Finn POV

God, I don't want to go to school today. I have a test in English about some book called the Scarlet Letter that sucked ass. When I read the back of the book, I thought it was going to be all about sex and stuff, because I thought that that was what adultery was, but it wasn't. All the sex part happened before the book, so it was just a lot of really boring blabbing about a door for like 10 pages. Kurt says that Hester gets kind of kick ass in the end, but I doubt it. I mean, how kick ass could girls be back in the 1400's or whenever the stupid book takes place? Not much would be my guess.

Plus, Rach is still all pissed at me. I don't really get why, since it's not like she wanted to be my girlfriend when she actually could have been, just now that she couldn't. Which by the way, is the same thing she accused me of. Sometimes I think she's the one who's fickle, not me. I wouldn't tell her that because I don't want her to, like, kill me or anything, but sometimes I'm not as dumb as people tell me I am.

"Finnegan Jacob! If you aren't out of that bed in the next 5 minutes, I will get the ice!" Did I mention that Mom isn't real happy with me either? I'm not sure if it's still because of me lying about Mr. Shue, or because I accidentally forgot a bunch of her clothes in the washer and they got all mildewy. Either way, if I didn't get up pretty quick, she was going to come down with a cup full of ice and throw it on me, and I definitely didn't want that.

"I'm up!" I staggered to my feet, wincing a little as I almost tripped over my backpack, which I had left on the floor next to the bed. Maybe I could just fake sick?

Except that wasn't going to work and I knew it. First off, Mom has this amazing way of reading my mind, so she can always tell when I'm faking it. Puck said that I could stick a finger down my throat to make myself barf, and then she would have to believe it, but that's just nasty. Besides, the one time I tried it I couldn't actually make myself sick. Kurt says that I lack a gag reflex, and that that's actually a good thing, but Kurt never has to try and fake sick, either.

I grabbed the first pair of jeans that didn't look too disgusting and a clean shirt (one that Kurt actually likes. Of course, he doesn't say that he likes it, he just calls it one of the least abominable pieces in my wardrobe, but his eyes say he likes it. Plus? My shirt isn't a snowman. Sometimes I think he makes up uses for words that aren't even real) and my backpack and I was ready for the day. Usually I try and take a shower in the mornings, but I was already late and too tired to care.

Besides, it wasn't like I had anyone to smell good for this morning. Kurt's not coming to pick me up, because his Dad's truck is broken. So Kurt has to take him to the garage, which is in the total opposite direction of my house. That sucks, of course, because it means that Puck's picking me up instead of Kurt. So it was a sucky, sucky, suck, suck day and it hadn't even really started yet.

At least Mom made French toast, which is all kinds of awesome. She even put powdered sugar on it. "Finn, I have to fill in for Martha, so I'm going to be late today. Do you think you can handle getting home and getting dinner for yourself?"

My brain was already going all sorts of naughty places, imagining what Kurt and I could do in between getting out of school and 10 at night, which was when she would probably get home.

Unfortunately, Mom's faster then I am. "Oh, and I should probably tell you that Kurt will be helping his father at the garage after school, so don't even think about it."

How did she do that? "I wasn't! Maybe I'll go over to Puck's instead."

"Just call me when you decide." She leaned over and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. "I love you. Finn."

"Love you, too." I used to be all embarrassed when she did that, but not any more. I mean, Kurt doesn't have a Mom at all, and I'll be he would be glad to be embarrassed by her if she was still alive.

A horn blared from the driveway, and I knew that Puck was here. "Bye, Mom!"

I raced out the front door and jumped into his truck. He smirked at me. "You're late, Finessa. Did you get caught up doing your pretty hair and make-up?"

"Nah, I was too busy jacking it to your old football pictures." You have to handle Puck just right, or he'll never leave you alone.

He flexed his biceps. "I don't blame you. This is all man, baby." Then he turned serious. "Look, dude, I just got word that the terrible twosome is out for your ass."

"Which terrible twosome?" The only one I could think of was Karofsky and Azimio, and he had other nicknames for them.

"Santana and Brit. They're women on a mission, and that never ends well."

"What did I do to them?" As hard as I thought, I couldn't think of anything I might have done to offend either one of them.

"Don't know, Dude, but watch your back." Puck might be an asshole sometimes, but he usually knows what's going on.

