Part 36 – Activating Collision Detection System:
-Summer's Residence : Saturday Evening-
I sip my hot cocoa and lament the length of Joyce's dining room table. Sitting on the long side makes it exceptionally difficult to surreptitiously observe Dawn whilst pretending I'm watching my Brother and Joyce play out their canon conversation.
"So I happen to walk by, and she's making out with a Chaos Demon! And I said, you know, I don't have to put up with this, and she said, fine, and I said, fine, do whatever you want! I thought we'd make up, you know..." my Brother rambles. I think the most disturbing thing is that he's quoting his canon lines word for word. Mother's actions made no sense in the show, but now that I know that she knew what's coming... they make even less than no sense.
"Well, she sounds very unreasonable." Joyce responding identically to his story makes sense. Boring, but makes sense.
Finally yielding to boredom and my own idle curiosity I quietly scoot my chair down Dawn's way and lean over to whisper at her. "So, how did you meet William anyway."
"Who?" She grins at me. Oh, I see how it is.
"...Spike."
"What about Spike?" Really Dawn? We're going to play this game?
Joyce's voice fills the silence I leave as I glare at Dawn's smirking face. "...their lives just take different paths. When Buffy's father and I started having trouble..."
"How did you meet Spike?" I huff.
"He..." Dawn pauses, choking up a bit. "He saved me from Angel."
Huh. I guess that would make sense. A pretty little 13 year old girl? No way Gramps would have passed up that opportunity.
"But this is different! Our love was eternal! Literally!" William sets his mug of cocoa down with a wistful sigh. The smell of the whiskey he added to his cocoa is strong enough I'm surprised Joyce hasn't said anything. "I'm going to go pour another cuppa. Anyone else for one?" Impressively he manages to stand up with only the slightest swaying on his feet. I doubt I'd catch it if I wasn't looking for it.
"Oh! Me please!" Dawn knocks back the remainder of her own and holds it out to him.
While William heads off into the kitchen with to refill his and Dawn's mugs, and likely dump in the other half of the bag little marshmallows, Joyce smiles at me. "I don't think you ever mentioned having an older brother. He seems very nice..." Joyce takes a sip of her cocoa, and glances at Dawn with mischief in her eyes. "...I can definitely see why Dawn was so smitten with him for months."
"MOM!" I laugh at Dawn's outraged yelp.
"Yeah. He's a good-"
William's affronted response cuts me off from the kitchen. "Oi! Right insulting that is! Big Bad's a- Ooh, the marshmallows!"
Releasing the breath I was holding mostly by habit when William started his traditional rant, I wait for Dawns giggles to quiet down a bit before continuing.
"I haven't actually seen him in years." Gods, it really has been forever since I watched the show. Shrugging, I scratch the back of my head. "I didn't even know he was in town until he showed up on my doorstep. I'm probably just as guilty in that regard as he is, I never really tried to reach out..." I probably should have. Though I'm not sure really sure how to address a letter to 'a Vampire somewhere in Brazil.' Sighing, I refocus on the conversation at hand. "...I've been a bit fixated on getting Faith settled in and everything lately."
"And how is Faith doing? I hear she and my daughter are-"
"Moooom! That's cheating."
"Excuse me?" Joyce asks while I add my own confused look in Dawn's direction.
"You're trying to get him to tell you about Buffy! And you're using my friend to do it."
I raise an eyebrow at that one. "So now we're friends? I tho-"
"Not you... Faith, duh! I'm still mad at you."
Oh right. That nonexistent birthday party I allegedly failed to attend. Also explains the shirt. I snort, before grinning at Joyce. "It seems we'll just have to talk about you and Giles instead of-"
"SO! Buffy and Faith. What're they up to?"
Laughing at the horror in Dawn's voice, I start to explain. "Mrs. Post still has them searching the caves-"
There's a loud crash to my left. My first thought, before I actually look, is that the whiskey William's obviously been adding to his cocoa got the better of him. Then my family radar kicks up another hit and Joyce screams, "Oh my God. Get away from here!"
Oh... Gods Damn It, Angel. Dawn lets out a terrified scream and I'm on my feet and between her and Angel before I really even process what I'm doing. Ah well. Unintentional or not, Joyce will probably appreciate the gesture. I doubt however that she'll appreciate that in doing so, I sent the dining table toppling over. There's a loud snapping crunch and thud as it crashes to the floor, breaking the chair William was sitting in along the way.
"Joyce, listen to me." Seeing Angel look and sound so fucking horrified while he's stuck outside the house is pretty damned amusing. I can properly appreciate why William found it so entertaining in canon now.
Feeling Dawn's shaking hands digging into my sides in a panicked grip, I join the mounting verbal fray. "Fuck off, Angel! You're scaring Dawn." I think I even manage to sound properly angry instead of amused.
"Joyce, you can't trust them, they're vampires. You have to Invite me in!" Yeah, not going to happen, Angel. I can hear Joyce trying to comfort Dawn behind me. Something about him not being able to get to her again.
