Note to self: Don't watch Youtube videos while writing a chapter… Stupid spell checking Caramelldansen….

February 17: Crazy Hand: Mayor

The kids had returned home from school. Or at least what was left of their home. Smashville was now nothing more than a crater. All of the trees were gone. The houses were burned down, and it looked like a nuke had gone off in the center of the town. Master Hand floated up to the kids.

"You're back." Master Hand said relieved. "Help with the clean up."

"What the hell happened?" Claus asked.

Master Hand just looked around. "Well..."


It was a nice day. The birds were chirping, and the sky was clear. Today was Crazy Hand's first day as mayor. And the weather couldn't be any better. "Well Crazy Hand." Master Hand said. "Here are the keys to the town hall." Master Hand tossed the keys towards Crazy Hand who effortlessly caught them. They floated over to the town hall.

Instead of unlocking the doors, Crazy Hand just punched the door off of its hinges. Immediately the security system began to ring. Several alloys appeared and rushed towards Crazy Hand, however he just flicked them away.

Master Hand just floated over to the security system and imputed the code. The sirens stopped blaring and Master Hand faced Crazy who was all ready making himself comfortable behind his new desk.

"What is your first order of business?" Master Hand wondered. There was a hint of fear in his voice.

"The first order of business?" Crazy Hand wondered. "Well I'm changing the national anthem to the Caramelldansen!"

"You can't change the national anthem."

"I can because Smashville is now its own nation! We are now our own country!"

"So now you are the president of Smashville, the country..." Master Hand sighed.

"We are also declaring war!" Crazy Hand announced. "It helped with the great depression! It should work now!"

Master Hand could only stare in horror at what Crazy Hand just said. "Do you have any idea what you just said?"

"That we are declaring war on our neighboring countries in order to expand our land and help the economy!" Crazy hand replied.

Master Hand just floated over to the corner. "We are so screwed."

Crazy Hand began to dial on a giant phone. "Hello, is this the neighboring country to Smashville?" Crazy Hand asked. It was on speaker phone so Master Hand could hear the response.

"Yes…" An uncomfortable voice replied.

"We are declaring war!"

"Sir, we take jokes very seriously here. And you will be punished."

"This is no joke!" Crazy Hand laughed. "Prepare for war!"


"And you couldn't say no or stop him?" Claus questioned.

"Well you have a baby brother!" Master Hand pointed out. "Surely you know what I'm going through!"

"Claus, come on and help clean up the town!" Lucas shouted.

"No!" Claus replied. Lucas looked at Claus shocked and slowly began to cry. "Don't cry and keep cleaning the older siblings are talking! So why didn't you just stop him like that?"

Master Hand sighed. "Well it got worse. After he threatened the neighboring country's president, and then insulted him…"


"Fine then, if you're serious about declaring war then we won't hold back!" The voice shouted. "Prepare to have your country whipped off the face of the earth!"

"Crazy Hand, please rethink this you are endangering the lives of everyone here!" Master Hand pleaded. However his pleading fell on deaf ears. Crazy Hand just began to laugh and flew through the wall of the Town Hall. He then flew up into the sky.

Master Hand quickly followed Crazy Hand. Approaching Smashville were several fighter jets. They began to shoot towards Crazy Hand, however he spun around to deflect the bullets. He then punched the fighter jets causing them to explode.

Crazy Hand just began to laugh. Being a being that was created from destruction, he was actually enjoying this. "War! CHAOS!" Crazy Hand laughed. He flew off in the direction of a city. A few moments later there was a large explosion. Smoke could be seen on the horizon.

Crazy Hand came back and went to his phone in the Town Hall. "I blew up one of your cities!" Crazy Hand laughed. "Surrender or die!"

"We do not negotiate with terrorists!"

"The network is going to kill us…" Master Hand muttered.

Just then Master Hand's cell phone went off. He reluctantly answered it. He had it set so that if the network called it would be the death march tune. "Hello." Master Hand winced.

"Master Hand, is there a reason why our extremely expensive building was just destroyed by your idiot brother?"

"Because he has just declared war on the neighboring countries. He has also made Smashville its own country."

"And what right does that give you to bomb our building?!"

"Its war…" Master Hand muttered. "I guess this means you are no longer interested in covering us?"

"Damn straight!" The network executive shouted.

"By the way, if I may ask, why weren't you incinerated in the explosion?"

"I'll answer that!" Crazy Hand laughed. "He was with his mistress!" The dead silence on the other end was more than enough proof. "Ah ha! I got it! I wonder what would happen if this got out?"


"Wait I thought you said it got worse." Claus said.

"It does."

"But I only see it getting better, we have blackmail material on the network executives." Claus laughed. "We can get them to do whatever we want!"

"Well it's like a roller coaster." Master Hand explained. "It has its highs and lows. That was the highest point…"


"This is blackmail!" The executive shouted. "Whose stupid idea was this to have you as mayor?!"

"Yours." Both Master and Crazy Hand said at the same time.

"It was your idea." Master Hand recalled. "You approached us. 'Smashville needs a new mayor, how about we let our viewers elect it.' You said. 'All of the residents of Smashville could participate, it doesn't matter who, just as long as they live in Smashville.' And then our viewers elected Crazy Hand."

Suddenly music began to play. The network executive began to scream out. "Well they are idiots!"

"You are being disrespectful to our new national anthem!" Crazy Hand shouted. "You better be quiet other wise the pictures will go out to public!"

"You have pictures?!" The executive shouted outraged.

Crazy Hand didn't reply until the Caramelldansen had ended. "Such a great national anthem." He cried. "It represents me so perfectly."

"In that you're insane?" The executive snared.

"Pictures!" Crazy Hand reminded him.

His grumbles could be heard from the other end. "I'll contact you when the building is repaired." With that he hung up. Crazy Hand just looked very satisfied.

Unfortunately in the time that Crazy Hand and Master Hand were talking on the phone, the army had surrounded Smashville.

"Come on out with your hands up in the air!" Someone shouted. "We will incinerate Smashville!" Unfortunately the army had entered the boundaries of Smashville, and the Alloys attacked destroying the tanks and wounding anyone who resisted. All of the Smashers that were in the town looked out of their windows extremely confused.

Crazy Hand quickly dialed everyone's house. "Everybody, its safe to go outside, that is if you wish to be pierced with bullets!" Crazy Hand laughed.

Within a matter of minutes the army was defeated by the power of Cruel Alloys. It almost brings a tear to one eye to see someone else suffering at the hands of them… Anyways, back to the story.

"You haven't seen the last of us!" The shouted retreating.

"Mr. President!" Crazy Hand said talking on the phone. "Your men have just been sent crying to their mommies! Do you surrender?"

"Nothing you can say or do will make me surrender!"

"I have several pictures that could be quite disastrous for you." Crazy Hand laughed.

"All right what do you want."


"And then Crazy Hand caused the worldwide economy to crash and reach an all time low, we are now in the worse depression in history." Master Hand finished.

"Okay, so there is one thing I still don't get." Claus said confused. "Why does this place look like it has been nuked?"

"Crazy Hand decided that the town needed to be rebuilt from scratch in order to properly represent his rule."

"And we just got a new HDTV…" Claus muttered. "That's the third time in two months that it needs to be replaced…"