"Thanks for the heads up." Even if I didn't quite believe it.

But it was true. The pair of them cornered me right after first period, pinkies linked and swinging between them. Santana, the pair's official spokesperson, smiled at me. "Brit and I were wondering if you wanted to go out?" She made it sound all casual and cool.

Sometimes I think I really am as stupid as everyone claims I am, because I'm pretty sure I didn't hear that right. "On a…date? With which one of you?" This was weird. There were three people here, and, anyway, they both knew that I was with Kurt now.

They exchanged looks, and I knew that they were doing the weird girl mind meld thing. "Both of us!" They said it like I was the silliest person on earth.

"But I'm kind of with Kurt now." I don't know why I was trying to remind them. Santana never forgets anything, ever.

She also never forgives anything. Finn, don't do this.

Brit toyed with my sleeve, which was kind of distracting. Santana stroked my other arm. "Finn! I wouldn't ask you to cheat on Kurt! That would be…horrible of me." Even though she was saying the right words, she made it sound all sexy instead of like she was shocked that I would think that. Between both of them fawning all over me, it was getting a little hard to think.

I tried to step back, but all that ended up doing was putting me back against the lockers. "It sounds like you want me to cheat." My voice came out all high pitched, sounding more like Kurt's then mine.

"Of course not! See, it's not cheating if you aren't with the same gender. Just like I'm not cheating on Puck when I do stuff with Brit!" She sounded all sure and everything, but this didn't feel right.

"It's true." Brit's hand trailed down from my sleeve to my hip. "Gay sex and straight sex aren't the same thing."

Finn! Are you listening to this? How would you feel if Kurt was thinking about doing the exact same thing you are? Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter if you're with a different gender, if you're in a different zip code, if Kurt never finds out about it, anything. It…it also doesn't matter if you're drunk. I'm sorry Finn.

That drug me out of my lesbian induced haze. Quinn-voice was right and I knew it. What Santana was asking me to do was wrong, and I knew it. I pushed Brit's gently away. "No."

Santana's eyes narrowed. "No? What do you mean by that, Finn?" Suddenly she didn't look all sexy any more. She looked like she wanted to kill me.

Running like a girl was looking better and better. "I mean no. I'm with Kurt now, and he's the only one I want to be with. I'm all, like, flattered that you want to and everything, but the answer is no."

Her hip cocked, which is not a good sign. When you see a girl do that, it's kind of like when you see the hair go up on a strange dog. It means that you're about to get bitten. "It is. Well, how would you feel if I were to give Jacob Ben Israel an exclusive about the buggery happening behind the Glee club scenes? I'm sure Kurt would love to have his name plastered all over the front page of the school newspaper."

What did bugs have to do with anything? But I got the rest of it, which meant she was going to out me and Kurt to everyone. "I would feel bad." It was a really dumb thing to say, but I was trying to buy myself some time. I wished that Kurt was here. No, wait, I didn't. Because it would hurt his feelings if he found out what Santana was willing to do to us.

" 'Tana, please." Brittany's voice was soft, but we both turned to her. "Please, just stop. This isn't going to work."

Of all the people who I thought might save me, Brit was someone I would have never considered. Santana must have felt the same way, because she shot her an evil look. "Fine, but when this gets back to you-know-who, I'm not standing up for you." Then she was gone, storming down the hall and looking for another target.

"Coach Sylvester told us to do that." Brittany was touching my arm again, but this time it didn't feel like a sex thing. It just felt friendly. "She said if we could get you to break up with Kurt, then you would get back together with Rachel and she would be too distracted by you to do a good job at Regionals."

Nothing she was saying made any sense. "But she got fired, so why does she care? And how did she find out about Kurt in the first place?"

"She's back. I don't know how, maybe she's magic or something." She squirmed a little. "And she knows about you and Kurt because 'Tana and I kind of told her."

"Why?" If it had been anyone else, I would have been more pissed, but Brit's different. She's kind of like me: we never mean to do the wrong thing, and we never intend to be mean, we just mess it up a lot. It kind of hurt that she had sold me out, though, and I knew we could both hear it in my voice.

"She just…it always sounds like a good thing to do when she's telling us to do it. I'm sorry, Finn." She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "I hope we didn't mess things up with you and Kurt."

