Ella is two months old and House has been back at work for about a week. The baby has colic and she cries almost constantly. I have to get up with her at night now because House has work. In exchange, he gets up with her in the morning, but when he leaves I'm left alone in the apartment all day with a crying, needing baby.

I still can't seem to get the hang of all this. The moments where Ella is sleeping or lying down quietly are my favorite moments. The second House gets home he knows he has to take her, even though he'd rather sit down and relax after a long day.

Cuddy comes over on a day off and brings Aaron with her. He walks around, entertaining himself and I wish Ella would get there. He sits on the floor, eating Cheerios out of a Tupperware and coloring. Cuddy takes Ella and smiles, her face lighting up. She holds her just right and Ella smiles up at her.

I don't know how she does it. She tries to tell me that I'll fall into it eventually; all first-time mothers are nervous. I'm way more than nervous; I'm a complete and utter failure. I'm stressed and depressed and strained. I've had no problem losing the baby weight because I'm so upset, I can't eat.

She's taking the baby for the next two days so House and I can get some quiet. I've gotten the okay from my OB to have sex again and we're going to go out for the first time in what feels like forever. I'm not sure how happy he is about taking me out; he's struggling, too. The fact that he's not a failure at being a parent like I am doesn't mean he's perfect, either.

He forgot to dilute the formula in the bottle he was giving Ella and she ended up sick, crying for hours. We had a screaming match and he said he was tired of this bullshit and we should give the kid away to Cuddy and Wilson. He said he hated that I don't take responsibility and hand Ella off to him every chance I get; he works, he puts food on the table and money in my bank account and I should pull my weight.

I agreed with him. I still agree with him, but I can't help it. We made up, sort of, and things have been at an uneasy peace for the past few days. I help Cuddy get Ella into her car and pack the things she'll need and when she drives away, I'm so happy for the peace.

I take a long time getting ready. I shave my legs, wash my hair, moisturize; I do all the things I haven't gotten the chance to do. I pluck my eyebrows, paint my nails and apply makeup. I throw on a green dress and put on heels and when I look at myself in the mirror, I finally feel like a human being again.

He gets home, looking tired, but kisses me on the cheek and tells me I look beautiful. He takes a minute to change and we head out to a great Asian restaurant that opened just after Ella was born; we've been dying to try it.

I have a nice Japanese beer and some sushi and House has sesame chicken. I'm a little clumsy with my chopsticks, while he expertly picks up chicken and rice with his. I envy how cultured he is; I've only ever been out of the country three times and once was to Canada. We're trying to enjoy ourselves and at first there's tension between us, a nervousness and awkwardness that most likely stems from the stress the baby puts on us.

After a few drinks, we're at ease and relaxed and laughing. I look at him in the dim light, his eyes squinting slightly as he laughs, and his piercing blue eyes make me melt. For the first time in months, I'm actually having sexual thoughts. I put a hand on his knee and I see he's immediately excited.

We get back to the house, the gloriously empty house, and we're making out as if we're seventeen year-olds after a date. One hand rests on my ass and the other goes to my breast. I have a moment of self-consciousness, as my breasts, though they've gotten bigger, I feel like they've lost some of their perkiness. I'm also afraid of what he'll think of the lingering stretch marks on my hips, how they're silvery and stand out in the light. House, obviously, doesn't mind.

There's a moment of pain and resistance as he enters me and he stops and holds my face in his hands and asks me if I'm okay. He's gentle and slow and it's a wonderful reunion.

xXxXx

For once, I'm actually happy to be back at work. I have my puzzles and my mysteries back, and although I've consulted via phone for the last few weeks, it's nice to be back in my element. Ella is two months old and she has colic and cries constantly. Henri gets up with her at night and I get her up in the morning and feed her and change her before I go to work.

Henri isn't doing very well. She can't seem to get into the groove of things and she's so stressed, I see weight dropping off her, dark circles under her eyes and I think she's losing hair, if the clumps in her hairbrush and in the shower drain is anything to go on. The second I get home, even if it's been a particularly stressed and long day, she hands the baby to me.

I love Ella, I do, but when I get home, I want to relax in front of the TV or the piano or with my guitar and a cold beer or a glass of scotch. Instead, I get a frustrated wife and a crying infant.

I'm sitting in Wilson's office, eating some coleslaw out of a plastic tub. The past few months have seen a decline in Henri's willingness to cook, so I rely on Wilson's lunch and a local deli that makes amazing potato salad and coleslaw. Wilson has started to pack extra lunch so he can still eat after my scavenging.

I want to know how he does it, how he and Cuddy can have a good relationship and be so happy with their kid. He says he thinks it's the nanny, a Jamaican woman named Thelma, that helps them balance work, baby and romance. With Henri not working, I doubt a nanny is necessary for us. I have to figure out a way for all parties involved to be happy without completely rearranging our lives.

Wilson tries to tell me we'll fall into it all eventually; all first-time parents are nervous and clumsy. I'm way more than nervous; I feel like we're complete and utter failures. Henri is stressed and depressed and strained and I think she should seek out therapy. I can't be there all the time to help her out.

Cuddy and Wilson are taking Ella for the next two days so Henri and I can get some quiet. Henri's gotten the okay from her OB to have sex again and I can barely keep my pants on at that idea. Two months and no sex has killed me. I think I've worn out my porn collection and my wrist. We're going out for the first time in what feels like forever and I'm not sure how I feel about treating her to a nice dinner. We haven't exactly been happy with each other for a while and there's tension.

We've been fighting a lot lately. She's accused me of gibing Ella diaper rash because I was too quick with changing her diaper. She did end up with a wicked case of diaper rash, but I don't know that I'm the one to blame. She makes me blow-dry the baby's butt now. We had a screaming match and I said I was tired of this bullshit and told her she needed to shape up or ship out. I've been on her case lately about how I hate that she never takes responsibility and hands Ella off to me every chance she gets; I work, I pay the rent and the bills and she needs to pull her weight.

She agreed with me and although I felt badly about being so harsh about things, I'm still frustrated by her behavior. We made up, sort of, and things have been tense these past few days. I can't wait to have a little peace and quiet for a few days; I think that's exactly what we need to get back on our feet.

I get home and I'm tired, but when I see her I'm immediately perked up. I kiss her on the cheek and tell her she looks beautiful. I can tell she's taken her time to look nice. Her hair and makeup are done perfectly and her skin looks soft and smooth and I can't wait to put my hands on her body. I take a moment to change and we go to the new Asian restaurant down the street.

I have a nice, cold Japanese beer and some sesame chicken and Henri has sushi. I love to see her with the chopsticks; she uses them relatively well, but I can tell she's embarrassed whenever she drops something. We're trying to enjoy ourselves and at first there's apprehension and strain.

After a few drinks, we're relaxed and it's just like it used to be and I know that although things around us have changed, we haven't changed and our feelings for each other haven't changed. I look at her in the dim light, her eyes squinting slightly as she laughs, and her creamy skin and her smile and her clear blue eyes make me want her. She puts her hand on my knee and I think I might burst right here.

We get back to the apartment, which is wonderfully empty and quiet, and we're making out like a couple of kids. I grab her perfect ass with one hand and her breast with the other hand; they're bigger and I love it. I can tell she's self-conscious, but I'm trying my best to make her feel as sexy as I think she is.

She tenses just as I press myself into her and I stop and hold her lovely face in my hands and make sure she's okay before I proceed. I try to be as gentle and slow as my libido will let me and it's an amazing reunion.