Author's Note
Next to last chapter! I am still unhappy with chapter 48 and will probably rewrite it before the release of Ink. I think it would work better more fleshed out and split into 2 instead of stuffing all of it into one. Eventually I will rewrite the entire beginning of this, about the first twenty or so chapters before I rework it into original fiction to make the flow of the beginning match the rest of it once I realized how long the project was going to become and I fell in love with it.
Anyway, thank you for reading and as always comments/reviews serve to inspire 3
Kisarei
Silence. After the past two days, it felt off to me. My baby was gone and so was her father. I knew he would eventually leave, but I hoped it would last just a bit longer. Or, hoped he would have told me he was going. Something. I sighed and watched the door. He even took the kitchen with him. Either he was crazy stealthy at moving things, or I slept too heavily. Probably a combination of both, since it seemed he had a habit of doing this to people. I stretched my legs, then wiggled my feet.
I was going to walk. I made it a few steps yesterday. What was with the pain though? It wasn't just as though my legs weren't working, they seemed to be working fine enough. I moved in my bed, my steps were wobbly, yes, but I was able to move. It was the pain which made my stomach fluttered with nerves. Something else was wrong with me, but what? I swallowed. Sakura was coming. I didn't want to see her. She was the best chance at getting to some kind of normal.
Normal. What the hell is normal anyway? I felt sick. I remembered Gaara's words from yesterday. I would never be a ninja again, there was no hope for it. So then, what would I do with myself? Gaara kept Kimi with him most of the time so what would I do when I was alone?
There was a knock on the door. "Hey, you descent?"
I let out my breath and called out to Kankuro. "Yeah."
He came into the room, his mouth twisted up in a smile. "Didn't take advantage of my baby brother again, did you?"
I groaned. "Does it look like I'm in a position to do anything like that?"
The smile fell into a soft frown. "Well, yeah. Gaara is pretty easy once you figure him out, I'm sure. Especially concerning you." He stiffened his back and pointed a finger at me. "Seriously. If I ever come back from a mission and this place is redesigned into a giant monument to you because you joked about it and he took you serious, I swear."
I stared at him. "He wouldn't..." I trailed off. I was about to defend him, but I had a feeling there was an air of truth behind the accusation.
"He would. Now he has you here and has gotten over his aversion to you, I worry for the health of Suna." He gave a half laugh, but I felt as though there was a note of seriousness behind the statement. He strolled over to the dresser and started to open drawers. "Say, uh, you wouldn't happen to know where your engagement necklace went to, would you?"
I stared at him. My engagement necklace? Memories of a story followed by a beautiful necklace and... I brought my hand to my mouth, my eyes widened. The last thing I remembered before having Kimi was the kiss. "Nah, I don't. I remember it, but..." I trailed off. I had no idea how not to sound sarcastic seeing the proposal ended with me giving birth to his niece and falling into a coma.
"Yeah, yeah I know." He brushed me off and continued looking.
"So..." I leaned forward. "Why are you looking for it? He change his mind or something?"
He stiffened and a wave of nausea passed through me. Joke. I was joking. "I can't say, but closer to the 'or something'. Trust me, he has every intention of going through the traditional ceremony with you."
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Why would it bug me if he didn't go through with it? We were already married, why was the ceremony important? Choice. It would happen only because we chose to. Everything else was in a way forced on us, the wish, the moment in the cave, me being here. "Wouldn't Gaara have it?"
Kankuro moved to the next set of drawers and started to rummage through them. "Considering the chaos that night, no. Said he idly looked in the places he thought he left it, and just now realized it is missing."
His hand reached for the bottom drawer. Wait. I know that drawer. "I wouldn't."
He paused mid motion. "What?"
"I think there is bones in that one."
"Bones?" His face went blank a moment, then he laughed. "Oh, right. I forgot about those." He pulled the drawer out and hummed. "Empty." He looked back up to me with an amused smile. "See, happening already. You are inspiring him to behave himself. Those things have been in there for years."
"Could be the wrong drawer." I kept my voice low.
"Nope." He reached in and pulled out a collar. "See? This would have been the drawer. Gaara's first and only pet. He always felt a little bad about killing it and kept the bones in a drawer in here. Creepy as hell, but it's Gaara so..." He shrugged, put the collar back into the drawer and closed it. He sighed. "You sure you haven't seen it?"
I stared at him a moment. "Don't get me wrong, but how exactly would I have explored the room?" I made a double armed motion towards my legs.
He snorted. "Don't pull that shit with me. I know you've made clones." He closed the drawer and stood back up. His jaw tilted upward, the muscles set and crossed his arms. "Which, if I'm not wrong, is still dangerous for you." His eyes narrowed down to slits, even without the makeup on his eyes were thin, adding to the harsh aura building around him. "If you injure yourself due to your idiotic negligence, you will have to deal with me. I don't care what Gaara's reaction would be. Got it?"
