Not Beta'd; Standard Disclaimer Applies.
Mon-Tues Mar 9-20 (J48)
"What is your problem?" Ziva asked as the van headed back to The Navy Yard.
"Nothing."
"You are acting like a boar with a sore paw."
"Bear. Bear with a sore paw," he corrected.
"And you do not deny it," Ziva gloated, ignoring the correction.
Her partner growled, "Something happened."
"Well, yes, that is why we were called there."
"Not that. Between McGee and Gibbs, in the car," Tony explained, frowning. "Do you think McSecrets took advantage of the situation and had another conference?"
"About what?" Ziva asked.
Tony shrugged. "Don't know. We don't even know what the first one was about. But Gibbs called him Tim, something caused that."
Ziva frowned.
"Do you think," Tony began only to stop mid sentence.
"What?"
"If McGee is really sick of working with us, do you think he said something to Gibbs about leaving?"
"I..." Ziva hesitated, she would hope that Tim would mention something to her first, but he didn't have to.
"Ziva? Is it possible?"
Ziva thought back to one of the conversations she had with Tim last weekend.
"Tim," Ziva began hesitantly, "Why did you stay?" They had stopped their game of twenty questions but had remained on his bed just watching television and occasionally talking. Ziva was still leaning against him, his arm still around her providing comfort. Ziva had almost been asleep when she heard herself utter that question.
"What?" a surprised Tim automatically asked, not sure she was asking what he thought she did.
Ziva turned her head to meet his eyes, "It seemed like all we did was cause you pain, disregard your feelings. Why didn't you leave? I know you had offers."
"I enjoy what I do," he simply said.
"But not who with."
"Not always," he admitted. "It's been a bit bitter sweet working with all of you. Tony's Tony. Yes, I wish he would back off a bit on personal matters, the same with Abby," he added with a shrug.
"And Gibbs?"
Tim frowned, "Not sure how I feel," he admitted. "He never promised me anything."
"You belong to me now," Ziva replied, repeating the words Tim had shared with her earlier about the day he made it to the team, the one he said was one of the happiest and proudest of his life.
Tim shrugged, "He never promised anything," he repeated. "He has my back when we're out on the field; he's given me a place to work, made me part of a team; allowed me to be a field agent like I've always wanted. Nothing was ever said that it would be more than that."
"You must have suspected that it could be more," Ziva said. "It's obvious how much he cared about the people on his team."
"Yeah, but I was the new kid. Tony and Abby have been with him for a long time, it's understandable that he cares more for them."
"And me?"
"You're a girl," Tim stated firmly, rushing to explain before she got mad. "Not that you can't take care of yourself. I know you can, Gibbs does as well, but," Tim paused as he thought about what he wanted to say. "Shannon, Kelly, Kate, Jenny," he began, "He's lost a lot of the women in his life, so it's natural that he's very protective of them. It's as if each woman has a special place in his heart, to help him deal with all that he has lost."
At his words, the two fell silent for a time, wondering if Tim was correct.
"You still have not told me why you stayed," Ziva replied.
"Yes, I did. Because I enjoyed my work."
"But it also appears to make you miserable," Ziva pointed out. "Look at what we are doing to try to get you a few months of peace. Is a job worth that?"
Tim just shrugged.
"I," Ziva hesitated. "I am not saying I want you to leave. I do not, but I understand if you feel you have to. This last month, I have viewed things from your point of view, and I am saddened by what I have seen."
"Ziva,"
Ziva shook her head, "No. It is not right. I hope that on April first, when we reveal everything to the team, there will be some serious questions about why we started such a thing. That they would see that it was not just a joke. I hope that things change. That you feel valued for your contributions, cared for as a person, not just what you do, but who you are."
Ziva smiled at him, "Part of me wants that to happen now, I do not want to wait a month."
"You do?" Tim asked, not knowing what else to say.
"I care a lot for our team, but I know that we all have faults. I told you some of mine earlier," she added wryly. "Either way, I suspect the dynamics of our team will be very different come April."
