I know it's late, but here's the...
PYLO Christmas Bonus!
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PYLO (Put Your Lights On) is a fanfiction by kleptomaniac0, which therefore by definition mean that the FFVII characters do not belong to the author and ergo do not garner any profit for said person. If sued, the author will simultaneously freeze and combust. This will result in a local hailstorm of flaming comets. Therefore... Yeah, you get the picture.
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This bit takes place somewhere in the story. That's all I really know. It doesn't fit anywhere in the main plotline, hence the "bonus" in the title. Merry Christmas! If you're not Christian or celebrate some other holiday, sorry for not including yours in the bonuses, but please enjoy the chapters!
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The invitation had read "Annual Shin-Ra Company Party", but Sephiroth had snorted and called it "Annual Shin-Ra Debauchery". Alcohol was always in abundance at President Shin-Ra's parties, but the coldness of winter seemed to have convinced him that the best way to fight the chill was with booze. Lots and lots of booze. Toriko could feel her father becoming vaguely tipsy just from the smell of alcohol in the air.
"I hate these things," Sephiroth thought at her. "I attended one once when I was twenty-four and had just been promoted to General: they forced alcohol on me and I somehow ended up dancing on a table."
"Naked?" Toriko thought slyly.
"I wasn't that drunk."
It was nine o' clock, and already a fair number of people were drunk. The ones invited to the Annual Party were usually higher-level executives in the company, along with their wives and older children. Toriko was easily the youngest and shortest one there, but she was one of the most at ease: Scarlet and Rufus were positively fond of her, and Palmer, though admittedly quite stupid, had a whole repertoire of "magic" tricks that he liked to show to her. Mostly they involved food disappearing into his mouth.
Surprisingly, Hojo was there, cutting actually quite a nice figure in a Mandarin-styled suit now that he was standing up straight. Toriko kept an eye on him, but he seemed content to chat with people in his department, sparing her and her father only the briefest of glances. Sephiroth was talking with some of the brass that had been invited and had politely and discreetly told Toriko that by no means was she to she to listen in.
"I'll teach you military maneuvering later," he'd said to her. "Amuse yourself with your peers for the time being."
What peers? If he was referring to the other children, Toriko wasn't comfortable talking to them at all. For all that they were less sure of themselves than she was, they were older and taller than she was, and there were just more of them. The Executives' regard of her made them jealous and spiteful, which reminded Toriko too much of her best-forgotten childhood. She drifted over to visit Scarlet, who was resting her high-heeled feet at a nearby table.
"Toriko," Scarlet said, waving her over to the table. "You look bored."
"I don't know anyone here," Toriko said, sitting next to the buxom Executive. "And Father doesn't want me listening in on his military council."
Scarlet scoffed. "Men—well, don't pay any attention to him. I'm sure they're talking about something interesting. Maybe you should eavesdrop."
"Maybe. Maybe not." Toriko shrugged and said, "Like as not, he's making dirty jokes that he's not comfortable with me hearing."
Scarlet snorted and looked at her suddenly, smiling. "...Toriko. How would you like to play a prank for me?"
"A prank on my father?" Toriko asked, frowning.
"No, no—on President Shin-Ra."
Toriko sat up a little straighter. "Your proposal is interesting," she said. "But why the President?"
"Because I can," Scarlet said with a smirk, and Toriko caught the strong smell of alcohol on her breath. "And because I want him to squirm..." Scarlet swirled her glass, which was filled with dark red wine. The color was reflected palely in her cheeks, which were flushed from alcohol and irritation. "Where do you think all the Company's money comes from, Toriko?"
"Electricity," Toriko said, lacing her hands in her lap. Despite her father's repeated warnings not to gonear Scarlet, Toriko couldn't help but find the blonde woman fascinating. Her battering ram breasts aside, there was a formidable mind in that head of hers, one that tended to remind Toriko of Seishi...
"Though Scarlet thinks much bigger than Mother does. Mother only wanted to become the head of an o-chaya: Scarlet, it seems, is not content even as the premier weapons developer of the world."
"That's right, electricity," Scarlet said, quaffing her wine. "Mako reactors. But the capital to make all those fancy machines came from the weapons department, and President Shin-Ra needs to remember that... Needs to pay me a little more respect."
"And a prank will do that?" Toriko asked, impressed.
"No," Scarlet said. "But it'll make him look stupid, and he hates that."
"Forgive me for saying so, but this doesn't seem very well thought out."
Scarlet glared at her, blue-gray eyes stormy. "You've got a better idea, little girl?"
