"You putting distance between us because of what I did this morning?" Olivia questioned lightly as she kept her focus on the blue ocean in front of her.

The breeze was lightly blowing her hair. It was a hot day but she'd brought the large umbrella from the beach house and planted it in the sand to sit under.

She had felt Elliot walk up behind her, Olivia had always been good at sensing his presence. It's one of the things that had made them such good partners; they were in sync.

"I thought you might need it…" He replied gently, shrugging even though she couldn't see him.

"Well, I don't." Olivia responded, and Elliot tried to decide how to take her answer. There was a underlying tone in her voice but he couldn't quite place it. She'd been in some sort of mood ever since their 'incident' this morning.

Olivia was in a bathing suit for the first time in who knew how long. It was a one-piece and she was wearing shorts with it. Truthfully, it'd taken a lot of confidence to put on. There was an exceptional amount of cleavage meaning a generous number of scars from the burns were on display. Plus, she'd gained weight since she'd last put it on.

Her stomach was no longer flat. She had 'love handles' or as some people call them 'muffin tops'. Elliot didn't mind but she did. Olivia Benson used to be a confident woman but her trauma changed that a bit. Now, she was up and down about how she felt with her body. Some days, she could put on some tight jeans and feel like she was looking good but other days she just wanted to go back to bed after she looked in the mirror.

She'd talked with Dr. Lindstrom about it, about feeling down and about how she'd had problems getting out of bed lately. He seemed to think she was developing depression and she couldn't disagree. Some days, Olivia found it hard to even leave the apartment much less get out of bed.

This trip was supposed to be a breath of fresh air for her, to get her out of the city and so far it'd been good. Even with Elliot's trauma coming to surface and the incident from this morning. They'd barely been at the beach a whole day but Olivia considered it progress.

Olivia was sitting up with her knees drawn up, her arms were crossed and resting on top of them. Elliot sat down behind her on the rather large beach towel that was under the breach umbrella.

She couldn't feel him in her immediate vicinity. He was too far away for her liking.

"Didn't I just say I didn't need space?" She questioned, trying to keep the bite out of her voice but slightly failing as she briefly turned her head sideways to glance at him behind her.

Elliot swallowed hard. He hadn't wanted to get to close to her from behind because she was assaulted from behind. They'd yet to spoon with him behind her, it'd always been her behind him.

None-the-less, he scooted up until he was almost touching her, his legs were spread so that they were on either side of her own.

The small waves crashing created a serene effect. It was calming for both of them.

Elliot was leaning back on his hands that he'd shoved in the sand with the towel as his barrier from actually being covered in the small, tan, particles.

She'd come out to the beach a little over an hour ago. He'd made an excuse to stay inside. Something about needing to inventory the kitchen to make sure they had all the food they needed and checking the toiletry supplies because he supposedly didn't fully trust the friend that he'd paid to stock the house before their visit.

Initially, Olivia had seemed okay even after the morning's events. She'd brushed it off, eaten some toast and claimed she wanted to sit on the beach for a while. He was worried about her but also knew survivors needed their space. Elliot was also aware that something had stopped her that morning. He wasn't sure if it was nerves, fear, or if she'd been on the edge of a flashback but just in case it was the latter, he had decided to give her space.

Apparently, that had been the wrong choice…

"You're mad at me…" Elliot observed lightly but Olivia shook her head gently in denial.

"I'm not." She replied, and used her right hand to push her breeze blown hair behind her ear before replacing her arm across her knees and resting her chin on top of her arms. She really wasn't mad at him. She was mad at herself, at her body and brain for not being able to communicate with her heart.

They stayed silent for several moments.

The wind kept blowing, causing Olivia's hair to whip around. Elliot caught a glimpse of the fading scars at her hair line. He remembered they were bite marks and he remembered how his blood boiled when he first saw them. Now, they were small, faded red marks.

"If I wasn't a victim, what would you be doing right now? With me, I mean…" Olivia asked while keeping her focus on the waves still.

It was a loaded question and Elliot half wondered if it was a trick question, if there was a right and wrong answer but he decided to be honest.