I hugged her, because I do love her in a way. Not in a sexy way, though I would have been much more interested if I didn't have Kurt. "You didn't. But could you kind of try and make Santana less mad? You know, so she doesn't kill me or Kurt?"

"I'll try." Then she was gone, her skirt spinning after her.

Ok, this was bad. Bad that Coach Sylvester was back, bad that she knew about me and Kurt, bad that she was still trying to destroy the Glee club. I had to find someone who could help me figure out what to do.

"Finn! Finn, come here!" My entire body got all stiff and nervous. When I said someone to help me, I meant anyone but Rachel.

But Mom would kill me if she knew I was rude to a chick, so I made myself stop and turn around. "Hey, Rach."

She looked down and twirled her hair in her fingers. "It has come to my attention that I was perhaps a little unfair to you yesterday. Of all people, I should know that sexuality is never a choice, and I wish the two of you all the happiness in the world."

Usually, I would have been suspicious of something like this, but I actually believed her this time. Mostly because she still looked like she wanted to cry. "Uh, thanks?"

"Anyway, I was thinking that you could come over to my place today after school? Just as friends, I promise. I spent a productive four hours with my therapist yesterday, and he's helped me see that pursuing you at this point shows a lack of respect not only for you and Kurt, but for myself as well."

I waited for Quinn-voice to make a nasty comment, but she was silent. Instead of that making me feel good, though, it just made me more nervous. "I, uh, well; I have to talk to Kurt first. We kind of had plans, but not really." There, that kind of took the pressure off of me.

"Oh." She forced a smile. "Of course. Will you be able to tell me by lunch? Because I need to call my Dad's and let them know if I'm going to be bringing company over. I can give you a ride if you need one."

"Yeah, I'll let you know." Where the hell was Kurt?

"Alright." Why was it that Rach was sensitive enough to know when to back off when we weren't dating, but not when we were?

As it turned out, I couldn't find Kurt before class, which sucked donkey balls. He would know what to do about the whole Coach Sylvester/Santana/Brittany/Rachel thing. Plus, he would be able to explain what to do in a way that didn't make me feel like a total idiot.

I got held after in English, and then I had to pee after Social Studies, so I didn't end up being able to see Kurt until almost lunch. He smiled at me, telling me with his eyes that he wished he could kiss me. I used mine to tell him the same thing back, which made him grin harder.

There's this whole ritual we have to do, though, before we can actually talk. Kurt stakes out the table and waits with Mercedes while I go through the line. Then I sit down and he goes through the line and gets a cold water. He never eats the school lunches, but don't ever ask him why. He goes into this whole lecture about preservatives and his skin and blah, blah, blah. It would be easier if I could get his water for him, but that's not the way things work. If I get him his water, I might as well just have sex with him in front of the whole school.

Once we had done our thing, I sat down next to him, but not too close. "Rachel wants me to come over to her house after school today. Are you ok with that?"

He cracked his water open and took a deep drink, which made the muscles in his throat work and made me kind of distracted. "Cowboy, we've had this conversation before. If you desire to enter that creepy little girl room, then it's entirely up to you. I trust you completely."

See, he says that, but I don't think he really means it. If he meant it, his voice wouldn't be so hurt every single time. But he has friends, too. I mean, I don't make a big deal when he wants to go out with Mercedes or Tina.

He's never kissed Mercedes or Tina! Kurt gets offended because, deep down, he thinks you'll get back together with Rachel. But his insecurities are no reason not to go over there. The only thing that's going to make him feel better is if you go over there a few times, and he can see that there's no danger.

"Oh. I thought that maybe you would want to do something today. But, it's cool, we can do something tomorrow." I wished that he would at least look at me.

I don't think I hide hurt feelings very well either, because he rubbed my knee under the table. "I'm sorry, Finn. I would love to do something with you today, but Dad needs me at the garage. One of his mechanics just had a baby, and he gave him two weeks off. Once things settle back to normal, maybe you can come hang out with both of us? I'll have time to teach you some things."

Awesome! I tried not to sound too excited, though. "Cool. So, it's really ok?"

"Absolutely." He looked around quickly to see if anyone was looking at us. "I love you."

"Love you, too." I held out my banana. "Here. I picked one with no bruises for you, because it's filled with potassium and, uh, other good stuff."