Toriko stayed silent. She had no animus against President Shin-Ra—and gained nothing but vicious amusement from seeing him look stupid. Plus, the face it would cost her father made Toriko wince.
"All you have to do," Scarlet said, leaning toward her, "is make him fall down."
Apparently Scarlet already considered her an accomplice. "You want me to push him?"
"Push him, trip him, make him look some other way when he's approaching the stairs," Scarlet said, sneering. "Whatever. Make him fall."
Toriko looked away, her eyes sliding to the floor. "Um... Miss Scarlet, wouldn't that be easier to do yourself?"
"What, and be blamed for him looking dumb?" Scarlet laughed and said, "What kind of idiot do you think I am?"
Toriko ignored the oblique insult and said, "You're a very attractive woman, Miss Scarlet. Am I wrong in thinking you can stop men with a single glance?"
Scarlet's face turned thoughtful. "...Interesting," she said finally. "I'll have to think about that." Fanning her hand at Toriko, she said, "You can go now," and Toriko left her mulling over her booze and thinking.
"What were you doing talking to that woman?" Sephiroth thought sharply, making Toriko wince.
"Just testing the waters, Father," Toriko thought. "Alcohol makes people very loose and silly. It's a very educational experience."
Sephiroth growled his displeasure, but said nothing more. Toriko considered visiting Rufus, but he was surrounded by a flock of starry-eyed women who were practically hanging off him: Toriko paused to observe his flirtation technique. Unlike the things Seishi had taught her, which sought to entrap men in hopeless affection for long periods of time, Rufus's words and actions absolutely oozed with charm, which made it very clear what he wanted.
"And will probably get," Toriko thought distastefully, seeing too many breasts and legs for her liking. "Don't those women have any shame? They can't all be daughters or sisters of guests, which mean that some of them must actually work for the Company... I don't care if a woman wants to sleep her way to the top, but I have the feeling that it'll take some doing to pull that kind of trick on Rufus. He's at the age where Mother told me that men aren't willing to give, only take and take until there's nothing of the woman left."
Toriko turned before Rufus could spot her and squeaked as she walked straight into someone's chest. Something cold and hard banged against her cheek. Looking up, Toriko saw it was the bald Turk, Rude.
"Sorry," he said, nodding at her, and turned to go. Toriko grabbed his sleeve.
"What's in your jacket?" She asked. "I walked into something hard."
"My gun," Rude said.
"It didn't feel like a gun."
"...Alright, it's a bottle of alcohol."
Toriko blinked. "Are you sure you should be drinking?"
"It's the end of the year," he said. "Even us Turks are allowed to have some fun."
It was only fair, but... "What if something happens security-wise?"
"Your father's here," Rude said. "And he's been spoiling for some action."
Toriko snorted before she could stop herself. "That's an...interesting way to look at it."
Rude nodded and pulled his sleeve from her hand. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."
"I'm going with you," she said. "I'm bored here."
"Your father—"
"He doesn't care. He's talking with his brass," Toriko said, nodding in Sephiroth's direction. "And the kids here don't like me."
Rude looked uncomfortable. "...We're just sitting outside and drinking. I don't think that's really something you'd be interested in."
"Try me," Toriko said.
"...You're going to follow me anyway, aren't you?"
"Yes."
Rude sighed and adjusted his ever-present sunglasses. "Alright... Just don't drink any alcohol, alright?"
"Okay."
"And follow me ten seconds after I leave."
"Okay."
"Make sure no one sees you."
"Okay."
"And take your coat. It's cold outside."
Toriko sighed and looked up at him. "Anything else, Mr. Obvious?"
Rude's mouth twisted as he tried not to smile. "...You're a smart girl. I'm sure you can figure it out."
"Of course."
Rude left the party, going out onto the balcony that wrapped around the 69th floor. President Shin-Ra hosted all his parties on the same floor that his office was on, as if to say "Look out of my giant windows" to every person who came. Toriko had to admit the view of snow-covered Midgar was spectacular, but the single-paned, floor-to-ceiling windows of crystal clear glass gave absolutely no indication as to where the Turks were. She wondered about that as she went over to Sephiroth, who was sitting in the chair that both their coats were hung over.
"I'm going out," she murmured to him.
"Have fun," he said, leaning forward so she could take her coat. "Wait, where are you going?"
"Out on the balcony," she said truthfully.
"Don't fall over."
"Of course not, Father," Toriko said, and kissed him on the cheek for the benefit of all those watching. Some of the army men went 'aww', which proved the effectiveness of her ploy. "Have fun."
