Danni felt the ominous emptiness of the dream. She shifted and slid over to the babies bins beside the bed. Kiera was sleeping but Ryder was staring up almost like he was expecting her. She gathered him from his pile of blankets and cradled him against her chest. He was extra grabby, curling his chubby fingers around hers, sighing contentedly. And that little gurgle-got her every time. She nuzzled his face and he laughed.
"My beautiful boy." she whispered.
"He is beautiful."
"Thank you. He is…." Then Danni realized who'd said it. "Nan? "Are you here?"
Danni couldn't see Brigid, but she smelled Lily if the Valley and knew she was present.
"You know your Da wanted you to be a boy. He gave you train sets and soccer balls and Gi Joes whatever those things were, til your Ma put a stop to it."
"Deirdre couldn't tolerate a tomboy," Danni said with disdain. "She wanted her perfect princess. A doll. God, she should have never had kids, all she wanted was to play with dolls."
"Ah don't get me started on your ma. But Kieran, your Da he loved you so much." She almost sang the words, her voice wistful. "He was my beautiful boy you know..."
"I know," Danni said nodding. "I know he was." She paused then asked, "Why did he leave then? Don't you think its time you told me the truth?"
As usual, when Danni raised the question Brigid changed the subject. She became serious. "You've no business in what your planning on involving yourself in dearie."
"What are you talking about?" Danni asked shifting Ryder closer to her face to kiss him.
"Merle. You've no business with what happens to that man."
"He…"
"You've no responsibility to him. Only to Daryl and your children. Your family."
"But Nan Merle is family. The babies wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be here if he hadn't gotten us through the birth." She tickled her son's tummy causing him to chuckle and squeal in delight. "This little guy…"
"That was his job. He paid a debt dearie. He owed a debt to his brother and he paid it. No more no less. Now you are not to put yourself in any danger where Merle Dixon is concerned."
"I can't let him go alone...the dream, he died in the dream you gave me last year. I had it again tonight, but it was different...the message...it told me if I was there with him, he'd make it back. Daryl wouldn't suffer the way he was..."
Brigid interrupted. "Maybe he isn't supposed to make it back, love. You are losing perspective. You can't presume to go and change the course of events. That's one of the first rules I taught you. Only tragedy can result if you interfere with the fates."
"Why is it interfering? What if I'm bringing a positive influence? Doing something good?"
"Questions! Always with your questions." Brigid sighed again. "You were promised to Daryl and he to you. You've been a part of each other forever. Merle…Merle, he has a destiny to fulfill, but he is not a part of the promise."
"But Daryl can't lose Merle not now…"
"Who he can't lose is you."
"But Nan…"
"I can't make decisions for you, you know that but I can warn you, remind you of the Rede and what I've taught you. Danni don't let emotions get you in trouble. 'First, do no harm' refers to yourself as well as others. Don't be stubborn this time Danni, it's not a game."
"But Nan!" she said again.
"Who you talking to? Everything okay?"
She heard Daryl behind her and knew Brigid was gone.
Danni decided to be honest. "Nan was here. She was talking to me."
Daryl nodded. "What she say?" He asked taking Ryder from her. The boy locked eyes with his dad and smiled, reaching his chubby fist up toward Daryl's face. Daryl moved his head playfully to the side pretending the baby had laid a strong left hook to his chin. "That's my boy," he laughed softly.
"That you can't lose me."
"Know that already." He lowered his face and grunted softly, eliciting a tiny copycat grunt from the baby.
She smiled not wanting to talk about Merle. She knew if she did Daryl would know what she was planning and he'd never let her go through with it. He'd see it. He told her once that she got a certain look on her face when she was 'up to something.'
"And she said that the babies are beautiful. She also mentioned my dad. My dad. I haven't thought about him for so long" She reached into Kiera's bin and adjusted her blanket. "He'd be a grandpa." She sounded wistful.
Daryl didn't answer. He had no respect for a man who'd abandon his family and leave his children to abuse. Truthfully he wouldn't want Danni's dad around the kids. He was glad he'd never have to meet the man.
