A/N The only redeeming part of this chapter is the very end. Sorry about that. I just could not write anything good. Happy Valentine's Day! R/R, and enjoy!

April 18

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Texas

Your mom says you're with Amy and her fiancé. What's his name? I don't think I ever quite got it. I hope everything is going well. I went and talked to your mom about the wedding today. She says she's happy for me. The way she smiled made me feel like she meant it.

I also sat mom and dad down and told them. Andrew was there. Mom is in love with Andrew so it went really well. Dad is quieter but seemed happy enough. Mom asked if she could help plan the wedding. Me and Andrew looked at each other and then both told her she could plan the whole thing. She thought we were kidding. We weren't.

Long story short, mom is really happy.

April 20

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Seth

We had dinner with Seth and Summer today. They both already knew about the wedding, but things have been kind of crazy the past few days so we hadn't actually gotten the chance to talk to them in person. I asked Summer to be my matron of honor. Andrew asked Seth to be his best man. I have no idea where I'm supposed to find more bridesmaids. This might be a problem.

Seth told us that Atomic County is officially going to be made into a movie. Seth agreed only if he gets to write the screenplay and oversee the whole thing. They made a deal. They start writing the screenplay next week.

I hope you're doing well with Amy and Trevor. Your mom told me that you told her to tell me the name. You could've replied to the email. I guess I understand you need your space right now. I can respect that.

April 28

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Location

Looks like the wedding will be in Newport. Me and Andrew decided that since that's where we met, that's where we'd like to get married. Mom is obviously pleased.

Mom insisted that we get married at this church. Andrew's parents agree. Me and Andrew don't care about location or any of the specifics. The wedding is more for them than us. I just want mom to get the planning over so that I don't have to do anything. That sounds lazy of me, but it's so much work. Why are weddings so much work? And so expensive?

The reception will be at some banquet hall at the pier. Mom insists the different locations will be fine. We'll see, I guess.

May 4

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Colors

Blue, white and more blue. I'm drowning in blue. Mom says it reminds her of the ocean. I guess it does. I'm sending a picture of the shades. Not that you'll care. I don't actually care myself. Let mom plan her dream wedding. As long as everything runs smoothly, I'm okay.

May 10

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: YOUR MOM VISITED YOU?

I was wondering where your mom had disappeared. She was very vague – said she was going out of town for the weekend. I figured she was going to Vegas again with her friends. But no, she was visiting you!

She says you're doing well. That you're healthy and Amy is nice and you have been staying at her beach house. How rich is Amy? Okay, that's not important. But still! I think it's awesome that you got to see your mom, and that she got to see you. She brought back pictures. I haven't seen her smile that much in a long time. She's really missed you. So have I.

It's been almost a month since we last talked. Don't think I haven't noticed. Don't think that I don't care. I do notice. I do care.

May 13

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Date

Sorry I haven't emailed since the eleventh. I don't know if your mom told you, but the wedding is set for June 20. One month and a week away. It's all very fast, but it was either June or not until December. Andrew insisted that his childhood pastor have to marry us, but he is only available to fly out in June or December. Even though Andrew knew that his family wouldn't mind leaving Maine in the cold, we both opted for the faster wedding. Why wait? I'll be on break and so will Leah and Laurie. It just makes the most sense.

May 18

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Birthday present

I'm crying, Ryan. Your present was perfect. I never thought that a USB would be such a beautiful gift, but the video you had on it still has me crying. I guess it was just nice to hear your voice and see you after so long.

I'm not going to lie – I thought you wouldn't contact me. I prepared myself for that. You haven't replied to any of my emails and you haven't sent me a letter or a postcard in over a month. But when I saw that envelope, I recognized your handwriting immediately. I ripped it open and saw the flash drive and was so confused. I'm glad you included the note telling me to plug it into my computer, or I might never have known any better.

Thank you for showing me where you've been staying. For letting me see Amy and Trevor, even though they were only in for the weekend. Thank you for letting me see the house and letting me know that you are getting these emails. Thank you for wishing me a happy birthday. Your gift means more than any material thing you could've given me.

I'm still crying. Just…thank you.

June 1

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Wedding month!

I'm getting married this month. This is so surreal.

