It's another long one! Sorry! I hope you enjoy it. Love, IJKS xxx

Chapter Forty Eight

Monday 20th April

The Beach

16:01

Life is officially hell. How can this be happening? I feel like the whole world is ending and I have no idea what to do. Everyone knows about Joey and I and everyone is talking about it. And I was 'advised to take the afternoon off work' pending an investigation into my sexually inappropriate behaviour with a victim of a crime.

Apparently I took advantage of a vulnerable woman and I'm pretty much evil. I didn't take advantage of her! I didn't! Did I? What if I did? What if I'm no better than the likes of Grant and Robbo? What if I am evil? I just can't bear this.

And I'm not even allowed to see her. I'm not allowed to talk to her or anything. And all I want to do is run away with her, hold her in my arms and make sure she knows how much I love her.

And I do love her. I love her so much. What if I lose her? What if we're never allowed to see each other? I can't do this on my own. I can't. I need Joey. I can't walk around town and have people gossiping. I'd handle it (maybe) if I had Joey by my side but I just... I can't breathe.


Monday 20th April

The Beach

16:39

It all started yesterday. Joey and I were continuing in our bliss. We had such a great day. Rubes didn't come back until the afternoon so Joey and I just lounged around all day. We talked and laughed and made love. We started trying to get dressed about four o'clock and I saw her getting a little bit frustrated with crumpled things in her bag.

The words were out of my mouth before I thought them through – not that I regret them. I asked her if she wanted a drawer in my room. She looked like I'd given her a diamond necklace or something and I was happy to make her happy. She climbed back onto the bed and wrapped her arms around me. Needless to say, that getting dressed was delayed somewhat.

Oh, it was so amazing! How could something that incredible be wrong? It's not wrong. It can't be wrong! I love her so much. I can't believe that this is happening to us.

We just about managed to get ready to go out, although we kept Ruby waiting for a bit. It wasn't my fault! Joey crept up behind me while I was putting my keys in my bag and she kissed my shoulder. It's things like that that just drive me crazy. I love her lips and her gentleness. I love how affectionate she is and how she can make me feel so loved just by a look or a simple gesture. She's so beautiful.

Maybe she's better off without me. If I'm this horrific, predatory creature then maybe I should just let her go. I can't bear the way people are looking at me and talking about me. What if they think I've done something terrible to her? What if I have done something terrible?

But I'm getting distracted with the bad stuff. It's hard not to.

On a happier note, Joey and I got carried away with making out in the kitchen. I swear, I nearly made love to her right there on the kitchen table. I've honestly never felt this way about anyone before.

We had a nice dinner, except for my hurtful rejection of her affection out in public. Ruby's teasing didn't help. She got a text from Xavier to say that he, Hugo and Brendan were home from Gina's and then she started hassling me about speeding up the case – as if I can do anything. If it was up to me, no charges would be put forward but it's not my call.

We bickered a little and then started talking about the talk I had to do at Ruby's school today. (Don't even get me started). Joey thought Ruby would be proud of me, which made me giggle. She's so sweet. But my explanation that I'm a constant source of embarrassment to my sister only prompted Ruby to say (a little too loudly for my liking) that not everybody is in love with me. Joey was amused. I was not.

Then Leah and VJ arrived to grab a snack on their way home from Leah's parent's house. I invited her to join us and I think (I hope) I would have told her then but she didn't stay and I was so panicked. Then Ruby followed her to the counter to look at the specials board. I completely panicked until she reassured me that she wasn't going to tell Leah the secret.

By the time I'd turned back to Joey, I knew I'd let her down. I guess the time was always going to come. Of course I'd let her down. She's this amazing woman and I'm just... me. I'm pathetic. I talk big but I'm weak and I'm a coward. I can never be what she needs me to be and I can't cope with everyone knowing about us. I just can't do it.

I know she was still hurting when we went home. Ruby went straight up to bed, wanting to be spritely for school in the morning – although, I suspect that was more to do with seeing Xavier than anything else. Joey and I went to get changed. I took her hands and gazed into her eyes and I apologised for struggling. She kissed me and it was wonderful and I just wish I could go right back to that moment and do everything differently from there on out.

