CHAPTER 43 - BE STRONG

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Renesmee

I laid frozen in the snow - it began to snow again minutes after they left with Jacob. It was a wonder that I could still notice the weather when I had more vital attentions.

Why couldn't I move? Worse, why couldn't I find the strength to move again? I tried to push my arms. Push my legs. To find the strength to stand back up on my feet and run after them. But I couldn't find any power. I was like a defenseless prey, about to be devoured by a predator crossed my path.

The vampire who touched me - Arnold, as I heard one of them name him - had somehow turned off all the power in my body when his palm caught my fist. I saw how they mangled Jacob - all of the wolves, his tribal brothers, slashed, bit and pressed him on the ground, making him as powerless as I was. I watched him roar out in pain when he reverted to human form.

"I beg of you. If you will leave her be, then I will go with you," he said while writhing in agony, like a tormented slave begging his master for mercy.

It went against the grain to hear him beg. To see him go down on his knees. Worse, he went down on his knees to protect me. And all I could do was watch him give in.

I didn't want to watch. I wanted to fight. To protect him. To shield him from the vampires who made the wolves ambush him, and hold him tight in my arms. Fight them and punch them to the ground. Tear them apart so that I could free Sam's pack and protect Jacob. I was ripped by the anger and pain that burst within me. It hurt so much to watch Jacob get ambushed, beat and tormented that I wanted to throw myself out of my enemy's hold and run to his side. The anger fueled my ferocious instincts.

But I was weak at the knees, completely powerless by the vampire's touch in one short second. And then, they forced me to watch Jake get ripped away from me.

He looked back at me when they carried him away. His pained expression directed at me, his eyes welled up in tears as he mouthed. "I'm so sorry."

It was really me who should be sorry.

I could fight for him. I couldn't protect him. The wolf that loved me from the moment I was born, and who I loved for 7 and a half years. I wanted to save him so badly, my heart ached at my failure.

Suddenly, exhaustion engulfed me as the anger diminished. My eyes fell down against my will. I didn't want to fall asleep. I wanted to keep myself awake. But the exhaustion was too overwhelming to bear.

"Nessie!" I heard someone call out my name. A familiar voice.

"Nessie!"


I woke up to the familiar white ceiling in my room and found myself under the sheets of my bed. My head spun like a so fast that I couldn't comprehend what was going on. When it stopped, the first thing I remembered was the last thing I lived through. Was it all a dream? I fervently hoped that it was. I wanted it all to just be in my head. That Jacob was safe, and he was here.

"Oh, honey, you're awake," Mom said delightfully and kissed my forehead enthusiastically.

"Mom," I whispered, and pushed myself up to lie my back against the bed. I had very vital questions to ask. "What happened? Where's... where's Jacob?"

Her delightful expression turned into a frown.

"Tell me," I demanded.

She didn't answer right away.

"We don't know, Nessie," she finally answered. "We waited for you to come home after school, and when you didn't come back, we went looking for you. When we found Jake's car, we followed your scents into the woods." She rubbed my head, trying to sooth me, but it did not help. "We also caught the scents of Sam's pack and vampires. Some of it was the same as the trail we found in Forks, but there was a new one, too. Your dad is looking for them up in the mountains with your uncles right now."

So that was it. It was real. It happened. I did fall to the ground, and they did take Jacob away. And the wolves - Sam and his pack, has fallen under their control.

Jacob was gone. The wolves did attack us, and I did fall. The realization worked like a sharp stab to my heart.

My breathing fell out of order. I fought to calm myself, but the more I fought, the worse it got. I was suddenly choking my breaths, and tears ran uncontrollably down my cheeks.

Mom pulled me into her chest and held me there tightly. I started soaking down her shirt. When I was nearly done, someone entered the room.

"Did they find anything?" Mom asked.

I immediately pulled myself out of her arms and wiped away my tears. And then I saw Aunt Rosalie and Grandma at the doors.