Tim wasn't sure what to say.
"Just know that I will be there for you, regardless of what happens or how you feel, or what you decide." Smiling at him, she added, "Both before and after April first."
"I…thank you," Tim finally settled for saying.
"We will definitely be having a lot of serious conversations on April first," she added.
"Maybe those should occur on April second," Tim said, trying to lighten up the moment, "I don't know if Tony is going to take anything seriously on the first."
Tony will not be involved in all those conversations, Ziva thought, as she once more settled down beside Tim to watch tv, the two eventually falling asleep against one another.
What did she do? Ziva thought in dismay, staring blankly out the window as the scenery rolled by. She hoped Tim didn't take that as her nudging him to quit.
"Ziva?" Tony asked again.
She just shrugged and returned her gaze to the window.
"C'mon Ziva, I know you know something."
"I do not," she denied, hoping she was wrong.
"You were thinking about something," Tony argued.
Ziva just shook her head refusing to speak about Tim.
"Mc-Tim," Gibbs began after the sedan was a few miles from the crime scene.
"Don't have anything yet," Tim admitted, "Have a couple of searches going on my phone, but no results yet. Hopefully soon," he added, hoping to appease his boss.
"Screw the case," Gibbs replied.
"Boss?" Tim asked in shock.
"How can you think that you aren't as important as Tony or Ziva or Abby?"
Tim frowned, not meeting his gaze, "Because I'm not."
"Yes, damn it, you are!"
Another frown, "To solve the case, maybe, but personally?" he shrugged dismissively. "Boss, it isn't important."
"It is to me," Gibbs retorted. "Talk."
Silence fell between them. Gibbs gave a frustrated growl and raked his hand through his hair. He should have known an order to talk wouldn't work with this agent, Tim was often as reluctant to talk as he was. "Why did you think I was talking about protecting Ziva when I told you to come to me first?"
Tim shrugged.
"Not an answer," Gibbs commented, as he waited for a reply.
"You said almost the exact same thing in the elevator a month ago about Tony and Abby."
Gibbs frowned, he remembered telling Tim to come to him, but he didn't remember trying to protect someone else.
Tim rolled his eyes, not surprised his boss didn't remember a conversation between the two of them. "You asked if I could handle Tony, I said I could as long as things didn't escalate, you replied to see you before I see the Director or HR, or retaliate," Tim said, hoping to jolt his memory. "I was surprised at how far you would go to support and protect Tony, then you mentioned it applied to Abby as well. That didn't surprise me," Tim admitted.
"Oh, Tim," Gibbs uttered softly. "That wasn't to protect them, it was for you. So you didn't do anything rash, something you would regret."
"Retaliation?" Tim asked doubtfully.
Gibbs gave him a soft smile, "I know enough about you to know that no matter how they might have deserved it, you would feel bad doing anything. Destroying their credit rating, adding a virus thing to their computer or phone, anything you chose to do, even if it could easily be undone would tear you up inside. I wanted to help prevent that."
Tim refused to look at him. "And the Director?"
Gibbs looked at Tim a moment, hoping he wouldn't be offended by what he said next. "You're emotionally based. It is why you can't take relationships lightly. You try to let your logic and reason guide you and often succeed," he admitted. "But when things get too much or if you are out of control, tired, sick, or upset or example, your emotions can easily take over. I hoped that by promising to see me first, you would have time to calm down, that if or when you came to me, we would be able to work through it, so you acted, not just reacted. I didn't want you to quit a job you dreamed of because emotions were running high, because you couldn't imagine any other way."
Tim frowned, "Why now? Why are you so concerned about me this time? Every time something has happened it's always them you ask about, them you comfort, them you listen to. It is a major reason why I can't help but think that I'm not as important."
Gibbs looked at Tim. "You don't seem to need me," Gibbs finally replied. "Tony, Abby, even Ziva have appeared at my door or on my phone at all hours of the day and night," he added wryly. "Needing, asking for help, even with the tiniest of things. You didn't even come to me when your sister was in trouble, nor after when I again mentioned that I was there if you needed me. I guess I assumed that you had your own support system in place, that you were fine without me, that you were able to handle things on your own. That's why I focused on them."