We hung out and watched TV for a bit and she nervously asked me about the sleeping arrangements. I felt really bad but I wanted to bunk with Ruby because it didn't feel right to have Joey in my room when Leah was there and she didn't know about us. I know she was sad about it, although she tried not to be too disappointed. And for the record, she's adorable when she's trying not to be disappointed.

I tried to let her know that I was upset too but I don't know if I made it clear enough. What is she thinking about me now? How is she? What is she's hurting and upset and I'm not there for her? All I can say is that I'm glad I did spend last night with her in light of what's happened today.

We kissed but we were interrupted by a knock on the door. It was late and the knock was pretty urgent. My poor Joey immediately panicked that it was Robbo but it was the next worst thing – Brett. He was drunk and furious and barged in, shouting the odds at both of us. He laid into Joey and then into me. I insisted that I was looking after her and Joey stood up for us. She insisted that I was her girlfriend and we were together now. It was brave of her.

But unfortunately (or fortunately) Leah walked in right at the moment and the truth came out. Brett called us sick and a few other things and then he stumbled back out. We had to sit down with Leah and explain that we were a couple. She was pretty stunned and didn't really say anything but asked that we discuss it in the morning when she was less asleep. But she added that it didn't bother her.

After that, Joey and I headed to bed (together). We got into bed and cuddled and kissed. She did everything she could to reassure me that everyone would be alright and we just had to ride out the storm. I wish it had been that simple.

We made love and I actually think that was the best of all the amazing times we've shared. I felt so loved and it breaks my heart to think that it could be the last time. If I could do it again I'd memorise every feature and I would never leave that room and let her go.

But the shit hit the fan today and now it feels like everything has gone to hell. I was having breakfast with Ruby and Joey when Leah arrived and reiterated that she has no problem with me and Joey being an item. She requested that we didn't make it too obvious in front of VJ, which is fine. I don't want to make it too obvious in front of anyone!

Then Xavier showed up in order to walk to school with Ruby and awkwardly showed us the graffiti on my car. Joey's bastard of a brother had scrawled 'queer' all over my car. We were all staring at it when some spoilt brat school girls walked past, laughing at me. It was so humiliating and I guess that's when I broke.

Joey was full of apologies – as if it was her fault – and I just ignored her. I hate myself for it now but I totally shut her out. I stormed back into the house, called Watson to get a lift and couldn't stop thinking about anything but getting to work. I felt sick and humiliated and I wanted the world to swallow me up.

Ruby and Xavier headed on to school and Leah busied herself with VJ. Joey approached me like she was scared but she tried to hug me. We were outside so I wouldn't even look at her, let alone touch her and I know I hurt her feelings. She just hung her head, apologised and headed back inside. I did end up going back in. I hugged her and kissed her and I told her I loved her. I clung to her until Watson beeped for me. And then the hell continued.

Work was a nightmare. At first Watson was commenting on how if someone was going to spray paint my car, they should at least make a correct slur. Then she realised she'd put her foot in it. She suggested cancelling the school talk, which retrospectively, I should have. But I'd shut down and I was all business. I'd fallen into that arrest mode thing that Ruby always tells me off for.

We went to the school and it was hell. Trey Palmer started on me immediately, mocking me, calling me names and generally humiliating me as much as possible. Martin kicked him out but the damage was done. Ruby was mortified and so was I.

Watson and I left as quickly as possible and went back to the station. I was momentarily relieved to get a memo telling me that Robbo had changed his plea to guilty and wouldn't be contesting the charges against him. At least then Joey won't have to go through the trauma of giving evidence and she won't be dragged through the courts like we feared she would be. But of course, I haven't even had the chance to tell her that because my colleague approached to tell me that Brett had made a formal complaint against me for sexual misconduct.

And that's how I ended up here. Watson and another colleague had to talk me through it. Basically, Brett has said that his sister had been perfectly normal and heterosexual until she met me. He thinks that I've corrupted her and taken advantage of her when she was vulnerable and understandably afraid of men. I felt sick. I objected of course but I couldn't just dismiss it.