He changed the subject. "Hey careful if you go out in the yard at all 'specially with the troublemakers. Carl and Sophia found a couple of wasps nests, yesterday."
"Are they okay?"
"Yeah, nobody got stung. Some of them were dried up, but one was still active."
"We used to have them on our front porch when I was a kid," Danni remembered. "In summer, they were hanging..."
Danni tried to arrange her face into an expression that said nothing happened as she passed her mother in the kitchen. Jay didn't have to threaten Danni not to tell what he'd done. Danni knew what she'd be if she told. The whore trying to steal her mom's husband. After tonight, she wondered if that's what she was? No! She didn't ask him to...to ...
She stared at her mother.
"What now Danni?" Deirdre sighed.
God it hurt to walk. 'Mommy, mommy he hurt me he really did. It was a different hurt this time...I was bleeding down there, it scared me. I'm scared. Am I gonna die?' The words screamed in Danni's head but of course they stayed there- in her head.
"Nothing." She mumbled.
It was dark, after ten o'clock, but Deirdre didn't say anything when Danni went out the front door. She didn't care that her twelve-year-old daughter just left the house alone at that hour.
The honeysuckle was sickly sweet that night. Danni stood on the front porch looking at the wasp's nest that hung in the corner. It had little-honeycombed chambers where a tiny baby worm of a wasp was curled up sleeping. Safe and protected. Danni thought it would be nice to sleep that way. She didn't seep much at all. She had to be ready all night for what was coming. She had to protect Tara and try to protect herself.
Danni headed down the street to the empty playground. Lately, it felt like life was just about clinging to something, anything to give he a reason to keep going. She lay on the rusted metal merry-go-round and looked up at the stars. There was a lump in her throat and a tension clenching her core. She had always let herself wish for her father' s return. Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. She was so ashamed, so angry but also confused. She wanted her father to come back and gut Jay like a fish. She wanted her mother to cry and be sorry and tell her it wasn't her fault. None of those things happened. Danni was tired of wishing, tired of believing that anything would ever change. Tonight felt like the proverbial last straw. It broke her.
"Hey, you want a push?"
She heard his voice, the boy who sometimes came here when she made her nightly playground visits.
"No."
"How come? You always want a push?"
"I'm sick of going around and around and never getting anywhere. Never getting free. It's never gonna get better."
"Feels like it never does." He paused. "What about the swings? It's like flying, you could fly away somewhere."
Danni considered this. She rose and walked to the swing and settled herself on the wooden plank and curled her fists around the thick cool iron chains on either side. She didn't have to ask. He started pushing her. She didn't look back just let herself be pushed higher and higher into the sky; she pointed her toes pretending they could touch the stars.
"You're still crying." He said as he stopped pushing and the swing came to a gentle stop.
"No…" She protested. She stood and turned.
That's when she saw him. For the first time he was more than a voice. Heartbreakingly close, the boy she had always dreamed would come was standing right there, in front of her staring at her like she knew he would. She tried not to cry, but the emotion of seeing his eyes looking down on her was too much. Tonight she couldn't take it- take that he wasn't real. She hurt too much.
"Hey," he spoke gently, understanding her pained expression.
"Hey," She responded with difficulty. "I want to be along right now."
"I couldn't not come." He spoke in a deeply touching way, "I know about the thing."
"And you don't exist." She looked at him seriously. She knew this was a dangerous game to play, talking to this boy, a figment of her imagination.
"I'm here to talk about the thing." He insisted, "You need me."
"I need you to exist." She turned from him and ran tensed fingers through her hair. This was the best Danni had; the only person she could trust was one that her brain had decided to make up for her, no one else. This was her secret.
Even though she'd never seen him before he looked familiar. His scruffy dirty blonde hair, small mole on his left cheek just above his mouth, eyes so mesmerizing, so blue. And his clothes were too big and disheveled; he looked like he had no one to tell him to wash up or change.
"You're scared, I know." He placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her towards him. She couldn't escape the touch of her own sweet imagination. It knew her too well.
"You're teasing me by being here." She muttered. "If you really cared about me, then you wouldn't be here."
He squeezed her shoulder tightly. "I want you to know that everything's gonna be okay."
