Xander kept blowing up my phone so I turned it off. Dad didn't try to cheer me up, didn't press me further to talk than I was willing. We spent the rest of the night hanging out on the couch, the only light in the apartment was the flicker from the TV. I fell asleep on the couch against Dad's shoulder.
I finally responded to Xander's texts once it was safe to turn on the phone while in the air. Xander was finally truthful, admitting that he felt like I chose my wrestling career over having a baby with him. He said that as much as he loved me, he had to admit that he hated the wrestling. He wished I could have been just as satisfied home with him as I was on the road.
I understood how he felt, but I told him that he knew that about me before we had gotten married. Xander said that he had hoped I would change my mind. By the time I had to turn my phone off to land in London, I told him that we both needed to take some time during this trip to decide what we wanted.
Sammy's flight got in the same time as mine. The last thing I wanted was for him to see that I've been crying. I took a few extra minutes to collect myself before getting off the plane.
"Hey, are you okay?" Sammy asked, as we were getting our luggage.
"Right as rain." I said.
"Why don't I believe you?" He asked.
I shook my head. "It's best to drop this for now."
Sammy didn't press the issue. I called up Dad once I got into the hotel room. He told me that he supported whatever decision I made, even if I chose to stay with Xander. I thanked him and told him that I would eventually be alright. He said if I needed it, the apartment would be ready by the time the tour ended.
I had to keep it together on this tour. It was too big of an opportunity to mess up. Besides, it would also affect Becky. Much to my chagrin, as soon as I sat my bag down in the room we were splitting, Becky launched into questions.
"You look like hell. What's going on?" She asked.
"Don't worry about it." I shrugged.
"Uh huh." She eyed me carefully.
"I don't want to talk." I stiffly told her.
"Tough."
I threw myself down on the second bed. Becky crawled over and curled up next to me.
"You're hurting, Sandy. I can practically see you bleed."
"Is it that obvious?"
"Maybe not to everyone, but it is to me."
Damn. I hadn't even been in the UK an hour and I was already having to admit my marriage was falling apart. Instead, I tried to lighten things up.
"Dad and I made amends." I told her, my tone much lighter.
"That's great!" Becky snuggled up closer to me. She paused for a moment, contemplating my words. "Wait, Sandy, did you two make up on your own or did something happen?"
The tears came again before I could stop. Becky wrapped her arms tight around me, listening as I told her what happened.
"He better be glad there is an ocean separating us." She told me.
"It hurts. Sometimes, I feel like I can't breathe."
"You've been betrayed. I'm sorry, Sandy."
"What would you do?" I asked.
"Me? I would kick his and that bitch's ass."
I rested my head against hers, knowing that I didn't have it in me in the moment to fight.
"You've been fighting for so long for your relationship and now this. You must be exhausted."
"I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Stop fighting, Sandy. At least for him. Start fighting for yourself."
"I know one thing right now."
"What's that?"
"I feel sorry for our opponents."
Becky chuckled. "Me too."