I did the wrong thing by taking Joey into my home when I was working on her case. I knew that and I did it anyway. Pointing out that she was homeless because her so called loving brother called her a sicko and threw her out doesn't help though. I still disobeyed the rules.

And then, worse than that, I took her into my bed when I was still the named officer in charge of her case. I should have handed it over to Watson ages ago – the moment I knew I was falling in love with her. But I was just so confused about the whole thing and now it feels like the end of the world.

I was advised to take the rest of the day off, which I reluctantly agreed to. As I was leaving my office, I saw Joey. I wasn't even allowed to speak to her. She looked so confused and lost and all I wanted to do was comfort her. I wanted to take her in my arms and let her know that everything would be okay. But it would be a lie. I have no idea if anything is going to be okay. I love her so much but I could lose everything over this. Ruby is doing her best but she's still not comfortable about the whole thing and the humiliation at school would only have served to make it worse. The whole town is talking about me and I've been called gay and queer by almost everybody.

And I'm not gay! I might be bisexual or something, I don't know. But I'm not gay. And I hate the way people are assuming and labelling me. I don't know much about anything right now. All I know is that I love Joey. And Joey happens to be a girl. But I could easily have lost her now. I might never be able to see her again. We could have had a week of joy and now it could all be over forever. And I could even have lost my job. I honestly don't know what hurts more but I can't cope with this.

It's getting dark now so I'm going to have to stop writing. Plus, I've had enough beers that my handwriting is becoming almost illegible. I came down here in the hope that Joey might be here too. I know I can't talk to her but I just want to see her. I just want to know she's okay. But she's not here. I don't know where she is. I miss her. I need her. What the hell am I going to do? How can something so innocent be seen as something so vile?


Tuesday 21st April

Home

09:19

I am officially the lowest form of life. I'm disgusting and I hate myself. I've done some terrible, terrible things in my life but this is the worst. It's worse than giving Ruby up and lying to her about being her Mum. At least there was a reason for that. At least I was trying to do the right thing. This... this is inexcusable.

I slept with Hugo. I cheated on Joey. I cheated on my beautiful, perfect Joey. I think it's safe to say that I've wrecked everything. Of all the fucks ups I thought I would make, I didn't think it would be this bad. I mean, I was kicking myself for what happened on Sunday. We were having dinner with Ruby at the Diner and Joey tried to hold my hand. I pulled away and she looked so wounded. But this is worse. This is so much worse. After all I've put her through, she's never going to forgive me for this. I feel so sick and so dirty. What the hell was I thinking?

After I finished writing last night, I just sat on the beach and cried. I finished my beers, stumbled away to toss the bottles and then sank back on the sand. I just stared out into the dark. I associate Joey with the beach and I guess it was making me feel close to her somehow. I toyed with calling her several times but I didn't know where she was. If she was with Brett and he caught me getting in touch, I knew I'd be done for. So I just stayed there feeling hopeless and desperate. I couldn't even think about Joey because it was too painful and I just wish I'd held onto her in my head. Then this might never have happened.

Hugo found me. I hate him for finding me. It's not really his fault. I mean, he didn't force me or anything. But he came to sit beside me and I told him the news that no charges were being made against Xavier and Brendan for what happened to Roman. He was relieved to say the least and inevitably ended up mentioning me and Joey. He called me gay and I just lost it. I couldn't cope. I hated people telling me what I was and not giving me a choice about it. I snapped at him and then... well, then I tried to prove it by kissing him. He was on me in a second and somehow or other, we ended up back at his place.

I had sex with him. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. And you, dear diary, know just how bad it gets. It was over quickly, thank goodness. It hurt and I knew from the start that I didn't want to. But I just couldn't stop myself. It was like I wasn't in control of my body. I just did it. I felt dirty and disgusting, like I wanted to punish myself. I have this horrible habit of making every bad situation I find myself in worse. And boy, have I made it worse this time. I hate myself. It was vile and soulless and if I could take it back, I would do it in a second.