I swallowed. I gave him a hallow nod, my throat feeling dry in an instant. This pose, the way he held himself just then was how he presented in battle. He was ominous. There was a reason he became Gaara's body guard, and it wasn't only because he was Gaara's brother. He might be sarcastic with a joking streak which could rival my own, but he was every bit as scary as Gaara could be once he set his mind to fighting. Especially when it came to his little brother. I cleared my throat and looked away. Give up making clones? How could I? "I'll get stronger. Even if I never fight again, I will walk. I will have the ability to make at least one clone. It's part of me, Kankuro." I clenched my hands into fists. What else did they expect me to give up? Give up my clones? There was no way.
He sighed. "Just wait until you see that doctor from Konoha then, will you? Expending chakra when it isn't needed and when you don't have much to spare in the first place is almost suicide."
I flinched at the word. "The Hokage committed it." The other me. My clone.
"Oh, right. Sorry." I heard a scraping noise and I looked over to see him pulling a chair up next to my bed and he sat in it backwards, his arms resting on the back of it. "You know, sometimes I forget exactly who you are. You look so damn girly now." He frowned at me.
I gave a half laugh. "Yeah, go figure." I smiled at him and took a breath. "I got to hold her." I wrapped my arms around my body in a self hug. "She looks just like him."
Kankuro's lips turned upward at the statement. "He was just as cute back then. I can remember it, when we got to actually see him. He was such a crazy calm kid too." He shrugged. "At least until our Uncle took the mission our dad gave him." He heaved a sigh.
I frowned at the reminder of what happened back then. Then, I remembered the distress he felt over his uncle. "Do you think he was trying to kill him or save him then?"
His head bent down and rested on his arms. "No idea. I heard him argue with Dad once about having to take care of him, but he was still a baby then. Seemed he liked him after a while, but since he died the way he did, there's no way of knowing for sure." He took a deep breath. "That attendant of yours is supposed to be in later today."
"What attendant?" I frowned at him.
"I think Temari introduced you two before she took off with Shinki." He shrugged. "Haven't met her yet myself. Annoying, if you ask me. The council always expects us to bend over backward for them, it's bad enough they conned Gaara into sending Shinki on a mission above him, but then to impose somebody living at our house..." He trailed off.
"Live with us?" I felt the blood drain from my face as the words squeaked out of my mouth. Why?
"Yup." He smiled at me. "So, no slips on who you are. Gaara told me you want to be called by your Suna name now. Well, perfect time to stick to it." His smile widened. "Kisarei."
I gave a hallow nod. I made the decision, yes. I was adamant about leaving my old self behind, but I kept making slips. Gaara made slips. What if one of us did it in front of her? Did the council all know my true identity, or was it only a select few? I swallowed. "Yeah." The word stuck in my throat. The word was followed by my heart. How long? How long would it take for Naruto to fade away, as though I never was that person? How long before Kisarei was more prominent, more me, than who I was once?
"Hey, everything ok?"
I took in a shaky breath and nodded, not trusting my words. Why was this still bothering me so much? I made the decision, it was one which needed to be made. Kankuro was still looking at me as though he didn't believe me so I plastered on my widest smile. I'm fine, ignore it. See, why would I smile if I wasn't?
"I don't buy your stupid smile, idiot. What the hell is wrong?"
Damn it. I let my smile fade and sighed. "How would you feel if you suddenly turned into a girl, moved somewhere you know almost nothing about and you couldn't even let your own family know your ok?" I bit my lip. I spoke more than I should have.
He stared at me and I looked away from him. "Hey, you know, I can't even begin to understand what your going through. Not close. Don't want to know either." There was a thump on my shoulder and I brought my attention back to him. "You saved my little brother. It was the only thing about you I ever liked. Beyond that, I always found you to be an idiotic waste of time no matter what you seemed to do for the rest of the world. I tolerated it because of Gaara's unwavering devotion to the idea you were the best thing since the creation of the sun." He leaned back and folded his arms.
I rolled my eyes. "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"
He gave a half laugh. "Nah, but..." He trailed off, then closed his eyes a moment, taking a deep breath. "Since all this, since you are here, since you are family now, I want to.. No. I need you to know, no matter what I think about who you were, who you are still in a way, we are family. I never pegged you for a girlish kind of guy and to say I am still surprised by you doing this for Gaara is still a bit of an understatement."
I smiled. "Yeah, still a bit surprised by it myself." I let my smile widen. "I wonder if I can pull of being a descent girl."
He snorted. "Probably not." A small smile appeared on his own face. "Even in that body you're still too much of a guy to pull off the whole woman thing."