Toriko put on her coat and went out onto the balcony, her breath steaming in the cold night air as she looked around for the Turks. She didn't have to look long; they were sitting almost right outside the door, huddled in long wool coats and absolutely inundated with empty bottles, all six of them.
"Whazzup, Miz Shirra?" Reno called drunkenly, swinging his bottle of wine at her. "Rude sez yer drinkin wi'us."
"No I didn't," Rude said.
"I'm a liar," Reno said agreeably.
"Does your father know you're out here?" Tseng asked, looking up at her. He was sitting in the traditional Wutaiese manner, and by some contrivance his cup of alcohol was steaming—or maybe that was just Toriko's imagination.
"Yes," Toriko said, "and he doesn't care."
"Havva drink," one of the other Turks said, offering her a beer bottle.
"Don't give her that, she's underage," Tseng said with a frown, but Toriko took the bottle and opened it.
"I'm bored too," she said, and took a drink from the bottle. She heard hoots of laughter and drunken admiration as she finished the whole thing in one gulp, grimacing at the sour taste. "This tastes like shit."
Tseng looked scandalized. "Miss Shin-Ra!"
"Oh, be quiet," Toriko said, motioning at him with the bottle. "For a while, water was no good to drink in Wutai, so I learned to drink small beer... And then real beer. Trust me, this stuff tastes like shit."
"Ohhh, you swoooore," Reno cackled. "You're gonna be in sooo much trouble!"
"Your father," Tseng began to say.
"What are you going to do, tell him?" Toriko asked belligerently. "Because then he'll wonder why you didn't stop me."
"Only for a moment, though," Sephiroth said unexpectedly, and Toriko whipped around to see him stepping onto the balcony. Her innards froze as he added, "Because apparently, you're quite bossy when I'm not around."
"Why are you here?" Toriko asked, stunned.
"I wanted to see what was so interesting on the balcony," Sephiroth said, and his green eyes roved over the rapidly sobering Turks.
"I only had one," she said defensively, holding up the bottle.
"One too many," Sephiroth said, frowning at it. "You're too young to be drinking anyway. Get up, we're going home."
Toriko glared. The alcohol was coursing through her system, inflaming her veins and her temper. "I'm not allowed to have fun?"
"Not this kind of fun," Sephiroth said, frowning. "I'm never taking you to one of these debauches again."
"Just because you can't hold your liquor—"
"I'll drink you under the table any day, young lady: I'll just be homicidal right after it. Now get up. We're going home. Now."
There was no room for argument in his tone, nor in the thought that he directed at her. Grumbling, Toriko got to her feet and brushed the snow off her head.
"You don't let me talk to Scarlet," she muttered. "You don't let me play with the Turks. I'm not even allowed to watch you in action with the brass. How did you think I was going to keep myself amused?"
"Do you dare to suggest that this is my fault?"
"Of course not, honorable father," Toriko said sarcastically, bowing deeply. "It's too much to expect that one as august as yourself would understand the motivations of a humble person like me."
"I'll let your insolence pass because you're obviously drunk," Sephiroth said, his voice as hard as his blade. "Now march."
Toriko walked past him, burning with indignation. She was peripherally aware of her father's gaze on her, which would have made her fearful had she met it. She yelped as Sephiroth rapped her on the head as she passed.
"You're as thick as a log," he said in Wutaiese, and the use of her native language made Toriko pay more attention. "And logs get whittled down for firewood. If I catch you being this wood-headed again, I might just throw you into the fire, hm?"
The threat—disowning, physical punishment, or emotional estrangement—was very clear. Toriko began to understand just how angry he really was.
"Yes, Father," Toriko said in Wutaiese, subdued. "I understand. I'm sorry."
"You should be," he said, turning and walking past her. "We'll talk more about this when we get home," he said in Continental, and Toriko followed him, eyes downcast and her stomach turning flip-flops of anxiety.
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Author's note:
Toriko makes dumb choices. Occasionally, anyway. Luckily, Sephiroth is there to knock some sense into her. Yát lòng mòng góng! Yeah... I've been watching "Iron Monkey" over and over again. The whole 'thick as a log' bit kinda comes from there. I'm not sure if there's an equivalent phrase in Japanese, so I had the Cantonese words in mind when I typed the segment because it just sounds funny. That, and the coconut-like sound of Donnie Yen bonking Tsang Sze Man on the head whenever Yen says it just makes me giggle.
I know—some of you are probably thinking, "WTF does this have to do with Christmas?" No WAFF, not even opening presents: it's all about stuff you'd rather forget over the holidays. People getting drunk, people being mean... Holiday stress, ha. Not that I've been having much, but it's always fun to write about.
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