Joey is the only person I ever want to be with. I love her so much. And I know I was shaky last night. I know I screwed up. I know I have to take responsibility for that. But if any good came of it, I know for absolute sure that Joey is the person I want to be with. I don't care anymore what people say and what people think. I love her and I want to be with her. I want to spend the rest of my life making up for what I've done. I want to make things right and start again. But I don't know whether to tell her what happened or to hide it.

What would telling her achieve really? I mean, she'd just be hurt. She'd feel betrayed. She'd be so upset. And I can't bear to do that to her. I can't risk losing her. I just can't. But I don't want to lie. How can I look into her beautiful face and lie to her? What if she finds out the truth some other way? What the hell am I going to do?

I can't lose her. I can't. I need her. I need her like I've never needed anyone before. I hate myself for being so messed up that I couldn't survive one stupid night without her. I hate myself for not being able to stand up for us and what we have.

Looking back on the diary entries for the past week, it's so obvious how happy I've been. We've been so happy together. I love her so much. I can't bear this. She always deserved better than me and now I've just gone and proved it. I've proved to her brother that I really am a piece of shit. I've hurt someone so special, so beautiful and so perfect. I have no idea how I'm going to live with myself after what I've done.


Wednesday 22nd April

10:03

Home

I have the day off today and I'm hiding out at home. Joey's at work until four and I'm not ready to face the world without her unless I have to.

I haven't told her about Hugo. And I've decided I'm not going to. I just can't risk losing her. I know I'm being selfish but after everything we've been through, if I turn around and tell her that I slept with a guy behind her back, she'll be so hurt. She was all set to leave town for good before the two of us finally decided to make it work between us. If she finds out that I strayed and went behind her back, she could easily walk out on me. I don't want to have finally found 'the one' and then let her go over a stupid mistake.

And it was a mistake. There is nothing between Hugo and I. There never has been. He might have liked me for a bit but he never wanted anything serious and quite frankly, in recent months, he's been the only single guy in town. I guess it was a natural assumption for people to think we might get together. But I'm not interested in him in that way. I'm not interested in any guy. I'm in love with a woman and I hope that in time, I can be out and proud.

I mean, everyone knows about Joey and I now and although I'm not exactly keen to go and face the music, I'm not terrified like I was before. Suddenly, in light of everything that's happened, stupid things like that don't seem to matter anymore.

I woke up in Hugo's bed yesterday and I had to do a horrific walk of shame in front of a very stunned Martha and Xavier. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and I still feel so sick over what I did.

I came home quickly and jumped into the shower. I stayed in there for a good long while and had the water as hot as I could stand. It was almost like I wanted to sear my skin off. I just wanted to wash every trace of Hugo, infidelity and my nasty soul out of me.

Once I was dressed, I sat home alone and wrote in here. Then I got a call from work asking me to come in. I hoped that Joey would be there, although I was panicking about facing her again in light of what had happened.

I headed on over to the station and the investigation had cleared me of anything terrible, which was a relief. And my colleague pledged the station's full support to me. They're not going to judge me for a relationship that makes me happy. I expect to get a rap on the knuckles over not handling Joey's case professionally enough but it shouldn't be too much of a slight on my record.

I went on home and my heart skipped a beat the moment I saw Joey watching television in the lounge. She'd come over and let herself in as soon as she'd got the call telling her that there was no case to answer and we could see each other again.

I think I fell even more deeply for her. To be honest, I think I continue to fall more deeply for her as each day passes. She looked so pretty in the blue shirt I really like her in and her hair was half up and half down.

The moment she saw me, she launched herself into my arms. I clung on for all I was worth. We sat down together and she was so sweet and so innocent. She said that it was torture not being able to see me the night before. She was worried about how I was and even said I should press charges against Brett for making a false claim. Apparently she really laid into him once I'd gone to work on Monday. She even said yesterday how sweet Hugo was in protecting her and sending Brett away.