"Everything... will... be... okay?" She stabbed the words back at him as she turned to look at him once more, those piercing blue, eyes that reached into her very being and turned her stomach like cotton candy on a goddamned stick. "Everything like what? My life? My body? What about my mind?"
She watched carefully as he swallowed hard with his own concern at her anger. It was obviously difficult for him to be so forward, but Danni didn't care. How could he say everything would be okay?
"You have no fucking idea what this world is about to do for you," he gently took the side of her shirt and tugged her in closer to him. Danni gasped for breath and felt her heart begin to race with her thoughts. Ready to fight him...thumping and thinking as the moment intensified, pounding upon the 'fuck you" reflex her voice was about to take. She waited for more words to be thrown, but instead he kissed her. Their eyes met; slowly and without realizing it they had gotten closer and closer until the inevitable: their lips met with surprise. They lingered for a moment and broke off, color rising to their faces they smiled shyly and Danni embraced him. It all felt so natural, like two pieces of a puzzle adjoining at last. There was no sexual element, only the first thread in a strong bond that would surely grow.
She never understood how a face could push so forcefully towards another while leaving the softest brushing of lips. In every moment, she knew this particular kiss was wrong, invisible, and unmistakably false. It was also soft, sweet and full of affection.
He let her go, and upon opening her eyes she saw the empty swings before her. He was gone.
Danni went back and sat on the merry-go-round.
"You can go if you want."
She heard his voice and turned around; he now sat staring once more at her pained expression.
"No. I'm okay." Maybe it was the way he spoke that made her fall for him all at once, in spite of his non-existence, but she didn't want to care. She moved towards him and he ran his hand over the sensitive skin of her back. His touch was innocent and comforting, something she rarely felt.
"You're worried it's your fault."
She didn't want to think about Jay at that moment or what happened.
"Its not." He assured her.
Danni felt his hand graze over the top of hers like a coat on a cool winter day that kept just the right amount of warmth in it.
"And you're scared."
"Does it matter?" She asked.
"Sure it does." he responded, "You're scared no one's ever gonna be there when you need them."
It was true, she wasn't sure if anyone would be there when she needed them. But tonight she wondered not only that, but also if anyone would ever love for who she was. Whether she was too damaged. She wondered if her feelings mattered if she was wanted enough that he would fight for her when the world collapsed. This boy, would he?
"Still look sad."
She shrugged.
"Hey," He said. "What dog can jump higher that a building?"
"What? I don't know?"
"Any dog, buildings can't jump."
"That's a terrible joke." She said.
"But your laughing."
"Cause it's horrible."
"What do I do?" Danni looked up at him, but he was gone. She guessed she didn't know what to do and realized it was useless to ask for advice from the very substance that created the questions. Off in her head again. Her fairy tale world. Was he her huntsman, had he really come? No, it wasn't real. Still she'd never forget his kiss, wishing that such a kiss may one day find its way into her reality. It was the kiss of a person who knew she wanted real love and gave it to her, and she would wait here until it existed.
In the coming year, however, the boy from the playground visited less and less and soon faded from her memory when everything 'didn't get better'. When she turned to drinking and drugs and Nan died she never thought about the boy from the playground again.
Until that moment.
"Daryl..." she started to say.
"Huh?"
"Nothing..."
... ... ... ... .. .. .. ... .
Danni had the babies in their carriers on the common table on the first floor. It was too hot to bring them outdoors, and with the threat of attack, she felt better indoors. She was alone, everyone else was out working on safety measures. She was taking turns walking with each one, pacifying them They loved walking and swaying on her hips.
Rick had been standing back watching her for several minutes. He finally approached.
Danni was surprised to see him. She cut to the chase. "Why have you been avoiding me? What did the governor say? I want to hear it from you."
He pulled back and looked her in the eye. "He wants you Danni. Not just Merle. I'm being straight here. Either we give him Merle and you by noon tomorrow or he blows in here and attacks."
"You considered didn't you."
He swallowed hard and his eyes moistened.
"I don't blame you Rick."
"Yeah." His voice broke. "I did."