I laughed. "Yeah." I looked down at my hands and the laughter faded away. "I am going to have to figure out something about my arm. Even with the excuse I'm my own damn twin someone is bound to figure out both of us having the same arm prosthetic is too damn convenient." I flexed my fingers on my right hand, reminding him of my issue.
He grabbed it and started to inspect it, bringing it closer to his face. "I should bring it to Gaara's attention. He might be able to get that doctor of his to come up with something until Sakura comes from Konoha. This thing was made there, maybe she would have a solution."
I yanked my arm back from him. "Maybe."
He stood. "I should get going. Gaara is going to want to figure out what happened to the thing or get another one made, though it would be interesting to explain the expenditure." He winked at me, headed to the door and gave a small wave. "Later." And was gone.
I sighed. Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad having that guy around. Maybe.
.*. .*. .*.
I officially met Chuyo last night. She was brought in by Baki, and honestly, he held my attention more than she had. He stared at me the entire time he was in my room, not that I blamed him. I had the creeping suspicion he knew exactly who I was and it creeped me out. I barely even remembered anything said beyond the formalities between us and I couldn't help but think I missed something in the exchange. I sighed. I still hadn't seen Gaara since he stayed in my room. Kankuro had brought me Kimi for a while this morning though, and after feeding her and giving her back to him, I was feeling sleepy again.
I wasn't sure what it was about feeding her that made me feel so relaxed, but damn. I felt the pull of desire to have her near me, thinking about it. I laid back on my pile of pillows and stared up at my spiral. I found myself wondering what my life would be like, once I was announced.
I heard the door, but didn't look over. It was probably either a nurse, Chuyo or Kankuro. Gaara walked quieter than this person. The chair legs scraped against the floor then after a moment, there was a sigh.
I looked over then. I stared. Who the hell was this? Some guy, brown hair, brown eyes and a definitive frown plastered on his face. "What are you doing in my room?"
The frown deepened, but he didn't speak.
My heart raced. Something felt odd about this, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Fine, at least say who the hell you are."
The man's eyes widened and he leaned back into the chair, sliding forward some. "You really couldn't tell, could you?" The voice was too familiar and a lump formed in my stomach. His eyes wandered upward and I knew he spied the spiral.
"Gaaruto." I felt sick. Why was he here?
"Well, at least you recognize your own voice." He didn't look at me. "How am I suppose to ensure you are safe if you don't even recognize my chakra. Can you feel anyone? Tell when there is someone else in the room, down the hall, outside the window?"
I stared. No. I couldn't. I didn't want to say and focused instead on what he said at the beginning of it rather than focusing on the thing which bothered me as well. "Why the hell would you want to protect me?"
His eyes slid back down and we stared at each other for a moment. "I take your redirect as a no."
Damn him. "You didn't answer me either." I don't want to talk about it.
"Because I don't feel like answering your question any more than you feel like answering mine." His lips twisted up in a smile. "I could leave it at a you die, I die sort of thing but there's always more to it than that, precious Other." He sat back up and propped himself up by leaning his elbows onto his knees.
"What's with the weird doctor?" I wanted to switch subjects. There was something unnerving about the way he spoke. A hidden meaning to his words. Gaaruto leaned more towards demented after the memory blank in my childhood. Ever since, most of my meet ups with Gaaruto were never pleasant, or had some kind of ulterior motive involved.
The smile fell, his voice was low. "We owe her."
"For what?" I wanted more details. Something happened at the hospital attack, and he knew. He knew something I didn't and I hated it, something which pertained to Gaara. More things he knew and I didn't.
He studied me a moment. "What do we owe her?" His fingers started to tap at his arms. "We owe her for everything. The fact we are still breathing, for your life here, with Gaara. For Kimi. For..." He trailed off. He took a deep breath. "And I personally want to pay her back for tricking me in order to do it." The usual smile returned, the one which meant he was up to something. "Haven't figured out the how yet, but I will. Besides, having a willing supply nearby keeps my head clear." He tapped his head. "Don't have to mess with as many people, though there have been some interesting ones since we moved here."
I groaned. Interesting ones. I wanted to ask, but decided against it. Who the guy slept around with wasn't my concern. No, it should be my concern, but at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to care. Yet. "Why do you have to be so freaking weird?"
He shrugged. "It's fun."
"Jerk."
He laughed. Outright, full body laughed. "You are one to talk. You ass. You almost killed all of us, and I," he stressed the word, "am the jerk."
I stared at him. "What exactly, do you think I could have done differently?"
His eyes widened in a look of shock. "Differently? Everything. I mean, a clone?" His tone started to change, his usual demented playful look I attributed to our difference gone into one of anger. "That idiot killed himself, how in the hell was that a good idea?" He started to outright yell at me, half standing from the chair. "If it wasn't for the stupid wish, we probably would have died. Get it?"
