Note: I need an antacid. You might need one too.

Chapter 52- Haunt

Chapter Soundtrack: "Erase" Hyorin x Jooyoung (feat. Iron)

The day after Hatake Sato completed a Jounin Evaluation under Asuma and Raido's supervision, the positive endorsement was given to Tsunade, who then approved the promotion within minutes. I.D. and documentation updates would go through processing downstairs, though Tsunade did not much care about the final print stuff. She accepted a pocky stick when Sato offered one to her. They were examining a cork board on the wall of her office.

"See this? This map is out of date. I'm waiting on one final intelligence report before I dispatch you to the Toi Mine." Tsunade nibbled the cookie stick down, "I want you to do an ink transfer for me. The current map is at the way station there…"

"So like, it's a real solo mission?" He was also eating while speaking.

"Yes, Sato. You're a Jounin now. And the speed of your travel makes this assignment a no-brainer." She explained, "But next week I have something for you and your teammates to look into, if it doesn't clear up on its own near the border."

"Gotcha. Thanks for discharging Kakashi from the hospital this morning, by the way. He's happy he can crash at home. I guess I should tell him the good news…" Sato accepted the map Tsunade removed from the cork board.

"He probably already knows." She reached out and took another snack from the pocky box, then crossed back to her desk, "I suggest you tell Kurenai so that she can pat herself on the back, and then tell your fiancé, of course."

"Tama is gonna be so stoked!" He twirled the rolled up map like a baton.

"I heard the two of you may move to a home on the west side of the village. Don't." Tsunade advised, "The east side is much nicer. Consider the condominiums that overlook the orchards. If I weren't Hokage I'd be living there…"

"I think maybe for frugality's sake we'll start on the west side."

Tsunade huffed, "You're ruining my vicarious enjoyment of your young life."

"Is that what I'm doing?" Sato was mystified by the Hokage's complaint.

She pointed a pocky stick at him, "At least when you marry, make sure I receive an invitation."

"Sure!" He provided smiley reassurance, "We'd never exclude you, Hokage-sama. We're still in the planning phase, but once we hear back from the shrine about an open date for a ceremony I'll let you know."

Tsunade chewed her snack while commanding, "And don't skimp on the cuisine at your reception."


At the current residence of Hatake Sato; one of the flats within the concrete, decades-outdated apartment complex near Konoha's center, Maito Tama had made the bed, dressed, done a spot-clean in the bathroom and hung damp clothing to dry on the rooftop laundry line. She had begun to treat his home as if it were her own. Well, perhaps not with the same manic level of care and maintenance required at her parents' house, but things were looking satisfactory. Most of the week she would spend time between the two locations, depending on her mission schedule.

'He'll be back soon, and he said he got an endorsement after yesterday's Exam…' Tama was smiling to herself as she prepared breakfast, rolling omelets in a pan. 'Sato is officially a Jounin today! I don't want to fall too far behind. I think I'll redouble my training over the winter and see if I can take an evaluation next year…'

She took the pan off of the stove and listened to a soft scratching noise at the door of the flat. Expectantly, Tama opened the door a crack to look down upon the waifish calico cat that wandered the building and begged for food. Its meow was patronizing.

"No." Tama shut the door slightly when it tried to barge in, "Go to the first floor, back to Miyazawa-san! He's your owner."

Another squeak and stare from demanding yellow eyes on its cute, round face.

"This is an owls-only pet area, Jingle-san. Go home. Shoo!"

The cat sat outside of the door with apex stubbornness, aware that omelets had been cooked. Tama blew out a long breath and exited the flat, scooping up Jingle the cat who did not wrestle or struggle as she was transported down the corridor. Down the stairwell, through the lobby, and back to the ground floor Miyazawa residence, Tama knocked twice. The door creaked open and she handed the cat back.

"She bein' a bother again? Sorry, miss." The man apologized.

"It's alright, Miyazawa-san."

Old man Miyazawa shut the door and scolded his cat's appetite. As Tama crossed through the lobby again, she noticed a lost soul trying to decide which direction to take in the building: a girl about her age with eclectic, colorful style. She was plucking at her copper hair nervously, and nearly jumped when Tama addressed her, "Excuse me, are you lost?"

"A bit! I haven't been here in a while. I think I need the…third floor. Or fourth floor?" She glanced around.

"I can help you," Tama ushered her along, "Who are you looking for?"

"I'm not sure. Bit of an odd guy, though I didn't get his name. A young shinobi, not twenty yet, I guess."

With that description, Tama supposed the young woman was looking for Sai, "I think you mean Sai-san! He's on my floor, a few doors down from me. I'm Tama, by the way."

"Thank you! Tsuchihashi Yuko, of Kusagakure."

"Oh wow, Hidden Grass? What brings you to Hidden Leaf?" Tama led the way as they scaled the staircase.

"Just stupid stuff. Pitekuyo-sama sent me here to deliver something to the Hokage, and I remembered I bought all kinds of souvenirs for my family on the festival night before the Chunin Exam, when I was here last." Yuko sighed in disappointment, "I've been trying to remember where I left it all since that was a chunk of change to waste, and my Granny was annoyed with me."

"I see. Too caught up in the fun? I enjoyed that festival."

"Me too! There are soo many cute guys in this village. Lots of beat-faced and fang-toothed fellas where I'm from…"

"I've never been to Kusa, but I guess Konoha does have some gems." Tama kept up the small talk, "Pure probability, I'd say. We have the largest population of all the great villages."

"They should do a study on supermodels per capita here." Yuko assessed, "Since clearly you are one."

Tama laughed off the compliment and directed Yuko down the fourth floor hallway, pointing out Sai's residence, "Here you are."

"Thanks again, Tama-san!" The girl grinned and turned to the door.

Tama pressed on and returned to Sato's flat, washed her hands of cat hair, and resumed the morning ritual. She set out a coffee mug beside the percolator for when Sato returned, munching on rolled omelets as she puttered around. She glanced at the wall calendar, 'Okay. I've got a 3 hour shift at the bakery this morning, some free time, and then a team meeting this afternoon…'

There was a knock at the door. Her imagination asserted that Jingle the cat had become human and wished to haunt her in new ways, but Tama was gladdened to see an average human, Yuko, at the threshold. The girl looked uncomfortable.

"Yuko-san, is something the matter?" Tama had an unusual, serrated feeling in her gut.

"Well, uh…that Sai person…was not who I was looking for. He was strange, but I wasn't talking about a man that strange." Yuko amended, "I left my stuff with a young guy: silver hair, big blue eyes, good dancer. I know he's around here—"

Tama understood, "Sato."

Yuko snapped her fingers, "I think that was his name."

"He lives here." Tama informed her, "With me."

"Oh." The visitor's shoulders drooped, "You mean here? Where you're standing?"

"Don't you remember this place?"

"Not well. I was drunk—"

"After the festival, did you come here?" The questions started tumbling out.

"I, well, yeah…it was late. He said I could. Did he leave any of the things I bought—?"

"Nothing of yours is here." Tama told her sharply.

"…o-okay." As the awkward, queasy pause prevailed between them, Yuko seemed to have a better idea of why the conversation was shedding its cordial tone, "I didn't know…he was with someone. It didn't seem like it."

"Didn't seem like it?" Tama repeated.

"He was going home alone and instead of me getting back to the plaza inn, he, uh…he asked me. To go with him. I…I know that he'd stayed for a while at the fairgrounds and was drinking, but he was coherent. I didn't force him! I don't do shit like that." Yuko tottered anxiously on her feet, "I think he was just…ugh, how would I know? He was cute and I just met him. There was consent, but believe me, if I had known he had—"

Tama took a few backwards steps into the flat and filled her lungs once. Her vision and sense of balance were wavering, but her hearing was not impaired.

"—he had a girlfriend, I never would've gone near—!"

By the sound of it, Sato had been lucid enough to solicit a stranger right off the street. Not too long after she had gone home, if Tama's estimations were accurate.

"I am sorry! I don't even want that stuff back, it's—"

Somehow, colors in the room seemed abruptly blanched. She'd need more oxygen soon to keep trying to comprehend this information, but Tama wasn't enthusiastic about breathing at that point.

"…please, I'm sorry! If he didn't say anything— I'm nothing. I know that I'm nothing! Don't regard me as an obstacle in any sense! My whole life is in Hidden Grass, I've got no reason to ever come back here…" Yuko's apology rambled and did not have much of an effect.

Tama stepped forward again and stretch her arms in the doorframe, eyes half-lidded and serious, "So you slept with him?"

"I…" The Grass kunoichi's eyes welled with tears, remorseful, "…I wasn't even…nice to him. I did. I'm sorry. With someone who's taken…that isn't something that I do…never before…"

Tama found a speck of willpower to take the other perspective, "You were deceived too."

Sniveling, Yuko wiped her nose on her sleeve, "I'm sorry…how'd I…? Why are people such good liars?" She tried to dry her face to a presentable state, "I know it's not worth anything to you, but I've never been this sorry in my life. I shouldn't have come looking…"

"Right." Tama concurred dryly, "Now leave."

In a blink, the girl had scurried down the corridor and escaped down the stairs. The air swirled with silence as Tama stood and sorted the facts. They plummeted through her brain, down an internal shaft to rip through her paper-thin heart, and landed with a soaking slosh in the acidic pits of her stomach.

How cruelly funny it felt to never once suspect a transgression until it walked up to her and slapped her in the face. Maybe it would not have mattered so much if she had not been making love to a liar all week. She could've cut her losses and kept her honor intact. Tama simpered grimly and compared herself to the visitor named Yuko. Did Sato ever think about comparing them? In his boyish daydreams, maybe? During intercourse with his overly trusting fiancé? It was a repellent thing to think.

In the thorny fog that enveloped her mind and zinged nerve endings, Tama found a freeing sensation in walking away from the flat, turning left down the hall to the fire escape, and making her way outside to get to work. She left the door of the home wide open, as shameless and exposed as Sato was.


Some fifteen minutes later, Sato arrived upon a peculiar scene as the door of the flat was ajar and Tama, after he called out, was nowhere to be found. 'Huh. I probably just missed her before she went to work...' He could catch up to her, 'Did she forget to shut this? That's weird.' He had a look around, but there were no signs of intrusion or theft. Must have been pure forgetfulness.

He ate the last rolled omelet on a plate and poured coffee into a thermos, as opposed to the mug that was set out. He intended to travel with his favorite beverage. After tidying up the space and locking his flat behind him, Sato ventured out again, excited to share the news of his promotion with his better half.

There was a mild chill in the air as autumn advanced, and he had half a mind to snap a few shots of the magnificent, crimson maples on the perimeter of a small park he passed. But no, he ought to keep a tight schedule today so everyone could be informed! That was, if the news hadn't traveled through the grapevine already. He was a Jounin, like his uncle. He had a solo assignment tomorrow. It had been a long road to this point.

Light foot traffic flowed along the main avenue, and Sato crossed over to the bakery that had only a single customer buying breakfast at the counter. Sato waited with his standard grin as Tama made change for the customer and thanked him for the visit. When the door's chime signaled an exit, he leaned over the counter excitedly, "Tama! Guess what?"

She said nothing as she turned to stock a bare shelf with a tray of specialty rolls.

Sato carried on with the announcement, "Tsunade-sama promoted me! She has me scheduled for an assignment tomorrow, so if you've got nothing going on with your team this evening let's go out and celebrate! Just the two of us!"

Tama worked without comment. He tilted his head to regard her dubiously, then took a long swig of coffee. She was clearly out of sorts. Had she not been awaiting this news too?

"Also, Kakashi was sent home this morning. When you get off your shift why don't we visit him?" Sato suggested.

The lack of conversational engagement elevated the hair on the back of his neck and arms. Never in over 15 years of knowing Tama had Sato experienced indifferent quiet from her.

"Is something…bothering you?" He set his thermos down, his eyes trained on her back as she worked, "I know I missed you earlier. I got back a little late after speaking to Tsunade-sama. You left the door open, you know." Sato's voice softened, "Tama?"

When the shelf was fully stocked, Tama skimmed a sideways look over Sato and then moved to the back kitchen of the bakery, speaking to the co-shopkeeper, "Ami? Can you make a breakfast run?"

"Sure, let me just wrap this dough up!" The other girl expertly manipulated cling-wrap over a bowl, "What are you in the mood for, Tama-chan?"

"A smoothie. From the place in the south ward."

"Oh, the new one! I've been wanting to go there. Mango flavor?"

"Yes." Tama pulled money notes from the pocket of her work apron and handed them over, "I appreciate it."

Ami dusted flour from her clothes as she walked through the front end of the bakery, animatedly greeting Sato, "Hey Sato-kun! Do you want anything from Cosme?"

"N-No, I'm good! Brought my own coffee." He waved off the gracious offer and watched Ami depart, leaving Tama as the shop's lone attendant. Sato moved toward her in the hope a reassuring hug or touch might close whatever sort of emotional gap that had opened up, but Tama stepped behind the counter again to avoid him.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Tama was a deadly sort of calm, "Now is your chance to do it, Sato. If you want to tell me something."

"Tell you something?" He didn't like this nervous feeling. A prickle of intuition was sticking into his back like a bed of nails.

"If you did something you regret, or don't regret. That you've kept from me. I should give you a chance to explain yourself, shouldn't I? Before we move ahead with everything we've planned…you should speak honestly." The harsh look in her eyes resembled her father Ken's demeanor.

Though the exact subject was unspoken, he knew. Sato knew what this was about, even though it felt impossible to acknowledge it verbally. Because acknowledging it would also commence the destruction of all the excellent things that were in store, that he and Tama could only do together. To willfully dismantle those dreams was foolishness. He couldn't say it. Couldn't break it.