Danni looked down. "That's why you couldn't face me when you and Daryl got back."
"I did...I thought of giving you up...I was thinking of Carl of Lori...my family. I was thinking of my family, not yours….it was wrong I know."
Danni shook here head. "No, it was the heat of the moment. It's okay."
Rick looked down, moved by her understanding. He wanted to go on and tell her he was burdened, that he never asked for all this responsibility; to be a leader and have to make these life and death decisions. But before he could, she said "But Rick, don't tell Daryl. He'd…"
"He'd what? Kill the son of a bitch who'd sell out my wife?" Daryl's voice was a low threatening growl.
Danni turned to see him approaching. He'd heard every word.
"Daryl…wait..." Rick put up his hands. "I didn't….."
"Your family's more important than mine? Always been like that huh? I'm such a sucker. Stupid hick, I'm out there everyday protecting your family, this whole damn group and you think it's okay to bargain with mine?"
"I didn't do it. Daryl I would never do it. But I admit I considered it."
"You considered it? You think that's okay? How do I know you won't be considering it again huh?"
Rick turned and started to walk away knowing Daryl was in no state for a rational discussion.
"Hay! I'm talking to you!" Daryl said.
"I don't want to fight with you Daryl."
"Figures you'd walk away. I know you aint stupid Rick...but you only see what you wanna see."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Merle was right about you. 'Bout trusting you!" he was speaking, nearly shouting, but his voice was tight with rage and pain. "You don't think I've done enough, given enough to you goddamn people?"
"Daryl, stop it, you don't mean that…!" Danni shouted. "He wasn't gonna go through with it!" Danni put her hand on his arm, but he immediately shook it off.
"Yet. Who knows what he would have done. Don't you even care? Jesus Danni? Take you way from your kids, hell, from me to turn you over to a murderer?" Daryl was working himself up more and more. He was clenching his jaw and balling his fists moving back and forth in short spaces like that caged animal. Danni hadn't seen Daryl act like this since…Shane?"
"Daryl, I know you're upset, but believe me I'd never do anything to put Danni in danger…"
Before Rick could finish Daryl pushed him and he stumbled back as Daryl hauled off and hit him, laying a hard punch to the side of his face. They backed away from each other for a minute. Each man looked ferociously at the other. Daryl's muscles bulging, his fists clenched, nostrils flaring they began to hurl savage, powerful punches and kicks at the other. It was as if millions of years of evolution had disappeared and only their purest instincts were driving them. They relentlessly pummeled the other. They had become as close as brothers which made the rage more intense. The betrayal felt personal. Daryl felt betrayed by Rick's thoughts, the threat to his family, Rick by Daryl's mistrust and brutality. Rick blocked Daryl's punch with his arm, caught his other fist with the last three fingers of his left hand which hurt like hell. He hit Daryl and it was as his knuckles grazed his cheekbone again that Danni tried to get between them.
"Daryl stop!" Danni yelled but couldn't pull him off of Rick. The babies started to cry. The commotion brought Merle. He stepped in and dragged Daryl up to his feet and away from Rick. The two men were bent over holding their chests, gasping for breath.
"Did I miss something here?" Merle asked, looking amused.
"We never should have come back here!" Daryl said shaking himself out of Merle's grip.
Danni wanted to go to Daryl, but the babies were screaming now, the noise and confrontation jarring them. Merle seemed to have Daryl so Danni stayed and tried to calm the babies, shushing and soothing them as best she could. Lori was there now too, her arm around Rick. As she walked him away, she looked at Danni with an expression that said 'don't worry'.
"Reap what you sow!" Daryl shouted to Rick as Merle hauled him off to his cell.
"What the hell you doin boy?" Merle asked pushing Daryl to a sitting position on his bunk.
"He was gonna give Danni to the Governor prick Merle!" Daryl was still breathing heavy. "You were right, I shouldn't have trusted him."
"Look I aint no fan of officer friendly and seeing him put in his place like that... well, it warmed my heart a little... have to admit. But this aint the time to be doing it."
"Hell you mean by that?"
"Rick wouldn't turn queenie over. He aint got the stomach for it. Or the balls. You oughta know that." Merle paused. "And as far as trusting him, well that's up to you not me."