After taking a deep breath that she could audibly hear, he spoke.

"I'd have my arms around your waist while pulling you against me and kissing on your shoulder."

He'd seen the spot on her shoulder that he wanted to kiss as soon as he sat down. It was a patch of her skin covered in freckles, just calling his name. His lips belonged there to mark their territory, but he didn't for fear of triggering her.

"What's stopping you?" She asked calmly.

It was another loaded question.

Elliot breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth before replying.

"I don't want to trigger you… I know he had his lips on you, on your body…"

Olivia huffed. She was tired of being treated like she was breakable but at the same time, she understood his hesitancy.

"I'm bad at love." She whispered more to herself than him but he still heard her. Elliot wasn't even sure if she was talking about making love or love in general, so he remained quiet, waiting for her to continue.

"I've never been good at relationships, you can ask any man I've ever dated." Olivia continued. "I've always had trouble saying what I feel and showing my emotions." She explained, then turned around to face Elliot. He didn't let his eyes drift to her cleavage even though he wanted to look. He really wanted time to inspect her body, all of her scars. Elliot wanted to kiss every single one of them.

Sitting in between his legs, she looked him in the eyes.

"Even if I hadn't been assaulted, I'd still be really bad at this, El."

Elliot pursed his lips together and gave her a thoughtful look as he cocked his head to the side, still leaning back on his arms. Olivia now sat cross-legged between his legs.

"You were with Cassidy for almost two years. That's a long time, Liv." Elliot commented, reminding her that she had actually had at least one long, stable relationship that he knew of.

Olivia shook her head.

"I'm used to showing how I feel through intimacy and sex." She explained, looking down and picking at her nails. "I'm not good with words…" But of course, Elliot knew this. He knew that she'd always had a difficult time talking about herself and her emotions just like he had. They were one in the same when it came to that category.

"I think Brian was the first man I'd ever been with to really say he was in love with me and um…" Olivia said as she looked up to Elliot. "When he told me he was in love with me, we were at my apartment and I… I immediately got on my knees for him…" She told Elliot, then her eyes left his so she could stare at her lap once more.

Elliot narrowed his eyes ever so slightly and his jaw tensed. The thought of her on her knees for Cassidy brought up some jealousy. He didn't like the fact that she'd been with him, twice now, but he wasn't going to outright hate Cassidy for it. He'd have to learn to be okay with Olivia's exes.

"I felt like I needed to thank him… it's the only way I knew how to show him how I felt. I did tell him I loved him, and I did love him but I wasn't in love with him… I didn't feel the same way about him as he felt about me." Olivia looked up and gazed at Elliot as she continued.

"Why did you think you needed to thank him?" Elliot asked, sitting up straighter now to where he stopped leaning on his hands and locking his knees in a straight position so that his legs were flat and spread on the blanket with Olivia in between them.

He needed to be closer to her, he needed to be in her vicinity and if he was too close, she'd tell him.

Olivia shrugged but still answered.

"I needed to thank him for loving someone like me… for tolerating me. I came with a lot of baggage even then, before the attacks… I'm not easy to love." At this point, she was genuinely surprised that she wasn't in tears.

Olivia looked down and bit her bottom lip, a bit scared of his reaction but Elliot just shook his head.

"Does Cassidy know all this?" Elliot asked gently.

Olivia shook her head.

"No." She whispered. "And it was all consensual." She added, looking up quickly. "I wanted to do those kinds of things for him. I cared about him deeply… I enjoyed doing… those things with him…" Olivia explained. "But… we ended badly… well, you remember."

He did remember. He remembered Olivia telling him that Cassidy couldn't get it up for her when he saw the scars because it had made Cassidy think about what she'd endured.

"You know, he came to talk to me at the court house during the trial." Elliot said, a bit worried about how she'd react to that piece of information.

Olivia nodded. Barba had told her in his office. Speaking of Barba, she hadn't seen him in a few months now. He hadn't been on the last few cases she worked before she was assaulted again by Lewis. She needed to contact him soon.

