Author's Note: Bonney and Law got tired of putting birds on things, so they decided to pickle things. That's the gist of this chapter. Like Bonney Putting Birds on Things, this oneshot is based off of a Portlandia sketch. This time, the sketch in question is the "We Can Pickle It" sketch, since it had the same two people from the "Put a Bird on It" sketch.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, the song Magic Carpet Ride (this song is only in this oneshot because I was inspired by an "Ask Feferi" video where Feferi makes cupcakes with Gamzee), or Portlandia.
It was a sunny afternoon on the Island of (Insert Island Name Here) as Fake Robin was packing up a cucumber stand she was working at.
"Wow, I gave so many cucumbers to my doppleganger friends, even though I still have many [Pingas] cucumbers left," Fake Robin said in amazement. Bonney and Law approached her.
"We can pickle that," Law and Bonney said as Law held out a pickle jar filled with green liquid. Fake Robin put her hands on her hips.
"Oh, no. I need to give this cucumber to a little child and/or reindeer in a perverted manner," Fake Robin explained.
"Yoink!" Law said as he grabbed the cucumber and put it into the jar. Law and Bonney laughed.
"I love you, Portlandia writers!" Bonney yelled as she blew many kisses to the sky, the ground, Fake Robin, and the camera. "These pickles cost a nickel."
"Lady, are you on crack?" Fake Robin asked Bonney before Bonney dropped the cucumber jar on her head.
"Twenty-three skidoo!" Law and Bonney said before they linked their arms and skipped off. A few minutes later, Law and Bonney arrived in the main drag of the town.
"So many things to pickle, so little time," Bonney commented.
"That's what she said," Law said. Zoro approached the two.
"Oi, am I missing a tooth?" Zoro asked before he grinned. One tooth fell out of his mouth.
"Yes, but –" Law said as Bonney picked up the tooth.
"We can pickle it," Bonney said as she put the tooth into the pickling jar. Zoro sweatdropped.
"Oi, did you two escape from a mental zoo?" Zoro asked the two hipsters.
"We prefer 'organic llama farm'," Law stated before he and Bonney walked away. Zoro glared at them.
"This ain't over, homies!" Zoro yelled. Down the street…
"That was a very good movie, but I don't think I can finish all this popcorn," Vivi commented as she walked out of a movie theater with a bucket of popcorn the depth of a Big Glup.
"We can pickle that!" Bonney said as she poured the popcorn into the pickling jar. Bonney then gave the pickled popcorn to Vivi.
"Uhh… Are you sure this is safe to eat?" Vivi asked Bonney.
"Of course! If you get poisioning, call poison control. Tell them that Bonney and Law sent you," Bonney explained before she and Law walked away. Meanwhile, the Capricorns were at a trendy place that sold trendy cupcakes.
"Hey, Shitty Katsuragi, try this cupcake," Enlai said to Wolfgang as he held up a vanilla cupcake with white frosting and rainbow sprinkles. Wolfgang inspected the cupcake.
"Did you lace this with any type of drug?" Wolfgang asked Enlai.
"No. Why would I do that to a person I hate?" Enlai asked Wolfgang. With a shrug, Wolfgang ate the cupcake. A few seconds later, he was lying down and feeling like he was high.
I like to dream, yes
Right between the sound machine
On a cloud of sound I drift in the night
Any place it goes is right
Goes far, flies near
To the stars away from here
Well, you don't know what
We can find
Why don't you come with me little girl
On a magic carpet ride
"Too much rainbow!" Wolfgang cried.
"Oh, my God!" Kartik cried. Enlai smirked. "What did you put in those cupcakes, Enlai?"
"Rainbow sprinkles," Enlai said with a troll face. Law picked up the cupcake.
"No! No more cupcakes for you!" Law yelled. "I get to pickle it now!"
Law put the cupcake in his pickling jar.
"Please don't tell me you're going to use that to get high," Kartik said.
"We won't. We just like to pickle things," Bonney said before she and Law left the store.
"How did it get down to us PICKLING random things?" Law asked Bonney.
"Serj Tarkian. Your argument is invalid," Bonney answered. The two hipsters grew silent. "So… What can we pickle next?"
A computer landed at their feet.
"You piece of pancakes! You can't even translate the sentence 'I can eat corn on the cob with my bare feet' into Korean! My Korean chat buddy will kill me if he finds out that I can't speak Korean!" Chaka yelled from a roof. Law looked to Bonney.
"We can pickle that!" Law and Bonney shouted to Chaka.
"What? What did you say about horses with machine guns?" Chaka yelled. Two hours later…
"Why did we pickle that computer?" Law asked Bonney.
"I know, right? Now some guy doesn't have a computer," Bonney added as they approached what appeared to be a strip club. The Buggy Pirates – with censor bars over their eyes – were exiting the club.
"Not this again. It seems like they censor us everytime Bonney and Law take up a new hipster craft," Buggy said to himself. Yet again, his voice was altered to protect innocent people like Allen Walker.
"We can pickle that," Law and Bonney said as they took the censor bars off of the pirates' eyes and put them in the pickling jar.
"Really? Are you two that LACKING in creativity?" Alvida asked Law and Bonney. What seemed like moments later, Law and Bonney were back at Law's submarine.
"Wow, look at all this pickled stuff," Bonney commented as they studied the jars of pickled cucumbers, teeth, computers, popcorn, rainbow sprinkle crack cupcakes, and censor bars.
"Le sigh… Looks like we have nothing left to pickle," Law commented. Bonney removed Law's shoes.
"We can pickle these," Bonney said as she held up Law's shoes. Law responded by taking off Bonney's jacket. "If you're gonna strip me, we stop pickling things."
Law pouted as he put Bonney's jacket into a pickling jar. Bonney dropped Law's shoes into another pickling jar.
"Now what do we do with all of these pickled items?" Bonney asked Law.
"We drop them from freeway overpasses?" Law questioned. Bonney pondered this for a moment.
"I have a better idea…" Bonney said. Meanwhile, on the Hyperion…
"Alright, guys, we're going to have to step up our Google Maps stalking strategy. Last week was a total bummer," Enlai explained to the Capricorns as he pointed to a graph behind him. "Now, locations we're stationed at is now disproportionate to people we're supposed to be stalking. Daisuke, where are you when we need you, man? You're supposed to be stalking Franky."
"I don't wanna stalk Franky! I wanna stalk Sengoku's seagull!" Daisuke proclaimed. Bonney and Law entered the room.
"Oh, hi, hipsters. If you aren't Google Maps stalkers, then leave," Enlai explained.
"We need to use your bathroom," Law said before he threw up on Kartik's shoes. His puke was rainbow-colored.
"Excuse me?" Kartik cried. Bonney then puked on Kartik's shoes. Like Law, her puke was rainbow-colored. "Well, I do declare!"
Kartik then fainted like a Southern lady. Matsu gave a death glare to Law and Bonney.
"You'll pay for this…" Matsu said darkly. Law and Bonney screamed and ran away in an obscure fashion you don't know about.
Ending Note: Kartik, please remember that Southern ladies don't sweat, they glisten. But, obviously, you're a guy, so that doesn't apply to you. I just wanted to say that. :D
Review if you want to see magical crack such as Doflamingo and Crocodile baking cookies, Heathcliffe, Holden, and Soren impersonating the members of My Chemical Romance at Dadan's birthday party, or if you want to see Iceburg and Paulie start a "fruity rumpus factory" in the words of Terezi Pyrope.