Rick, he'll get his someday. But that's gonna be my day. Merle thought, the roof incident never left his mind.
... ... ... .. .. .. ...
"Hey, are they okay?" Daryl asked almost sheepishly when he took the top step and walked toward Danni, sitting on their bed.
"Yeah, they're sleeping again. How about you?" She said putting her journal aside.
He shrugged. She, saw his red bruised knuckles.
"What was that Daryl?"
He didn't answer right away. Finally, he looked her. "Why ain't you ever on my side?"
"I'm always on your side."
"That so?"
"Just because I don't think you should beat the shit out of Rick doesn't mean I'm not on your side!"
"I'm trying to protect you stand up for you...Jesus Danni he was gonna… you always do this. Always get on me about trying to stand up for you."
"Rick isn't an enemy and you making him one just weakens all of us. The real threat is the Governor."
Daryl paced. "Aint the first time he put his family first. Truly, remember that bitch? He wouldn't let me get rid of Truly cause of what Herschel might do, make his family leave the farm. And what did the waiting do? The bitch tried to kill you twice. And you were pregnant. I'm not letting him do it again."
"Daryl, come on. You're past this...this anger. You don't really believe Rick would do it, do you?"
"This is the first time I ever had anything in my life I care about. Just thinking about losing it, him, or anyone taking it away. Danni its..."
"No one is taking this away. We are gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine. We're gonna win this."
She could tell by his expression he was struggling.
It came out of nowhere. "Hey, what dog can jump higher than a building?" She asked.
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Any dog. Buildings can't jump."
He stopped his ranting and became calm. He shook his head. "That was my joke, when I was a kid."
"It's a terrible joke."
"I know, but how did you know?"
"Can I show you something?" She pulled the picture of Charlotte and Brigid out of the Book of Shadows and handed it to him.
"That's your Nan huh?"
"Daryl she's with your mom and...you."
He was silent.
"It's why we found each other. It's why we know what the other's thinking. It's why we had the kids. It's why you could touch me and let me touch you when we first met. Remember?"
He shook his head.
"Daryl, we are different. Hell we went back, back to our childhoods. It's not just me. You have something too." She motioned for him to sit beside her on the mattress. "I remember you. You were there for me. When I was little. I forgot for a long time, but I know you were."
"The bear traps. " He mumbled.
"See that's the weird thing. You remember me being there for you but I don't. And I remember you being there for, me but you don't. The joke and your clothes were too big..cause they were Merle's huh? Hand me downs."
"He coulda told you that. Look I believe it, believe you came to me… but I don't remember seeing you ever or going to you."
"You did though. You were my first kiss you know."
He snorted.
"I was twelve years old. It was the worst night, of my life and you were there. You told me everything was gonna be okay. I didn't believe you, I got pissed but then you...kissed me."
"Sounds like us, don't it?"
Danni had opened him up to more, to other possibilities. Her conjure stuff, the magic, he got it. But this, this was more than that. He couldn't quite process it all. He was just starting to accept that they did have a way of talking without talking, and that somehow she had come to him when he was a kid. The bear traps...the singing… but to think he'd done the same for her? The picture proved something. The photo was tangible evidence that his mother knew Danni's grandmother. That was a fact. He looked at Danni, at her eyes, the eyes he fell into so effortlessly. He had always asked himself one question over and over. Why was everything so easy with her? He looked at the picture. It was proof.
"You think I'm crazy, huh?"
"Past that, don't you think." His lip curled in a slight smile but vanished as quickly as it appeared. He spoke slowly. "I know my momma was...different. But I don't think she wanted to be. Not like you do."
Danni realized he knew more than he'd ever let on.
"She said she was born with a veil. She called it a curse. Said she could see things nobody else could."
Danni knew that it meant she was born with a caul as her Nana called it. A thin, filmy membrane that can cover a newborn's head and face and means the child will have "second sight. The veil is a term used to describe the separation between dimensions…maybe he had it too?
"That's why she started drinking so much. And taking pills. To stop whatever she was seeing." He let out a deep sigh.
