Well, thanks for support. Glad you guys did not freak out and instead encouraged my creative process. Enjoy and take a moment to review.
I wanted to acknowledge some of the brave new readers who shared their thoughts and posted recently. You guys made me happy and gave me needed extra energy boost. So all those who may feel shy or believe they have nothing to say - don't worry, a simple like or don't like is good enough for me to know that you are out there and are enjoying the story. This is all I can ask for!
"Can you tell me honestly, if can I travel?" Eun Soo was taking a home visit from the Royal doctor, who personally escorted her home after she napped in the infirmary waiting for all the commotion to end.
"I don't advise."
The man sipped some sweet tea she offered as a sign of appreciation and out of etiquette. She was trying to be civil, despite a sense of urgency twisting her to the bones, since he was still a busy man and was supposed to be devoting all of his time to the preparation for the arrival of the troops.
"Do you prohibit or is it possible, if I'm extra careful?" She nagged, pulling at his sleeve like a kid and tilting her head to read his expression.
"Eun Soo-shi, you are a doctor yourself. What do you think?" He did not even wink at her behavior, already very familiar with her simplistic tricks of cuteness that might have worked on her husband, but not him. He also thoroughly enjoyed the high ground and position of superiority in this subject matter, having such an important doctor seek his advice. This self indulgent and narcissistic part of him was his downfall and kept him one step away from being actually a very good person, leaving him just in the good person category.
"I am not familiar with how to assess pregnancy without certain equipment, the way you can. So I have to trust you. Just know that my husband needs my help, because I'm probably the only one who can help him. If I stay here, my child will become an orphan. If I go there, I need to know whether I put my child at risk." Eun Soo's look changed from cuteness to determination. She had a plan and needed to hear from him something that would allow her to move on with this risky endeavor.
"You have to be extremely cautious. I will tell you exactly which herbs to take and how much. I believe acupuncture will be necessary as well. I will send Deo Gi with you. If you want, Zaphira as well. I think with the two of them and my instructions, you will be safe."
Fine, he was a good person and he was her friend, and he cared and understood where she was coming from. After all, he was her unwilling accomplice after her false miscarriage incident.
"You know, I would hug you and even kiss, if I could."
She teased him, or maybe, was sincere. This woman was strange to say the least – affectionate and reserved at a whim, at times so open with him, and at times keeping the proper decorum and following the gender assigned roles to the tee. Strangely, he was happy, since whether he denied it or not, he was a man after all.
"I'm glad that you don't find it possible. I will never get used to your Heavenly ways." He bowed out and departed.
This friendship with a woman was something unexpected and he navigated the uncharted territory cautiously. One thing he was sure about – one day her husband will seek him out and punish for being so friendly. He was glad Choi Young was alive and hopefully coming back soon. Sincerely. Because otherwise…
. . .
Eun Soo's energy came in spurts. She used it wisely to get ready and be prepared for the trip. According to her estimation, Choi Young has been injured for at least 4 days. By the time she gets there, it would be another 2-3 days. There was not much for preparation, she wanted to leave immediately, but Lady Choi and the Royal Doctor ganged up on her with their annoying logical and practical reasons to take her time and get ready properly.
She enlisted the help of Zaphira, who remained the closest friend throughout this whole process. Eun Soo was more than grateful that the woman was not only sensitive, but sensible, not only smart, but wise. She stayed by Eun Soo's side faithfully and continued to be a source of comfort and much needed diversion. However, a rift occurred between them, not visible and not something that Zaphira voiced, but Eun Soo could feel it as soon as the black eyed beauty passed through the door and did not hurry to take her into her arms for a sisterly hug. Instead, she curtly inquired about how she could help "the doctor" and stated that she was asked by Shin Ok "to be of assistance."
This cold treatment was a slap in the face, and hormonally challenged Eun Soo began sniffling, not for sympathy, but just because that was now her first go to response to anything that jarred her. She had a few kerchiefs prepared on hand for such occasions and picked one up, wiping off wet eyes and then loudly blew her nose. Zaphira glanced at her, as if asking, "Why are you putting on such a show?" But of course, it was Eun Soo's vivid and hypercritically attuned imagination, since her friend simply stood next to the cabinet with a basket ready to assist her.
