A/N - continued Trigger Warnings
Chapter 52.
She'd gone to the police, who seemed cold and unreasonable. They gone through the motions and collected samples and kept the dress. They'd spent a long time asking her about how much she had been drinking and about her relationship with Jeremy. They'd been slightly more interested when she mentioned Matt having been there as a witness and then Lily had taken her home and she'd had the longest, hotter shower of her life.
Predictably, Jeremy and Matt had backed each other up, that it had been consensual and that Serena had cried "rape" out of embarrassment. When the police told her they wouldn't be charging Jeremy with anything she'd gone home and drunk a fifth of vodka neat, slept for 48 hours and like any self-respecting American would have done, scheduled some therapy.
She'd seen Katie, a middle-aged New Yorker once a week for 4 months. Cried, raged, grieved. Worked out once again who she was, and who she wasn't, her fears and insecurities and slowly, slowly she came to herself. Learned to be around men again, to flirt and it be harmless and to enjoy her sexuality. She'd met Edward and told him, and he'd never used that against her, for all his faults. Was gentle, and waited until she was ready. She'd cried in his arms the first time they made love and he'd held her and soothed her as the memory got a little bit more healed.
Seeing Jeremy and Matt the first time back on campus had been the hardest moment. Seeing their lurid grins and the way they nudged each other. Until Serena's friends had come round her and taken her away, Paul and Michael warning the other two men off. They both failed their modules and were kicked off the course within 6 months and she'd never seen them again.
She became aware that Bernie had moved out of her arms and she looked across to her on the other side of the sofa. Her eyes were blazing, gritted teeth and she had her fists clenched, skin burning up.
"Bernie what did I say wrong? Why have I upset you?"
The blonde practically growled at her.
"I'm going to find them and I'm going to kill them."
"No, you're not.
"I am Serena. I cannot let them walk around having hurt you. I know people who'll help me. I'm going to kill them."
"My big macho army medic, you're not. Come here."
Bernie pounded her legs with her fists, letting the white hot rage subside. She went back across the sofa and asked Serena if she could hold her, half expecting her to say no after her outburst.
Serena nodded though and found herself pulled to the trauma surgeons chest in a fierce hug, as if she was trying to hug every ounce of pain out of them both.
"Let me breathe a little" she joked and Bernie relaxed her grip but then jumped up and started to pace the room, her distress palpable.
"Darling heart, you need to calm down."
"I can't Serena. I can't bear that they hurt you."
"Look at me"
Bernie did and saw Serena, who'd stood up herself and come across to be near the other woman.
"I didn't hint so you would ask and be upset. I wanted you to hear that on a level, I understand. It was very, very different to what you've been through, but that, I get what's it like to have that happen. To give you hope that's its possible to come out of the other side."
She stopped and looked at Bernie who had relaxed her shoulders slightly.
"Do you see me as dirty and damaged now?" she asked gently, already knowing the answer.
"GOD Serena, how could you ask me that? I, I, shit."
"It's okay Bernie. If you don't see me like that then, why would I see you like that?" and the penny dropped in the army medics head.
She rushed into Serena's arms and they both held each other, pouring every ounce of love into every cell in each other's bodies. Tears mingled on their faces and they kissed them off each other's cheeks. Rested their foreheads together and saw their salvation in the eyes that looked back, both so filled with love.
