Chapter forty-eight
When I wake in the morning it's eight-thirty and I jump out of bed and grab a robe to check on the kids. The house is silent and when I look in their bedrooms they are sound asleep still. I check the kitchen clock to make sure of the time and turn the kettle on whilst I'm in there.
I go to grab my phone to turn it on and hesitate. After such an emotional week I think I need to spend some time with just the kids today. No interruptions and no distractions. The kids have had to face their father again, spend time with him and see him almost dissolve before their eyes that I think they deserve a bit of fun.
I make a coffee and go and wake the kids up. I tell them that I'm taking them to Luna Park today and they jump out of bed and run around like a couple of chickens with their heads chopped off. It brings a smile to my face to see them so excited and I get them into the kitchen so we can have some breakfast.
When we're done, I quickly wash up while they go and get changed then I make my way into my room to do the same. At just before ten o'clock we're in the car and heading to Sydney for the day.
I've purposely left my phone switched off on the kitchen bench. Twice Max grabbed it and handed it to me before I placed it back on charge.
When we get to the park we buy our tickets and spend the day eating junk food and going from ride to ride laughing our heads off. It's the most fun the kids and I have had together in ages.
Just before four o'clock we make our way back to the car and head home with our stuffed animals and cheap and nasty toy prizes that we won. We talk the whole way home and recollect every ride we went on. We pull into the driveway a little bit after five o'clock and unload the winnings from the car.
As we walk to the front door Sarah appears at the fence.
"Hey Elle, hey kids, you're home" she says.
"Yeah, we are, what time did you want us over?" I ask her with a smile.
"Whenever you're ready is fine by me" she replies as I unlock the front door and let the kids in the house.
"Um, Elle, can I just have a quick word?" she says to me and I make my way to the fence.
"Yeah, sure, what's up?" I reply.
"I just wanted to let you know that Andy has been ringing here nearly all afternoon looking for you. I think he might be worried about you. He said he's tried ringing you but your phone is off or something?"
"Ah yeah, I decided to get the kids out and have some fun for the day so I left my phone at home. I'll call him when I go in. Thanks Sarah."
"No problems, I'll see you guys soon okay?" she says and I nod and walk inside.
"Kids, how about you go and have a bath and get ready for dinner next door?" I sing out.
I dump the huge stuffed dinosaur I'm carrying on the couch and make my way to the kitchen and turn my phone on. I grab a glass out of the fridge and pour myself some cold water while I'm waiting.
I hear the beeps of missed calls and text messages coming from my phone. When I pick it up I see I've got seven missed calls and five new text messages to read.
All of the calls are from Andy, no surprise there. He hasn't left any voice messages so I open the text messages instead. I have three from him and one from Bradie which I open first.
Hey, do me a favour and ring your boy! Shaun and I are going to kill him very soon!
I smile at this and wonder exactly what he's been doing. I open the remaining three messages in order.
The first one is a picture of his new tattoo and I smile when I think of what he told me about being a 'gravy bogan.'
Hey, hope you're okay. Tried ringing you but I think your phone is off. Call me when you can. X
Elle, are you okay? Mum says you're not at home and your phone is still off. Please let me know you're ok.
I'm really worried now. Please ring me or text me as soon as you get this. Please.
I dial his number and he answers on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me" I say.
"Are you okay? I've been trying to get a hold of you all day."
"I'm fine. I took the kids to Luna Park today for a bit of fun since we were all feeling pretty crappy. Your mum came over as soon as we got back and told me you were trying to get a hold of me."
"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was worried about you."
"I'm fine, really. Much better now anyhow after today. We had so much fun; I haven't laughed that much with the kids in years."
"I'm glad to hear it" he says and takes a deep breath.
"Are you okay?" I ask him.
"Yeah, like I said, I was just worried about you, especially when I couldn't get hold of you."
"Well, I'm fine so stop worrying. So tonight's your last show right?" I say, trying to change the subject.
"Yeah, everyone is just pumped up at the moment. The Good Charlotte boys are playing baseball out in the arena at the moment with the crew. I'm going to go out and join them in a minute."
"That sounds great. I'm just getting the twins ready and then we're heading next door to your house for dinner. I think I might have to steal your pillow while I'm there though. The one you use of mine is losing its smell."
"Well you have my permission to steal it" he says before pausing. "I just can't wait to get home again. It's only been a week I know but it's been such a big week that I feel like I'm running on empty at the moment. I'll probably sleep for ten days straight when I'm back."
"That's fine with me, so long as those ten days are spent in my bed" I reply.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I've got to go; they're calling me every name under the sun at the moment for not playing baseball with them."
"Okay, run along and go play with your friends" I say in a motherly tone, earning a laugh from Andy.
"I will. Can I call you tomorrow before we come home?" he asks me.
"Of course and I promise I'll have my phone on."
"Okay, I'll talk to you then. Bye gorgeous" he says.
"Bye."
I sigh to myself and feel better now that I've spoken to Andy. I think to myself how great it's going to be to see him again tomorrow night and promise to ask Tom or Sarah if I can come to the airport with them.