The stifling air of the shop was electrified by Tama's mounting impatience, standing with a hip cocked as she hooked her thumbs in her pockets, her face stone-like, "Can't you say something?"

"I…I'm just not sure what…you're upset about…" His face seemed to say otherwise.

"You've known it all along. Since before the Exam."

The sickening churn he'd fought some months ago after the mistake was back full force, roiling his insides. Sato stared at her, petrified, frozen, helpless like a prey animal.

"If you're not going to admit what we both know, maybe I can recap it for you? That I made breakfast this morning and then returned Miyazawa-san's cat…before I met a person named Yuko in the building. She was looking for someone." Tama's hands came to rest flat on the stone countertop, "She was looking for you, Sato."

"I don't know anyone named—!"

"Damn what you know!" Tama balled a hand into a fist and cracked the surface she was leaning on, "You do know. The girl from Hidden Grass! At the festival! She told me that you took her back to your flat! You didn't say anything about me! She had no idea you were taken before she decided to sleep with you! So what does that say? That when I turn in after a night of fun, you have free rein? You can get away with these things? What else have you been doing—?"

"Nothing! Nothing else!" He was teary-eyed and panicked.

"I don't know how to believe that. How do I believe anything I've taken at face value?" She had to remove her hands from the counter-top before she crushed the rest of it, "Back when I said you could try other things, I didn't mean you could do that after we got together! You know that, right? Not after you chose me. And I know you expected the same of me!" Tama thrashed her head, ponytail swinging, "Was it easy to let me take care of you and hold your life together for years when you were alone, then do things behind my back?"

"It's not like that! That was the worst mistake I ever made! Of course I know what you've done for me, Tama, I've thought about it every day since—"

"Since you had an easy, late-night lay! God…! That was before we did anything!" Tama paced in short, whipping steps, "…your worst mistake…you said nothing! For months, I was a happy idiot! You said nothing, but what if someone else found out? And told me? Don't you think—!"

"No one else knows and I was never going to say anything because it didn't matter! It was horrible. In every way you can imagine, it was horrible—"

"Then why did you do it?" She was bristling.

"Because," His voice cracked as he admitted, "I thought it wouldn't be. Which was stupid and selfish. I was stupid and selfish."

"You are stupid and selfish, Sato. How can you stand kissing me-? Penetrating me— all of this week? Like you had no black mark on your conscience, and deserved to do those things with me! I didn't work this hard to not be treated accordingly." With longer steps she covered the full length of the counter, furiously adding, "Shame on me for thinking there was equivalency! That I was entitled to you in some way: I know that was my mistake. I've been taught better…but I believed it. You made me believe it and I can't think of anything more unfair than that."

"I owe you everything! I know I do—!"

"Why couldn't you know it before you sniffed out a street tramp?"

It was painful in a way that made complete sense, and so Sato comprehended the value in having such a godawful conversation. Though he couldn't bear the thought initially, it felt like there was a chance to plead his case in some way. That he wasn't a repeat offender. That the shame of what he'd done choked him, truly, and none of this was brittle lip-service. That they could go forward and recover from this; he knew it could be done.

"Listen to me, Tama, please. The whole point of not saying anything was to avoid hurting you, but it happened anyway. So I am. I am every bit of the brainless juvenile who'd do something like that and learn. The result set me straight, and that is something you can believe— you can bet your life on it. I've learned. I'm not the same." He moved slowly toward the counter's end as he spoke, "I'm sorry for what I did. I always will be."

"I guess you're right." She acknowledged in a low voice, "You're not the same."

She'd derived a different meaning than what he intended. When Sato made a move to get closer, Tama hopped up and over the counter, switching to the opposite side to keep her distance.

"I'm sorry, Tama." He felt his shoulders curve, making himself small as tears started again, "You didn't deserve any of that shit. I want to give you everything that you—"

"Give me what I want—?" Tama finished the phrase for him in a disbelieving shriek, "What I want. I don't want this version of you. After-the-fact. I want the "you" from before you fucked someone else!" She got some satisfaction from roaring in Sato's tear-slicked face, "If you couldn't resist it— the need to do it with anyone, and I couldn't have stopped you: why in the very least could I not have gotten an honest admission? So I could've saved myself the embarrassment?"

His voice clattered like marbles, "I w-was too scared to t-tell you."

"Respecting me is the least you could do. You didn't. You whored out your honor and mine, so what's left?"

His shoulders shook and he was quite certain by then that there was not a speck of pity or sympathy within Tama as she watched him cry. Her feelings were diamond-hard compared to his own; they were backed by righteousness and dignity. Sato had none of those things.

She said finally, "I don't want to be with you."

"N-No— let's talk it over and—!"

"I mean it." The pitch of her voice rose defensively, "I know…what I'm worth. And…I don't think it's this. It's not this. Forget the engagement. Forget everything."

As the words sealed the tomb of what was once a relationship, Sato moved quickly in her direction, "You don't mean that." She stepped backwards as he reached a shaky hand, "We can work it out. I know I'm what you wanted, now. What I should've been before all this. I'm…I'm never going to—" Another evasive step, "Can't we talk to someone? I'll do anything— please. Just—!"

Tama shook her head, trying to ward him off, "Don't come any closer. I want you to go. I can't think."

He was backing her toward the glass windows of the bakery wall, fearful that if he gave up or went still that it would really be the end. One touch. Hold her hand, maybe. If that was the last piece of her he could ever get, Sato was absolutely going to try, "Please, can't we—? I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." He had to overcome a sob to say, "I know you love me. Even if everything is trash, even if that's what I am— I know you do-!"

Her back hit a panel of glass and ruffled the drawn shade. Tama told him, "I do."

He stopped in front of her and bowed his head. She'd said it.

"I do love you. Why should that mean…I can't leave?" Tama said simply, "No closer. Don't touch me."

He shook like an autumn leaf, "C-Can't say something l-like that…"

"Don't touch me." She watched him raise his hand, outstretched toward hers.

"Tama…" Perhaps he should've listened. A bright burst of white and blue clouded his vision and his head spun as he lilted backwards. It'd been a speedy and well-deserved punch to the face, which was about all Sato could perceive before he struck the wood floor. With his guard lowered and emotions at a fever-high, he'd sustained a considerable head injury from the blow.

The next thing he could detect following a 10 second blackout were Tama's hands fisting on his shirt sleeve, hoisting him up— his knees bent and wobbling. Proceeding toward the door, Tama dragged him most of the way there before he was fully conscious. When Sato came to and straightened, she out-muscled his struggle to escape her grip or dig his heels in. No. There was no way she was going to toss him like curbside trash— except she opened the door and did just that. With a powerful arm, Tama swung him out onto the pavement. Sato tumbled and a pedestrian narrowly avoided him as he rolled. The bakery door slammed shut.

Sato sprang up and tried to re-enter the establishment, but she'd flipped the deadbolt. He then rounded the corner through an alleyway to try the back door of the bakery, 'She's not gonna shut me out just like that! There's more to say! It's not over.' His head was ringing. When his hands closed around the large brass handle of the door, Tama was inside pulling against it with equal force.

"Tama, please!" He knew she could hear his shout, "I want to make things right!"

"I don't want to talk! Leave me alone!" Her howl from the other side.

The raucous did not go unnoticed by passersby on the street, glancing curiously down the alley to see who was fussing behind the bake shop. Sato froze when he felt eyes scan him, and then let go of the door handle. In the next moment, Tama had it sealed and there was a tinkling sound of keys, locking it.

If it were worth the public disruption, Sato might've stubbornly camped outside the shop until Tama's shift ended. And though he wanted so badly to make his feelings known and somehow make her understand that forever was ahead and only she was a part of it…her feelings mattered more. She had been clear about what she felt and what she wanted. He hadn't misunderstood.

Sato took a breath to oxygenate before flitting to an adjacent rooftop. The village features surrounding him melded into a thick impasto, indiscernible; his veins screaming fire in his body as he moved, his hearing drowned out by a high-frequency ting. Peppered throughout his mental scramble were the next possible destinations he could travel to. Sato did not put much reasoning into the decision making process, and instead let his legs carry him automatically toward the Aburame homestead in the next ward.

At the property edge he regretted coming to Shino's home to burden him yet again while so distraught and disheveled. Sato dropped down from a tall pine branch and landed between rows of insect-attractant plants. He stopped on the lawn beyond the great house. Shino had better things to do. This was nonsense. Deciding against it, Sato turned to leave and was spotted as Hinata popped up from behind a hedge. She was in gardening clothes.

"Oh! You're early, Sato-kun!" She cheerfully adjusted her sunhat, "Shino-kun and I are planting bulbs for next year!"

Shino also popped up and immediately recognized his friend's distress, stripping the work gloves from his hands. Hinata watched Shino rise and push through the hedge nettle before laying his hands on Sato's shoulders. It sunk in slowly that Sato's unnatural silence heralded something dire.

"Can you speak?" Shino asked as he dabbed a coat sleeve under Sato's wet eyes.

"…I…uh…" Sato tried to clear his warbling throat.

Hinata stood and dusted soil from her hands and knees, toeing through the brush toward her team.

Shino sensed what his friend could not articulate, "It happened?"

Sato nodded wearily, "Yeah, it did."

"What? What's wrong?" Hinata underwent a spike of motherliness as she patted Sato's arms and back, frowning, "Why are you crying? Today was your promotion, wasn't it? It's alright, it's alright…"

Sato sniffed and spoke with a cracking voice, "It's…o-okay. Got promoted. It's that…Tama broke things off. With me."

Hinata's reassuring motions stilled as she searched his face, devastated to hear such a thing and maybe, just maybe, he'd misspoken? "Sato-kun, she might just be busy. She—"

"No…s-s…Sunshine." He swallowed and said, "She doesn't want to…be with…me. Doesn't w-want to…get married."

She still didn't believe it, "Tama-chan does!"

"Not anymore. She knows I…was disloyal. I was, but I didn't…want anyone to know." Sato explained, "I r-regret it. Every day. Tama's the only p-person I love, so…"

Hinata's concerned pats started up again and her eyes grew shiny, "Did you really? You were with someone else?"

"Just once. Never again."

Her hands dropped to her sides and she shared a lost look with Shino, fuddled by the confession. Sato's breathing had grown shallow and he swayed on his feet, "I know…I deserve it. If you two also need some time away from me…I'd understand. I was gonna go—"

He was summarily sandwiched between Shino and Hinata, though it felt more like Shino was barring him from retreat while Hinata clung to Sato's tunic and wept openly.

"Take some time here, for now. Calm down." Shino suggested, "Kurenai-sensei is expecting us later."

"R-Right." Sato experienced an incomplete but undeniable wave of relief that came from the undaunted support of his teammates.

"I'm so disappointed! How could you do something like that!" Hinata's tearful, mild fury made her turn in a small circle, cheeks reddening, "Hurt a person so special to you! And all of those plans! Tama-chan told me about them and now what must she be thinking?" She stopped and wailed softly, "What about you, Sato-kun?"

"I know, Sunshine. I said I deserve it." He had regained a few shreds of composure.

"N-No, I mean, what will you do?" Hinata squeaked, "If you apologize, won't she change her mind?"

Shino pointed out flatly, "This is not something that is easily forgiven."

"Shino's right. I talked to Tama but…this is it. There's nothing more to it." Sato supposed dourly, "I think it's better if, you know, no one bugs Tama or questions her over this. Everything she chooses now is right. I can't…beg or persuade. I lost my chance to a while ago."

"We won't say anything." Shino assured him. Hinata nodded mournfully in agreement.

"I'm sorry to…heap all of this on you guys." Sato apologized.

"Wouldn't you help either of us, in the same situation?" Hinata wondered.

"No offense, but neither of you have this level of bullshit idiocy in you." Sato told her, "Neither of you could do anything to bring this kind of unhappiness upon yourselves. Because Shino is pretty much an angel. And we know, Sunshine, that you and Naruto are solid."

Hinata blotted her cheeks, "But you and Tama-chan were too…"

Sato shook his head, "It only looked that way." He settled down in the grass and laid back, "Feeling…dizzy. I might faint so don't…panic or anything."

"We will observe you while we finish up our planting." Shino then recommended, "Stay with us today."

He nodded wearily and covered his eyes with his arm. It felt like a breeze could blow hollowly through him due to the spiritual hole that'd been ripped open, baring him to the elements. He didn't deserve friends half as good as Hinata and Shino but that, Sato thought, was perhaps the sole reason to move forward. To repay those who were good to him.


That same morning, Kakashi sat on the sofa in his home and wondered if he was going to go into cardiac arrest due to "cuteness overload." That's what Tenzo called it.

Kiba had stopped over and brought a pair of puppies with him, balancing a pudgy, wrinkled pup in each arm. Akamaru trotted into the apartment with his master and began circling with Kakashi's dog pack members, giving salutations through sniffs. When the canine ritual settled down, Kiba sat beside his convalescing teacher and let other dogs sniff the small bundles, "Yup, be nice, introduce yourselves. These are newbies…"

"I didn't actually think your mother meant what she said." Kakashi said faintly.

"Oh she meant it. We had a few litters at home." Kiba was grinning, "Want to hold one? Here." He passed the fat, white puppy with a pink nose to his teacher. Kakashi sank back into the couch and sighed, gently bouncing the tiny dog in front of his face.

"She's cute, right?" Kiba noticed the man's heart melting beside him, "That breed's rare: Xiasi Quan. My grandpa and cousins love hunting with them, but they're great for missions too."

"Do they have names already?" Kakashi asked.

"Her name's Tolsi."