I got your letter. As always, it was nice to hear from you. You seem to be doing really well. It almost worries me how well you're doing out there. Are you enjoying Texas a little too much? You're not thinking of staying out there are you? I would fly over there and drag you back myself.

June 5

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: Fifteen days

Fifteen days. I can see myself doing something stupid like tripping while walking down the aisle. Remember when Seth was afraid he would trip as he walked across the stage during graduation? Both times? We thought it was funny then, but now I see his concern.

I'm going to Newport in a week to start getting everything in order. Caterers, band, venue, guests. What a wonderful week it will be.

Yes, that's sarcasm.

June 11

To: Ryan

From: Marissa

Subject: One Last Issue

I head to Newport tomorrow. The wedding is in nine days. Already there's a problem with the banquet hall. The people who were supposed to set up bailed. Mom is scrambling to find people within a week. I'm just trying not to freak out. Is this a bad omen? Who knows.

Other than that, everything is set. The wedding is in nine days, the rehearsal in eight, the bachelor and bachelorette parties earlier in the week. We haven't had time for them before now. Everything is so last minute. But we have the caterers, cake, church, pastor, band, and everything all set. Well, almost everything. There is one last problem. The guest list.

I know that I told you I sent you that invitation with no strings attached. I told you not to worry about coming, just that I wanted to be nice and offer. I know that I made it seem like it's okay if you're not there.

Ryan, I know that this is asking too much of you. It will probably be weird and awkward and everyone tells me that it's best without you there considering our history. But I don't care what they say – I only know what I feel. And I need you there, Ryan. I need you at my wedding. Consider this the most selfish thing I've ever asked of you. Maybe I'm a horrible person for this.

But Ryan, I need you to be there. You're my best friend. I can't get married without you there. And if I can, I guess I just don't want to.

I understand if you say no. Even reading over this I know it's stupid to ask. I guess I just had to.

XXXXX

Ryan stared at his laptop screen, unblinking. But Ryan, I need you to be there. You're my best friend. I can't get married without you there. And if I can, I guess I just don't want to. A pit formed deep in his stomach. Marissa needed him. Maybe she was getting married to another guy and Ryan had just started to be okay with it, but she needed him.

Amy, who was only in town for the weekend, came up to him. "What's happening? You look like you've seen a ghost or something." When he didn't move his eyes from the screen, she rested her hand on his shoulder. "Ryan?"

Standing slowly, Ryan turned to Amy, his expression serious. "It's time to go home."

She studied him, looking for traces of tragedy or something. She found none. "Home?"

He nodded. "California. It's time for me to go back. At least for now."

She smiled, throwing her arms around him. "This is huge! You're ready to go back!" She pulled back and stared at him. "It's only taken you what – six months?"

He shook his head, looking down. "I'm not ready to go back. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to go back…" He trailed off, looking at the laptop screen, Marissa's email still up. "But Marissa needs me there. And even if it's going to kill me watching her with someone else – she needs me, so I have to go."

Trevor came up behind them, biting into an apple. "What's going on?"

Amy grinned. "Ryan finally grew a pair and decided it's time to go back to California."

Trevor smirked, wrapping an arm around Amy. "Well it's about damn time."

XXXXX

Ryan left for Newport that night. It would take him more than twenty-four hours to get to Newport, and Marissa would be there the next day. The sooner he left the better.

The last two months had been rough. The first month he couldn't even think about talking to Marissa. He didn't send her letters or emails or anything. Instead, he came to Galveston where Amy had a beach house her parents had given her. The water and the sand reminded him of home, and at first it was nearly impossible to go to the beach without feeling like he was being stabbed in the chest.

Slowly, though, he began to heal. He could think about Marissa without feeling like there was a knife lodged somewhere inside him. He could accept that she was in love with someone else. He could stop picturing her and Andrew in his mind. He could accept that the past was over and it was time to move on.

His mom had visited, and that really helped them both. He realized that he missed home, or at least the idea of it. In actuality, he couldn't see himself living in California if Marissa and Andrew would live out there days there. He could accept that she loved someone else, but he didn't know if he could spend his life watching it. He told his mom this. She told him he had to face life someday.

As he watched the cities, towns, and deserts pass, he knew that she was right. He had to face life. He'd been running too long.

XXXXX

Thirty-six hours, two uncomfortable rest stop naps, and nearly two thousand miles later, he was finally in Newport.

