Chapter 48 (Dark thoughts)
Almost two hours had passed, but to Alexandra they seemed like eternity.
It took a long time until Jonathan calmed down again. The entire time Alexandra pinned him down to the floor like a wrestler while Jonathan kept on spitting and whimpering, still trying to lash about. Her voice kept on talking to him softly and the more Jonathan calmed down, the more Alexandra´s grip released. She snuggled him more and more, rocking his body lightly and tenderly stroking his hair. With time, Jonathan stopped resisting.
Both were just laying there for a while, then Alexandra brought Jonathan back to the bed, where he let himself fall on the mattress, completely exhausted. He then turned on his side and fell into a deep sleep. Alexandra started to put the room in order without making too much noise. To her, it almost was a wonder Mrs. Smith or one of the hotel guests didn´t knock on the door to complain about the noise coming from their room.
In between, Alexandra checked Jonathan´s pulse and respiration over and over again to see if everything was okay. It seemed that Jonathan´s seizure was gone, but she couldn´t really be sure until he was awake again.
For a couple seconds, Alexandra was holding the receiver of the hotel phone in her hand. She was thinking of calling Mrs. Smith at the reception or calling the hospital – but what was she going to say? That Jonathan had a heart attack? That he had a nervous breakdown because she had confronted him with his past? That he had tried to kill her? What should she say if the doctors asked her about the syringe? She didn´t know what she injected into him! And what if they asked her about the particulars? Then she would lose her disguise and everything would be lost! And what would be even worse: Henri Ducard would get wind of her double play. Alexandra was pretty sure about it. And all she had planned to do in secret – to help Rachel Dawes bring Falcone behind bars and to arrange a deal for herself and Jonathan – she could forget about it all then!
Softly, Alexandra ran her hand over Jonathan´s forehead. No, it was too dangerous to go to a hospital! It was too dangerous to let someone know what had happened here. And whatever had been in that syringe– it obviously had helped, or at least it seemed to.
At least he doesn´t seem to be in imminent danger of life.´ Alexandra thought while holding the used syringe in her hand.
Now she realized that she didn´t inject the entire serum, a few drops remained behind. Alexandra was wondering if Jonathan would tell her what was in that syringe. And above all, he didn´t have just one syringe, it was a handful of them Alexandra found in his bag – and this worried her!
Was it something he concealed from Alexandra over the entire time? Would he have continued to keep this concealed if none of this had happened?
A thousand thoughts were flashing through her mind now, wondering what it was all about with these syringes. What was the reason for Jonathan keeping them with him? Alexandra just couldn´t imagine that he was carrying them about with him just for fun, even if he was a physician. After all, he wasn´t dealing with simple Aspirine pills here. So what was the reason Jonathan needed these syringes? Was he seriously sick and did he need injections regularly?
Or was it completely different and was Jonathan addicted to drugs? Due to her own "drug career", Alexandra knew very well what this meant – and she knew very well what it would mean to go through detox therapy. The syringe wasn´t filled with heroin. Alexandra already was sure about it. She knew heroin too well; she knew how it looked like in a syringe and she knew its inmediate effect. Above all, she could see a mile away if someone was addicted to drugs or not. But the entire time, Alexandra didn´t noticed any sign of drug addiction in Jonathan. But he was a medical doctor; it didn´t have to be heroin he was injecting himself with. Probably there was enough medication out to have a similar effect. If someone was smart, he would be sure to take something better than heroin – and Jonathan wasn´t stupid at all. He was an MD; he was very well versed in that matter – and for sure he had enough money to afford something finer than heroin. Maybe, Jonathan was a "Noble-Junkie" so to say.
But was it true? Maybe Alexandra was completely wrong and Jonathan wasn´t addicted to drugs at all. But if there were indeed no drugs in these syringes, what was it then?
If Jonathan doesn´t want to tell me or if he can´t tell me, then there has to be another way,´ Alexandra thought, gripped the used syringe and placed it into the inner pocket of her coat. I need to find out what kind of stuff this is.´
Alexandra would tell Jonathan that it was a littered syringe if he asked her about it. And if he indeed started looking for the syringe, Jonathan probably would look in her bag rather than in her coat.
Jonathan turned on his other side, still sleeping when Alexandra softly placed one of the chairs against the wall next to the balcony window. His eyes still were closed and small beads of sweat were covering his forehead. Alexandra got a wash rag out of the bathroom and dabbed the sweat off his forehead tenderly.
It was hard to believe that Jonathan had tried to kill her not long ago as Alexandra looked at his face. He looked so peaceful, so gentle.
What the hell happened to him?´ flashed through Alexandra´s mind.
She placed the wash rag next to Jonathan on the bed and took a seat on the chair. Alexandra leaned her head against the wall and her gaze rested on Jonathan´s face. She stretched her body and crossed her arms and legs. Jonathan kept on sleeping deeply and sometimes Alexandra could hear his dark voice sighing lightly.
In Alexandra´s mind, her thoughts and feelings tumbled. She was confused, worried and shocked about what had happened. Tired, Alexandra rubbed her eyes and gazed over to Jonathan again. Again, she tried replay everything in her mind what happened today – the visit at his mother´s grave, Alexandra´s confession in the hotel room about the fact that she knew all already, Jonathan trying to explain everything and then suddenly having this seizure or whatever it was – and then him trying to choke her. For a moment, Alexandra didn´t know what was worse – not knowing what was wrong with Jonathan or the fact that he had tried to kill her.
Unfortunately it hadn´t been the first time he tried to harm her and this thought caused a cold shiver to run down her back.
Alexandra thought about the last days, trying to assemble all these small jigsaw pieces into a picture, but some of these pieces didn´t make sense at all.
"Something happened with me, Alex. I´m sick and I need help..."
Those were Jonathan´s words. He didn´t say: "I´ve blundered into something." He didn´t say: "I´ve gone down the wrong path. I´ve messed around with criminals."
No, he said that he was sick and he needed help. So, was this the reason why he needed the syringes? And what did Jonathan mean by "not to lose his mind"? Did he need these syringes not to lose his mind? Or did he lose his mind because of these injections?
What did he mean when he said "No, not Jonathan" when he pressed Alexandra against his apartment´s door shortly before he tried to rape her? Who was he talking about when he said "Go finally out of my head"?
What was it about with the scratchy fabric protruding from Jonathan´s suitcase?
"You won´t get him!"
Alexandra rubbed her hands over her face and crossed her arms again while her gaze moved back to Jonathan.
"You are nothing! I am everything! Your time is over! You won´t stop me! No one will stop me!"
Jonathan, what was that all about?´
Alexandra closed her eyes.