"Angel! You can't be here! You're scaring my sister." Buffy shouts-
...
Buggerfuck! When did Buffy get here? Gods Damn It, I forgot how weak the signal her terrible Vamp-dar puts out is. This suddenly just stopped being funny.
Hearing Faith join Joyce in trying to calm Dawn I start running my options. Depressingly, I'm fairly certain that Faith would not back me up in a direct fight with Buffy. I doubt she'd help Buffy either but that still leaves us with a 2 vs. 2 match, and my back up is drunkenly filling hot cocoa mugs in the kitchen.
Giles' voice asking if everything is all right somewhere in the house is just the fucking icing on the cake.
Fortunately Buffy's expression seems to be in agreement with me that Giles presence is not a good thing. "You have to go!" She yells at Angel. Okay, maybe I can salvage-
"Buffy! You have to invite me in! Jack is a vampire." Are you fucking serious!? After all the work I put into-
"No he isn't. He just smells like one." I resist the urge to smirk at Buffy's answer. Apparently that work wasn't entirely useless. "Oz thought so too at first-"
"No you don't understand, Buffy. I helped Dru turn him and then we buried him behind the mansion."
...
Oh come on! I start rapidly cycling through fallback plans. I'm fairly certain that Angel just buggered most of the ones early in the alpha... bet...
The full import of what Angel just said finally clicks. Grandfather knew I was in the ground behind the mansion. He tried to end the world while I was in the process of being born. He tried to kill me. Before I even had a chance to... anything.
"YOU MEAN YOU KNEW!?" My fangs slide out as my world starts tinting red with rage. Grandfather turns to dodge as I swing at his face. I manage to clip his shoulder, and feel the satisfying crunch of bones snapping as he goes spinning backward to the ground. My world continuing to descend into a red haze, I stalk forward. Let's see how much grandfather likes being the helpless one.
...
...
...
The red tinting to my vision starts receding as Faith's face replaces it. "NO!" She screams from an inch away from where she's pulled my face down to. Something is wrong. I've only seen her look this upset twice before. "You are not a mistake." Her voice cracks a bit. "WE ARE NOT MISTAKES!"
...Breathe in. Breathe out.
Coming back to myself I note that Faith hasn't actually pulled my head down, but rather is holding onto my head and lifting herself up.
...Breathe in. Breathe out.
Hugging Faith, I lower her down to the ground where she latches on to me in return. While I wait for her to release me I take stock.
My neck is not that strong. I must have triggered the orbs at some point. The little countdown timer running backwards in my head confirms it. I suppose the fact that they get triggered by anger is a good thing. Maybe.
I have no idea how long I have before my new toy kicks into recharge mode automatically, leaving me vulnerable and draining away my blood supply. I toggle it off to save its battery, grimacing slightly at the additional drain this places on me. I'll be absolutely ravenous later on tonight, but at least this is a countdown timer I have some practice reading.
I don't even actually know what happened for a bit there. I appear to be outside now. I'm holding what looks like a broken piece of Joyce's back door in my hand. At my feet, Angel looks- No. Warden Liam looks like I broke the door on him. The Prisoner can go fuck himself with a rusty melon baller.
Given Faith's response, I must have been shouting something beyond just obscenities while doing that breaking. Something Family related from the sound of her response.
...
Right then, nothing for it. I'll have to assume I may have accidentally confirmed his story. Operation 'Aliens did it' is now live. Gods Damn It, that one relied on so much improv work it didn't even get a letter.
Faith's grip loosens and I follow suit. "Thank you, Faith. I needed that." She takes a step back and nods at me.
Debating just leaving my fangs out, I decide there's nothing to be gained from being any more confrontational about this than I absolutely need to be. Pulling them back in, I turn to head back into the house with Faith a half step behind me.
...
I immediately suspect my initial assessments and planning may have neglected to account for a number of things. Such as the silent madhouse I walk back into for instance. I probably should have been suspicious when I didn't hear any fighting. Getting out of here without having to carry my Brother home as a jar of ashes is clearly going to be an... adventure in and of itself.
William is backed up against the wall by the doorway to the kitchen.
Buffy has her stake out, raised to strike out at what would be my Brother's heart were Dawn not between them.
Dawn is glaring at her sister with a thunderous expression on her face. That feeling of being a step behind and missing critical information amps itself up another notch.
Their standoff has left Xander and Giles bottlenecked at the doorway to the living room, horrified expressions aimed at Dawn. Judging mostly by hair colors, I think it's Willow and Cordelia I see behind them trying to get a look at what's going on.
William of course looks to enjoying himself at least much as he did in canon. Drunkenly making faces at Buffy from behind Dawn instead of at Grand- Liam... from behind Joyce.
Well... Okay. They've obviously all been rather busy. It's possible no one noticed my little break from reality. Maybe this is salvageable.
"Dawn, are you okay?" I'm not really sure why I open with that question, but it feels right.