"You are a prince, Finn Hudson." He took it happily. "Now go tell her nagginess that you would be delighted to accompany her into her den of pink iniquity."

See, I liked it when things went this way. Now Kurt was happy, and I was happy, and hopefully Rachel would be happy, too. This was going to turn out great.

Rach was super excited when I told her that I could come over, and we made plans to meet at her car, which by the way, is awesome! It must be cool to be an only child when both of your Dads are rich. I still wouldn't trade Mom though, not for anything.

She carried the conversation in the car, which was a good thing. I wasn't sure who I was supposed to tell first about Coach Sylvester being back. Mr. Shue? Kurt? Rachel? Maybe I should talk to Mom about it tonight. She usually has good suggestions.

"Finn? Are you paying attention to me?" Rachel turned her head to look at me.

Not really. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

"That I think it's important that the two of us really get to know each other as friends. When we were together we didn't do a lot of talking. Maybe we could get back together later this week?"

You didn't do much besides talking either. You might bitch about me, but she wasn't letting you under her top either. But this is actually a good thing. She really wants to try a friendship, which means she isn't going to be flirting with you the whole time and making you nervous.

That was good. I nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, that would be great! But aren't we going to talk today?"

Something showed up in her eyes, but it was gone before I could figure it out. "Sure. But a discourse between two people can't be limited to just one day. I want us to be close, Finn, even if it's not in a sexual way."

"Uh, ok." That sounded a little creepy, but she's dramatic at the best of times. My stomach growled in the sudden quiet, which made her laugh a little. "I made my special cookies last night, and I promise you can have a few."

"Sweet." We were at her house by then, so I came around and opened her car door for her, just like I did for Kurt.

"Thank you, Finn. But you do understand that, as a modern and fully developed woman, I'm capable of opening my own door, right?"

"Sure. But it's nice for me to do it for you." Why couldn't she just say 'thank you' and leave it at that, like Kurt did?

"Of course it is." She pulled open the door. "Dad! Daddy! We're here!"

Two men came into the kitchen, and I made myself stand up straight. I had never met Rachel's fathers before, and I hoped I was giving off 'I really didn't violate your baby girl, I promise' vibes. "Hi, I'm Finn Hudson." I held out my hand to shake.

"So polite." The black dad shook gently. "I'm Leroy and this is my husband, Hiram Berry. Now I understand that you have some-"

"Daddy!" Rachel cut him off and made a quick slicing gesture across her throat. "Finn and I are going to have some cookies and have a talk before the two of you get a hold of him. I promise, you'll get your turn."

"Ok, pumpkin. We'll be in the living room." They were all looking at each other like they knew something that I didn't."

Ok, this was weird. Under most circumstances, that would cause me to lose my appetite, but, come on, have you tasted her cookies? They're the most delicious things in the entire world. She poured us two glasses of lemonade, and we talked a little bit about what sort of songs we should try for Glee in the next few weeks. Once I had finished both my cookies and my drink, she pulled me up. "Finn, I have to get going. I have a date this afternoon."

What? "Like, with a guy?" I couldn't believe she was saying this. And why did that hurt my feelings a little bit?

"Yes, Finn, with a guy. I am still a completely heterosexual woman." She seemed frustrated.

"But I though we were going to hang out today! Who's this guy? Do I know him?"

"His name is Jessie St. James, and, no, you don't know him. He doesn't go to McKinley." She was starting to get that look again, the one I didn't like.

I felt like I should know that name, but she grabbed my arm and started dragging me off to the living room while I was still trying to figure it out. "I don't want you to be upset with me for this, but I knew if I was honest, you would never come over." She pushed me down on in one of the chairs, the one that directly faced her two fathers. "My dads are going to give you advice about everything you need to know about having sex with Kurt for the first time. Oh, and they'll give you a ride home afterwards. I love you, Finn, and this is for both you and Kurt's own good." She bolted back out the front door while I was still frozen in shock. She wanted me to talk about sex in front of two men I didn't even know? Two men whose daughter I had dated? Hadn't Kurt just told me that I had lots of good karma built up? Shouldn't that mean that something like this wouldn't happen?

My chest felt tight and I could feel tears wanting to spring to my eyes as I wheezed pitifully. Mr. Berry One went into the kitchen while Mr. Berry Two grabbed his cell and called after his daughter. "Rachel! You said he knew what he was coming here for! That was very unkind of you to spring it on him like that!"