Danni shivered. She'd done the same thing; numbed her gift, tried to destroy it with substances so it would stop haunting her. She knew the feeling. Only she'd survived, she got through it. Charlotte didn't.
"When I got older I hated her for the longest time. If she could see things why didn't she see what my old man was like. What he did? She stopped talking about it. Then she just went away. She was gone in her booze and her pills. She was dead before the fire. I couldn't have saved her could I?"
"No, Daryl. I don't think she wanted to be saved."
"Danni what the hell is going on with us?"
"You got something from your mom. Brigid knew and she tried to help her. When she was pregnant with you, Nan made your mom promise you to her granddaughter. Me."
"Sounds like one of your fairly tales. I'm sposed to believe that?"
"You believe in dead people walking around?"
"Got me." He shrugged.
"Its true. When I was in that coma, I was with Nan. She told me everything."
He was silent for a long minute.
"Well?"
"It don't matter to me how or why. Just matters that we're here together now, that they're here. " He motioned to the infants. "That's all I need to know."
Danni nodded. It's what she expected from him. "Nothing's gonna separate us. Nothing can."
He put his hand on her thigh. "Like this skirt you been wearing." He mumbled, his hand moving further up fingering the edge of her plaid mini skirt.
"This thing? I found it in the bag of clothes Maggie brought back from the last run she went on. Sounds silly but its like shopping day when she gets back from those trips."
Maggie would bring in a trash bag full of clothing she'd scavenged from the houses or stores still unraided. The women were excited; it was like shopping. The men just stood back and rolled their eyes.
Danni was wearing the kilt with her old Motorhead t-shirt.
"You know that shirt, you wore that the first time we ever..." His fingers started to slide under the hem of the t-shirt next.
"Okay, Mr nostalgia..." She laughed. "Hey, I'm not condoning you beating the shit out of Rick...but...God you're sexy when you get angry. I almost forgot.'
"Yeah?"
She bit lower lip in a smile and nodded.
"Yeah?" He asked again, lowering his eye lids. "Did get me pretty worked up."
Danni felt her skin tingle, with anticipation, the atmosphere changed from playful to heated. Daryl moved toward her and grabbed, forcefully pulling her to his body, into a hard kiss. She let her hands trail up his arms and chest, to the back of his neck, into his hair, pulling him further into the kiss. She parted her lips, licking his lower lip tentatively almost shyly and heard him groan and pull her against his body more. His tongue greeted hers and they kissed openly; tongues meeting then their mouths more hungrily. His hand slid down her back to her ass then lowered it further hooking her leg up around his waist to give him more access to grind against her. He yanked her up tightly against him and she gasped at the heated sensations running through her body.
They fell back onto the mattress still kissing, and as Danni pushed herself up to lay her head on the pillows he crawled over her, their lips connected the whole way.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... .. .. .. .
Hours had passed and while her family slept Danni tossed and turned haunted by her dream from the night before. Finally, she got up and did the only thing she knew would ease her mind. She sat on the floor at the foot of the bed. She shuffled and cut the deck in three, placing the stacks between two white candles. She turned each card accordingly:
Recent past: Page of Swords reversed.
Present situation: Knight of Swords.
Near Future: Eight of Wands.
She twirled a strand of hair around he finger and opened the book.
In general, should a Tarot reading be predominantly Swords, then you seek solutions to what are primarily mental struggles, conflict, and arguments; even violence at present. While Swords can carry with them many negative, very strong, forceful messages. Swords also serve as a warning to be more cautious of what is occurring around you.
Recent past, Page of Swords reversed all talk and no action. This can suggest you have a lot of energy behind you to get things moving, but the way you are going about it is not an effective use of your energy. You are thinking and talking rather than putting plans into action. You have to be very careful of making promises that you know you cannot keep, or saying things that you later regret. Before making a specific promise or commitment, ensure that you can and will deliver on it in order to maintain your integrity and reputation. Also, be wary of other people's commitments to you and put in place measures to ensure that they will deliver on what they promise to deliver.
She knew she was finished talking to Merle about his plans. She hadn't talked him out of anything so if he was going to act she needed to commit once and for all to help him. Together they could deliver on the promise to stop the Governor.
