Thank you in advance for your reviews!
The Fowler Cooper Publication Federation
November 2022
Primary Topic: The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield
One evening in late September, Amy sat at her computer and sighed.
No, that won't work. Amy's eyes darted between her calendar on one side of her screen and the email on the other. Maybe the Fall Costume party, so called because the use of the term Halloween could be offensive? Nope, that was out, too. She had the MRI and its technicians all week and she couldn't spare a moment. Rescheduling would be impossible. Leaf gathering and pressing field day?
"Grrrrr," she muttered.
"Troubles?" Sheldon's voice asked from the other side of their partners desk.
"I just can't find anything that I can volunteer for at the preschool this semester! My schedule is just too full with the new phase of the study," she huffed. "And it's already the end of September; I've procrastinated too long."
"So don't volunteer," Sheldon said, only his forehead and hair visible above their computer screens.
"You know that it's strongly encouraged for all parents to volunteer for two units of enrichment activities a semester, Sheldon."
"Strongly encouraged. Not required. For what they're garnishing out of our paychecks, someone from the daycare ought to come volunteer for us."
Amy smiled. "Even so, I can't be the only parent that doesn't volunteer. We'll be scorned. And Ada loves it when I come."
A pop-up opened in the corner of Amy's screen, asking if Sheldon could share her view. She accepted his request.
"Hmmmm," she heard him. "Oh, here! There's a field trip the Monday before Thanksgiving. It's worth four units! You'd fulfill both the fall and the spring semester in a single day. We're not going to Texas this year, so you could do that."
"We're not going to Texas because I need to be in the lab both Monday and Tuesday of that week, remember? Especially if I'm able to obtain the funding." Amy moved her mouse to encircle the spot on her calendar, so that he could see it on his side.
"I'll do it."
Amy wrinkled her brow and rolled her chair to her left so she could look around their computers and see her husband. "Sheldon, be serious."
"What?" he asked, turning to look at her. "I am serious. I'll volunteer for the field trip. I'm one of Ada's parents."
"There are twenty four-year-olds in Ada's class."
"So? They'll be broken down into smaller groups for the field trip, correct? That's why it's worth so many points, because they need more volunteers."
"Sheldon."
"Why do I get the impression you don't think I can do this? I have babysat for Ada and one of the other children before. And all of Leonard's kids!" He crossed his arms.
"Sheldon."
"Okay, so there were less children and they weren't strangers and Leonard was present when all three of his children were, but I am an adult."
"Sheldon."
"In addition, as there are no classes that week, all the professors' children are likely to be absent. And even many of the researchers take the whole week off, like we normally do."
"Sheldon."
"Amy."
"Do you even know what the field trip is? Did you read the details?"
Instead of answering, Sheldon uncrossed his arms and turned back to his screen. "Mini golf? Phllllphhhttt."
"It's a sport. There will be children with long, dangerous metal clubs in their hands. The excitement of a field trip will make them hyper. It sounds like the stuff of your nightmares."
"Ah, that's where you're wrong!" He looked back at her and put his finger in the air. "This is perfect. Mini golf and billiards are the two most physics driven sports! Victory is all up here." He tapped his temple. "If you can determine the correct trajectory, triumph will be yours! Plus, there's no running."
Amy pursed her lips and thought for a moment. Sheldon had made valid points about the likelihood that less children would be present. It was an activity that would release them from volunteering at the preschool for nine months. And it would be a huge help to her, a relief from her own schedule, one less thing to cram into her busy days. Most importantly, perhaps she really was being unfair and unkind to her husband. Sheldon was a wonderful father, and he did try to engage all his adopted nieces and nephews in some sort of activity when they came over to play, albeit with varying degrees of success. Shouldn't she trust him that he could handle this? If she didn't trust him, he'd never prove himself capable. She swallowed and asked, "Are you sure?"
"Mini golf with four-year-olds? Piece of cake!" Amy opened her mouth but then Sheldon said, "And there's two months to practice."
"Okay, then. But please don't make me regret this."
However, it seemed that the only person with regrets about that evening was Amy. Not surprisingly, Sheldon devoted himself to this new enterprise with vigor. A Nerf indoor golf set was immediately ordered, and he rearranged the holes once a week "to keep it fresh and challenging." Of course he was correct about the mathematics, and, when he bent over Ada to help her with her swing, he was usually discussing the geometry of the shot: "Imagine that this is an isosceles right triangle, and you want the ball to travel along the hypotenuse . . ." And even when they babysat another child of their group, indoor mini golf proved to be a fun activity for all. Even Belle, once she arrived, would sit perched on the back of the sofa or the corner of the desk and watch the moving ball intently, after a few initial scoldings for chasing the ball.