"The trail led to the other side of the mountain and then disappeared in a river," Aunt Rosalie answered, her face grimaced.

Grandma came to my side and lay a hand on my shoulder.

"Renesmee, I understand this is going to be difficult, but... we need you to tell us what happened to you and Jacob," she said. "Everything you can remember."

The reminiscence immediately sent a strong, painful punch through my chest, and made a large hole. I didn't want to talk about it. Just the thought of it set the edges on fire. But even though I didn't want to talk about it, I knew that I needed to give them what they needed. So I touched Mom to show her everything that happened as I recalled every single detail.

Every recalling detail set the hole's edges on fire, but I endured the blazes to keep the memory flow going. I have to give as much as possible. My mind wanted to resist every memory of what happened. It got worse when I got to the last one; the most painful picture. I wanted to repress it more than anything else. It took so much out of my effort to push it out of my mind that the effort almost exhausted me.

My hands dropped automatically after that last, most painful memory. My shoulders suddenly felt so heavy that I fell to the side. Mom caught me back I could fall off the bed and nudged me onto her chest. I started sobbing again as the tears welled up in my eyes again. Grandma patted my shoulders gently, and Aunt Rosalie joined us on the bed and run her hand through my back.

"We'll find him, Nessie," Mom promised.

"We'll do whatever it takes to bring him back in one piece," Aunt Rosalie added.

I didn't know how they could promise me something so simple. They weren't anywhere near the area when they took him away. Aunt Alice couldn't see Jacob or Sam or any of the others, so she would not be able to find them. Dad never had the chance to read their minds to find out what they wanted. If those vampires were smart enough to lose a trail, they probably knew that my family would come looking. And they didn't want anyone to be able to track them.

So how were we going to find them if we didn't know where they were headed?

Five soundless movements darted through the front door, and two of them continued down the stairs. We all looked at the doors and saw Dad and Aunt Alice.

"Did you find them?" Mom asked impatiently.

They shared a grimace. That was all it needed for me to understand. I fisted my hands in frustration and anger.

Dad came to our side and took my hand into his.

"We're gonna find him, Nessie," he assured me.

Mom patted my back, and then leaned away from me.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart," she said in a whisper. The others leaned away, too. But I wasn't tired. In fact, I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to waste a second while Jacob was in danger.

"I'm not tired," I said. And then more boldly. "I want to find Jacob."

A thought suddenly raced through everything else in my mind, and the city that Jacob told me earlier rushed into my consciousness.

Dad's eyes widened a little as he heard the city in my head, and then his eyes turned blank. At the same time, Aunt Alice released an annoyed snarl from her throat. Her eyes were blank, too. Mom, Grandma, Aunt Rosalie and I waited for them to finish whatever they were saw.

When they finally did, Dad looked at Mom with a serious face. She reflected his expression.

"What did you see?" she asked.

His lips pursed for a moment.

"Nessie was thinking about Benton City a second ago, and when I decided to look into it, Alice had a vision," he answered.

"An incredibly fuzzy one," she interjected with an edgy voice. "Which means they're probably there, but I could only see an abandoned house. Because I've been blindfolded." Her teeth gritted at that last word.

"Alice, focus. We need to co-ordinate. Carlisle'll be back in a half hour," Dad commanded. "Esme, would you mind calling Seth and warn him to tell the rest of the pack to stay put? It's best that they know so they won't fall into a trap like Sam's pack did."

"Of course," Grandma agreed easily and darted upstairs immediately.

Dad continued. "Rosalie, would you like to call Tanya, please? We may need to increase our numbers for this."

"Okay," she agreed and kissed my head before darting upstairs, too.

Mom brushed my arm and shoulder with her cold hand, trying to comfort me. It didn't help much.

"Don't worry, Nessie, we're gonna bring him back," she said in a sure voice. "Get some rest, you need to get some strength back. We'll let you know when we find something."

