragorn like he was crazy. "We cannot achieve victory from strength of arms alone!"
"Oh yeah? Well clearly you haven't seen Bruce fight…" Tony muttered. This time, nobody paid him any attention.
Bruce shuffled awkwardly and looked at his hooves.
"Not for ourselves… but we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Saruon's eye fixed on us. Keep him blind to all else that moves," Aragorn continued.
"A diversion!" Legolas and I blurted in unison, which immediately made me dissolve into giggles.
"Still more eloquent than Odin," Loki muttered.
"BROTHER! JUST BECAUSE FATHER OCCASIONALLY LOSES HIS TEMPER AND USES HIS BATTLE CRY TO END AN ARGUMENT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE ISN'T ELOQUENT," frowned Thor.
"Thor, wordless bellowing isn't even his battle cry!"
"Certainty of death. Small chance of success," Gimli broke in. "What are we waiting for?"
"Okay, so here's the plan. We march up to the Black Gate, tell Sauron that King Aragorn is here to challenge him, and then fight like nobody's business until Frodo hauls his fat hobbit butt up Mount Doom and destroys the Ring." Aragorn explained.
"Okay, that's a great plan, except that it relies on hobbits," Erica pointed out. "What if we did the exact same thing, but make the person that destroys the ring more, I don't know, reliable?"
"You mean, like me?" Tony asked.
"Not quite what I was thinking…"
"You want to let a horse take over the greatest threat to all life on Middle-earth?" Eomer demanded.
"They're not just horses! They're the Royal Pegasus Guard!" she argued.
"And I'm going to be involved, so there's no way it could go wrong!" Tony added.
"I think it's a great idea," Aragorn broke in.
I started thinking out loud, because that's just what I do. "Who would be the one to go, then? They'd have to be fast, plus able to be incognito while everyone else fought. Fury would be most useful on the battlefield, since he's good with giving orders and fighting… The same goes for Steve… Tony probably couldn't handle not being paid attention to for any length of time… Thor could probably get to Mount Doom quickly, but he does incognito about as well as an elephant with a blowhorn… Bruce probably wouldn't handle the stress too well, plus he's more fitted to being on the field… If Loki went, he could use his magic to conceal himself, but I don't know if he wouldn't just take it and hide it somewhere that nobody- Sauron included- could find it… Clint or Natasha could easily go, they're both ninjas… so could Phil and Maria."
Thor broke into loud chuckles at the part about his brother, who looked as though he might be seriously considering it.
"I think Tasha, Clint, Phil, and Maria should go," Erica put in. "Phil and Maria could get the hobbits out of Mordor, while Clint and Tasha got rid of the Ring."
"Sounds good to me!" I agreed. A chorus of 'Verily,' 'ok,' 'alright,' and 'it would be my genuine pleasure' sounded with me, along with several boring old 'yes's.
Gandalf was staring at me, completely lost.
"Excellent. We have some serious stuff to do," I grinned.
"I think you might be right about that. Come on! Let's go!" She hustled the Pegasi out the door, throwing a look at Aragorn as she did.
"Sweet!" I rose to leave, then remembered that I had no idea how to even get out of the main citadel.
Legolas must have sensed my dilemma, because he stood as well. "I'll escort Lady Mithrellas."
Oh, so this was how it was going to go down…
Behind us, Aragorn left, claiming that we were going to move out in an hour, then rushed off after Erica.
Legolas held the door for me, and we began walking in a direction that probably led to somewhere, but where it actually went was beyond me. Of course, Hunter bumped into me as he trotted past, claiming that he was going to socialize (coughcoughterrorizecoughcough. Excuse me, I think I might be coming down with something) with the Pegasus Guard.
"I'm glad you're okay," Legolas started. "That was quite a stunt you pulled with the Witch King. Is your arm all right?"
"Yeah, it's fine." I replied, fussing with the bandage that I had forgotten was there. "So, where are we going?"
"The armory."
"Why?"
"Your knives were dissolved by the Witch King, weren't they? I thought you could use a new pair for this fight… unless you want to fight with a broadsword." He wrinkled his nose.
"How thoughtful! I would love a new pair of daggers!" I cried.
We chatted as we made our way to the armory, catching up on all the things that had happened while we'd been apart. Once there, he helped me pick out a wickedly sharp pair of dragonglass knives. I dubbed them Feels and This, using Tumblr terms.
When we emerged, soldiers were scurrying around, preparing to leave for their Distraction.
Legolas frowned at them. "I guess I'd better go help."
"And I think I should go see what Hunter's up to, I haven't seen him in almost ten minutes!"
"And nothing is burning or destroyed?"
"I don't think so… This must be some sort of record!"
"Amazing!"
There was a beat of silence, and then out of the blue, Legolas kissed me on the cheek before ducking out the door before I could react.
That violated about seventeen of my rules about contact with human beings.
… maybe I could let it slide just this once.
Once I was certain that the beet red color of my face had faded into a more normal, non-lobster shade, I left the room and stalked the soldiers until I ended up at the gates of Minas Tirith. Everyone important was already there, so once I was on Hunter, we left. Hunter fell in step beside Blackjack and Erica, the Royal Pegasus Guard just behind us; naturally, the fire-breathing horse bumped into everyone- horse, dog, human, chicken, wagon- within his reach. Why is a chicken coming to Mordor with us? Because logic, that's why.
A/N: For you petty mortals who haven't read Game of Thrones, Dragonglass is similar to Obsidian, but stronger and more deadly to zombies and monsters.
