It's been a few weeks since Mark and Jami returned from the tour and everything seems to be getting back to normal. At least for Jami and Roger. Maureen is putting poor Mark through the ringer with her hormones and cravings. Her belly continues to grow, but rather than freaking out, she's excited. She and Jami go out shopping and Jami figured out a way to let her dress out, so that her growing figure would not cause any discomfort for her. At the same time, Jami needed her dress brought in.
Jami is sitting in her bedroom, typing on her laptop. She wasn't working on anything specific, but she just started typing and wanted to see what would come out.
You never realize what three little letters could mean, until they're uttered to you in a diagnosis. HIV. It's funny. Those three letters are included in so many words. Death and loss are none of them. But that's what it's supposed to stand for. I am not one of those people who buy into that. I am not gonna allow an HIV diagnosis to spell out my life. I plan on living my life with my husband and our friends until my last breath...
She typed as tears formed in her eyes. She thought about her impending wedding and the fact that she and Roger were already married. She was glad that she and Roger were able to have their private intimate wedding before the tour. She hated that her wedding had been turned into a circus. With Maureen, Mrs. Davis and her mother involved, how could it not? But all she ever wanted was to be Roger's wife. She was glad that she got to do that just the two of them at city hall before the tour. She was staring down at the screen, when she heard the loft door open. She was sure it was Roger. She heard his guitar case hit the floor next to the door and his big combat boots scraped against the hardwood floor, shuffling as he walked, which made his presence unmistakable. She closed her laptop and set it aside on the bed before getting up and quietly leaving the room. "Hey." she called out quietly.
"Hey, I didn't know anyone was home." he reached into the refrigerator for a can of beer.
"I was writing in the bedroom. You're home early. What... what happened?" she asked walking towards him.
"Joey didn't show up. Nate went looking for him and he was in his apartment passed out. I don't know what to do with him anymore." he muttered before taking a long gulp of beer.
"I thought he was doing better?" she asked, confused.
"He was up until last week. Then he was back to his old shit again. Partying and blowing shit off." he looked over at her.
"I'm so sorry, Baby. Um... is there... is there anything I can do?" she asked sitting at the metal counter.
"You don't happen to play bass, do you?" he smirked at her.
"Not since the last time you asked." she laughed remembering that day.
"Too bad you didn't learn since then, huh?" he asked setting the beer on the counter.
"Sorry." she smiled reaching over for his hand.
"It was worth a shot. Do you remember the last time I asked you that question?" he chuckled looking down at her.
"I was so nervous that day. I completely froze." she smiled up at him.
"You? I felt like a dorky high school kid. It was all I could think to say. I was trying to flirt with you." he laughed sitting across from her.
"I tortured the hell out of Mark that day. He called it a bad high school flashback." she laughed remembering that day, less than a year ago.
"We came a long way, huh?" he smiled at her.
"I guess we did." she smiled gazing into his green eyes.
"Yeah, but there are times when you still make me feel like a dorky high school kid. The only difference is, the prom queen said yes." he smiled holding her hand in his.
"I was hardly the prom queen. More like the AV geek who was lucky enough to have the captain of the football team ask me out." she laughed squeezing his hand.
"Captain of the football team, huh?" he laughed at the thought.
"Yeah. You did play football." she smiled at him.
"For half a semester." he smiled looking over at her.
"Whatever." she giggled reaching over for a sip of his beer. "Um... while you're here, do you feel like going out for something to eat? My treat." she offered looking into his eyes.
"What did you have in mind, Mrs. Davis?" he asked looking over at her.
"I've been dying for some pizza." she smiled at him.
"Cool. I'll get my coat." he leaned over to kiss her head as he got up from the stool.
"And I'll get my shoes." she smiled going into the bedroom. Since her diagnosis 2 months prior, her body had gotten used to her meds and she was feeling much better. She was eating more so she started gaining some of the weight that she lost back and had more energy.
"So, my lovely wife, what prompted this little pizza craving?" Roger smiled holding his hand out as he stood by the door and she exited their bedroom.
"I don't know. I just wanted to go out with my husband." she smiled taking his hand and leaving the loft.
"And what else?" he asked curiously.
"OK, you... you got me. I've been doing some thinking and I wanted to run something by you." she looked up at him as they hit the street.
"What's up, Baby?" he asked looking down at her.
"I um... I wanna tell everyone about me." she looked up at him.
"Are you... are you sure?" he asked confused.