I couldn't hear what Rachel was saying back, but Mr. Berry One brought me another glass of lemonade. "Here, honey, drink this and try and relax. We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to."

The coldness of the lemonade felt good, and it opened my throat a little until I could breathe again. "Sorry. I was just…really, really surprised."

Mr. Berry Two hung up the phone. "Do you want us to take you home right now? If you're not ready to talk about it, there's not point in pushing.

I'm pretty sure that I'll never be ready to talk about it with anyone. I mean, Dude! There are some things that should just be sacred!

Really? Because I'm pretty sure you're being offered the chance of a lifetime here. Two gay men who are willing to give you pointers so that things actually go well for you your first time? Or would you rather just fumble through it and end up getting hurt or hurting Kurt? Because, let me tell you Finn, I would have killed to be able to talk to someone about sex. Maybe I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now if I had.

"I…I…sorry. I mean, I need to talk to you guys, but it feels kind of freaky. Can we maybe just wait a minute before start talking about, like sex and stuff?" There, that didn't come out so badly.

Mr. Berry Two laughed. "Of course. How about you tell us about this boyfriend of yours. Is he your first?"

This was better. "Yeah." When I pulled out my phone, I noticed that my hands were shaking. I forced them steady and opened up my pictures. "His name's Kurt."

They both oohed and ahhed over the pictures. "Look at those pretty blue eyes."

"Yeah, he's awesome, Mr. Berry Two." Oh, shit, had I just called him that out loud? The problem was, I didn't know what else to call him. If I just said 'Mr. Berry', then they wouldn't know which one I was talking to, and it would be rude to call them by their first names without permission.

Luckily, they both laughed about it. "You can call us Leroy and Hiram, Finn, it's alright. Did you know before Kurt?"

"Did I know what?" Sometimes I feel like there's this code that everyone but me talks in.

"That you were gay. I mean, you dated our baby before Kurt, and another girl before that. Sometimes you just don't know until the right person comes along." Hiram smiled gently at me.

"I'm not…." I stopped off because I was confused. Did being with Kurt make me 100% gay, even if I liked girls too? Or did that not matter, because I was with Kurt now? Did it just matter who you were with right this second?

See, this is why you need to talk to them.

"Umm…I don't know? I mean, I still like girls a lot, and not other boys, but I'm with a boy right now, so does that make me gay? What if I break up with Kurt and pick a girl next? Would I still be gay, or would that make me straight again?" That didn't make sense even to me.

They exchanged looks. "Leroy, why don't you take this one? Finn, how about we order a pizza? I think this might take a while."

Mom wouldn't like it if she knew I was acting like a mooch. But how was this any different then if Rachel and I had ordered pizza? Except they would probably pay, instead of me. "Yeah, that would be great! I like everything."

Hiram left, and Leroy sat down next to me on the couch. I tried not to jump or anything, but he was really close, and maybe this was just what gay guys did? "Finn, you don't need to be afraid of us. We just want to help you, so that your first time goes well. Ok?"

"Ok." I tried to smile at him. "It's just weird, you know? Like, the only person I've been able to talk to about his is Kurt, but he doesn't really know anything either, so….anyway, I'm very grateful that you want to talk to me." There, I had used my best manners.

"But it's hard to talk about. From your ramble earlier, I'm guessing that he's not only your first boyfriend, but the first boy you've ever been attracted to?"

That kind of made me feel embarrassed, even though I'm not sure why. "Yeah."

"That's tough. Hiram has always known he was gay, ever since he was a little boy. He has never been attracted to women, and that's alright. There's no rule that says you have to try both, to make sure that you're gay. There's also no law that says you can't be attracted to a man if you only felt that way for women before. There are a million ways to be gay, and a million ways to be straight and there are infinite possibilities in between."

That made me feel a little better. I picked at the sofa pillow. "Did you? Like girls, I mean."

"I did. When I was a teenager and a young man I only liked girls. I played sports and went to action movies and did all of the things that straight manly boys are supposed to do. I never, ever thought twice about being with a man. Boys were friends and brothers, they weren't lovers. I even fell very deeply in love with a girl, and would have married her without question."