She and her brother have had several blazing rows over the last couple of days and she's officially moved out. We went round to her place last night and despite Brett screaming and shouting, we packed her stuff up and we're officially a couple that lives together.

I thought I'd really panic when the time came to grow up and live with a partner. But I feel ready for it. I think this is the next step for us. It feels right being with Joey and I don't want to waste any more time getting things wrong. I know I messed everything up but I want to make things right. I want to be the best that I can be for her.

From that moment on the couch, when she said that she just wanted to forget what happened, I vowed to start again. I want to love her and protect her. I want to be a good girlfriend and I want to make her happy for every single day of her life. She deserves better than me. I know that. But if I'm lucky enough to be the one she wants to be with then I'm going to give her everything I have.

I feel bad that she's losing her brother though. I mean, I know that if it wasn't because she was dating me then it would be because she was dating some other lucky girl, but I still feel terrible, especially after everything. Maybe they'll be able to work things out eventually. I told her yesterday that in his own warped way, he was only trying to protect her. She told me with absolute sincerity that she didn't need protecting.

"Not from you," she said.

It broke my heart.

We cuddled for a little while and talked things through. I decided not to tell her the truth about what happened then. I was holding her in my arms and feeling the warmth of her embrace and I knew I just couldn't let her go. So we made a vow that nothing would go wrong again. I promised not to have a problem being out anymore and she seemed so happy. And I do mean it. When we're out of the house, if she wants to hold my hand or kiss me, I'm not going to panic. I'm going to be proud that someone as beautiful as Joey wants to be anywhere near me.

When I heard Joey's tummy rumbling and she admitted that she hadn't eaten lunch, dinner or breakfast, I offered to go to the Diner to get us a takeaway. She volunteered to go with me but I knew I had to do some damage control so I told her to chill out at home and I'd be back soon.

On my way over to the Diner, I called Hugo and he agreed to meet me. Once we were together, I basically told him how horrified I was by the whole thing. I said I wasn't thinking straight. He said that I was and that had been the problem. It was a joke apparently. It wasn't funny. We agreed that it was a one night thing and I made it clear that I was with Joey and I wasn't interested in him. I apologised for using him and I begged him not to tell anyone. He said that Xavier might have told Ruby (which he had) and that Martha had balled him out about it but he promised to make sure nobody told Joey anything.

I went up to collect mine and Joey's lunch from Leah. She asked how I was and what had happened with the investigation. I told her that everything was fine now. She was really sweet and said that she was glad. She admitted that she was shocked at first but she thinks Joey and I are the perfect couple and she's really happy for us. She unknowingly made me feel really guilty by telling me just how much Joey loved and adored me and she said she hoped that our relationship turned out well. I do too.

I headed home and Joey and I had a lovely afternoon together. We ate together and spent a lot of time kissing and cuddling and just laughing together. There were even a few moments when I could almost forget what I'd done.

She offered to clean the crap off the car and I decided to help her. It descended into chaos of course. We got into a water fight, interrupted only by Ruby. It might have been a good thing really because I could easily have got carried away with Joey looking so deliciously wet and soapy. But Ruby arrived home from school with Xavier, who left pretty promptly.

Joey went for a shower and Ruby laid into me about what happened with Hugo. She accused me of playing Hugo and Joey both and demanded to know how I can cheat on Joey if I love her so much. I said that I did love Joey and that it was just a terrible day when I let all the stress get on top of me. I'd been drinking, I was being accused of sexual misconduct and I didn't know if I would even have a job or a girlfriend by the morning. I was broken and Hugo was just there, offering himself to me. I was afraid of the gay label and I just reacted without thinking it through.

Ruby was clearly furious with me and she was pretty horrified that I was planning on keeping it all a secret from Joey. She did agree not to open her trap though and I'm grateful for that at least. Hugo really was a one off and I love Joey with my whole heart. I cannot let one stupid mistake get in the way of what we have.


Wednesday 22nd April

15:08

Home

I'm really looking forward to Joey coming home. I'm cooking her a special meal tonight. Leah is going over to Martha's for the evening and Ruby is going to the Surf Club with Xavier so we've got the place to ourselves. I'm really going to make an effort from now on.