Tim remained silent as he thought about what the older man said. Was he speaking truthfully? Could he trust Gibbs words? "And if I told you I was thinking of quitting or asking for a transfer, what would you say?"
A look passed over Gibbs' face too quickly for Tim to identify, but he was positive it wasn't one of joy.
"I…" the SSA paused before beginning again. "I would ask you why. Ask how long you've been thinking about this. Ask what brought it on. Are you reacting to something has happened? Or are you acting on something that you have planned out? I would try to see if there was any other way to resolve the issues, if there were issues," Gibbs said before once more pausing. "I won't hold you back, but I won't give you up easily either. I said you were mine and I meant it."
Tim snorted.
"What?" Gibbs asked.
"We apparently have a very different meaning regarding that phrase," Tim finally muttered.
"How so?" Gibbs asked, staring at Tim and waiting for an honest response.
Tim stiffened as he slowly admitted, "I've felt neglected, pushed aside, and left behind more often than not on and by every member of this team."
"Tim,"
"We should probably head back, we have a case to solve," Tim interrupted.
Gibbs continued to stare at him.
"Boss,"
Gibbs sighed, "No more."
"What?" Tim couldn't help but wonder what Gibbs meant by that. He couldn't mean that they didn't have a case anymore. Maybe he meant no more delays? No more discussions? Tim frowned, Ziva told him not to over think things, but how could he not?
"You're right," Gibbs finally commented.
Tim nodded, sure that they would now be heading back to the yard. He wasn't aware when, but at some point during their conversation, Gibbs had stopped driving and had pulled the car over to the side of the road.
"No more putting the case before people," Gibbs clarified.
"What do you mean?" Tim wasn't even going to try to decipher that, the case came first, right?
"I took advantage of you. I trained you, but I could have, should have done so much more. You're very good in the field, but better than any of us with the computers, better than anyone I've ever seen. I did leave you behind. I wanted to solve the cases quickly, at any cost."
"Boss, I understand," Tim began, and he did, which was why he had never previously mentioned how he felt.
"Maybe you do, but part of you still resents it and you should," Gibbs added. "I brought you in as a field agent, but ended up sticking you behind a desk most of the time. But even understanding it is not an excuse to neglect you, leave you behind. I'm damn lucky it didn't turn around and bite me in the ass," Gibbs added, causing his companion to lift an eyebrow.
"Feeling neglected, left behind, and pushed aside, are those some of the reasons why you might quit?" Gibbs asked softly.
Tim just shrugged.
"Why else?"
Tim reluctantly shared a few of his other reasons, being treated as a joke and feeling like he wasn't respected by his coworkers were among the top five.
Gibbs sat and listened in dismay. How could he have been so wrong about what was going on with his team? He couldn't let this continue. Releasing a deep breath, he realized he needed to share with his young agent what he thought.
"You are a main reason why this team is so effective, and not just because of the computer things you do.
"You ground Tony. You balance him out, seemingly never letting his pranks or teasing get to you, never getting angry or retaliating. When you appeared unbothered by it, I didn't interfere. Since you never came to me, I assumed you weren't having issues with it. I'm not surprised you never filed a complaint with the director about him, but I was surprised that you never talked to me. Now, I understand that it was just you feeling like you couldn't. That you pushed it aside to get the job done. That amazes me even more," Gibbs admitted. "The fact you didn't show your anger speaks a lot about your character. It does not make you weak," he added when Tim winced at the previous statement. "It never should've gotten as far as it did, and that's on me.
"You soften Ziva. You talk and interact with her with respect as a person, not just because of her abilities. You correct her with patience, not mocking ridicule. You were the first one to reach out to her when she joined the team, regardless of how you felt personally.