I was at a loss for words. What? Why would we have died?
My confusion must have shown on my face because he sighed and sat back down. "Not like you would even remember, so why in the hell bring it up?" He buried his head in his hands a moment. "You'll never remember, so this argument is for nothing." He leaned back in the chair with a heaving sigh. "I only came because I needed to return something I took." He gave a half laugh. "Pretty sure Gaara would try his luck at killing me if I didn't."
I frowned at him. What could he have taken that... "The necklace?"
He shrugged. "Thought it looked cool. Spied it when you were trying to off yourself by pushing that kid out of your body. Hid it, then swiped it when I came back with my real body. Actually, a bit surprised he didn't notice I did it." Another shrug. "Didn't know what it was though. Would have left it if I knew." He smirked.
I laughed at that. "Sure." I rolled my eyes. Like he would do anything to make my life easier.
"Maybe." The smile fell. "Besides, Gaara knows how to torture without killing." His voice went low and visible shiver went through him.
I stared at him. What exactly happened while I was out of it? "What are you talking about?"
His back straightened, a grin spreading across his lips before he licked them. "The day I came to you and tasted those sweet lips." He bit at the bottom of them, a glint in his eye. "I went and seen that gorgeous husband of yours. Showed him exactly what it was you wished for." A large smile appeared. If this were anyone else, I would think they were kidding me. But it was Gaaruto.
I watched him a moment before I felt the blood drain from my face. The day I came to you and tasted those sweet lips. The memory of him holding me down, forcing me to kiss him crashed back into my mind. "Ass." I threw a pillow at him and smiled when it hit him. Finally, a target close enough to feel the wrath of my new, special jutsu!
He gave a small groan. "You throw like a girl."
I stared a moment. Well, maybe because I am one now, you idiot. "Why are you talking to me?" I looked away from him.
The chair scraped against the floor. The sound was followed by silence. It lasted long enough I looked over to the door to see him standing next to it, his shoulders slumped down, his hand on the doorknob.
Well, that's different. "Gaaruto?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I didn't get him. How he thought, why he did the things he did. Maybe if I could just remember what happened between us, I could figure it out.
His shoulders stiffened, then relaxed into a regular posture. I did notice though, his knuckles were pale from from his grip on the door. He looked over his shoulder and flashed me a smile. "Nothing. I will talk to you again. Though..." The smile fell. "If you had figured out you were in love with Gaara when you were younger, would you have still pursued Hinata?"
What? "What are you talking about?" If I knew I loved Gaara? Why would it matter?
A slight shadow passed his features, then the smile was back. "Never gets old, messing with you." He gave a slight laugh. "I'll never let you put me away again." He pulled the door open. The smile fell, the shadow returned. "Never." His voice was low, and before I could respond, he was gone.
"What the hell?" That thing confused me. He needed to be watched and monitored if he weren't stuck in my head with Neji. I took a breath with the thought of bringing him back out. I had no idea if I would ever have enough energy to even bring him back up to par. I hoped so. They were so different, Gaaruto and Neji. The way they worked. Gaaruto was different. I gave him everything I had at the time and somehow, he came up with the ability to create his own damn chakra. Neji never grew the ability though. I expected it, but it never happened. I always wondered why.
I stared at the door. Maybe, being free would fix whatever was wrong with him. There was a small pain in my chest and I tried to ignore it. Narutwo. What happened anyway? "You seem calmer than normal." I spoke it to the door. From what I could tell, Suna hadn't turned into a writhing central of insanity, so he hadn't been spreading his pheromones around like he usually did when freed in Konoha. Was it the doctor? The situation?
I felt a lump form in my stomach. I'll never let you put me away again. I took a long breath in through my nose. Maybe it was his freedom which kept him in check. He knew I had no power to actually put him back, even if I wanted to. And what was with that question? Was he in love Gaara too? Had he picked it up from me if he was?
I looked up to the spiral and held up my hand to trace the outline in the air. If I had known I was in love with Gaara, would I have still wanted to marry Hinata? I let my hand fall to the bed and sighed. "How in the hell am I supposed to know the answer to that?"
Had he known it, for sure back then? Was that why he hated Hinata so much? Because he knew? Did he know all this time? I gave an exasperated groan and flipped around on the bed. "Damn him." Even without being weird, he still frustrated me. I still wanted to know what happened between us. I wasn't sure I would ever know. I buried my face into my pillows and screamed. Louder than I meant to, but it was at least muffled this way. It allowed me to let out my frustration, yet more than my frustration.
When, after a minute or so of this I stopped, I felt lighter. I stayed in the position, half laying on my stomach. I didn't want to deal with the day. I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep.