Last night, once we'd packed up Joey's stuff, we went out on our first romantic meal as a couple. We decided to face things head on and went to the Diner. Fortunately Leah served us instead of Colleen.

Oh, and there's a woman called Pippa working there temporarily while Belle is in rehab. Alf's gone away for his son's wedding so he asked Pippa to come and stay and help out with the Diner and Geoff and Annie. Apparently she's a Summer Bay stalwart and the most loved woman in town. I haven't really spoken to her but she seems nice enough. And while Colleen was definitely flapping a little over Joey and I, she and Leah definitely weren't. Leah was particularly sweet actually.

And I hope I did Joey proud. I'd reserved a table in the corner and we even had a little candle. It was a proper 'holding hands across the table and gazing into each other's eyes' evening and we completed it with a moonlit stroll across the beach.

When we got home, we went straight to our room (I can't believe it's our room – how exciting!) and made love. I (hopefully) gave her the best of me. And I (hopefully) made her climax repeatedly. I was a little nervous about her touching me because I know I don't deserve her but she would have known something was up otherwise. And I just want things to be as normal as possible.

From now on, I don't want a single day to go past without Joey Collins knowing exactly what she means to me. I worship the ground she walks on and I always will. I made a big mistake but I'm not going to lose her over it. Joey and I are meant to be together. It's definitely a forever kind of deal.

Now, I must leave you if I'm going to get everything ready for when she gets home.


Thursday 23rd April

22:03

Home

Well, I am tucked up happily in bed with Joey and feeling like an old married couple! In a good way! I might add here that my beloved, beautiful, amazing girlfriend is looking over my shoulder! And now she's kissing me. I'll write later!


Friday 24th April

15:30

Home

I just got in from work and thought I'd take some time to catch up with myself before Joey gets home. Things are a lot more settled now. I'm still struggling to live with what I've done but I am trying my best to be a good girlfriend – the kind of person Joey deserves to be with.

We've moved in together, as I've already said and I couldn't be happier about it. The two of us just fit so perfectly together. I never thought I'd ever say that about anyone. We went out on our first proper date and that was really great.

Then on Wednesday, we had the place to ourselves. I cooked and it wasn't a disaster, which is good! We had a really good time – in the kitchen, the lounge and the bedroom! I love being with her so much. In so many ways, I feel like Joey completes me.

I've never been a Charlie fan. I've never liked myself. To be honest, for the most part, I've genuinely despised myself. But Joey helps me be a better person. I feel like I'm capable of anything when she's with me. I feel like I can actually break away from all the bad decisions and shitty mistakes I've made. I can move on into a future of happiness. And I never ever thought I'd see that day.

Last night was another night in and it was just as wonderful. Every night with Joey is amazing. We all had dinner together – me, Joey, Ruby, Xavier, Leah and VJ. It was really cool. Then Leah had an early night while I let Ruby go out to the Surf Club with Xave for a bit on the promise that she'd be back by her curfew.

Joey sent me off to go and relax (I cooked) while she did the dishes so I sneaked upstairs and ran a hot bubble bath. I'd already kind of planned ahead and bought champagne and new, posh glasses on my break from work. And I bought some red roses and sprinkled petals on the bed and then a few in the bath. I lit some candles and then came down to get her. She was surprised and delighted and it was really romantic. It's one of the most romantic things I've ever done – if not the most. She brings out a side to me that I didn't know I had.

And I kind of like this blend of gender roles, I must admit – which is quite ironic considering how much I freaked at the start. Traditionally, it's meant to be the guy who does stuff like that (not that I'm particularly traditional). But I've tried to make gestures with boyfriends in the past and it's just never gone right. They haven't appreciated it or I've been let down. And it's always left me nervous, disappointed and unsure.

But Joey was really thrilled with what I did and we had a lovely, relaxing, romantic night together. I feel so comfortable with her. Last night was only a small thing and I am planning many more nice things for her. I always want to make her happy. I always want her to feel loved and adored.