The first place he drove to was his mom's house. He hadn't told her he was coming home yet. He hadn't even called her yesterday, only tried to get here as fast as possible. He would have to apologize for that when he got inside. He'd been too preoccupied and exhausted to look for a pay phone. He didn't even remember where his cell phone was anymore, it had been off so long.

Opening the front door, he yawned and scratched his scruffy face. "Mom?"

Dawn walked out of the kitchen with wide eyes, a white egg in her hand. "Ryan?" She blinked and realized she wasn't seeing things, and dropped the egg, it breaking and splattering on the floor. She looked down and said, "Damn't!" Then she looked up and ran to her son, wrapping her arms around him. "What are you doing here?! You didn't call yesterday and I was worried. I tried calling the house but nothing and I thought something had happened…"

Ryan wrapped his own arms around his mom, hugging her tightly. "Sorry, I was driving back. I need to look for my phone in the car." He pulled back and kissed the top of her head. "It was all last minute."

"You're here to stop the wedding, then?" she asked, smiling widely.

He shook his head. "No, I'm here to attend the wedding."

She waved him off. "Same difference."

Ryan gave her a look. "Mom, we talked about this when you came to visit. I'm not breaking up the wedding. Marissa has made her choice. I just have to deal with it."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah." She turned and started walking back to the kitchen. "Clean up the egg." She stopped and looked over her shoulder at him, wrinkling her nose. "Then take a shower. I love you son, but you smell."

Ryan laughed and shook his head. "Thanks, mom, love you too."

An hour later he was showered, they had eaten, and were both sitting at the kitchen table talking. He told her about Marissa's email, and she told him about what he'd missed the last six months in Newport. When she'd visited him in Galveston at the beach house, he'd been too out of it to be able to hold a conversation about the state of affairs back home. Now, she told him about the local gossip she'd picked up at work. Ryan didn't really care for the gossip, and neither did she, but they were both just happy to talk.

"I missed you, you know," Dawn said, giving him a pointed look. "I didn't want to tell you this while you were hurting, but it's been hard here without you."

Ryan nodded, offering an apologetic look. "I know. I'm sorry. I was so busy thinking about myself…"

"It's okay." She reached for his hand, squeezing it. "You're my son. You were hurting. You did what you had to do, and I respect you for it." She sat back in her chair, shrugging. "I just wish you could've come to me."

"I needed to do it on my own," he said quietly, looking down at the table. "Come to terms with Henry, and then with Marissa. Say goodbye."

"And have you…come to terms with Henry?" she asked, also quietly.

He shrugged. "I don't think I'll ever be okay with it." He smiled sadly. "But I've accepted it." She nodded, blinking the emotion from her eyes. Ryan realized that his mom had been through a lot these past six months. She had healed on her own, and he was so proud of her and angry at himself for not being there. He looked at his watch and noted the time. "You wouldn't happen to know where Marissa is right now, would you?"

Her face brightened. "As a matter of fact I do. We were supposed to have lunch, so I know for a fact that this morning she is looking at the banquet hall. She told me the other day." Dawn's eyes sparkled. "Why, are you going to go announce your undying love for her?"

Ryan gave her a look. "Mom, I'm not breaking up the wedding. I just haven't seen her in a long time."

"And you love her."

Ryan narrowed his eyes at her. "Mom."

"Just admit it. You love her."

He sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Yes, mom, we've established I love her. That's why I'm here. She asked me to be here, so I'm here. I love her enough to give her this." He looked down at the table.

She smiled sadly. "You're doing the right thing by coming back. I'm sure she'll really appreciate it."

He nodded, his heart hurting as he thought about watching Marissa marrying Andrew. It was bad enough to know it would happen, but to have to watch it? "I'm hoping so."

"I know that watching someone you love get married to someone else has to hurt." Ryan looked her way. "But I also know it's not going to happen, Ryan. Marissa isn't going to marry Andrew. I know it."

Ryan sighed. "Mom…"

"She isn't in love with him, Ryan. Not the way she's in love with you." She looked at him seriously. "I have watched that girl love you for over a decade, and she hasn't stopped. She thinks she has, but only because you weren't here to prove her wrong."

"I'm not going to try to stop the wedding," Ryan said, staring her straight in the eye. "She's made her decision. I will continue to say this."