She was getting the clothes out for herself first and then for Daejang, silently handing it over to Zaphira with a smile that said 'I'm sorry and thank you', while the woman packed it all neatly, her face fighting to keep her emotions locked away. Only her deep black eyes revealed the hurt and sense of betrayal, which is what Eun Soo was afraid of.
The news about Eun Soo's pregnancy shook Zaphira up. Not because she was not happy for Eun Soo, she was; she felt like this friendship lacked the trust she thought she finally had with at least one person.
"Why did not you tell me? Were you worried because of what I had told you?" she sounded so hurt, Eun Soo did not know how to respond. Of course, the doctor worried about her friend, especially after she has learned her story.
"I poured out my soul to you, I was so honest and shared the kind of things nobody else here knows about me. Yet, you keep your pregnancy a secret! We slept in the same bed for weeks, you called me a sister, you cried on my shoulder! And still, I was not enough for you to tell me."
Zaphira was not used to having such conversations. She was always reserved and pulled back from others. In many ways, she reminded Eun Soo of Choi Young when she first met him, somebody who was so cautious around her and controlled that it literary took a major crisis for him to give her an opening. For such a person to let somebody in was a huge risk and Eun Soo failed miserably to show her that she understood and recognized how much trust it required.
Would sincere apology be enough?
"You are right. I was wrong, and it was awful of me. But I only had your interest at heart. You know that around those we love, we act foolish and hurt them the most. Will my happiness harm you? Will my pregnancy bring up the memories you may want to forget? Will you be able to look at me the same way and stay friends with me? I had all these questions in my mind. On top of it, I'm a doctor. I know the rules – you always wait to tell others, even your family till the end of the first trimester. I already had one loss… I could not stand to have another… Please, you have to believe me, I only told Aunt Choi and it was the same day as I found out about my husband's condition. It was simply bad timing. I just did not get a chance to see you and tell you in person. Please, Zaphira." She grabbed the woman's hand, pleading. "I am so lonely and you have been such an important friend. I feel like we can understand each other. You can be angry and scream, just don't turn away. If you can tolerate being next to me, I would love for you to come along." She needed somebody to rely on. Deo Gi was great, but it was a bit hard to communicate with her. Dae Man was like a brother, but he was a boy still. Deok Man – obviously, he was not much for conversation, although he was caring. And Choong Seok – the man was wonderful, but a man, nevertheless. Somebody had to stay behind and it was up to her, who she would choose. She already cleared up with the King and had his permission to have a few Woodalchi escort her.
"Eun Soo, I have to think, give me some time. I can get ready, if I decide to come." The woman was obviously struggling with her own feelings, and at this point there was not much the doctor could say or do.
"I will understand either way, I will not hold a grudge." Eun Soo tried to reassure her.
As she was left alone in her large and choking with emptiness room, she lay on the bed to rest, ordering herself to be positive. She was committed to be good to her body and forced herself to snack on a ginger cured apple with some nuts – as a part of a well balanced fiber and protein rich diet she prescribed to herself. Ginger was the key to keep nausea at bay, and at that point she was used to a slightly queasy stomach half of the time she was on her feet. These symptoms should had dissipated; so she attributed this to her first pregnancy and possibly anxiety, which she still harbored after everything that collapsed onto her shoulders, which were aching and tired from the weight of the world she felt carrying lately.
Her hand molded around her stomach and lightly stroking her precious cargo, she started humming a song she used to like as a kid. This immediately had a curative effect on both her soul and her nausea, soothing her churning insides and making all the problems she faced seem inconsequential.
"Daejang, our baby is growing. If I could have an ultrasound, she would look like a little person, sucking her thumb; and she can feel pain now, so I have to be extra careful…" Every time she thought "our baby", tears crept up, her eyes itched and swelled, and her chest filled with a burst of heat pushing to the ache. She allowed the tears form and even a drop escape from her lashes. She took another breath, thankful. She was going to be a mother, she is a mother. All she had to do – to make sure her daughter had a father, who is healthy and able. And most of all – a father who is such a remarkable human being! Naughty hormones overwhelmed her body again, sending insistent signals to the brain and opening up the tear ducks, which barely got any break today.
"Oh well, I might as well let it flow, " she murmured to herself and curled in bed, pulling the covers over and gave way to all the feelings that still had not had a chance to transform into refreshing and releasing good old cry, freeing the trapped part of her consciousness welled in awe at the miracle of life within her.