Present situation, The Knight of Swords directly follows the Page. When the diplomacy of the Page of Swords fails to achieve results, the Knight will try it his way, the violent way. Violence in this sense does not refer to physical brutality but to a suddenness and apparent hostility that will threaten most people. And if they do not feel threatened they will almost certainly feel a little wary around the Knight of Swords. He does not see, nor care about, any upcoming challenges, risks or dangers, and instead moves forward with his strong intent to succeed and win. On the positive side, this card shows great ambition, determination and strength to succeed no matter what. On the negative side, however, he can be blind to potential challenges and consequences of his actions, and may charge forth into a dangerous territory without any foresight or preparation as he fervently pursues his own goals.
Merle in a nutshell. She thought.
Finally, the near future, Eight of wands, the structure of the Eight creates a channel through which raw energy can flow. You are so sure about your goal that all distractions have been removed and you can devote yourself to the task with complete concentration, determination, and card is a sign to 'strike while the iron is hot'. It is most definitely an action-oriented card that encourages you to move quickly to pursue the best opportunities available right now. On the downside, the Eight of Wands denotes haste and rapid advancement of a situation which may result in the wrong decisions being made. It's like the wind of a hurricane, that throws everything out of its path, but beware, though, of becoming too hasty and impetuous, for that is the warning of the Eight of Wands. Action can be quick and still well-thought, but it cannot be hasty if it is to have an effect on the world. It will be important to have all your resources available to be used in your best interests. Be mindful not to rush into things without having a clear plan of where you are heading.
See Nan? Merle needs me. He's a hot head, charging in without thinking everything through. He needs me. I'll make sure he has a plan and is careful. Danni didn't realize she may be the one who was being hasty and reckless. She saw the reading only in terms of Merle, not herself.
... .. .. .. .. ... .. .. ... ... .
"Merle I know what your planning and I'm going with you."
Merle was sitting at the table eating grits. He had his arm looped around the bowl, holding his spoon the way guys in jail do, guarding the food against anyone snatching it from him. Positioned like that he scooped the grits steadily into his mouth until the bowl was clean. Then he answered. "You do, do you? Well even if you think you know, I work alone queenie."
"You're going to kill the Governor. You need my help."
"A thousand things can go wrong and I don't want you there. Too dangerous."
"Okay then don't do it. Stay. We'll need you when he attacks."
"The folks here, they're strong, good fighters. But they are not killers, darlin'. Y' all don't stand a chance."
"Rick is Maggie. Glenn. Hell, we are all killers at this point."
In a battle sure. But it doesn't make them assassins. Mmm, but you are queenie?" Merle had an amused smile on his face.
"When I have to be."
He didn't laugh he could see how sincere she was.
"I would have killed Jack. Me. Daryl hesitated. I didn't. Not after what he did." She paused looking at him then added, "So are we going or not? I'll distract him then you destroy the Governor's ass. We'll be home before dinner."
"You do have gumption, I give you that."
"Look, I'm not afraid to kill, get my hands dirty especially when it's to protect my family, the people I love."
Merle shook his head. "No, way."
"He wants both of us. It's a better plan. He wants you and me let him have us. We go to him he stays away from the prison long enough for you to do it."
Merle was not about to put queenie at risk, the whole point of his mission was to keep her alive for Daryl.
"Merle are you sure you can kill him?"
"Hell yeah, queenie. Don't worry bout that."
"Then let's go. But Merle you can't screw up."
"You trust me that much queenie?"
"Yes, I do. I believe in you otherwise I wouldn't do this; leave Daryl and leave the kids here, but I know you can pull this off and it means everybody lives, everybody is safe. We don't have to leave our home."
No one had ever said anything like that to him, said they believed in Merle Dixon. She was either crazy or….she really had faith in him.
He looked at her. "You sure?"
"Yeah. Merle I'm supposed to go."
He questioned her with his eyes.
"Conjure stuff."
He sighed. He thought of his momma.
"I don't know...anything happens to you..Daryl would..."