I wanted to wrestle with the idea of sleeping, but the second she brought up the subject, I felt utterly tired and defeated. She tucked me back under the sheets. Dad patted her shoulder and kissed my forehead before he sprinted upstairs.

I touched reached to touch her face and asked. Are you worried about Jake, Mom?

She nodded. "I'm not gonna hide it from you, Nessie. I'm terrified for him."

What am I gonna do?

She frowned and stroke my forehead. "I don't know, sweetie. Only you can figure out the answer." Her lips lit up very slightly. "But I have the feeling that you will be able to figure it out. You know why?" When I didn't answer, she went on. "Because you have it in your blood."

I touched her again. Did you go through the same thing?

She hesitated.

Tell me.

She deliberated a short moment. "Before you were born, Nessie, your father and Jacob fought for me. I know you already know about this, but I never told you how I made my decision.

"At first, I denied that I loved Jacob; that I thought of him as a brother or part of the family. I hid it all from myself, because I wanted to run away. And on some level, I knew that even though I loved Jacob, it wouldn't have changed my decision to be with your father forever. That my love for him wasn't as deep as my love for your dad.

"He eventually got me to admit my true feelings for him, but I stuck with my choice. I love your dad more than anyone else in the world, other than you, of course." She grinned proudly as she confessed. "After that, I confronted Jake about my decision."

"But you gave up so much."

She nodded. "But I received more than I ever could have imagined; I have you. What I've learned from this experience is that there are crossroads that you must come across in your life. Human, vampire or hybrid. Some choices may seem good only to you, so it's important for you to find out which road you should take. One that not only works best for yourself, but also for the people around you. And take the consequences that come with it."

Did you suffer some consequences?

She nodded. "By having a wedding. It's probably a silly thing to describe as miserable, but it was my way of saying goodbye to all of my human friends and family, and cut strings from my past. And embrace the future."

Do you think I'll know what to do for Jacob? I wondered.

She nodded slowly. "I'm sure when the time is right, you'll know exactly what to do. And something tells me you're strong enough to make the right choice and stick to it."

I nodded. Then she leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Now, get some sleep, I gotta go upstairs to help your dad," she said. "We will find him, Nessie. I promise."

I nodded again. She turned off the light, closed the door behind her and darted upstairs.

Edward

My head kept hearing the enthusiastic thoughts of my brothers'. I did my best to ignore them as I searched through the internet for Benton City's recent news. Mostly about evidence of animal attacks.

Those nomads must be really smart to lose tracks this way, Jasper thought. I wonder what their motif might be. Seems to much plotting to...

Man, finally some excitement, Emmett mused himself enthusiastically. I can't wait to get started.

I redirected my attention to Rosalie on the phone with Thomas.

"They took 'Jacob the Dog', and now we have to find him and the rest of his stinky packs of dogs," she said bitterly. But beneath the bitter voice, she was worried, too. She would do anything to protect her little niece, and finding Jacob meant everything to her at this point. To me as well. And not just for my daughter's sake.

"They're the same ones that killed my family?" Thomas asked through a restrained voice.

She didn't answer. Instead, she sprinted to my side and handed the phone to me.

"Hey, Thomas," I began. "Yes, they're the same ones who attacked Cloverdale last Halloween... and the same ones that killed your family. At least some of them. I recognized the scent."

A low crack sounded from his side.

"Calm down, Thomas. I know what you're thinking right now even though I can't hear your thoughts from this range, but you need to listen to what I have to say. We need to add numbers to our advantage. Can you tell Tanya and the others to meet us in Benton City as soon as tomorrow? Kate and Fred might be of use to us right now."

"Yeah... sure," he said through a rough, barely controllable voice.

"And one more thing. I know you want revenge, but June needs you more. She's still a newborn, and she needs you by her side for the moment. Promise me you'll give it some thought before you decide."

He didn't answer for a long moment. When he spoke again, his voice was strained with frustration. "Yes, you're right."

I nodded; part of me was relieved that he did not argue. But my other part wrestled with the idea. Of all of us, Thomas was our strongest weapon. We could need him for this. But June needed him more.