After the bath, we got into our PJ's, amid a little distraction, of course. What can I say? I can't get enough of her. I made sure Ruby was back home safely and then Joey and I went to bed. I started to write but it didn't last long so I thought I'd catch myself up while I'm waiting for Joey to get home.

We're going to the movies tonight and I have the whole weekend off so I'm taking her out for the day tomorrow. And we're considering going to the city to see Dad and Morag on Sunday. But I have to play that one by ear because Dad's not having a good time right now. He's struggling more and more with his memory and if he's too vulnerable, even though I'm no longer anxious about being labelled gay or whatever, I don't want to stress him out.

He's a good man but homosexuality is an issue that divides a wide range of people. Even people you wouldn't suspect, could have a problem with it. I have no earthly idea how Dad will respond to my news and I don't want it to be too much for him at a difficult time. But even if we don't get to do it on Sunday, Joey and I have plenty of time. And even if he struggles with Joey being a woman, I'm sure he'll come to love her anyway. I mean, how could he not? She's perfect.

In other news, Trey dropped the complaints against both Kirsty and Miles and it sounds like Aden and Belle have at least temporarily broken up. Joey hasn't seen Aden though. She's been working and so has he. But he's also been busy supporting Nicole and looking after Roman who came home from the hospital on Tuesday. I know Joey's a bit disappointed about not seeing much of her friend and she feels like she's been selfish and unsupportive but they'll catch up again when Aden's ready. I guess things must be pretty hard for him right now. And Joey and I have been reliably informed by several people that we're 'sickeningly happy' so perhaps it's better not to rub things in. Again, we have plenty of time to share our joy with other people! And I can't even tell you how good it feels to be happy about telling people.

Oh and Rachel and Tony got back from their honeymoon. They had a lunch thing with Miles, Kirsty, Leah and Roman which was a bit awkward for poor Leah. She said Roman was very on edge the whole time and freaked out when a door slammed shut and surprised him.

But he admitted to missing her and she misses him terribly. I wonder if there's a way forward for them. Leah deserves some happiness and Roman does too, especially in the state he's in. It'll be nice for him, I would have thought, to have a companion during such a difficult time. I never realised until now, how much it means to have someone by your side – someone you know will support you through everything. And I know only too well just how lucky I am to have that with Joey.

Oh, plus we saw on the news this morning that Liam Murphy, that singer guy, has been admitted into rehab and it looks like it's the same place Belle's at. I do worry about her. I hope she's okay.


Sunday 26th April

11:21

Home

We didn't manage to go to Dad's and I'm pleased to say I'm disappointed – if that makes any kind of sense! I really wanted to take Joey up to meet Dad but he was too poorly. Perhaps we can go next weekend instead.

But we had a lovely day yesterday. Joey expressed some interest ages and ages ago in a wildlife park that's opened about an hour away from here so as a surprise, I took her there. It was such a fun day. We learnt lots about the natural world and I really enjoyed it. Joey's more into that kind of thing than I am but to be honest, whatever Joey's interested in, I'm willing to give it a go.

And as sad and apparently 'lesbian' as this is, we've already started talking about our one month anniversary. We're going to take Alf's boat out again (hopefully) for the whole day. Joey said that there's this little cove she knows that's all secluded and lovely. We'll sail there and have a picnic together and really celebrate our relationship. It's two weeks away still but I'm already so excited!

Anyway, today we're just chilling out. Joey's still napping on and off – waking up for cuddles and then going to sleep again – so I'm taking the moment to write because I'll be completely distracted and quite frankly, I'm not wasting a single second of time with my beautiful girlfriend. We're hoping to go snorkelling later as I still haven't tried out the set she bought me.

Despite every bad thing that's happened, I can honestly say that these have been the happiest weeks of my life. Joey is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't deserve her but I am so very grateful to have her. She's my soul mate.


Next time… Charlie's lost earring leads Joey to discover the truth about her one night stand with Hugo, prompting her to leave Summer Bay, Aden and Nicole are caught out and Brendan has an altercation with Hugo…