I go and check on the kids before heading to the shower myself. When I get out I put some clean jeans on and a t-shirt before putting my hair up and moisturising my face. I walk out to the kitchen and find the kids on the couch waiting for me.
"Okay, come on, lets go next door" I say to them and grab my phone and keys off the bench.
I follow the kids out the front door and down the steps to Tom and Sarah's house. We knock and Tom answers the door with a wine in his hand.
"Hey kids, how was your day?" he says as he smiles at me. Both Max and Lilly launch into stories about the rides they went on and Tom takes them into the lounge to sit and chat.
I head into the kitchen to say hello to Sarah and ask if she needs a hand with anything.
"Hey Elle, did you speak to Andy?" she asks as soon as I enter.
"Yeah, I rang him when I got home. He's okay now. Who knew he was such a worrier?" I say with a laugh.
She turns and smiles at me before saying "I did. He cares a lot about you Elle. The kids too, I've never seen him in love before. I've got to say it suits him, you too" she says with a smile on her face.
"Thanks. I have to admit, after the week I've had, talking to your son has just been the highlight" I tell her.
"Do you want to talk about it at all Elle? You know I'm here to listen, not as Andy's mother, but as your friend."
"I know. I guess I should really talk about it. Maybe it will lighten the load I'm carrying" I say with a sigh.
"I'm just suggesting that I'm here if you need me."
I look at her and see before me a woman who has lived, who has experience and who has been through divorce. When I stop and think about it, there really is no one better that I can talk to and confide in.
"It just hurt to see him like that you know? After years of having him being the dominant one, the provider and the one who always set the rules, to see him so weak and frail lying in a bed, slowly dying before my eyes, it's almost heartbreaking" I say and feel the tears run again. For Christ's sake, I'm so sick of crying over that man but it doesn't seem to help end the flow of salt water.
Sarah steps around the bench and holds me to her in a hug. I hold her back and sob into her shoulder. Perhaps this is what I need, to let it all out and let it go for good. She strokes my hair as I continue to cry in her arms and when I have finally contained the tears she still holds me to her.
"It's okay to cry over him Elle. You loved him once upon a time, we all know that" Sarah says as she rubs my back and releases me. "You just need to let it out occasionally you know. It doesn't do you any good to carry it around all bottled up."
"Thanks Sarah. I do feel a bit better now." I say as I wipe the tears from my face.
"Anytime you need me, I'm here okay?" she says as I nod my head at her.
"Do you need any help with dinner?" I ask.
"No thanks, everything is done now. Would you like a glass of wine?" she asks me.
"Yes thankyou, that would be perfect right now" I say with a smile.
"Why don't you go and wash your face in the bathroom whilst Tom and I dish up the dinner?" she says.
"Alright" I say as I walk down the hall to the bathroom.
After I have washed the tears from my face and composed myself I make my way back down the hallway, stopping outside the door to Andy's room. He did say I could steal a pillow so I hesitantly open the door and put my head inside. Amazingly the room is still clean.
I take a step inside and glance around. He has the photo that Bradie took of us on his bedside table. I pick it up and look at it, remembering the day it was taken. When I put it back down I notice there's a card underneath where the photo frame was sitting and when I pick it up I realise it's the scorecard from the mini-golf game we played on our first date. I smile to myself as I put it back in its place and put the frame back on top. I pick up one of his pillows and make my way out of his room and back out to the kitchen.
Sarah smiles at me as I walk in hugging Andy's pillow. "You know, he sent me a text just before you got here and warned me you were taking that home with you" she says with a smile.
"What can I say? I've gotten used to him" I reply with a grin.
"It's okay Elle. I do the same when Tom isn't here. Dinner's ready, come on" she says as we make our way to the table in the dining room.
"Here you go Elle" says Tom, handing me a glass of white wine as I walk in.
"Thanks" I say as I sit down next to Max.
"Let's have a toast" Tom says, holding his glass up. The kids pick up their water glasses as Sarah and I reach for ours as well. "To the safe return of the boys" he says and we all clink our glasses together before taking a drink.
"I wanted to ask, who's picking them up from the airport?"
"I am" says Tom. "Why? Did you want to come with me?" he says.
"If you wouldn't mind terribly, I'd really like to be there when they get back" I say and he smiles at me.
"Of course Elle. Do you think Andy hasn't already asked me to bring you along?" he says.
"I should have guessed" I say laughing at him.
"Their plane doesn't land until nine-fifteen so we will leave at seven-thirty tomorrow night. Max and Lilly can stay the night if you'd like?" he says.
"Thank you so much you guys. That will be perfect, I really appreciate it" I say as I pick up my knife and fork to start my dinner.
I take the kids home at eight-thirty and put them to bed before grabbing my phone and crawling into mine.
I look at the photo that Andy sent me again and decide to send him a text. He'll be going on stage soon so I might catch him in time.
I just got home from your house. I'm now in possession of your pillow and a smile. Love you and have a great show! X
I turn my phone off and put it on the bedside table before turning on the radio on so I can drift to sleep.