"Nothing's gonna happen except we kill that son of a bitch. He wants to destroy our family Merle."
"Spose he does; hates any other group that ain't his."
"I don't mean the group Merle, I mean us, the Dixons."
Merle still looked unsure but felt an unfamiliar warmth spread in his chest.
"Besides I have they key to open the gate. You need me."
"You swiped Daryl's keys didn't you?" He chuckled.
"And his gun so c'mon."
"Well if we're goin', we should go."
"Give me a minute." Danni raced upstairs to where Beth was babysitting. "Thanks again Beth, I really appreciate you doing this."
"I love them, you know right? Anytime."
Danni picked up both sweet smelling warm bundles and held them close to her chest. She felt them squirm slightly and listened to the gurgles, hiccups, and soft breaths. Her heart ached with love for her babies. Leaving them was hard even for a short time. Her stomach hurt. Actually, leaving them now was torture. Danni wouldn't let herself even consider the possibility that she wouldn't make it back. She focused on the fact that she was saving them, saving Daryl and herself and their home. That's what gave her strength. She was doing this for them. She buried her face between her children at her breasts. "A chroí , A chroí. " My heart, my heart.
"Danni are you okay?" As far as Beth knew Danni was going to the woods to gather some plants.
"I'm fine. You know they just do this to me, I could cry all day." She smiled and handed them to Beth. Danni reached down to grab the fairy tale book for Beth and accidentally knocked her journal to the floor, it landed open to a specific page. She picked it up and read:
"Where you come from is gone, where you thought you were going to never was there, and where you are is no good unless you can get away from it. Where is there a place for you to be? No, place.
Nothing outside you can give you any place," he said. "You needn't look at the sky because it's not going to open up and show no place behind it. You needn't search for any hole in the ground to look through into somewhere else. You can't go neither forwards nor backward into your daddy's time nor your children's if you have them. In yourself right now is all the place you've got. If there was any Fall, look there, if there was any Redemption, look there, and if you expect any Judgment, look there, because they all three will have to be in your time and your body and where in your time and your body can they be?"
― Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood
Merle?
... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
Merle was not at the gate when Danni got there. He left. He was never planning on letting me go with him. But I have to be there.
Danni followed the road staying on the edge watching for Walkers. So far, she'd only seen a small group feeding on something so they didn't notice as she passed. It was eerie being out there alone and she finally understood what whispering pines meant. She swore there were voices in the trees. She tried to make out words as the hot breeze picked up. The air tickled her bare legs under the plaid skirt. She looked down at her boots and thought of Daryl. This better be quick. He'll be so pissed of he finds out what I'm doing.
Then she saw him. There was a small group of ramshackle buildings with an old abandoned general store in the center. In front, Merle was laying on the seat of an old cutlass his legs sticking out as he leaned under the dash, working on hot wiring it. He pulled the wrong wire and the car alarm started piercing the air. As if on cue, two stumbling Walkers approached the front of the car.
"Merle!" Danni yelled trying to warn him. The alarm was too loud and drowned out her voice.
"Merle! Shit!" She figured a little more noise wouldn't matter at this point so she took the shots. Both Walkers dropped at Merle's feet. The gunshots brought him up out of the car. He looked at the fallen corpses on the ground then up at Danni.
"She gave him a small smile. "Wait up?" she said sarcastically.
"Awww shiiiit queenie, you can't be here!"
"I just saved your life Merle."
"If anything happens to you Daryl's gonna… I'm taking you back right now. Get in." He motioned to the car.
"Merle we can't waste time. I'm here, I'm going with you." Danni stared hard at him. He could see how Daryl had been pussywhipped so fast. Her eyes could make a man do anything.
"Fine, but you listen to me and don't do anything stupid. Best keep up."
Where have I heard that before.
"I can handle myself."
"Maybe so but we ain't gonna burst there half-cocked. Take a breath and figure out what our next move is."
"You don't need that." She pointed to the bottle of whiskey in his hand.
"You ain't my ball and chain hon, so just mind that motor mouth of yours, hear?"
"Just saying, you need to be alert and ready. Besides you don't need courage from a bottle. You already have it inside you and that's the real kind."