"What happened?" I was trying not to act like a kindergartener who was waiting for a story, but I couldn't help it. This guy was just like me!

"Well, she didn't love me back, at least not like I loved her. So we broke up, and I moved to Florida. That was when I met Jacob. He was everything that I had ever wanted. He loved going to sports games, he liked to camp, he loved playing video games. It didn't take long before I was more connected with him then I had ever been with a girl. And he wanted me, exactly the way I was. There was only one problem."

"He was a dude." If I had thought about talking to Rachel's dads before this, I wouldn't have had to spend so much time worrying before I got with Kurt.

You never would have thought of Rachel's dads if she didn't push you into it, you dork. Now, I'm going to exit this conversation, because I think it's going to be getting a bit graphic for my tastes.

Like I cared. This was definitely a 'No Girls Allowed' sort of talk, anyway. "But you got with him, right? Because he was so awesome, even though he was a guy, you had to love him. Cause, that's what happened with Kurt. Oh, and I was kind of on pain pills, too, but mostly because he was so awesome."

"No. I never got with Jacob." His voice was really soft, the same way Mom's sometimes gets when she talks about Darren.

"How come? I mean, you said that you liked him and that he liked you." I was starting to think that this wasn't going to be such a good story after all.

"That just goes to show you that you're smarter then I was. I didn't get with Jacob because I was scared. I knew that neither one of my parents would accept me bringing home a man instead of a woman. So I acted like a coward and told him 'no'. I've never regretted anything more. But if I had been with Jacob, then I wouldn't have found Hiram, so it worked out in the end."

I thought about that for a minute. Would I give up Kurt if Mom wanted me to? I couldn't decide. I loved Kurt with all my heart, but, if I didn't have Mom, I didn't have anyone. So, yeah, I could see how you could give up someone who's perfect because they tell you to. "That still sucks, though."

"Yeah. But we're here to talk about you, not me. Do your parents know about you and Kurt?"

I squirmed. "Yeah. It's just me and Mom, but she knows and she's cool with it." Now was probably now a good time to mention that she was dating Kurt's dad. It doesn't make Kurt and I related, I know because I checked twice, but it still sounds creepy.

"That's good. Everything is easier when you have the support of your family." He patted my shoulder and I couldn't help but grin at him. I know I act like a stupid puppy any time an older guy is nice to me (seriously, I have no idea how I didn't get molested at some point) but it's ok to be friendly, right?

"Yeah, but I can't ask Mom how to have sex with some guy, can I?" I don't know what sort of face I was making, but it was enough to make Leroy laugh.

"No, you can't. But that's what Hiram and I are here for. Now I don't want you to be embarrassed to ask us anything. How far have you and Kurt gone?"

"Um…" Even though I knew that I could tell him things, it was still embarrassing to talk about. "We've, like touched each other, and, uh, blow jobs." I whispered the last part. My face felt like it was burning up, and I knew that I was bright red.

Hiram came back in the room, which just made it more humiliating. "Pizza will be here in 15 minutes. Beer, Leroy?"

Leroy nodded. I perked my head up. "Can I have one, too?" I didn't think so, but it never hurts a guy to ask.

"Maybe another time. I can't send you home reeking of booze. Coke or Lemonade?"

"Coke please." There was a part of me that hoped that they would forget what we were actually here for and just let me eat as much pizza as I could hold.

"So, you've gone as far as blow jobs. No penetration, even with a finger?" He was being as gentle as possible, but I still couldn't look him in the face.

"No. I mean, I don't want to hurt him or have him hurt me. I know that we have to, but…." I stopped, because I hoped that they got it.

"Ok. I know that it sounds weird, putting something up your butt, but I promise that it feels really good when it's done right."

"Yeah, because of the prostate." I felt like I had to say something, just so he would know that I wasn't a total idiot.

"Right, because of the prostate. So I can assume that you and Kurt have already talked about this? Maybe about who might be the top and bottom the first time? It's good to figure these things out in advance. It leads to less confusion that way." He and Hiram looked at each other and giggled, which made me think that there might be some sort of story here.

I kind of wanted to hear the story, but I was also afraid that I would pussy out before the actual advice if we didn't keep going. "Him. He's going to be the one on top. But only the first time! So, I guess I need to know how to do it both ways?"