She merely laughed, ruffling his hair. "And I'll continue to say otherwise. But right now you better hurry if you're going to meet Marissa at the pier."

He looked at his watch, nodding. "She's there now?"

She nodded. "For another hour or so." She hugged him again, surprising him. "I missed you, son. Glad to have you home."

He smiled. "Glad to be home."

XXXXX

Ryan hadn't used his cell phone in six months, but he found it in his glove compartment, dropping lots of papers as he searched for her. To his surprise, the phone still had half the battery charged. As he waited for it to boot up, he leaned down to pick up the stuff he'd dropped. That's when he saw it. The ring.

When Marissa told him she was getting married, he'd put the engagement ring in his glove compartment and tried to push it out of his mind. It wasn't like he'd ever use it now anyway. Now, he moved the ring so the diamond reflected in the sun. After a minute, he solemnly put it back in the glove compartment.

He grabbed his phone and climbed out of his car, shutting the door softly. The banquet hall was near the Bait Shop, or so his mom said. He'd never actually paid attention to it before. It wasn't like he cared about places like this in high school.

Despite all his talk about not interfering with the wedding, he still couldn't wait to see Marissa. He found himself walking faster, wanting to see her. It had been six months since he saw the girl he loved. To say he missed her was an understatement. He had missed her every single day. It had never stopped.

He stopped when he saw her, taking her in. She was on the phone with someone, moving her hands as she grew more and more irritated. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail and she was wearing jeans and a polo shirt. Somehow, flustered and dressed so casually, she was even more beautiful than he ever could have remembered. It physically hurt him to look at her, but for the first time in six months he felt like he could finally breathe again. When she hung up, he dialed her number and placed the phone to his ear, never taking his eyes off her.

Marissa, meanwhile, was feeling stressed. A week until the wedding and there had been a mix up with banquet halls. They were supposed to get the large hall, but instead had been given the smaller one. There was no way they could fit all the guests in the extremely small hall, and the person in charge just wasn't listening to Marissa.

Her phone rang, and she answered without looking, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. Weddings were not supposed to be this stressful. "Hello?"

"So I'm gone six months and you somehow get hotter. How does that happen?"

Marissa's heart skipped a beat hearing Ryan's voice. "What makes you think I'm hotter?" she asked, her face breaking into a smile.

"Well, you know I always loved that messy ponytail look. Did your hair get slightly lighter?" Marissa blinked, opening her eyes as she realized Ryan was somehow looking at her. "And longer, too, I think."

She turned around and saw Ryan a hundred yards away watching her with a small smile. Shutting the phone, she walked, then ran to him. He opened his arms for her and she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face in his neck, breathing him in. He smelled like soap and syrup, but also that very distinct Ryan smell that she'd fallen asleep inhaling so many nights.

"You came," she breathed, tears filling her eyes as she held him tighter. Six months without him, six months wondering where he was and what he was doing, and now here he was. She pulled back and looked at him, one lone tear slipping down her cheek as she gazed at him in amazement. "You're here… you came…"

Angling his head at her, he smiled softly, gently brushing her tear away. "You needed me," he simply said, staring into her eyes with the smallest trace of sadness.

Smiling again, she wrapped her arms around him again, feeling safe and warm and protected as he hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much," she whispered, closing her eyes once again as she enjoyed the embrace.

Breathing in her vanilla shampoo and hugging her just a little bit tighter, Ryan said, "I missed you too."

XXXXX

So, Ryan's back.

Individual Replies:

Skillz37: Please don't be mad at me :(

xoElle23: You pose a very interesting idea here. I just might utilize it to some degree :)

fatedtopretendd: Always gotta ship Marissa/happiness.

Guest: Well that's good considering this is a R/M story!

Riss: I really thought that you would guess it was Andrew's and Marissa's wedding haha.

Sara: It means that Ryan better get his act together :) Ryan will definitely get a taste of his own medicine watching Marissa and Andrew together. It'll be interesting.

Kerschi-Puky: Always a pleasure to have your analysis haha.

Sailaway: Ah, you seem to be onto something ;)

Isabella: I like how you say it's one of the best you've read when you hate Ryan haha.

Guest: Yes, Ryan will definitely have a lot of angst to deal with.

Jen: Haha, well he's back now. That's a start.