Kakashi cooed at the puppy. In the kitchen area, Tenzo stuck his neck out interestedly while working over the stove, "Do I get to see them too? I'm almost finished up over here."

"Oh yeah, sure." Kiba stood and crossed over to Tenzo, "This one's Gattsu." He lifted up a wrinkled ball of flesh with folded ears, tan fur from head to toe, its eyes and nose just as brown. The puppy licked Tenzo's chin and the man stared at the creature.

"We can keep them, right?" Tenzo whispered.

"I mean, if Kaka-sensei wants to. No pressure."

Tenzo looked longingly across the living area though Kakashi wasn't paying him any mind, too invested in the puppy named Tolsi. He continued with breakfast preparations as Kiba returned to his teacher and showed off Gattsu, "This breed is a Vizsla. Very athletic and affectionate. Don't let him get bored."

"Uh huh." Kakashi pulled the second puppy into his lap. Though it still hurt to think about Ūhei and Shiba, he couldn't deny the bubbling joy he felt while meeting young dogs again. He wasn't going to decline this offer. He could definitely find the time to train and socialize them, especially since Tenzo was willing to assist.

Kiba rubbed Akamaru between his ears as they observed Kakashi move to sit on the floor, allowing Bull to lovingly lick the weeks-old additions. His dogs gathered around to introduce themselves. Pakkun was also intrigued, "They smell like milk, Kakashi."

"Do they?"

"Yeah, fresh off their Mamas. Bet they can't control their bladders yet, but it's not easy at the start." Pakkun mused, "Are they staying with us? I'll whip 'em into shape."

"If you don't mind." Kakashi patted the pug's rump, "Kiba, how old are they?"

"About 6 weeks. I figure since you're on leave you can take some time to house break them, teach commands, and all of that."

"It's been a while since I've done this…"

"You'll have help." Kiba gestured with his head at Tenzo, who was setting a table with dishes, "And I can watch them at my house while you guys have missions."

Kakashi's voice was soft, "Thank you."

With the tabletop spread finished, Tenzo set down food bowls for the pack members one at a time as they politely took their spots. He then ventured to the sitting area to get a closer look at Tolsi and Gattsu, toddling across an area rug. As a man who was secure in his emotions, Tenzo didn't hide his eyes moistening as he handled the plushy babes, "I know someday…we'll get mad when they're older and tearing into garbage bags…"

After lollygagging for a while, Kiba set a canvas bag filled with puppy supplies on the counter, "There are some instructions in here too, not that you need 'em. I'll let you guys have breakfast and check in with you later."

Tenzo was flat on the floor, crying joyfully as the pups clambered over him. Kakashi gave his student a friendly wave, "Don't hesitate to bring me more presents later!"

"You're maxed out already, Sensei." Kiba shut the door after herding Akamaru along. Sunlight spilled over the railed veranda and covered stairs of the condo. Down the stairwell, Kiba took up a jogging pace to ensure his ninken's muscles would warm up for training. "Akamaru, you don't think it was too soon, do ya?"

His dog barked in the negative.

"Good. I think he's happy. Looks like they're both happy." Kiba snickered.

He crossed town to check in on Hana at her veterinary office, and took note of the "outgoing" bin at the front counter. Kiba scooped up brown bags filled with pet medications to deliver to nearby addresses. Before he returned to the office, he stopped at a bubble tea shop to acquire his sister's daily pearl milk tea. Hana sighed and thanked her brother when he turned up again, handing over the drink, and adjusted the strap of her arm-immobilizing sling.

"That better?"

She wiggled her shoulder, "Yeah. I can't really restrain my patients for exams with one working arm. It's been a tough morning..."

"Do you want me to help?"

"Mom said she'll come over to help me in a half hour. You have training today, don't you?" Hana smiled at him, "Go ahead. Oh! Did you bring the puppies to Kakashi?"

"Sure did."

"And?"

"And he turned into goo." Kiba grinned, "I think he'll be okay. Will you be home later?"

"Yup! Mom's making a dish we haven't had since…well. Since I was a toddler. It's weird how she's gotten so nostalgic all of a sudden."

"Nostalgic? Pff. Maybe she just wants to eat something she misses."

"I dunno. Haven't you seen her writing letters lately?" Hana sipped her bubble tea.

"Mom. Writing letters?" Kiba laughed, "Yeah. Sure."

"Really! She's been writing to someone!"

"Maybe her secret admirer." Kiba joked on his way out of the office.

He and Akamaru continued their jog through the south side of town and down a grassy path towards the team's favored training field. At the halfway point, he spotted Tama as she stood underneath an elm tree, bracing her hands on the trunk as she vomited. The sight startled Kiba and he hesitated for a moment before cautiously stepping over to her, "Um…are you okay for training, today? You don't have to push yourself, Tama…"

She shook her head as she finished and stood upright, patting her lips with a tissue, "No, no. Sorry, I'm not sick. Just got a bit worked-up."

"Worked up?" He scrunched his nose to shut out the smell.

Tama waved him along to proceed down the path, "I'm anxious. Damn, that's a shame…that was a good smoothie." She looked over her shoulder at a yellowy-orange mess on the ground, "That'll go away when it rains, right?"

"If it rains." Kiba supposed.

"Sorry you had to see that."

He shrugged, "Sakura vomited on me after testing poisons once. And Akamaru barfs sometimes, so, whatever. Are you sure you're okay, though?"

Tama fell quiet and stared ahead at the autumn-tinged forest. It was as if he could hear the buzz of anxiety and grief swarming her like bees. Kiba stared sidelong at her face as they walked, waiting for it.

"I want to…train today. Do what I normally do." Tama spoke haltingly.

"Yup. Sure. Same-old, same-old." He agreed.

"What time is Sakura-chan supposed to get here?"

"She said 3:30 the latest."

"Okay." Tama took a ragged breath.

"What's wrong?" Kiba felt his stomach twisting.

"Nothing's wrong anymore. I set it right." Tama indulged Akamaru when he nudged her hand for pats, "That's why I'm…having a rough time of it."

"Have you been to see Kakashi-sensei yet? He's home now. I brought him two puppies—"

Tama's eyes grew glossy and she held her breath.

Kiba tried to avert any stressful subjects, "Hey, it's okay! He's fine. You don't have—"

"I can't. I c-can't…see…S-Sensei. Not yet." She stopped in her tracks and tried to breathe, "He'll be…angry at us."

"Angry. At us?" Kiba asked for clarification.

"N-No…me and…S-Sato."

"Oh. But…why would he be mad? You didn't quit being a ninja or elope, right?"

And then she went silent like a midnight cemetery, trembling where she stood as she fought off whatever force was weighing on her. Kiba watched with wide eyes and sensed the emotions, though he couldn't pinpoint the source of her distress. As far as he knew, Tama's life had been buttoned up neatly as she and Sato prepared to feather a nest together. He'd accepted this trajectory of theirs long ago.

"No." Tama told him thickly, "We're not together. Anymore. I haven't told anyone…not Sakura or Kakashi-sensei. I'm still trying to…make sense of today."

Kiba waggled a finger as if this were a blatant falsehood, "Come on, that's nuts. What'd he do—?"

"I ended things with Sato." She told him again, her inflection sterile and serious, "Because he lied to me…strung me along before and after the Chunin Exam. He said he only fooled around with someone else once, but I don't know if that's true…"

"He what?"

"Cheated."

"Yeah, I heard that, but how? He wouldn't do that." Kiba went cross-eyed when he realized he was defending Hatake Sato, a person he had never, ever been truly fond of. His response felt automatic in a certain respect, since he'd witnessed the love and affection Tama and Sato shared.

"How am I supposed to know?" Tama marched off of the path toward a log, "All I know is that he did. He admitted it. I think I'm still…in shock. Trying to look back into my memories and find the warning signs…It's…it's…"

He and Akamaru watched worriedly as Tama sat down on the log, holding her head in her hands.

"Maybe I've got bad vision, or…didn't notice…but…there weren't many signs. Or any. I still…see a lot of good. Most of it was good." Tama yelped with a mixture of disbelief and frustration, "It was very good…being with him. So I'm confused and…tired. Just trying to think about…what I'm supposed to do. No one ever talked about how exhausting it is to try to…understand how this feels."

"Well…" Kiba toed over to the log and sat down heavily, "I'm sorry. I think…I kind of get it. Since my Dad did something like that to me and my Mom."

"I remember, Kiba-kun."

"Yeah, except…it's really a different kind of betrayal since he left my Mom flat out…so it was nail-in-the-coffin over for yearsbut he came back and pretended he didn't have a second family waiting for him another country." Kiba shrugged, "So at least Sato didn't do that. But still. What the fuck is the matter with him?"

Tama shook her head and took deep breaths.

"Did he even apologize? Grovel—?"

"He did. I still need my space."

"I'm not saying that you don't. Standing in the same room as him will incite violence. At least if I speak for myself."

"I'm not…even that angry anymore." Tama admitted, "I…for the most part…believe him. He's sorry. I know that he is. It doesn't make me feel better, but I know Sato was telling the truth."

"We can still wipe our asses with the truth." Kiba reminded her bitterly.

"Not if the truth was what we actually needed."

He sighed in a higher pitch to indicate, yeah, maybe he preferred the truth over lies in most situations. His eyes trolled after Akamaru as the dog sniffed around the brush for a spot to do his business. Kiba folded his arms and said, "So…what do you think you should do?"

"I don't really want to tell anyone else about this for now. Some time to myself would be good." Tama tried to imagine how she would tumble through the next few days.

"People are going to ask questions, eventually."

"I know. I don't feel obligated to answer in too much detail."

"Fair enough." Kiba conceded, "And I won't say anything."

"I know you won't."

"Will you tell Sakura?"

"When I can stomach repeating all of this, I will."

Kiba nodded and closed his eyes, trying to take deep breaths that Tama could match.

After a long silence Tama shared, "I feel like an idiot."

"You're not, though. We all step in it at some point. Some messes are bigger than others."

"I'm rolling in it." By it Tama took it to mean a "shitty situation."

"Nah…but it looks like Akamaru is." Kiba squinted his eyes to see what his ninken was up to beneath the fronds of a beautyberry bush.

Tama made no sound as her shoulders shook in a tiny, lackluster laugh. It was a polite formality to acknowledge Kiba's humor. The things that were supposed to feel good were not registering on her scales. She wasn't able to appreciate those things at the moment.

"You're really not mad at him?" Kiba recalled an admission Tama had made.

"I was this morning— I was furious." She sighed, "But I can't keep that mood up. Some people can, but I can't."

"Yeah, I get it."

"I feel every other emotion there is, though. The ones that make you sick and question your decisions." Tama afforded him a sincere answer, "I might be able to…forgive Sato. I don't need him, but I think it's a waste of time to try and hate him or regret anything."

"You know, that sounds like how I feel." Kiba could relate, "About Sasuke. I forgave him mostly because that's what I needed. And if he reaps some benefit from one less person in this world hating him for what he did; good for him."

"Do you…ever feel like you have to…avoid every person who might hurt you again?" Tama wondered in a small voice.

"Well, I'm no good at predicting it. When people are shits to me, it's almost always a surprise." Kiba added, "So I don't actively avoid anything. I just let it hurt and try not to let it change me." He picked up a sprig of maple and threw it, unenthused by Akamaru's acrobatic leap to catch the stick. His dog then laid down to chew on the prize.

There was only the pipping clamor of nutcracker birds feasting in a hazelnut tree beyond the thicket, while the rest of forest trail seemed to hold its breath. When Tama bent sideways to lean her head on Kiba's shoulder, he wrapped his arm around her back, "Sorry. I probably haven't said much to make you feel better."

"You did." Her nose was stuffing up, by the sound of it. Tears rolled down Tama's cheeks while she sat and contemplated things Kiba would probably never have to think about or struggle with himself, but somehow he still felt the residual sting of it. Her unhappiness and uncertainty.

Time passed and Akamaru eventually trotted up to the human portion of his team, then rested his chin on Tama's knees. Kiba thanked his dog quietly for not being theatrical or attention-seeking. He gave Akamaru a pat on the snoot and squeezed Tama a little tighter.

"S-Sorry that I'm…c-crying like a—"

"Tama. It's fine." Kiba assured her.

"But I need to…stop. We could be training—"

"Managing how you feel and taking a mental break takes priority. Screw training. It can wait! Kakashi's not even around." Kiba asserted, "You don't have to be brave and forge onward every single time. It's alright if you're stuck."

"I'm stuck." Tama agreed with a stuffy-nosed gurgle.

He riffled around his pocket and drew out a crumpled napkin from the bubble tea shop, "Here. You are super boogery right now."

"Yeah. Thanks." Tama sat up to blot her face and blow her nose, "I ran out of tissues earlier."

He watched her from the corner of his eye while rubbing a rectangular pattern over Akamaru's furry head. Once Tama had ordered herself somewhat, she drifted back into philosophical musings, "I was responsible for part of this, I think."

"Careful, you're saying crazy stuff now." Kiba warned.

"Okay. I know that there were many variables that made…Sato do something like that. Logically, it makes no sense to assign all of the blame to one particular thing, but…" Her shoulders rose and fell with a long breath, "I never gave him space. Growing up since we were small kids, always around each other…he didn't have any time away from me. He had no other options, really. Our families made decisions completely independent of our own wishes and goals. So…being denied any sort of free-will choice was an injustice."

"Uh, arranged marriages are pretty standard between shinobi families around here—"

"And most of them occur between two consenting adults, not children with their milk teeth who can't understand the terms of an agreement."

"Why are you trying to rationalize this?" Kiba gruffed, "He betrayed you. It's simple."