"Barba told me he saw you two talking. I was concerned but… I had something bigger to worry about at the time…" She said, swallowing, then looking to Elliot again. "What'd Brian want?"

Elliot looked around the beach for a moment to buy time. He wasn't sure if he should betray Cassidy's trust but he wasn't sure the man would care.

"He was terrified you'd been raped… didn't want me to tell him if you had, just wanted to make sure I got you help and looked out for you. He seemed to be under the impression that we were going to become a thing."

Olivia rolled her eyes. One of the problems she and Brian had was that he always failed to fully believe her when it came to important things.

"I told him several times I wasn't raped." She said, annoyed and ignoring the fact that Brian foresaw them becoming a couple.

"And that's all you told him…" Elliot replied as softly as possible.

She cut her eyes to him quickly, giving him a slight glare.

Elliot raised his hands in surrender.

"I'm not advocating for him. I just… I know it didn't end that well, I just don't want you to hate him for how he… how his body reacted to yours." He explained, giving her a sympathetic look. "He felt terrible, I could tell. And it's an uncontrollable thing, you know that, Liv."

"I know…" She whispered.

Elliot reached for her left hand with his right. Slowly he laced their fingers together.

"And you're not hard to love." He said gently, looking into her eyes. Then he brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. "And you never, ever need to get on your knees for me, Olivia." Elliot said in all seriousness.

She exhaled and shook her head as she scratched her forehead with her free hand. Olivia wanted to get on her knees for him. She wanted to so badly. She wanted to know what he looked like, how he felt on her lips, how he tasted…

The breeze was still blowing her hair and she hadn't worn make up in weeks.

"I deeply care about you… you know that right?" Olivia asked lightly as she scrunched up her face at him slightly. "I may not can show it right now, but I do, God I do…. So fucking much." She expressed, giving his hand a squeeze but Elliot just smiled and looked at her lovingly.

"You show it all the damn time, Liv." He replied, and she had to push down the urge to roll her eyes at him.

"You show it by sitting here with me, in between my legs and holding my hands. You showed it last night by holding me and listening to me sob over my shitty childhood…" Elliot gave her arm a gentle shake. "You know you don't have to show your feelings only through sex… I know that's what you're use to and it's what you've liked to do in the past but…" He trailed off and shook his head lightly but continued to smile.

Olivia leaned in to kiss him and used her right hand to caress his face.

It was slow and sensual but did not include tongue.

As she pulled back, Olivia opened her eyes and stared at him. This amazingly handsome man that was sitting on the beach with her.

"Will you move in with me?" Olivia asked in a soft voice as her hand finally fell from his face.

Elliot smiled.

"I thought I already lived with you…" He replied.

She rolled her eyes and playfully shoved his chest.

"You know what I mean…" She said, leaning in and nipping at his lips a few times before pulling away.

He continued to smile as he pressed his forehead to hers.

"You know my answer…" He whispered.

"Yeah… I do… I mean, I think I do..." Olivia whispered back. "I just needed to ask."

"I'll have to get rid of some shit…" Elliot told her as he pulled away. There was no way all of his things would fit in her apartment.

Olivia bit her lip as she looked away.

"What?" Elliot asked softly.

She took a deep breath and looked back at him, her eyes full of wonder.

"Would you… maybe want to get a place together?" Olivia asked him silently. When Elliot's face remained passive for a second too long she continued to ramble. "I just… you have Eli and so we need more bedrooms and there are too many bad memories for me at my apartment… I need a new start… I want a fresh start… with you…" She tried explained. "But it seems a bit permanent though, doesn't it?" Olivia began to question herself as Elliot slowly smiled at her. "And who knows if Kathy would even be okay with Eli coming over and-"

"You know good and well she'd be fine with it." Elliot told her, cutting her off.

Olivia let out a nervous laugh and looked down at the beach towel they were perched on.

"I'd love to get a place with you, Liv." He told her tenderly, while using his thumb to rub the back of her hand.

"Really?" She asked, somewhat surprised. "It's not too soon?"

Elliot shook his head.

"Nah." He replied, grinning. He was truly happy.