He nodded, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. I liked the way he talked to me, like I was his equal, instead of just a stupid little kid. "Finn, have you ever had sex with a woman?"

"No. I'm only 16." I sounded like a toddler and I knew it. I don't know why I said it like that, since Puck had been doing it since he was 14, but I kind of felt like I had to.

"Finn, don't get upset. There are big differences between being with a man and being with a woman, and I want to be sure you're clear on that." He was talking all calm.

"Sorry. Uh, how is it different? I mean, I know about sex with girls, because my friend Puck is kind of a manwhore. I mean…well, yeah, but can we pretend I said it in a way that wasn't gross? Because my Mom would be kind of pissed if she knew I said whore in front of an adult."

They both laughed again, but at least I felt like they weren't laughing at me. "Don't worry, your mother won't find out about anything that happened today. What I'm trying to get at is two men having sex requires lube. Lots and lots of lube. I can not emphasize this enough. Lube. Do you have any?"

I was starting to get resigned to the fact that I was probably going to spend this entire night going back and forth between being half curious and half turned on and just being humiliated. "Yes. But maybe I need to buy a little more, just to be sure."

"Not a bad idea. The most important thing that you can do, is treat Kurt with as much respect as possible. That does not involve just showing any part of your body into any part of his. Start out with one finger and plenty of lube, then move on to using two and three. If you have been doing things with Kurt for a while, you should know his body, and you'll know when he's ready for more. The same applies to you. There's going to be a little pain, especially the first few times, but it should be bearable. If anything he does causes you a lot of pain, you need to tell him to stop. That's a mistake that a lot of people make, not speaking up when it hurts."

I was trying to memorize everything he said, so I could tell Kurt later (or better yet, I could show him later, which is just an awesome idea), but it was getting a little hard to keep everything straight. Luckily, the doorbell rang right then, so I would have a chance to eat something and organize my mental files.

I was two slices of pizza in before I thought to ask another question. "I, uh…so, sex." I could barely get the word out. "If I wanted to be on top, I would do the same thing, right? Start out slow, one finger, two fingers, three fingers, then my, uh…yeah." There was no way I could use some crude term, but saying 'penis' just sounded dumb. "How long do I need to do it before he's ready? Is there a time limit or something?"

Hiram smiled at me, and I realized that I was getting kind of worked up. "Sorry, I guess I'm being kind of dumb."

"Not at all. It's much better to move too slowly and let things build up then it is to move too quickly. But, as far as your question goes, it depends. It can vary from guy to guy, or even from day to day. Don't worry, honey, you'll know when it's right. And if you don't, Kurt will, and he'll be able to tell you."

That was really, really, reassuring. Because if I hurt Kurt, if I made him bleed or cry, I would never be able to forgive myself. "I guess that's…encouraging." I was pretty sure that I was using the right word here, but not 100%. "I'm still kind of nervous, though."

They both laughed, but it wasn't in a mean way, so it was alright. Leroy patted my shoulder. "Oh, honey, you're always going to be nervous the first time. It doesn't matter if it's the first first time, like with Kurt, or just the first time with a new man. You were nervous the first time you kissed him, weren't you?"

"Yeah. Really nervous." I didn't want to be rude or anything, so I didn't tell him that there wasn't going to be another man. Kurt was Kurt, and I would be happy to be with him forever, but if we weren't together forever, I was sticking with chicks. There wasn't going to be any other guy for me, I knew that as clearly as I knew my own name. Which was Finn, by the way.

I helped myself to another slice of pizza (my fifth, but they had ordered two extra larges, and it would be rude not to eat my share, right? Plus, Hiram kept putting more slices on my plate, which must mean he wanted me to eat them.) while I thought. There had to be something else here that I was forgetting to ask, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Hiram cleared his throat. "Finn, there's something else that we should probably cover." He waited until I wiped my hands daintily on my napkin and took a quick drink of my coke. "Protection. Do you know how to properly use a condom?"

The look on his face told me that Rachel had blabbed about the whole 'getting pregnant in a hot tub' thing. I laid my head down in my hands. "Yes. But do we have to? I mean, if I'm a…virgin, and he's a virgin we can't catch something from each other, right?"

"That's technically true. But you need to understand that virginity doesn't just mean that you've never had sex. Oral sex can transfer diseases, too."