"You speak Abby," he continued with a smirk. "You understand Abby. Abby likes routine, nothing changing. You make her try harder, learn new things. The two of you working on a computer is something to behold," he explains. "You can practically see the wheels turning as you bounce ideas back and forth, to break the case.
"You are patient with me when I get frustrated with technology, and your explanations," he added with a wry grin. "You handle everything that comes at you. Anything I throw at you, everything I ask you to do, you get it done, often making it look easy.
"I often think you are the glue that holds us together. It is obvious that you care for each of us, something that none of us had visibly returned in the past. We know that you will have our back in the field, we can rely on you and trust you. Unfortunately, that also means that we quite often probably take you for granted," Gibbs shared.
"I broke my own rules when it came to you. I assumed and I wasted good," Gibbs sighed as he looked at a still and silent Tim. "You're a good man, a good agent. You're strong, you're resilient. You've grown and learned a lot since we first met, and I have never regretted adding you to my team. I know that these words don't mean much. It is how I act and change after this conversation that matters. All I ask is that you give me a chance to show you that you are important to me. As important as Tony, Ziva, and Abby."
He then informed Tim that he would be speaking with Tony and Abby about how they interacted and treated him. Tim immediately protested, stating that it would not mean much if it was an order. If he could not garner their respect himself, than perhaps he did not deserve it. Gibbs argued that at this point, they were acting on habit and you couldn't expect it to change unless something made it change. Tim however was adamant that Gibbs not be that catalyst. Reluctantly Gibbs agreed, before warning Tim, that although he wouldn't talk to them now, he would not be silent in the future when he did observe them being disrespectful.
"You're back," Tony commented when Tim and Gibbs finally entered the bullpen. "Did you let McGrandma drive, boss? Is that what took so long? Or perhaps those directions he had weren't so good for the return trip?"
As Gibbs' hand rose to issue a head slap, Tim caught his eye and subtly shook his head. He could handle Tony, after all, this wasn't anything new to him.
"Whatcha got?" Gibbs asked instead, looking at Tony.
After a moment of silence, Tony understood that there would be no explanation for their delayed return and provided what he found, Ziva often jumping in with pertinent information as well.
Nodding, Gibbs replied, "Ziva, Tim, check out his home address," he ordered, waiting for the two to start moving before giving Tony his assignment.
Tim frowned as he snuck another glance at Ziva.
"No comment?" he finally asked, the silence getting to him.
She turned to him with a frown, "About what?"
"Seriously?" Tim replied in shock.
She shrugged. "I figure if you wanted me to know, you would bring it up or mention it. I did not want to bug you for information that you might not want to share."
"Ziva, you can ask me anything. Especially since I know you are doing it because you ca-are concerned. If I don't want to talk, I will tell you that as well," he reminded her. "You are my friend, one of my closest friends," he admitted.
Ziva gave him a soft smile. "In that case, what happened? Tony suspected something happened on the way to the crime scene. He was like a boar, no a bear," she corrected, "with a sore paw the entire drive back."
"What was his theory?" Tim asked curiously. "Did he think we went to Vegas to get married?"
Ziva laughed at his question before becoming serious. "No, he wondered if you had another conference in the car, perhaps talking to Gibbs about leaving the team."
Tim went silent at her words.
"Tim?" she asked hesitantly. "Did you talk to Gibbs about leaving?"
"I…yes and no."
Ziva frowned, "Well, thank you for clearing that up," she finally replied when Tim didn't elaborate on his answer.
"Sorry," Tim apologized. "It was a good talk," he admitted. "And I didn't give my notice at any time during the conversation," he added.
"But you talked about it."
Tim shrugged, "We talked about how I was feeling. What I thought about the teams interactions, especially regarding me. How I felt or rather, didn't feel, like I belonged."
Ziva sucked in a breath, "I…it was a good talk, you said."
Tim nodded. "Yeah, I think it was. Gibbs explained some of the things he said and did, what he meant by them; I shared how I interpreted them."
Ziva nodded, "So what happens now?"
"Now, we focus and try to solve this case," Tim replied, as he pulled up in front of the victim's house.
11-6-18
