Thursday, October 8th

Sofia almost jumped off the chair. Did she sleep? She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. She had no time for sleep, she had to find Sara, she had to…answer her cell phone. Maybe it was Sara.

"Sara?"

"Jules."

"Is she with you?"

"No. She called me."

"Where is she?"

"I don't know, Sofia. She said she is alright."

"You don't know where she is or you don't want to tell me?"

"I don't know and if I would, I couldn't tell you. But I will tell you something I'm not supposed to tell you because I know you worry and drive yourself crazy…"

"I love her. Would you calm down if the one you love disappeared?"

"I told her to go to work. If she does so, I can't tell you, but I asked her to do so. And I told her to call you. Sofia, if Sara goes to work, it's important that you don't go there."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. She needs some time alone, if you go there, she might leave L.A. and won't come back."

"How am I supposed to leave her alone? I love her."

"I know you do and she knows it too."

"I can't…"

"Please. I know it's hard but give her the time and give her the space. She'll be back with you if you give her some time."

"Will she come to your office any time soon?"

Jules was quiet for a few seconds. "Yes."

"Will she call you again?"

"I hope so."

"Three days. Tell her that if I haven't heard anything of her within the next three days, I'll let my colleagues see her. And her rent is due the day after tomorrow."

"I'll let her know. Sofia, you should take the day off and get some rest."

"You're her therapist, not mine." Sofia ended the call. She didn't need a day off, she needed to go to work and get her head straight. She couldn't sit here and think of Sara the whole day, she needed something to distract her.

The radio. Maybe some music got her mind of Sara and made her feel better. She turn on her favorite radio station.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

This didn't distract her, this made her feel more sad. She took her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Yo."

"Greg, it's Sofia."

"How are you? Did you get bored at work?"

"No, not really. I have to start later."

"With or without the sexy brunette?"

"Sara…should be at work."

"Should? If she's not with you, she'll be at work. Where else should she be?"

That was something she wanted to know too.

"Greg, she left."

"What do you mean with she left? Of course she has to leave to go to work."

"No, she left…yesterday. When I woke up, she was gone, I haven't seen her since, haven't heard from her."

"You are kidding me, right?"

"No. I wish I were."

"What happened?"

"She…damn it, I don't have to keep her problems secret from you. She saw a guy you abused her when she was a child. He was here in L.A., not too far away from home. She managed to get to Jules, lost conscious there. Jules called me, a physician and when Sara got her conscious back, she told us – Jules – what happened. She told me later and I got…I had a nightmare about what she told me and she had to wake me up."

"She felt guilty."

"Yes." He knew Sara, Sofia didn't have to tell him every detail, he knew what Sara felt better than most people.

"I needed some air, we had a little disagreement outside, she went in her room, I in mine and when I looked for her in the morning, she was gone. She had therapy at eight, so I thought she was there but when she didn't come back, I started to worry. Jules can't tell me about her session with Sara anymore, Sara made her shut up."

"Holy shit."

"Yes. Greg, is she with you?"

"Sara? No. Really not. I swear."

"Alright. I want to know where she is, I want to know if she's fine. I can't call her, her cell phone is switched off."

"I'll try to call her, maybe she'll listen to her mailbox at one point."

"I hope so too."

"She'll be alright, Sofia. And she'll be back with you soon. She loves you."

"She loved Grissom too before she left him."

"That's something different."

"Why?"

"Because…she wouldn't do that, she wouldn't leave you."

"Yeah, I bet that's what everybody thought about her and Grissom. And he was alone because she left without saying goodbye." Sofia hung up the phone. Why did she have to think the whole time about the fact, that Sara left Grissom.

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest


Don stood behind the window in the living room and watched Sofia. The blonde sat on a bench, arms on her knees, head on her hands, eyes down. She had been distracted the whole day, she wasn't able to work, she hadn't paid any attention to her job. If he hadn't taken over, Sofia had endangered herself and her colleagues.

He knew Sara was gone, he knew her friend suffered. Like he did. He missed Sara, he didn't understand why she left, he wanted to know where she is, how she was. Sitting here, waiting, not knowing anything, made him crazy. Made him feel useless. Sofia had told him, Sara needed some time alone, she needed some space, that there were things of her past, that made her go. That she would come back. But he wasn't blind, he saw the fear in Sofia's face. He saw the fear in her blue eyes that her lover might not come back. Didn't Sara do the same with her ex? Leave him in Vegas because she needed some time and space because of her past? What if she did the same to Sofia like she did to Grissom? He didn't know much about this, only the things Greg and Sofia had mentioned, but so far it looked for him like it was the same like two years ago. And Sofia's voice, that was shaky, sounded like she had cried a lot, was just another piece of evidence, that she had the same thoughts. The same fears.

He had tried to call Sara, the cell phone was switched off. He had left a few dozen messages, none got responded. He was about to drive to Angeles National Forest, Sofia stopped him. He wanted to track her credit card down to find out where she stayed. It had to be a motel or a bed and breakfast. He wanted to know if she came back. And when. And why she left. There were so many question and no answers.

It was hard for him, it was even harder for Sofia. And he had no idea how to help her, what to do to make her feel better. It broke his heart to watch her suffer, to see, she felt like somebody had taken away her air to breathe.

"Don't watch me like a suspect through the one way mirror."

"Sorry." He left the house, went into the garden, sat next to Sofia and pulled her in his arms. For a few minutes they stayed like this, arm in arm, holding each other.

"I miss her, Don."

"Me too."

"Why did she go? Why did she leave me?"

"I don't know."

"We can work things out, there's no reason to leave. Without a single word."

"I don't understand it."

"What am I supposed to do without her? She's my life. I love her. And I've always thought she loves me too."

"She does." He hoped Sara loved Sofia. Loved her and came back to her. Soon.

"Why did she go?"

"I don't know. I've no idea what happened."

"I'd love to tell you but…just the thought of it makes me feel guilty because I think, it's her business to tell you, to let you know. With this I can even understand Jules, what I didn't want to. Why does Sara call her and not me?"

"Maybe because she knows doctor Weinberg tells you."

"She told her not to talk with me about her anymore."

"Why?"

"I don't know…to make it easier for me?"

"Easier for you?"

"Some things she told me got into me. Gave me a really bad nightmare, she witnessed it. I think, she tries to protect me, not seeing that this is worse than any nightmare because it's reality. I prefer not to sleep because of a nightmare than to be awake without her."

"Did she go to work today?"

"I don't know. Jules didn't call, I've no idea what Sara did or does."

"Did you call doctor Weinberg?"

"No. She'll let me know if there's anything she can tell me."

"Did you…talk to our doc about it?"

"I don't want to take my person life, my personal problems to the department shrink. It's not work related, it's none of their business."

"Sofia…it's work related. You didn't concentrate, you didn't work the way you used to work, you are supposed to work. You need to get your mind on the job, otherwise you put the life of the people you work with and your life in danger."

"My life is worthless without her."

"Don't talk like this."

"It's true. What am I without her? Without her I'm nothing. I don't want to be without her."

"Don't talk like this."

"It's true Don and there's nothing you can do to change that. Without her, I'm nothing and my life makes no sense." Sofia got up and ran into the house.

Don started to follow her, stopped when he heard how the door to her room got locked. He didn't like this. Not a bit. And he knew, he had to do something. He couldn't sit and wait, Sofia was suffering, she wasn't herself. She needed him to do something. Something to help her out of this. Fast.


MERRY X-MAS TO EVERYBODY :-)