"Yeah. I... I think it's best. It would be quite an uncomfortable surprise if they have to find out on their own and I don't want to have to hide from anyone. We... we're adults and we didn't do anything wrong." she looked up at him.
"You didn't do anything wrong anyway." he looked down at her.
"Roger, I... I don't look at it like that." she looked up at him.
"But I do, and I'm sure they're gonna look at it the same way. They're your family and they love you. I wouldn't blame your brother's if they wanted to kick my ass. I deserve it." he looked down at her.
"You do not. No one is gonna kick your ass. I'm not gonna let them. I'm a grown woman who made an informed decision. Even though we took all the precautions, I'm positive anyway. You would never hurt me. Of that, I am certain." she looked up at him.
"But I did. There will always be a part of me that will never let me forgive myself for that, James. Ever." he stopped and leaned against the building next to the pizzeria.
"You can't go on blaming yourself. I don't. I could never blame you. There's nothing to blame you for." she reached up to caress his face.
"James, I'm your husband. It was my job to look out for you. Exposing you to HIV is hardly looking out for you. I made a promise to you and to all of them that I would protect you." he looked deep into his wife's eyes. He didn't see the regret that he felt. He saw the light she always had, shining in her vibrant blue eyes.
"The only thing you exposed me to is a love I always dreamed of but never knew existed." she smiled up at him.
"Well, I... I guess all that's left to do is to live our lives and see what happens, huh?" he smiled down at her.
"Yep. That's it. Come on, I'm starving. Let's eat." she smiled leaning up to kiss him before reaching for his jacket dragging him into the pizzeria. They sat and ate their pizza, drinking beer laughing about various things. Roger told her about when she and Mark were gone and how he cooked for Maureen.
"It was crazy. You would have thought she and I were married rather than you and me. All I heard was, Roger, rub my feet. Roger, I'm hungry. You would have gotten a kick out of it." he laughed before taking a huge bite from his pepperoni slice.
"Yeah, me and Mark were pretty funny too. He hovered over me so much." she picked up her beer bottle to take a sip.
"You were sick a lot during the tour, right?" he asked looking down at her.
"Yeah, I... I thought I had the flu. I was downing cold medicine and Tylenol the whole time to get through the screenings and the Q & A's. I didn't want you to worry, so I tried to sound normal on the phone with you." she set her beer bottle down to pick up her slice of extra cheese.
"Why... why did you decide to get tested?" he asked looked over at her.
"I was on my laptop one night in LA and I decided to go on the internet to look up my symptoms on one of the medical websites. I know it's stupid, but when I typed them all in, HIV was one of the results. I... I was upset at first, but I decided that when we got to Seattle that I'd go to a clinic to get tested. We were gonna be there the longest, so all I had to do was sneak away from Mark long enough to get tested. That was the hard part." she looked up at him before taking a bite of her pizza.
"What do you mean?" he asked curious.
"When I was at the clinic getting the test done, he called my phone. I... I had to turn it off. Then when I got back to the hotel, he was pacing around the lobby like a jealous husband questioning where I was. I... I was really cruel to him." she looked up at him.
"But you said he was with you when you found out." he looked over at her.
"When I went back to get my results, he followed me. At first, he thought I was pregnant and he wanted to call you." she looked down at her pizza.
"He followed you?" he chuckled, finding the prospect of Mark being sneaky, funny.
"It wasn't that difficult, Roger. I was walking around in a daze." she looked up at him.
"I just can't picture Mark trying to be sneaky."
"Well, he... he was worried about me." she smiled looking up at him.
"He's our best friend, James. I... I wouldn't have trusted anyone else to take care of you." he reached over for her hand.
"Yeah, he... he really looked out for me. He comforted me when I needed it and he made sure I took my meds on time and helped me when I was sick from them." she clutched his hand..
"So you guys got closer." he commented o over at her.
"Not really closer, just got back to the way we were before you and I got together. We... we used to be really close until you and I started dating and I abandoned him." she looked up at him.
"I guess I monopolized all of your time." he looked deep into her blue eyes.
"It's not your fault, Roger. I... I wanted to spend time with you too. In the beginning it was to get to know you, but then it became about making the most of our time together." she caressed his hand with thumb.
"Now we all have to make the most of the time we have, huh?" he brought her hand to his lips, kissing it.
"I guess so." she looked up at him lovingly.
"I'm not gonna take you for granted, James. I... I swear. I'm gonna make sure you always know how loved and appreciated you are." he smiled at her.
"I don't doubt that, Roger." she smiled at him as they continued to eat their pizza.