"It wouldn't feel simple if you were in my skin right now." Tama told him, "Just because I chose him all on my own never meant that he had to choose me. I knew that, too. No one is ever owed anything, even when we start to fool ourselves into thinking that."

He cocked his head, annoyed, "Even if that's fundamentally true, he did owe you."

"It would have been fine if he grew up and wanted to go his own way. I took care of him when times were hard because I wanted to, not because I was told to, or expected something back." She muttered, "Well. Maybe for a little while I expected something in return, but I realized that was wrong."

"Was it really so wrong?"

"Maybe it wasn't, but I didn't feel good about it once I was grown. Sato is a free spirit, so I decided I wouldn't…restrict him from living how he wanted to." Tama concluded wearily, "People don't always want…what they already have. Don't love what they've always had. There's no novelty to it."

"Pfftt. Novelty!" Kiba scoffed, "There was plenty of that."

"Romantic love is all about novelty. The alternative is practicality, and clearly he wasn't into that either." Tama supposed.

"Why do you say that as if he didn't love you? He's an idiot, but he obviously did." Kiba pointed out.

She bowed her head and held her breath. Within that assertion resided the ultimate point: when love was not reinforced by other qualities like commitment, empathy, maturity, good-judgment and so on, it was too flimsy a thing to manage. Cracks spidered in it like a pane of glass. Maybe Sato had developed those capacities to some extent, but not soon enough.

"Let me tell you something," He nudged Tama with his elbow, "Years ago at some festival or another, I saw you for the first time. And learned about you. I've had a crush on you ever since." Kiba's stomach did a small flip when he admitted it, "But that's not the same thing as what you had. Was I interested? Yeah, but I wasn't on your radar. So that made me consider what was truly important: wrecking your bonds for my own gain, or actually seeing you be happy. Then I grew up and my feelings changed; you became one of my best friends. That's working for me."

Tama blinked at him with watery-eyed surprise.

"And I…might've met someone super cool…but she lives in Hidden Cloud." He shrugged in defeat, "Oh well."

Tama swiped her cheeks again, smiling in slight shock, "Kiba-kun, I'm pretty flattered."

"Are ya?" He grinned.

"Yes! But you're one of my best friends too! You and Sakura-chan!"

"I know! It'd be weird now. You and Sakura are my bros."

"We are." Her laughter was soft and hollow.

"Turns out you and I have very similar insecurities." Kiba observed.

"As it turns out, yes." She agreed.

"I just hate that…he hurt you. If I could've walked in his shoes years ago, man oh man, I wouldn't have taken so much for granted. I mean, what's the least Sato had to do? Have patience? Appreciate his fulfilled, above-average life?"

"You're making assumptions."

"I'm not. It's plain to see that he wasn't suffering that much."

"Kiba, what I gave him wasn't a replacement for the family he lost. No matter what, there would be things I couldn't do."

He shook his head, smirking, frustrated, "You sell yourself short. Sounds a bit like brainwashing."

"It isn't. Please don't argue these things with me, because it's all still fresh and hard to think."

"Alright, alright."

And though it was no small feat to reinstate some semblance of normalcy, Tama managed it for the afternoon and distracted herself with Sakura's hospital-work tales and Ninjutsu drills. It crossed Tama's mind that maybe she ought to confide in Sakura as well, but speaking on the topic was exhausting. She preferred to let it wait until tomorrow. The team refined some of their techniques in Kakashi's absence and then parted ways in the evening.

When Tama returned home for a planned family meal with her parents, she procrastinated the announcement until the end of dinner when plates were being cleared from the table.

"So I, uh…just wanted to tell you both…" Tama cleared her throat, mustering courage, "That I am…single. As of today."

Her father slowly set down the page-length coupon he'd snipped out of a newspaper and stared at her. Miako had not heard Tama clearly while she rinsed glassware at the sink, "What was that, dear?"

"I said I'm not engaged to Sato anymore. I, um…" She flinched at her father's fantastical, beacon-like face flashing with expressions, "Just something that I wanted you to be aware of."

Miako had turned the tap off and hurried back to the table, holding her daughter by her shoulders, "Is everything alright? You were planning—!"

"I know. It's…fine. It was a…" Tama held her father's stark gaze, "A mutual decision."

"How very out of the blue." Ken noted.

"Um. A-All of this…planning…gave us time to think." Tama swallowed hard as she tried to soften the context of the break up with a white lie, fearing her parents might retaliate fiercely against the Hatake family, "And we'd rather focus on…our careers. For now."

Her mother was hopeful, "So maybe someday?"

Ken continued to stare.

"Uh…" Tama mumbled, "Maybe not."

Miako's face bunched in astonished despondency. She stood up and returned to wash dishes and stew on the information, tuning out the conversation between her husband and daughter.

"Tama…" Her father was not so easily fooled, "Don't you have more to say?"

"About what?"

"Why you're not getting married." Ken dangled the subject like an expert angler, "Surely Kakashi will be disappointed. This isn't an agreement that is dissolved for such frivolous reasons."

"It isn't frivolous, Dad." Tama straightened her back, "It's just…it's over. That's that. Adults get to make decisions on their own. We don't need you to make them for us."

"I suppose not." He lifted his drinking glass to take a sip, adding, "But you gave no indication that you wanted to 'focus on your careers' over the last few weeks. Picking out property. Furniture. Consolidating assets…"

"Dad…"

"Picking a venue and vendors. Changing your schedule." Ken lightly set his drink down, "Really, you've done quite the opposite. I'm not convinced that this was some choice based on genuine soul-searching and grown-up-talk."

"Dad, you don't know every-!"

"Sato is a cowardly halfwit on the best of days, and each other day a derelict by every definition." Ken's appraisal was razor-sharp.

Miako spun around and tossed a dish towel at her husband, "Ken, don't say things like that!"

Ken plucked the towel from his shoulder, "Won't you excuse us for a few minutes, Miako?"

"You're just trying to make her feel bad!" Miako squeaked.

"She already feels bad." Ken gathered, "Just a few minutes, please, dear."

"Be nice." Miako commanded as she exited the dining room.

Tama sat at the cherry wood chabudai table across from Ken, realizing that this was in fact a showdown. That her father had something to prove. She felt stifled and cornered as the investigation begun. If she'd intended to maintain a falsified cover story to save face, it would've required significant pre-planning to evade her father's analysis. Tama had slipped up on that front. Handing over the truth to the man was giving him a sword with which he would cut down a family he'd started to disdain long ago. Ken was, among other things, a prosecutor. Tama didn't share his thirst for eviscerating an opponent.

"Don't lie to me." Ken could sense it, "What did Sato do?"

"He got promoted and ignored me afterward." A rubbery excuse.

"I don't think so."

"We haven't been talking the way we used to. I asked to end it."

"You have a reason. A real reason." Ken pressed.

"That's it." Tama growled, "Are you looking to humiliate them? Sato and Kakashi-sensei? To feel vindicated? I know you never liked Sato."

"He grew up so brainless it galled me." Ken admitted as he swayed the ice cube in his drinking glass, "To think my daughter was willing to marry such a careless skunk…but I've always known you were never foolish enough to settle for that."

"I've always been smart, Dad. That was never contingent upon who I did or didn't marry." She retorted venomously.

"You haven't always been smart, Tama. So I'm glad that you're finally starting to look out for yourself." His insults were uncomfortably casual, "Do as you must, and when you decide to share your true motivations with me for such a drastic reversal, maybe I'll start to buy it. And yet, I don't think I will."

"It's an amicable parting." Another lie she didn't choke on, "So please don't stick your nose in this and bother anyone, do you hear me?"

"I do. And I won't." Ken agreed.

"Good." Tama slammed her hands against the table as she rose. She couldn't lend her mother much reassurance as she passed through the living area, silently fuming, and climbed the stairs.

Arriving in her room, anger escaped her on an exhaling breath and was replaced by despair, moths in her stomach. From every angle of her life, things would fall apart. To hurry and try to spackle the cracks before her friends and family understood the extent of things…Tama wasn't sure if she could do it.

She flipped the light switch, retrieved a large paper bag from a desk drawer, and embarked on a quest to pluck every single last photo on the wall that showcased Sato in some way. When all were collected and no other vestiges of Sato were visible, she rolled the bag's top shut and slid it beneath her bed. 'I'll burn those tomorrow.' She thought to herself.

Her movements in the bedroom were erratic. Tama rearranged objects and small, potted succulent plants. Moved a floor lamp from this corner to that corner. The sun had set beyond her room's tall window, and it felt impossible that somehow this day had begun and ended. And another was to come tomorrow. She would have to find a way to navigate tomorrow's daylight hours and interact with society as she imploded. Then the day after that, and the day after that…

Frantic in her silence, Tama moved down the hall and showered beneath scalding hot water. She then dried herself, dressed in pajamas, sealed the door of her bedroom, and laid board-straight in her bed in the dark. Every hour of the evening and late night passed her by. Sleep never came. Every second was filled with spasmodic contemplation. Milliseconds were a mystery. What to work towards? What was there to distract herself with?

In some ways she felt free, so marvelously free of the pain and humiliation. Yet she became a prisoner of possibility in a brain she could not shut off.


More than a day later, Sato returned from a solitary map-swap mission to the Toi Mine, and was uncharacteristically withdrawn when he presented the map to the Hokage. He debriefed with nary a helpful detail to Tsunade, who would have commanded him to stay and talk more if she hadn't had a council meeting to run to.

So Sato departed from the building and tried to make sense of how differently he reacted to everything in the world. The smells in the air, the temperature, the people he saw on the street. Everything triggered a flight response. There was nowhere to escape to, he knew, but his insides itched with terror while all things familiar became so unfamiliar.

In the late morning he set foot in his flat and felt his face get hot. Sato gulped, shutting the door behind him, pried his boots off, and toddled around half-numb to the pangs of spiritual pain that just refused to end. He would probably get used to it. Every few minutes he thought about Tama and was sickened again, taking time to cool down and reorganize his thoughts. He barely ate and didn't bother making any coffee. Sato bathed himself catatonically.

'Can't quite figure out how to…be myself. It's hard to be someone you hate.' He considered.

In his bedroom he dressed and stared at the bed, realizing there would be remnants of her there. Though desperate and shameful, he was glad that he could still smell Tama's scent on the pillow and quilt. It was then it occurred to Sato, 'Her stuff!' Oh god, he still had it. Belongings of hers strewn about— shoes, hair ties, a brush, clothing in the bureau, little thises and thats. He sought them out like hidden treasures to collect them, stockpiling all into a fabric basket and set it on the kitchen table. He determined that if she never asked for anything back, he would forever keep them. He had to. As proof that she'd been there.

Perhaps this was the sad, pathetic way to react to a fractured relationship. Someone stronger or less attached might've discarded such reminders as part of the cleansing process. Had Sato not loved this person for so long and come to depend on her, he could've done it, he guessed. Tama was so essential in his life that it was unthinkable to erase any part of her that lingered.

He made tea. He opened the window for fresh air, wallowed for a time, poured himself hot bancha once it was ready, and collapsed into a seat at the table.

'This is your life now. You're just you. There's no one else. No one is going to care what you think or how you feel because it's your fault. You wake up, you take missions. Do as you're told. It's what you wanted: to be distinguished. A high-ranking shinobi.' Sato reminded himself as he sat, his hands loose around the tea mug, 'This is what you get. Mom would probably want it this way if she'd learned what I'd done— for me to eat shit. Dad did this to her, I think. He might've fucked things up and so she managed on her own with me. I don't know if Dad actually died…he could have…just been awful.'

He sipped slowly and drowned in thought until his screech owls, Aree and Aroo, flew indoors and perched on the back of an adjacent chair to greet him. His eyes grew teary at the sight of them. They were fond of Tama. He couldn't direct the birds to stay away from her in any concrete sense, but he'd try to advise them on the change. After half a cup's worth of tea, Sato bent and folded forward onto the table to rest his head, near where the basket of Tama's belongings sat like a holy relic.

He shut his eyes and drifted. Since he had not slept adequately in over 24 hours, he'd grown drowsy. The toots of his companion birds were soothing. They fluttered around the space and made themselves at home. Sato's fingers slid on the outside of the porcelain mug. Once enough time passed, he wouldn't remember what it was like to touch her. Or anything. If they never spoke again, he'd forget the sound of her voice. He would see Tama around intermittently in the village, and that very well could be the grand extent of it from now on. All that wrongdoers were entitled to were memories, if that.

The sound of a chair sliding back brought him out of his funk, and Sato jerked his head up in surprise. Kakashi took a seat at the table and propped his chin up in a lazy palm.

"Kakashi! Aren't you supposed to—?"

"I'm still quite fragile, though I can get around a little now." His uncle informed him, "I heard something I didn't like."

"…you did."

"It was your doing."

"It was."

The man's heavy look stilled him for a long while, and Sato had nothing constructive to say. No explanations, excuses, or lamentations. He sat useless and hunched over, fiddling with a tea cup. At length, Kakashi placed something in front of him: a business card.

"That's for a therapist uptown." Kakashi clarified, "Go and get your head right. You have a lot of work ahead of you, and I won't have you screwing anything else up."

"Thanks, Kakashi…"

"To say I'm disappointed doesn't quite cover it. I'd gotten my hopes up. As she's my student, you could say I've grown fonder of Tama, maybe just as much as I care about you." He glanced over the basket of stuff imperiously, aggravated but composed, "This isn't going to blow over like it never happened. I don't know what Gai is going to say. What Tama's parents will say. Never mind what you have to deal with: I've got to explain it somehow when anyone asks me, and do you honestly think I want to?"

"No…of course you don't."

"Don't you dare date anyone else or have fun. Work your ass off. This is the time."

"I know, I know."