Whatever impasse they were at breaks with my question. The sudden cacophony of shouting overwhelms even my augmented hearing.
"Right then. Faith, we're leaving." Keeping my eyes on Buffy I take a step over to Joyce, looking confused off to the side of the fustercluck. Once I'm close enough that I think she'll stand a chance of hearing me. "I'm sorry abo-" Buffy, apparently deciding my motion was hostile, lunges at me and buries Mr. Pointy in my chest. She's distressingly good at her one trick. Even if I'd tried to, I'm not sure I'd have been able to move fast enough to stop her. Urgh. I can feel the tiny subwoofer in my chest short out.
Silence falls on the kitchen just in time for twin cries of outrage. My own, "REALLY!? AGAIN!?" Gods Damn It! I JUST replaced that thing.
And Dawn's "Gawd, Buffy! Psycho Much!?" I think I like this Dawn. She may even be one of my favorite people right now. Her outrage on my behalf is just too amusing for words. I just wish I knew why. I hate how obviously I'm missing something important here.
A half beat behind us, William's shocked cry of, "Bloody 'ell, mate." Reminds me that I now have even more explaining to do.
Buffy fortunately still seems to have been knocked off balance from my failure to dust. I really don't want to contemplate what happens when she or Giles start trying to be creative.
Faith, long since inured to my resistance to my surviving such injuries during crossbow practice, just stands in the door way and laughs. Thanks Sis. You're being so helpful right now.
...
I suspect Buffy and I may both feel that way right now.
Keeping my voice as calm and level as I can, I resume speaking. "Right. So. As I was saying..." Giving a theatric sigh is painful with a stake in my chest, but I manage it. I think leaving it there does a wonderful job of painting me as the reasonable party here, and honestly, I'll take all the help I can get with that at this point. "Joyce, thank you for the cocoa. I'm sorry about your door and chair. I'll pay for the replacements, but my family and I are leaving, for obvious reasons." I glance back at Buffy with no attempt at sublety.
"You can't honestly believe we'll just let you walk away." Damn. It seems Giles may have been paying attention after all.
"Okay, I'm confused again..." you and me both, Joyce. You and me both.
"You're a Vampire?" Xander sounds confused and betrayed, but fortunately not certain. Maybe I can-
"You mean you all didn't know?" Joyce asks.
... The whole room just pauses for a half second as we all process the utter absurdity of that utterance.
"What!?" Joining Buffy and her crew in that surround sound shout is a surreal experience, even for me. I'd probably appreciate it more if I weren't distracted by the buggerfucking insane implications of Joyce's question.
As the now startled Joyce looks around, the fact that no one is really watching him at the moment finally penetrates the alcohol marinating my Brother's brain. William starts slowly sliding towards the back door.
Buffy notices before he gets more than 2 steps, but, likely due to being unwilling to leave me alone next to her mother, opts to gives Faith a look rather than attack him. Faith... looks to Dawn who nods? "Sorry B, I'm with the Dawnstah on this one." WHAT THE HELL DOES EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME REMEMBER!?
The urge to start banging my head against the wall is rising. "Look. You all obviously-"
"You're a Vampire!?" Xander's broken record circles around again.
"...You lied to us!" I think that was Cordelia's voice from the living room.
"HEY! I have NEVER lied to you!" The anger tingeing my voice entirely genuine. I have put an obscene amount of effort into not lying to you people.
"Really, Mr. I'm just a half Demon?" Buffy asks, anger and disbelief written on her face, before returning to trying to watch both William and I at the same time.
Giles picks up the questioning baton. "Yes, quite. What, exactly, would you call your request for my help identifying your father's species?" Finally! Something I can work with.
"That's what fucking bothers you!? I remember going to sleep in Boston, having some fucking bizarre dreams of being carried somewhere, and then waking up 3000 miles away in California! With Drusilla The Mad practically on top of me, calling me her ALIEN moments later! Next thing I know I'm clawing my way out of a fucking coffin. I go to school, in the DAYLIGHT. I can juggle crosses, and this-" I gesture to the stake in my heart. "Is only annoying because the last time it happened it was fucking weeks before I got a heartbeat going again." Pausing to rip Mr. Pointy out of my chest, I glare at Buffy. "I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking. So excuse me for wondering if MAYBE," I start toggling the orbs on and then quickly off again to make the faint purple light it produces pulse. "JUST MAYBE, the fucking psychic pre-cog that called my father an alien was fucking on to something. And that just maybe that was why I was born a fucking freak of un-nature that wanted to help you people save the world. But you know what?" I start to amp up the frequency of the orb toggles along with my volume. "You lot can all take your genocidal racism AND GO TO FUCKINGHADES!" I snap the orbs back on one last time just in case someone tries to stab me in the back, spin around, and march towards the door, grabbing William and Faith along the way and carrying them out the door.
I suddenly regret my apparent choice to use a door as a weapon, since it denies me the closure of slamming it behind me.