I hadn't known that. Well, I guessed that maybe I had known that, since I did take sex ed, but it was hard to think about Kurt and diseases at the same time. I mean, He's like…well, not the Virgin Mary, because he's got a dick, but whatever the man version of that was. "So we need to use condoms even when we're just doing blow jobs?" Could I possibly have a disease already? I would panic more, but, come on! Puck is my best friend, so I know that a good shot of penicillin will kill lots of nasty things. Not that I wanted an STD, but I guess there are worse things.

"If you're sure that you're each other's firsts, and that neither one of you is seeing anyone else, I'm pretty sure that you're ok. But remember, things won't always be like they are with Kurt. The older you get, the more people you'll have been with, and the more people your chosen partner will have been with. This applies to women as well as men, Finn."

Even though it was kind of embarrassing, I sort of liked what he was saying. It was cool, like having an actual Dad that could tell you stuff, just like a father in the movies. Mom tries to tell me that Burt Hummel is willing to do that for me, too, but I'm pretty sure that he'll kill me if I tried to bring any of this up to him. "Ok." I tried to smile at him. "This is a lot to deal with. So, can I, like, call you if I have other questions?"

"Of course. Here's both Hiram and I's cell phone numbers. I'm going to assume that you would rather have a direct line to us, rather then having to go through Rachel?"

"Yes!" The word came out unexpectedly loud, but the thought of Rachel knowing every time I asked one her Dad's a sex question? No way. "I mean…please."

Leroy was snickering behind his hand, which makes me pretty sure that he wasn't buying my brand new manners. "Her Daddy and I will also be having a talk with her about what she did to you today. It wasn't fair of her to spring this on you."

He was kind of right, but I didn't want to get Rach in trouble. "It's ok. I mean, yeah, it was kind of a surprise, but it all worked out in the end."

"That isn't an excuse. Rachel has a big heart, but she needs to work a little on her finesse."

I stood there and tried to look like I had any idea what 'finesse' was. Did it have anything to do with sex, or were we done talking about that? No, wait, that was stupid. Rachel wouldn't talk about sex with her Dads! They wouldn't know anything about being with a woman, and it would be kind of creepy anyway. "Um, ok. Is it alright if Kurt gives you a call, too? He's really smart and he'll probably think of, like, a million things that I didn't."

"Of course. Is there anything else you want to ask us? I don't want you to feel pushed out, but I know that this is a lot to take in at once. Sometimes it's better to just sleep on it."

Oh, thank God. As cool as this night had been, and it had been cool, even if it was embarrassing as hell, I was ready to go home. Hiram and Leroy had done everything they could to make sure that our first time was great, now I had to do my part. And, knowing Kurt, my part meant being romantic. "That would be great. Uh, Rachel said that one of you could give me a ride home? My Mom's still at work and it's too far to walk."

Leroy stood. "I'll go get my keys. Hiram, why don't you make sure that our baby girl gets home on time?"

I was trying to wait as patiently as I could, but I just couldn't stand it any more. "Could I use your bathroom before we go? I think I drank too much coke."

"Of course." Hiram pointed at a door, and I raced inside. I didn't really have to go, but I desperately wanted to give Kurt a call. The phone rang and rang, but he finally picked up. "Oh, Gaga, Finn, did Rachel Berry attempt to rape you? Do you need me to come and do a massive bitch slapping?"

Kurt always made me laugh. "No. Actually I only saw Rachel for like 10 minutes all day. But I did have a long talk with her fathers."

"Okay." He drew the word out, sounding confused. "Why would you feel like you needed to have a long talk with Rachel's fathers when you clearly have nothing in- oh." His voice got all low and shocked sounding. Then it got really excited. "Oh!"

"Yeah. So, is there any way I could sneak through your window tonight and show you exactly what I learned?"

His breathing got really fast and porny sounding. "No. We have a burglar alarm, and if you set if off, Dad will kill you and we will both die virgins."

"Oh." This might be the most disappointed I had ever felt, even worse then when I thought I was getting a puppy for Christmas and all I got was a stuffed animal.

"But, I can always tell Dad that I have a major test to study for tomorrow, and that I can't help him at the garage. How would that suit you, Cowboy?"

I knew I was smiling like an idiot, but I couldn't help it. "Yeah, that would suit me just fine."