"If I had the strength I'd yank your earlobe clean off your head." Kakashi threatened.

Sato smiled tiredly, "I'd let you."

"Don't smile."

He smiled anyway, "I'm glad you're doing better, Kakashi. I'm sorry about all of this, more than you could ever know."

"More than I could ever know…I hope so. I still have to see Tama for team meetings and somehow not be a reminder of the misery she needs to overcome. Again, I won't thank you for that."

"Do everything you can for her."

"You can be sure that I will. As for you…" Kakashi sighed, "I want to be fair to you too. You'll suffer enough when you wake up in a decade or two and still feel shocked. It'll be terrible. So I don't need to actively make anything more terrible for you, now do I?"

Sato weakly shook his head as he sat up, sipping cooled tea.

Kakashi then asked, "Your mission?"

"Went quickly." Sato assured him.

"Good. Get up so I can introduce you to the Jounin Council. We're meeting in twenty minutes at the Standby Station."

"Does anyone else…know?"

"Kiba knows. He's the one who told me. Tama is still too hesitant to approach me yet, but I'll speak with her soon." Kakashi lead the way toward the door, unaware of his nephew's flabbergasted reaction behind him, "As far as I can tell, none of this is common knowledge otherwise. Keeping it discreet will help. Heaven help you if Ken comes knocking…"

Stumbling in the genkan, Sato pulled his shoes on again, "Ken. Right…oh god…and Kiba too?"

"He was surprisingly mature and level-headed while explaining to me. Tama confided in him the other day."

If he had been feeling emotionally gruesome before this, now Sato could hardly stomach the wretchedness of knowing that Kiba had been there to pick up the pieces. A person who had always been able to "sniff out" Sato's deficiencies, and wanted to compete for Tama's affection in the past; surely Kiba would be a sparkling prospective companion. By next week, he'd probably be asking Tama out on a date. The mangy dog. Sato hardly noticed his automatic, reactionary punch that dented the wooden frame of the door with his fist on the way out of the flat.

Kakashi tsked at him, "Your door won't shut correctly if you break that."

It still shut with a whining squeak, but it didn't look nice. Sato trudged after his uncle, simmering and despairing. He couldn't bring himself to talk again until they were well on their way and approaching the central ward of the Leaf Village. At the intersection of the most popular business and dining streets, Pakkun marched up to Kakashi. Behind him were the floppy puppies, Tolsi and Gattsu. Sato inhaled sharply at the sight of them.

"Oh yeah." Kakashi decided to announce it, "I am very lucky to have these two in my pack now. How was the walk over, Pakkun?"

"Difficult. Had to dodge snacks and belly rubs, but they're focusing pretty well." Pakkun reported.

Sato bent down to pick up the white puppy, "You got new dogs! That's great, I uh— I know you're still sad, but look at them!" He rubbed Tolsi against his cheek and appreciated the small creature's joyful licks.

"If you don't mind putting her down for now, I want them both to walk the rest of the way with us. Build up some stamina." Kakashi watched his nephew set the dog down, "Training's gonna take a while." The group carried on up the street and Kakashi shared the names of his new dogs, a status update of how he was doing at home, how long he would be off from missions, etc. It cheered Sato up somewhat.

Inside the Standby Station there was a serene hum, and veterans were either welcoming or disinterested in the addition of Hatake Sato to their ranks. They gathered in an assembly room that was a skosh small for their purposes. Sato thanked the few Jounin that acknowledged and encouraged him, watching from the corner of his eye as Kakashi issued commands to get his two wiggly pups to sit still without fussing. Pakkun assisted him.

Sato made small talk with his uncle, "It's good that you've got some time off to train them, Kakashi."

"Yeah, the timing works out. In fact, mission inactivity isn't so bad. I can do other things." Kakashi motioned for Gattsu to sit, stay and then awarded a treat for good behavior, "I played a board game for the first time in a few years."

"A board game?"

"That and some card games. I changed all the light bulbs in my house, finally. Vacuumed."

"Well, don't you have to do that often anyway to keep up with the dog hair?"

"Yes, but I enjoy it more when I don't have to rush chores. It's amazing what you can do when you get some time back. Naps have also helped me recover at a better clip, and Gai's team gave me these multi-vitamins that I think actually work."

Sato palmed his face.

"I'm even going on a date later." Kakashi noted, bemused.

In a hushed voice, Sato hissed, "A date? With who?"

He didn't get an answer. The assembled group of shinobi asked for silence as Sarutobi Kakima called the meeting to order. A second later, a disheveled-looking Hyuga Neji slipped in through the door (sweaty and fresh from training with Lee and Wong Leung) and he took his place without being admonished. Gai was not present. Sato wondered about it. The conference rehashed most security threats all were aware of, but covered the prioritization of village perimeter vulnerabilities, adapting routines, and asked if any present would consider applying for the vacant positions in the Sealing Corps yet to be filled. No one volunteered, but there were murmurings of consideration.

A meeting of Jounin: it was a duller affair than what Sato expected. Or maybe it was that every aspect of his life had become duller now. The official business was adjourned and many shinobi carried on smaller conversations amongst themselves. Kurenai took a few minutes to converse with Sato, gush over his promotion and Kakashi's sweet new dogs, but then hurried along for a cross-training assignment she had.

Afterward, Sato gazed out of the second floor window and felt a wave of penitence wash over him, 'Why was this…so important to me?' He couldn't quite remember, 'I would gladly give this up if it meant I wouldn't have hurt Tama. I'd give this away in a second…'

He nearly jumped when a hand came to rest on his shoulder, and Sato blinked stoogishly at Neji who had crossed the room to see him. Sato might've wisecracked at his stern Hyuga friend on a better day, but he could hardly muster any sort of salutations.

"I wanted to congratulate you." Neji told him, "I haven't had the chance to, yet; I knew you would succeed."

"…ah…thanks, Neji." Sato felt a lump in his throat. It was weird when grumpy Hyuga Neji actually had kind words for another, more so how brotherly and sincere those words felt. "I should congratulate you again, too. You worked much harder and I still…kind of feel…I haven't caught up to you."

Nearby, Kakashi had his ear trained on the conversation, but was mostly perusing the tabletop spread of snacks for the committee and pocketing the ones he preferred.

Neji seemed surprised by the comment, "I don't think you were ever behind me, Sato. I was never ahead of anyone."

"Pff, are you sure about that?"

"Maybe I could learn certain techniques quickly, but my cooperation with others was lacking. I wasn't reliable." Neji assessed.

"Even if not socially reliable, you were still pretty cool." Sato granted him. And holy shit the other young man smiled at the remark and it was so, so strange in a good way.

Neji went on to say, "I try to attend most of these meetings, but when I'm absent—"

"You want me to find you and bring you up to speed?" Sato correctly guessed, "Can do."

Neji thanked him and then glanced down, noticing a brown puppy sitting on his foot. He looked up again and genuinely did not know what to do.

"Sorry, here…ah," Kakashi scooped up the tiny dog, "Gattsu likes shoes. He likes sleeping on them, more specifically. It was a long walk over here and I think he's tired." He picked up Tolsi as well before bidding his young companions farewell, and moseyed on out with Pakkun at his side.

Sato explained to Neji that his uncle was still barred from missions until he made a full recovery, and until then he had puppies to keep him gently occupied. Though not much of an animal lover himself, Neji did concede that Kakashi seemed entirely in his element. Dogs were his thing, Sato confirmed. Sato probably could have chatted about Lee and Tenten if he tried, but social interaction was grinding on his exposed emotional nerves. He politely excused himself, left the building, and meandered towards the address on the business card Kakashi had given him.

When he arrived at a quaint brick building set apart from the bustle of Konoha's center, Sato nosed into an empty waiting room. A receptionist immediately noticed him from her place at the desk, "Hello!"

"Uh…" He pushed the door shut behind him, "Hello."

"Walk-in? Do you have a referral?"

"Uh, yes. And…kind of?" Never in his life had Sato formally sought counseling. The sole encounter with treatment had been during his Academy days, when social workers spoke to him in the aftermath of his mother's death.

"Okay. Just please fill this form out for me and let me see your I.D." The secretary handed over a form on a clipboard with a pen, "You're in luck! We had a cancellation this morning, so Dr. Iwao can see you for an evaluation right away, if you'd like."

"I…" He wasn't sure if he truly intended to go through with it, "…sure." Sato took a seat on an upholstered, vintage sofa and slowly tapped out the characters of his name, birth date, address, and so forth.

Below were check-box questions with optional lines beside them for further details. The extent of the intake sheet made him very fidgety, "Is this going to…cost a lot?"

"Hm?" The secretary was wiping her glasses clean with a cloth, "You're a ninja. That's this office's designation, so charges and fees are billed to the Shinobi Health Association. There's no need to worry, I am going to make a copy of your I.D for the claim. Non-ninja patients have to present other insurance cards or pay out of pocket here."

"O-Oh."

"It's alright. People have a lot of questions when they haven't been here before."

His attention skittered back to the intake sheet.

Please list your current medications and allergies, if any.

Please specify your rank in the standard shinobi forces and years of professional service.

Do you have any secondary jobs outside of shinobi work? ( ) yes ( ) no

If yes, please describe.

When was your last physical? Have you sustained any life-altering or debilitating injuries due to missions? ( ) estimated date of physical ( ) yes ( ) no

If yes, please describe.

Are you having any problems with your sleep habits? ( ) yes ( ) no

If yes, check where applicable: ( ) sleeping too much ( ) sleeping too little ( ) poor quality sleep ( ) disturbing dreams ( ) other

Are you having any problems with your appetite or eating habits?

If yes, check where applicable: ( ) eating less ( ) eating more ( ) bingeing ( ) restricting

How frequently do you undergo physical or specialized training?

Have you experienced significant weight change in the last two months? ( ) yes ( ) no

Do you regularly use alcohol? ( ) yes ( ) no

In a typical month, how often do you have 4 or more drinks in a 24 hour period?

How often do you engage in recreational drug use? ( ) daily ( ) weekly ( ) monthly ( ) rarely ( ) never

Do you smoke cigarettes or use other tobacco products? ( ) yes ( ) no

Have you had suicidal thoughts recently? ( ) frequently ( ) sometimes ( ) rarely ( ) never

Have you had them in the past? ( ) frequently ( ) sometimes ( ) rarely ( ) never

Have you ever undergone a previous counseling session or psychiatric evaluation? ( ) yes ( ) no

If yes, how long ago and how many sessions?

Have you ever been diagnosed with a health condition or mental disorder? ( ) yes ( ) no

If yes, please describe.

Are there any medical diagnoses in your family? ( ) yes ( ) no

If yes, please describe.

Are you currently in a romantic relationship? ( ) yes ( ) no

If yes, how long have you been in this relationship?

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest quality,) how would you rate your current relationship?

In the last 6 months, have you experienced any significant life changes or stressors? If yes, please explain.

Have you ever experienced any the following?

Extreme depressed mood ( ) yes ( ) no

Extreme anxiety ( ) yes ( ) no

Rapid speech ( ) yes ( ) no

Dramatic mood swings ( ) yes ( ) no

Sleep disturbances ( ) yes ( ) no

Phobias ( ) yes ( ) no

Panic attacks ( ) yes ( ) no

Frequent pain or injury ( ) yes ( ) no

Inability to perform on missions ( ) yes ( ) no

Hallucinations ( ) yes ( ) no

Unexplained losses of time ( ) yes ( ) no

Unexplained memory lapses ( ) yes ( ) no

Alcohol or substance abuse ( ) yes ( ) no

Body image problems ( ) yes ( ) no

Eating disorder ( ) yes ( ) no

Self-harming ( ) yes ( ) no

Repetitive thoughts (e.g. obsessions) ( ) yes ( ) no

Repetitive behaviors (e.g. frequent checking, hand washing) ( ) yes ( ) no

Homicidal thoughts ( ) yes ( ) no

When he came to the "Family Mental Health History" chart, Sato could not fill it out beyond any self-evident details he could share about his uncle. He had no other family to mentally profile, at least not accurately. The time Sato spent on the intake sheet's questions made him visualize the quantity of challenges he had thus far dismissed. He'd been doing fine, he thought.

What was he doing this for, anyway? He could manage. Yes, his life was far from stellar at the moment, but Sato could not stomach the idea of taking up a doctor's time with problems that he ought to sort out on his own. People with real problems needed this. Those who were victims of the universe and freak accidents, those suffering from true health issues: they needed support! Not some loser who was responsible for the breakup of his relationship.

If anything, Sato thought as he handed the sheet back to the secretary, this was an appointment that Tama could probably use. Right. Because he may have single-handedly burned her sanctuary of expectations to the ground and laid waste to her trust, happiness, self-esteem, and those other positivities she had in abundance. He robbed her of those things. So what was he doing here? Sato replayed the question in his mind as he sat on the charming sofa. What was he doing here? As if he were entitled to this extension of help?

And as far as he knew, society at large, at least in the Leaf Village, hardly ever discussed mental health and the population's management of it. Every now and again he'd hear terms like "psycho," and "manic episodes," and "anxiety," and "clan killer." Things like that. It was no secret that shinobi's minds went sour fairly regularly and for a myriad of reasons, but those headlines tended to get flip, unsympathetic responses. For such a pervasive problem, there weren't very many who actually understood what any of it entailed. Himself included.

"—you now."

Sato caught the tail end of the secretary's statement, shaking off his thoughts.

She repeated, "Dr. Iwao will see you now."

"Oh." He was a squirrel all the way to the office door on the right, unreasonably nervous.