Someone carefully took the phone out of Thomas's hand.

"We'll be there as soon as tomorrow night, Edward," Tanya said.

"Thank you."

With that, she hung up. I was about to join Emmett, Esme and Jasper in the living room when I turned around and saw Bella. Her sullen and pained expression compelled me to comfort her - and I did. I knew what was on her mind, even without having to hear it.

"Don't worry, Bella," I whispered into her ear - I had to make sure Renesmee's didn't hear me. None of us wanted to stir her up if we could help it.

"I know," she whispered back. "I just wish that we had some real plan, something to execute. I just hope he's alright. Edward, I'm scared. He's part of this family now."

I held my arms around her and pulled her into my chest, holding her tightly. "I know. That's why I'm gonna do whatever it takes to bring him back. We all will."

She held me more tightly, sobbing tearlessly.

The others eavesdropped on us. Esme and Rosalie were concerned for Jacob. Emmett was mostly excited to have a chance to fight... again. Jasper and Alice were concerned for both Jacob and Renesmee.

Carlisle's wary thoughts invaded my head when he came into my hearing range.

Thomas

Tanya, Kate, Fred and Garrett set off one minute before Eleazar and Carmen and then they were gone, too. I was left on the porch of their Victorian house, with rage boiling like open flames in my solid veins, burning the tissues of my body despite they were ice-cold.

Those vampires - the murderers of my family...

The thought of their death fueled my hatred and ferocious side - I wanted so badly to rip them apart that my vision was clouded by a red film, to make them go through exactly what my family went through and make them feel what it was like to experience a painful death. Everything in my eyesight turned crimson bright. My fists gripped so hard that the strength in them could almost break through my hard skin. The more the thought lingered in my brain, the more I wanted to give in to it. To let the anger take over.

"Sam?" a piercing voice called out to me. The only voice that could reach my ears at this point.

The fiery agony and hatred dimmed slightly and my other desire made itself known again. The red film in my vision faded a little.

June stood across the hall inside the house. The content in her thoughtful expression reminded me of what kept me where I was at this point. The one other desire that was strong enough to war with my vengeful urge.

June's crimson eyes stared intently at me. Bright red - the eyes of a newborn. She was barely one month old; and even though she matured much faster than I did, she was still new. I had promised to be by her side at all times after she obtained immortality. And I promised that I would keep her out of trouble until her first year was over. If I left for Benton City to help my family now - and get even on the murderers of my previous one - I would be turning my back on my word.

Both desires tore me apart. I wanted to go find my murderers; but I was stuck where I was to support my love.

She crossed to my side without looking away from me, and took my hand.

"Let's go," she said, a smile brightened her face. "Together."

I froze.

She wanted to go back? To help me avenge my human family? To help protect my new one?

"But June, I can't just..." I tried to say, but she put her index finger between my lips, silencing me abruptly.

"This isn't about me, Sam," she said in a sure voice, then her expression hardened slightly. "It's about you, the family that you've lost and the family that needs you at this point.

"I know it's a risk, but if there's any way that I can try to help, I want to. I want to get revenge on your family's murderers, too. And I want to help them. Esme, Bella, Nessie... they've all been good to me. And most importantly, I can see how torn up you are. Because you want to go, too, but you're stuck here because of me."

"June..." I tried again, only to be silenced again.

"I may still be a newborn, but I'm sure I can be of help. Sam, Carlisle said so himself; I'm almost as mature as Bella when she was a newborn. I trust you and the others to keep me grounded when I lose it." Then she said in a determined voice. "Let's catch up to Tanya before they hit the highroad. I'll hide in the car until we get there."

I was touched to the core. Even as a newborn, she was considerate and selfless. And she thought for me. Her words won me over.

I nodded in defeat, gently yanked her across the threshold to the porch, and locked the door. Our hands touched. I looked into her bright red eyes intently for one short moment.

And then we both ran.