On the other side of the door was a short woman of indiscernible age, wearing a sport coat and slacks somehow tailored to suit her miniscule frame. Her dark bobbed haircut and tiny eyes might've been intimidating if not for the granny-like smile gracing her face. "Don't hesitate, you have one foot in already…" She waved her hand to usher him along, "I just made tea if you would like some."

"…no, thanks." Sato observed the space of the orderly, stylish room and sat again in a cushy seat beside a potted sansevieria plant.

The woman resumed her preparations of biscuits and hot tea on a tray, leaving them on a low table in front of her wing chair. Her eyes scanned the intake sheet, darted up to him, back to the sheet, then back to Sato. Clearly, two and two were being put together in her head as she got the snapshot of the situation. Sato's fingers curled against the soft fabric of his chair, antsy, swallowing and trying to stay calm. Why would this person of all people make him feel like running? What could she do? There was no threat here.

"A biscuit?" She tried to offer him something again.

"No, thank you, Doctor Iwao."

The doctor shook her head, "I prefer Sumiko-san, but if you're committed to formality Doctor will do." She plucked up a cookie and crunched on it, sitting back in her chair, "This is your first time here, Hatake-san."

"Uh…" When she addressed him so politely it felt weird, felt like she was talking to Kakashi— someone worth respect!

"Sato, then." Sumiko guessed.

"Yeah, that's better." He nodded.

"We can use this visit to get to know each other and find out if you would benefit from future counseling." Sumiko told him, "But from first glance at this sheet, I think you might have a lot to unpack in one session."

"I don't know how to get it off my chest, honestly." Sato admitted, "I don't want to talk about it."

"So, you don't want to talk about what's on this sheet?" Sumiko smiled understandingly, "Then I welcome you to talk about anything else. We can even talk about me, if you want."

He looked at her quizzically.

"The point is that you can let your guard down a little here. Open up." She explained, "I'm a shinobi just like you. And I've been licensed in medicine for over twenty years. Confide in me— I might be able to relate to what you've been through."

"I hope not." He muttered.

"Try not to be hard on yourself. Not in here. This space doesn't perpetuate judgement or shame." The doctor informed him, "That's not to say counseling is easy— good counseling never is. It's work. Working on yourself. But I like to think that even when patients are challenged while they're in my office, they walk out and feel better as they go about their days."

"That…kind of sounds…like something I need." Sato admitted.

Sumiko was nodding and sipping from a tea cup. He still struggled to bring up any subject, good or bad, to begin some kind of meaningful conversation. She set her cup down on the tray again and shifted in her wingback while watching him, reading minute signals of discomfort.

"How about I start?" The doctor offered, "You should know who you're talking to, after all. I am Iwao Sumiko, Jounin, former Deputy Chief of Konoha's Medical Corps, and though I've put my most exciting days behind me I now happily serve as a psychologist for the standard forces. I also have a separate psychiatric practice upstairs in this building with another doctor." Sumiko laced her hands primly as she balanced her elbows on the chair's arms, "Why do I do what I do? Because the Second and Third Great Shinobi Wars may have spared the physical bodies of my friends who fought, but many lost their minds or their will to live on. I couldn't bear seeing anyone else hurt with no resources to turn to in our village. I've made sure they and many like them now have somewhere to go."

"Wow." Sato said faintly, "You said…the Second War too?"

"I did."

"Didn't…Tsunade-sama fight in that one?"

"She did. I was in the Academy graduating class that followed after hers." Sumiko wore a cat-like smile, "She's a woman after my own heart: trailblazing medicine, being a leader…I adore her. Can you tell?"

"That's really great." He meant it, somewhat star-struck.

"What else?" The doctor rubbed her chin, "Iwao is my married name. My husband and I have been together for seventeen years. We have no children. He serves in the Torture and Intel Corps, but plans to retire at the end of this year. We both love gardening and designing jewelry. While I sometimes get carried away with part-time home decorating with my best friend, my husband is usually off in bars with his pals and protégées. He's trained two Genin teams in his time. I'd say I admire him, but I think just a bit more highly of myself since his smoking habit led to heart and respiratory issues I warned him about. It annoys me that he didn't take greater care of himself." She was cheerful in her memoir, "My life is quite ordinary and tranquil now, but I like that. The old days were tumultuous and full of failure. Those times molded me into who I am."

"Yeah, I know about days like that." He relaxed a bit more on the settee, shoulders loosening.

"They don't last forever, Sato." Sumiko told him, "No matter how ugly it can get, we stumble through it to still waters again."

"The waves I'm riding are pretty choppy right now. I was on still water a few days ago…"

"Why don't you share a bit about yourself? The basic things that weren't on your sheet, for example." Sumiko suggested, "I know you're related to Kakashi because he came to counseling here for several years."

"Yeah, he, uh…referred me to you. He knows that I've been…" Sato sighed and began, "So I'm his nephew."

"You are indeed."

"Where do I start…? Um. My family? Mom was really cool. I never…got to know my Dad, because he either died or left us before I was born." The chair's padded back felt more and more comfortable as he settled and spoke, "But Mom handled it. For some reason, whenever tragedy struck, like when my Grandma passed away or when Grandpa killed himself…then when my Dad disappeared…my Mom was sad about it but pushed on. Like, she was really iron-clad. Sweet and friendly, but I remember how nothing could get her down."

Sumiko was nodding, "Kakashi spoke about his sister that way. He envied her resilience."

"Yeah, I'll never forget how she could survive those things and see the silver-lining. She and my Uncle would butt heads a lot, but I know that Kakashi cared about her. He was just scared of everything, back then. When I was a little kid, I remember times when he was too freaked out to even hold my hand."

By then, Sumiko had fully invested her attention in the tale.

"Now I know why…he's like that. But he's better now, I think!" Sato amended, "So…when my Mom died while I was still studying in the Academy…we were all shocked and not handling it well. She'd been sick for a while, but we talked ourselves into thinking she'd…always be with us. I had to push myself to go to school every day and keep working. Kakashi didn't help me much. He was kind of checked-out."

Sato watched the doctor nod in silence with a placid expression, then went on, "When I was a baby, though, Kakashi and my Mom agreed to a matchmaking deal with the Maito family— one of my uncle's good friends…well, anyway— I was engaged to…to…" Suddenly he couldn't speak. It felt like there was tar in his mouth.

"That's alright, I can see this is stressful for you." Sumiko encouraged him, "Did this family help you after your mother passed away?"

"Yes." Sato confirmed, "Well. Not her parents, but…Tama did a lot for me."

"How old were you?"

"About eight."

"And how old was Tama at the time?"

"Eleven?" He tried to recall.

"How responsible for such a young age. So your basic needs were met thanks to Tama." Sumiko understood, "Not your uncle or her parents. That must've been difficult, regardless. Did you receive counseling at that time?"

"I didn't."

"Did any member of the SHA offer it to you? Or a social worker offer it to you?"

"Not that I…recall." Sato had no memory of mental health guidance beyond the kindness of Academy teachers.

"Hm." Said Sumiko archly while jotting a note on her spiral pad, "At that stage of the SHA's development, the child services department should have provided you with mandatory counseling for at least three months. It doesn't surprise me how many of our shinobi were slipping through the cracks then…nowadays it's improved. Still imperfect, but the department functions much better than it once did. Excuse my interruption. Please tell me more about Tama, if you can, and tell me about your shinobi studies."

"Um. So…I lived in the same place after Mom died and Tama helped me figure out…how to afford things…and clean and shop and feed myself and just…take care of myself. It was hard and I used a lot of shortcuts, but I kept it together. She paid for the things I couldn't. Taught me a lot…kinda…kept me human when I didn't know how to be around people. So it got better. And I had fun again." Sato explained, "She was my best friend, but I also made friends at the Academy. They're still my friends today. We joked around in school, played, graduated, and now we work together and hang out outside of missions, even."

"Not everyone is fortunate enough to maintain those bonds for so long." The doctor noted.

"Yeah, we're pretty lucky! Even some others who weren't my friends then…are now." He smiled slightly, thinking of Neji, "And I have a great Jounin-Sensei and my teammates are always there for me, they're just— the best. I don't know how they put up with all my bullshit, but somehow they do and I just love 'em so much…" Sato's smiled dropped and his eyes grew teary, "I love…Tama too…"

"Your sheet says you are no longer in a relationship. If something happened, do you want to talk about it, or would you like to talk about something else for now?" Sumiko offered.

The weight was back, squeezing his chest and throat. A full minute of silence passed while Sato slowly inhaled, exhaled, and tried to get his bearings, tried to think of a place to start…

Then bit by bit, he spoke. About the past and the present, the chronology of events sometimes crisscrossed, yet he covered the times when he'd been reluctant about being Tama's companion, all the way up to his maturation and realization that he had been attracted to her and was acting on those desires. Other events and challenges were sprinkled into the tale, however he centralized his distress around the fact that he'd stupidly risked infidelity, said nothing about it as they progressed their relationship, and more recently watched it fall apart as the truth came to light.

Sumiko had offered some limited commentary throughout, but waited for Sato to conclude recapping the most excruciating events. When there was a lull and she could see he needed a break (he was finally eating from the plate of biscuits she was picking on), the doctor told him, "This isn't so unusual."

"Hmf?" He said, crumbs sticking around his mouth.

"It isn't, Sato. This type of event isn't rare. It's unfortunate, yes. Agonizing, no doubt. But you aren't the first shinobi to speak on being on either side of this issue. The fact is thus: maintaining a relationship as a shinobi is far harder than we realize. The burden of our work and missions is taxing enough, but relationships can capsize under the pressures of what we do. Our personal time is limited, and how we spend it on others is constrained by numerous obligations. I am not saying this as if it excuses your actions, but overall there is a trend— a correlation, if you will," Sumiko got somewhat scientific about it, "Based on my experience and studies I've conducted, myself and other counselors in this field from many villages have noticed that most relationships that shinobi are in tend to suffer— even if they stay in them all their lives. They struggle just a bit more than non-shinobi relationships and families." She poured herself the last bit of tea in the pot.

"Okay. So it's not surprising." Sato granted, "But it still sucks."

"It does. You know the value of what you lost. Not everyone I've spoken to who went through relationship failures feels remorse, but rather anger or resentment. Sometimes they think of revenge or killing. Those types require…very carefully structured therapy." Sumiko shared, "But not you, Sato. You have empathy for those you've hurt."

"Hurray, I guess." He wasn't proud of how he understood the feelings of others, since he'd been trying to avoid or suppress those feelings, after all. "Sumiko-san, it just pisses me off that I didn't realize it sooner. If I understand now, why didn't I understand then? I mean, I thought I did, but I filtered it all through a smudged lens. Couldn't see I was being immature… I didn't care how Tama would feel about what I did, because I…thought I'd get away with it. In the moment I was so sure."

Sumiko continued nodding.

"All I thought about was what I felt. That it'd be easy to do, and the opportunity was right in front of my face. So I took it. Like I was still some jerk kid looking for handouts, like my life was still so hard! Oh, poor me." Sato ground his knuckles into the chair's cushion, "At the time Tama didn't want to take things too far, so I became impatient and acted like a jackass."

"You also mentioned you were impaired at the time." The doctor added, "Which did not govern your decision, but made it easier to overlook your inhibitions. Alcohol hardly ever improves these situations."

"I haven't had any since."

"And that's a sensible decision, but you rely on other substances." Sumiko noted.

Sato looked at her like she had suggested joining a Satanic cult, as though her comment was completely off the mark.

"Let me clarify," The doctor backtracked, "Earlier you talked about what your diet is like. You avoid alcohol, yes? But you consume a lot of sugar. More so than that, you depend on coffee. Caffeine is a stimulant." Sumiko spun her pen around her finger, "You have been depending on that stimulant since your mother died."

"Uh. Well…yeah. But it's just something I picked up…"

"I won't tell you that you abuse substances to the point of self-destruction, but you use them to regulate yourself. To function. It could be a method of foisting control back from depressive behaviors that would otherwise stall you." Sumiko observed, "Some people who are depressed can conceal their emotional suffering with coping mechanisms, happy demeanors, and creative talents. It's how they maintain their status quo in society, which is not wholly supportive of or understanding of mental illness."

"Well I don't want to say that I'm mentally ill. Because I'm not. That's just an excuse—"

"For what? It isn't an excuse. It's a state of health, quite simply. It isn't the stigma that this village makes it to be." The doctor countered, adding, "Many shinobi are depressed and many have been diagnosed with various disorders. Most of them carry on well with their lives thanks to therapy and medication."

"Who wants any of that when you can lead a normal life without it?"

"Most can't lead a normal life without it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Some even quit being shinobi, if it becomes too much. The decision is theirs." Sumiko pointed her pen at Sato, "You don't have to be normal to have value, Sato. You don't have to perfectly fit the perceptions of others. If some of your happiness and functionality is manufactured and they know it, what does it really matter? Most will never know anyway."

A heavy breath escaped him. He understood what she meant. For quite a long time he had wanted to look a certain way, appeal in a certain way to others. Sato would even point out the flaws of his peers at times, mostly in jest, to defend what was supposedly right with his image. He mentioned this to the doctor.

Sumiko nodded, "It doesn't have to rule you or own who you are. Your mental health needs to be managed just as your physical health does, and you know that a band-aid doesn't mend a broken leg. Some pains require lengthier, more thoughtful treatments."

"I guess so…but I feel like if I come here for counseling I'll just be talking about Tama most of the time."

"Then if that is what you need to do, that is what we'll do." She told him.

"But is that right?"

"It is if that is the subject that de-harmonizes you— puts you out of touch with yourself. You might find there are other things that need to be addressed as well, if you're willing to explore them." The doctor took a few last notes for herself, "Don't tell yourself that you don't deserve to get better, or need to ruin another aspect of your life as penance for how you've done wrong. Treat pain with care, not more pain."

"I want to try to do that…" He agreed.

"Would you like to begin routine counseling here? Say, twice a week whenever is convenient for you?"

"I guess that'd be good. How do I—?"

"I'll send a confidential request to the Hokage to forward me your mission schedules as she arranges them. We can mold your appointments around your activity."

"Okay." Sato sat up a bit straighter, "Thanks. And thanks for the biscuits."

"You're welcome. My husband makes them."

"That's talent. Those were good."

"Weren't they?" Sumiko stood from her chair, "I'd say this was a fine start, Sato. We send out a messenger pigeon with reminders of upcoming appointments, so be on the lookout. Once I have Tsunade-sama forwarding me your schedule, we'll begin."

He followed the woman to the door and somehow felt lighter. He thanked her, learned the secretary's name was Eri, thanked her too, and then left the office when Doctor Iwao concluded her pleasantries. For the first time in three days, Sato felt like there was something ahead that he could work towards. Something that wasn't a black, desolate landscape.


There was no excuse good enough to avoid lunch out with Sakura and Ino, so Tama put on a fake, cheerful face and followed them to their preferred cafe. If all she had to do was survive forty minutes of chit-chat and bourgeois food, well, it couldn't be any tougher than fighting Huo had been.

"Yeah, so I've started some part-time assignments at the Sensory Corps and Intel Department. It's been pretty enlightening." Ino recapped as their milk teas arrived, stirring her straw, "Sometimes we have guest brains that come in for hacking."

"Excuse me, what?" Sakura said, her lips fiddling over her drink straw.

"I mean, when we retrieve particular information from a target using…more sophisticated techniques." Ino actually meant brutal or invasive, but they could read between the lines, "We use more resilient test subjects. Tougher nuts to crack, you know! Some members of ANBU come in and try to resist us in practice sessions."

"Did you beat an ANBU brain?" Tama was intrigued.

"Well, one came in and he was…I asked him to work with someone else. He's got a steel brain like Sakura's." A noisy sip before Ino went on, "So I worked with that guy we met at the Tournament Festival."

"Sorry, I can't remember." Sakura was smiling, "That was a busy night for me."

Ino bumped elbows with her, "I bet it was, Forehead."

"You mean Sai?" Tama gathered.

"Yeah, the one Sato introduced us to." Ino confirmed. The group paused to give their orders to a waiter, then continued kibitzing. "He wasn't so bad." Ino recalled, "Not the strongest brain, but I think he gave it his best shot. He was on patrol during that recent fiasco in the Forest of Death, so I saw a lot of that…and he was kind of…"

"Kind of what?" Sakura prompted.

"Kind of brave. I mean, I saw some fucked up, unexplainable stuff when I fished around his head." Ino swirled the contents of her iced drink, "It was just a little embarrassing that I noticed— it just floated to the top…that he thought I was cute."

"Well it's a feature you make way too obvious to miss." Sakura gave her that, "But stop blushing about it, Pig. You're taken."

"I know! I was flattered, that's all." Ino tittered.

Tama was curiously quiet as she sat by and listened, sipping her drink.

"So, have you picked out any houses yet?" Ino was aware of Tama's efforts as of last week, "You said that you and Sato were shopping around."

"No, no houses." Tama told her, "Neither of us are quite ready for home ownership. The expense of it, anyway."

"But I thought Kakashi-sensei was offering you some kind of assistance with that? Like a gift?" Sakura remembered more of the discussion, "You really didn't find anything?"

"We're just not ready." Tama tried to leave it at that.

"Hmm." Ino arched a blonde eyebrow, "Suddenly not wanting a house, even if it's presented to you on a silver platter? Haven't heard that one yet."

"It's fine. Rent for a while and get situated." Sakura tried to endorse the unlikely choice, "Have you made any other plans?"

Her tongue felt cotton-like, speech fluffing as Tama tried to remain poised, "No plans yet, but I'll let you know when I have something to report."

As Ino was predisposed to taunt the truth out of a target, she couldn't help herself, "No plans you say... How about the latest and greatest, hm? Have you done anything spicy with that cutie of yours? You were telling us last week."

Tama bit down on her straw and refused the bait.

"No? We haven't seen Sato in a while." Ino noted, a faint edge of hostility in her tone, "Aren't you going to bring him around when you have time off?"

Sakura sensed the accusation Ino wanted to make and tried to intervene, "She doesn't have to, Ino. Their schedules—"

"He was promoted to Jounin, shouldn't we be celebrating?" Ino carried on, "Tama, shouldn't we? Say something."

"Ino, leave her alone."

"I…" Tama tried to clear her throat, "Don't want to talk about it."

Sakura's shoulders drooped upon hearing such an admission.

Ino leaned forward in her seat, eyes flashing angrily, "Of course you don't want to talk about it, because he's fucked something up. I can tell he hurt you."

There was a shiny film in Tama's eyes, but she confessed nothing. Sakura reacted with silent, wide-eyed horror and baited breath. No. Not those two, Sato and Tama, who she adored seeing together as if they were peas in a pod.

"How bad?" Ino tried to evaluate the extent of the damage. Tama's ragged breathing was not reassuring, so Ino handed her upset friend a spare menu to hide her face from public view as it reddened.

"Very bad, huh?" Ino ascertained sharply, "Is it splitsville?"

When Tama nodded Sakura's jaw nearly dropped. Ino was genuinely taken aback by the answer. Though they didn't say so aloud, both girls viewed Tama's healthy relationship as barometer for their own relationships. The heartache of their friend was all too relatable.

"Please, I…just want to have lunch in peace." Tama's words were thick, trying to calm down over the final sips of milk tea, "I'm not doing great, but I don't want to make a big production of any of this, do you understand? I refuse to say anything until I know neither of you will."

"We won't!" Sakura whispered. Her head nodded in time with Ino's to reassure Tama that it was safe to confide in them.

And so, over picture-perfect dishes of lunch entrées they spoke in hushed voices, and Tama retold the story to the best of her ability. Questions were answered, curses were uttered, small gasps timed perfectly to scandalous admissions; and then Tama concluded with, "I just don't think Sato wanted what he always had. It's better if he goes his own way."

"That is so wrong! It is just completely wrong-!" Sakura disagreed softly, "He loves you! He's loved you very much for a long time! Men make stupid mistakes—"

Ino railroaded the soft sentiment, "It is not up to any man or woman who has been cheated on to forgive those mistakes, Sakura. That opens the door for the perpetrator to make those mistakes again and be forgiven again." She violently rearranged her plate with chopsticks, "That isn't what it means to be a good partner. Tama should value herself! And people should suffer their stupidity."

"Ino, stop." Sakura hissed.

"You can't let him get away with it." Ino warned Tama, "Don't go easy on him by letting him ride off into the sunset! Destroy him."

"I'm not letting Sato get off easy. It's just that I don't think I need to fire any parting shots." Tama explained, "It's done. I don't need a fight. I'm feeling good about taking the high road."

"High positions are tactically suited for dropping heavy things." Ino was using her imagination.

"Please, respect my wishes and leave this be." Tama commanded, "The both of you hear me, right? I just want my friends beside me. I know it'll get easier."

When Tama motioned to put money notes on the table to pay for her share of lunch, Ino puffed up, still upset, "No. Sad ladies don't pay for therapy lunches. Put that away, we've got it…"


By the next afternoon, Sato was pleased to get an update from the counseling office that his next appointment was Friday at 1:00PM. He'd have a mission between now and then, he estimated. The idea of emotional respite in therapy had grown on him since speaking to Doctor Iwao.

His day was fairly average. Team training excluded Kurenai as she was busy moving items into her new house, which they then visited later in the day. She seemed wholly unaware of Sato's breakup and made a few uncomfortable, innocent, forward-looking comments about his marriage. Sato was able to change the subject. The house had recently been remodeled and Kurenai had plenty to say about it. He, Hinata, and Shino stayed for dinner which pleasantly surprised Asuma: "It's like a little housewarming party." He joked. Sato barely touched his food.

He went home in the dark, slept, and woke before dawn the next day. Sato was feeling slightly more motivated. He trained in the southern forest swathed in red leaves, directing new techniques his owls could use, and worked himself hard long past sun-up. When it was about time for breakfast he obeyed his empty stomach, and walked to the nearby convenience mart in town called Cosme. Sato opted for a pre-packaged hardboiled egg and rice ball, as opposed to his sugary standby foods. Then he asked for the mysterious green health smoothie advertised on the order board. The barista gave him a funny look while jotting his name down on a clear cup.

Sato ate and sipped his way across the village, destined for the dance studio to perk himself up with one of his favorite pastimes. 'I've got an hour before the first class of the day starts, so I can pop into the loft and brush up on some routines.'

On the studio's ground floor, the hawk-faced owner stopped him at the bottom of the stairs, "What are you doing here?"

"I have an unlimited membership, remember? I come here all the time to practice between classes." He felt uneasy having to explain himself to the woman who saw him almost every week.

"You don't need your unlimited privileges anymore. I heard what you did." The woman tapped her foot as she addressed him, "If you continue to practice here, then Tama may stop coming to teach classes."

If horror were like instant coffee, Just add hot water! Then Sato supposed only a stranger's comment was needed to immediately trigger fear and paranoia. He took backwards steps out of the studio and back onto the road, into daylight. 'No way. How did that lady know?' He walked briskly, 'Maybe that barista heard something? He acted weird while making my drink…'

But if two or more non-acquaintances had heard of his extremely personal and painful breakup with Maito Tama, there was a possibility that others were aware. Scuttling up the street, he couldn't help but notice people's glances at him.

'How could they know? Tama wouldn't air dirty laundry like that! It's unlike her.' Sato neared the Administrative Building, his thoughts abuzz, 'She wouldn't do that even if she's mad as hell at me.'

Upstairs in Tsunade's office, the Hokage was mercifully oblivious to Sato's struggle. Distracted with the council's draft of an official agreement with Hidden Waterfall, Tsunade simultaneously briefed him on a solo reconnaissance mission he had the next morning, "There's always a chance you'll run into a counter-operative where I'm sending you, but if not this intel retrieval should go smoothly." She sniffed at him, "Sato, do you hear me? What are you frowning about?"

"Nothing, nothing! I won't let anyone get the better of me, Tsunade-sama."

"Good. Those are your orders in that scroll I gave you. If you see an intern on your way out, tell them to bring me something— anything to drink. I am not ready for this council meeting and honestly they are not ready for me, so it could get messy." Tsunade dismissed him.

He did as instructed and flagged down a Medical Corps intern who happened by, who dutifully agreed to fetch the Hokage something from the office kitchen. Sato trotted down the stairs, bouncing back and forth in his own head, 'Tsunade-sama seems to be acting normally. Who could've—? No. Kakashi wouldn't let Kiba tell anyone. Kiba wouldn't bother telling anyone, since I know he hates wasting time on me.'

In the lobby, he noticed Chouji passing out fresh cinnamon rolls from a box to building occupants. He was waiting on his team to gather. Drawn to the heavenly smell, Sato smiled automatically at his friend, "Can I get one too?"

When Chouji stared at him like he was an empty glass jar, the reason why was not lost on Sato. His expression grew solemn when he amended, "Sorry. Maybe there isn't enough to go around? Save one for Sunshine, though, because those are her favorite."

"Sure." Chouji agreed faintly.

"Get one to Tama too." Sato suggested, mostly due to heartache, but the remark seemed to positively blow Chouji's mind as the young man snapped the box shut and goggled at Sato.

"Are you actually talking about her?" He set the box on a counter, pointing a finger at Sato's chin, "Should you be doing that?"

"I don't…see why I shouldn't." A hint of frustration crept into Sato's tone, "Everyone's acting weird."

"We're acting weird—?" Chouji scoffed.

"Hey! Why is it that folks in this village think it's okay to talk about someone's personal life when it's got nothing to do with them?" Sato growled quietly, "I can barely get anything done today. Can you pass that along? For everyone to knock it off?"

Movement in his peripheral vision indicated there was another visitor in the lobby, moving fast, but they both heard her coming. Arms waving and heels clicking on tile, Ino raised her voice to shriek reprimands at Sato, "Hatake! You lousy piece of—!" Chouji promptly pulled her away before she could take a swing, evacuating the kunoichi down at adjacent corridor as her clamoring persisted. Others in the lobby regarded Sato curiously after the interaction, but he booked it out the door.

'I get the feeling…' Sato thought as his stomach sank, proceeding toward the Jounin Standby Station, 'Ino did it. No one's shouted at me so far…she probably found out and told literally every being with ears she had contact with.' He ground his teeth, 'Too bad we always had that in common: being huge gossips.'

Society in Konoha was rather free and progressive, at least Sato could believe that on a good day. However, none of the great villages or small settlements in between had overcome the cultural cornerstone of mentsu. Face. The concept of one's prestige and honor incumbent upon the opinions of others. And the preservation thereof. In one day, it seemed to Sato, his loss of face had taken an epic nosedive the likes of which few in Konohagakure could ever boast. Perhaps it started with sneers as a few learned of the unfair "smearing" of the Maito family, and what prestige it had cost them. Upon learning who the responsible party was in this damage of "face," Sato now found himself in a gossip chain that relentlessly sought to scold and humiliate him.

And best of all? This type of ridicule was incredibly normal. At least around here, a little voice in the back of his mind noted, You can always run away if it gets too bad— if it wrecks work and your social life— don't let it! But being fresh off of his Jounin promotion and new duties to the village, Sato wasn't swayed to leave and neglect the needs of so many. That would lose him even more face.

In the Standby Station he did not at all feel like himself. His hair was on end, his stomach in knots, and Sato all but tip-toed up the stairs to the next floor. Another young Jounin brushed Sato on the way up the stairwell. Sato recognized the man to be Runruna Mion, a contemporary of Tama's. Mion scowled at him, "Out of my way, lowlife."

He barely reached the top of the stairs. Sato stood there alone after the encounter, reconsidering his plans for the day. Was it wise to show his face in a public meeting? Word of his transgression had spread like wildfire. 'No. I can't shirk my duties. I can't be intimidated.' He moved down the hall and slid open the door of the assembly room. It shut softly behind him. Within, the space was stuffed with elite shinobi and visiting Corps members who intended to give a presentation to the group. Sato took a place against a wall.

On the opposite side of the room, Kakashi and Neji could be glimpsed between the pack of bodies and flak vests. The puppies were sitting obediently at Kakashi's feet. Sato would have preferred migrating in their direction for comfort's sake, but roll-call had started and he didn't want to draw attention. As it was, attention was already drifting his way. Asuma was close enough to squeeze over to Sato and take the spot beside him, "Oh boy, kid."

"Pretend I'm not here, if you want." Sato mumbled. He kept scanning the room in search of familiar faces. Gai was absent again, which was not a good sign. Sweat begin to pearl on the back of Sato's neck.

"Kurenai's running late today." Asuma mentioned, "I'll try to do some damage control until she shows up."

Sato wondered in a whisper, "How many people know?"

"The better question is: how many people don't know?" Asuma advised him morbidly.

Perspiration begin to slick on his skin, and Sato held still, trying to remain calm as sets of eyes settled on him and stuck. He folded his arms and stared off into space, as if none of this mattered to him. As if they couldn't hurt him.

"What a view! Looks like this lot has got an abundance of judgmental assholes who forgot how to mind their own business." Asuma said it loudly enough to force a few gawkers to turn away, "For fuck's sake…I thought we'd all graduated from the Academy, but it doesn't look like it."

"Is…Gai…not here?" Sato was afraid to ask.

"I saw him briefly this morning and it did not look good. Gai was probably going to or from his brother's office." Asuma guessed.

Sato reminded himself how to control his bowels and facial expressions. It would have been too much to hope that this gossip-storm had missed the Maito family and its patriarchs.

Even more unfortunate was that Shiranui Genma stood from his seat and looked quite fed-up about something. He faced Sato while chewing on a senbon needle, "You can sit this meeting out."

"I'm already marked on the attendance list." Sato tried to brush off the veiled threat. He vaguely knew that Genma had been an old teammate of Gai's, and that he was probably aware of the turmoil going on in his friend's family. A seat away from Genma was Ebisu, the third member of Gai's old team, who was discreetly listening to the exchange.

Genma drew closer, rather formidable with his shoulders squared and pinpointing stare, "Marked down or not, you aren't needed. In fact, you're not really needed at meetings here in general…since disrespectful punks who sleep around and wreck homes don't have constructive input to give."

Asuma wore a warm, genial smile, "Mornin' Genma. Can I interest you in shutting the fuck up?"

Genma smiled back, "Hey Asuma, did you hit your head and forget not to defend a little shit who breaks vows with one of Konoha's most respected families?"

"It's not your place to judge him, Baggypants."

Sato interjected, "Look, I don't know what you've heard, but that wasn't what happened. It was a lone mistake, and frankly…it's not up for discussion."

Nearby, Ebisu agreed and fiddled with his sunglasses, "You aren't welcome here."

"Hey!" At the head of the room Kakima was shouting, "I'm still taking roll so shut up back there! I can't hear."

The standoff was neutralized when Kakashi popped over like a magician, nudging Genma and Ebisu back to their seats. He muttered to them about patching things up with Gai later. They seemed to simmer down.

It was then Sato looked across the room again and met eyes with Neji, and realized he had probably only had Neji's respect for two full days before spoiling it. In that moment Sato felt so desperately hopeless that he turned around without a word and exited the assembly room. He remembered as he hustled out of the Standby Station that he used to joke to his friends who goofed up, This is why we can't have nice things! And indeed, this was why.

The world outside was a swirl of color and undefined shapes, all lit in useless sunlight and filled with meaningless, accidental things. When Sato noticed Sakura and Kiba across the avenue with their pitying looks directed at him, he knew there was no way back up. To escape the freefall of shame. It was forever down, down, down from now on. He was too ashamed to make an emergency, drop-in visit to Doctor Iwao's office.

Sato conducted the rest of his day robotically far away from acquaintances, refused to sleep, and took off for his mission at dawn the next morning. In the southern reaches of the Fire Country, Sato happened across the low level counter-operative that Tsunade had mentioned might appear, and ragefully pummeled the interloper in a skirmish, leaving him to bleed unconscious in forest nettle. Sato completed his report by night and took no breaks. When he returned to Konoha the day after that, the shattering isolation had fully set in. He'd stopped eating and sleeping. He sipped water from time to time. Never in all his days had Sato been so passionless.

Back in the village he submitted his report by messenger hawk and skipped a debriefing with the Hokage, returned home to shower off, and then curled up in his bed. It felt so soft. 'It's kind of like you're still here, Tama. I hope no one's giving you grief.'

A messenger pigeon was tapping at his window, hoping he would fill out a form to reschedule his counseling appointment. Though Sato could hear it, his mind had traveled back to the past in search of the white, electric-glass wall he'd found in death. The anguish he was feeling was a callback to that mysterious place; he'd forgotten all about it until now. 'That Akatsuki fellow…killed me. I think I've…overstayed.' Sato supposed, 'I don't want Sunshine to feel bad about…working to save me, but she shouldn't have.'

If he had remained dead, he never would have gone on to destroy the honor of so many people close to him. Sato was convinced of it, 'If taking responsibility for a mistake that cannot be undone means death…it's not that hard to die. At least, not as hard as it is to live on.'

He didn't like romanticizing the idea of death. He wanted a reason to justify sticking around, but Sato struggled to pin down his positive contributions. He rested and then re-dressed, heading back out into the village. He would talk to them— his friends. He'd explain what was going on, that he and Tama would be fine while apart, and how the loss of face was hurting him. That he was thinking of leaving and going back to the white place. Could they please make it stop?

It turned out that Shikamaru didn't even humor him when Sato showed up to greet the team, and Chouji had to restrain Ino again as she fought to take a swing at Sato's head. He took the hint and his leave. Likewise, Sato was shunned by most people his age that he approached that day. He wandered through town after realizing how futile an effort it was.

At the sloped grass bank of the river that cut through the west ward, Sato sat down and rested his head on his bent knees. If he couldn't have the person he loved, why couldn't he at least have gotten to keep his friends? Why had there been collateral damage?

The autumn breeze kind of felt good. Sato blinked, sighed, and then gazed across the stream to see Neji's team on the far side. It looked like Wushu practice with Lee's grandpa Wong Leung. He felt his heart drop into his stomach when they noticed him too. Exhausted, Sato rose to his feet to trudge away and find another spot to self-reflect. He glanced back over his shoulder when he heard a sound. A bolt of fright ran through Sato— Tenten was running full-charge across the river after him. 'Oh my god—! I mean, I know people are mad! But is she really gonna attack me—?'

He could have tripled his pace if he had energy or a speck of food in his stomach, but Sato only managed a lilting run in what he hoped was a safe direction. Tenten's shouting behind him was indistinct. 'I can't take much more of this.' Since when had his life been reduced to running away from friends? Nothing could be more contrary to his nature.

Both Lee and Neji crossed the river as well. Tenten had summoned a rope-bola from a tool scroll, pitched it, and tripped Sato as it wound around his ankles. He fell with a paff sound to the grass, breathing heavily and supposing, 'Well, might as well let them…' Sato rolled to his back to look up at the sky, sorrow replacing his momentary fear, and Tenten then came into his field of view. She bent down to undo the knotted bola around his legs.

"You can beat me up, if you want." He wasn't going to resist.

"I don't want to beat you up, Sato. I needed you to stop running away." Tenten corrected him and extended her hand, "Are you alright? We've been worried about you."

He was speechless as he took her hand and let the kunoichi pull him to his feet. Her teammates caught up and took their places beside Tenten. Lee's eyes were watering. Neji seemed rather composed, wearing the same expression Sato had glimpsed in the Jounin Standby Station.

"I'm not alright." Sato admitted.

"We noticed." Tenten acknowledged, "Everyone's heard about what happened. Ino went around talking about it."

"That's what I thought." He said in a small voice.

"Though we may be disappointed…" Lee told him, "None of us can tolerate the unconscionable behavior that's been directed at you. It is appalling. It is heartless!"

Sato sort of stared at Lee and detected that, yes, his words were sincere. But Lee was always sincere. And Lee was very good at empathizing with other people.

"I wanted to talk to you at the Station." Neji spoke up, "But things escalated and then you left. It's disgusting that those who claim to be veterans and mature adults feel entitled to punish you when your personal life is not theirs to discuss."

"Right. They don't know me so well…you guys, on the other hand…" Sato's voice was soft, "Maybe it's in your best interest to stop associating with me too."

"No." Neji said flatly, "We don't subscribe to crowd mentalities."

"You deserve to be supported!" Lee insisted.

Sato regarded them with shiny eyes.

"For the record, we care about and want to support Tama too, but we can't take sides and write you off like you're worthless. Friends shouldn't have to take sides." Tenten determined, "And it'd be arrogant for any of us to say we haven't each done something to hurt people close to us. Well, Lee never has, but he's a special case."

Lee nodded in mopey understanding while Neji gave Tenten a strange look, "You've never hurt anyone."

Sato watched the young woman stare back at Neji as if she were hiding some terrible secret, and it felt like he'd glimpsed a ticking time bomb that he shouldn't have. From Neji's perspective, he was one to freely admit he had done wrong and hurt others, but he was heretofore unaware that his girlfriend could have possibly broken faith at any point. Tenten's face indicated otherwise. Sato gulped and looked away.

"We will not tolerate your mistreatment, so please depend on us if you are ever in need!" Lee offered.

The comment snapped Neji and Tenten out of it, both nodding to back up the claim.

"I, uh…thanks. Thank you…so much." Sato took a breath, "All I've wished for is…for Tama to get all of the help and affection she needs since she left, though I didn't know…it might be at my expense. What I really want is for her to be okay. It doesn't matter what happens to me."

"It matters." Tenten reminded him.

"Right." Sato mumbled.

"I'll be at the Station tomorrow." Neji said, hinting that he would be willing to fend off any unfriendly Jounin at the next meeting.

He thanked his friends once more before taking his leave, and Sato walked up a series of streets, stopping outside of Doctor Iwao's office. He hadn't rescheduled his appointment. Did doctors ever wonder what became of their troubled patients when communications stopped? Perhaps she had heard the rumors too? Perhaps not? He kept walking and decided to skip counseling. All that he had come to want lately was sleep. Not to talk, or work, or eat, or connect. He could vaguely remember when his body wanted things. When his spirit had once craved things. Now it did not.

Sato returned to his apartment via the open window, and thought maybe he should shut it since the days were getting cooler. But that would keep Aree and Aroo out. He wouldn't do it. He unclipped his weapons and tool pouches, dropped them on the dining table, and crossed to the sitting area rug. Sato went down on his knees and then curled on his side on the carpet, as it was the nearest, most accessible comfy thing. He ended up lying flat on his back, which felt good in an odd way. He slept. He missed that afternoon's training session with his team.

The sound of knocking woke him at night, and Sato heard Sai's voice beyond the door: "Sato-san, does this cat belong to you? It keeps scratching at your door." He couldn't raise his voice even to tell Sai, No.

It didn't much matter. There was a tinkle of identification tags on the cat's collar, and Sai discovered the cat named Jingle belonged to Mr. Miyazawa on the first floor. Sai walked away to deliver the cat, "Ah. Never mind." Sato heard him go.

He did not move. Sleep took him again.

Then it was morning, and he felt someone shaking him awake worriedly, "Sato-kun?"

Sato cracked his eyes open to see Hinata half-panicked, requiring Shino's assistance to pull him upright into a sitting position.

"What are you doing? We haven't seen you…we had to check on you…" Hinata's voice was fluttering.

"I'm tired." Sato said.

Hinata sat and hugged him, though Sato quite resembled an unfeeling, inanimate sack of feathers at that point. He sat blankly while Shino moved around the flat and collected what few things could comprise breakfast. He then returned with a tray and sat beside his friends, encouraging Sato to eat something since his face was looking sunken with the starting signs of starvation.

Sato could not bring himself to move, and so Shino pinched his friend's cheeks to open his mouth and stuff a sweet bun in. Sato chewed as slowly as a tortoise. But they waited, item by item cramming the bun, a hardboiled egg, and steamed sweet potato in Sato's mouth. Hinata relaxed upon seeing he was willing to eat; just lacking the motor functions to facilitate it. She got up and made tea.

And though it seemed that "Sato" had disappeared from his body, they stayed by his side and pushed him through another impossible day.


Note: Why yes, there was a lot of commentary on depression in this chapter and the socio-cultural pressures that can intensify it. Breakups can be hard, though living in a shinobi society can be even harder. I bet you readers can relate to most of this; either you've been hit by the emotional truck, or you've been there to help the one hit by the emotional truck.

Thanks for reading, peeps! I'm working on a NaruHina Fluff day submission mini fic for May (it's 100 percent humor) so you can be on the lookout for that next. Will try to submit more chapters of Harbinger prior to the end of July. I might get a little distracted at that point due to wedding shenanigans, so I want to give you some story goodness to hold you over until I'm back.

Brain hugs,

tigerowl

Chapter 53- White Shadows in the Mist