Most surprising, though, was how much Amy enjoyed it. At first, she had thought that the new golf set was just another activity for Ada and Sheldon to enjoy together while she was busy with chores or reading. But she was quickly cajoled into one game and later that week another, and before long she would join them more times than she did not. While Sheldon concentrated on the mathematics, Amy used their games for the opportunity to extol the merits of good sportsmanship and just having fun to Ada.
The first sign that perhaps it had gotten out of hand, and that perhaps there would be regrets just as she initially feared, was the first of November. Amy had chuckled at Sheldon's Book Club selection, but when the Land's End box arrived in his name, she knew something was amiss.
"Oh, goody! Ada! Our golf clothes have arrived!" he yelled, grabbing the box from Amy's outstretched arms.
"Golf clothes?"
"To be precise," Sheldon explained, opening the box on the dining table, "golf-inspired clothes. You should see the prices on actual golf clothes! And, no matter where I looked, I just couldn't find any matching knickerbockers in both our sizes. But I believe I found us the next best thing."
He proudly lifted out two matching polo shirts in yellow and kelly green argyle and held them up in front of him. "One for me, one for Ada. There's matching Bermuda shorts and argyle knee socks, too!"
Ignoring the excited noises from Ada as she tore into the packages of her new clothes, Amy wrinkled her brow and said, "Shorts? Argyle? Sheldon, you don't need costumes for a field trip. And you hate shorts."
"They're not costumes. It's sporting attire," Ada said, holding up her new knee socks and looking at them with unabashed love. Looking at her quizzically, Amy realized she didn't even know how to process what her daughter just said. Was she just repeating Sheldon? Or was she actually developing an attitude? She shook her head and decided to ignore it.
"I couldn't have said it better myself, kid," Sheldon said, pulling out of the box what appeared to be, alarmingly, a flat cap.
"I think this has gotten out of control," Amy said, crossing her arms. "You're already taking this too seriously and being too competitive. It's only a preschool enrichment field trip, Sheldon, not the Masters Tournament!"
He finally looked up at her. "What's the Masters Tournament?"
Shaking her head once more, Amy decided to let it pass. Maybe the fact that he hadn't taken up watching golf, that he still didn't know what the Masters Tournament was, was a good sign. When he helped Ada put her new hat on, and Amy heard her daughter laugh at their images in Sheldon's phone as he prepared to take a selfie of them, she put it out of her mind. It was just a field trip and some new clothes. It would all be fine.
Having started her second study, Amy was too engrossed in work to give it much thought during the days. She had decided, long ago, that her evenings and weekends were scared hours with her husband and child, and it was the rare work activity that she would allow to take her away from them. No matter that this new study was proving very promising, building upon her previous finding, sealing her place in the world of neurobiology, she only devoted her workdays to it. But she devoted herself fully during that time and did not allow thoughts about mini golf and flat caps to cross her mind in her lab.
So, when the day of the field trip came, after laughing at them in their matching outfits and taking several photos, Amy dropped them off at the preschool and set off for her lab, only her work on her mind. She had felt guilty, asking Sheldon if they could not go to Texas for Thanksgiving this year as she needed the extra time at work. But with the building mostly empty and all her lab assistants gone for vacation, she found it was easier to concentrate without distractions.
It was the buzz of her watch that brought her out of her haze. She smiled as she answered, assuming Sheldon was calling to tell her about some great shot Ada had just made or brag over her score or otherwise discuss the brilliance of his little girl.
Amy noticed that he wasn't wearing his flat cap anymore and that that his hair looked strangely disheveled, but perhaps the wind had picked up since she'd been inside. "Hi, Sheldon! How are you and Jack Nicklaus fairing on the green today?"
"I'm calling to let you know we've returned to campus, so Ada and I are taking the car home. Call when you're almost finished and we'll come get you," he said flatly.
"Back on campus?" Amy wrinkled her brow. "But it's -" she glanced up at the clock - "only noon. I thought this was supposed to be an all day field trip." She stopped and studied his little face in her watch screen closer. Was his hair wet? "Did it start raining?"
"No." He licked his lips. "Um . . . Ada and I are back early."
Her heart pounding, Amy sat up straighter in her chair. "Is Ada sick? Should I come?"
"No, she's well. Continue your work -"
"I'm coming," she said sharply and ended the call. Something was not right; Sheldon was being evasive. Rapidly putting things away, glad she was mostly working on paperwork and not anything organic that had more precise storage steps, Amy gathered her belongings and rushed out of her building toward the faculty preschool.
Sheldon and Ada were sitting on a bench outside. Ada looked fine, if bored, but Sheldon was a mess. Once she approached, she could determine that not only had his hair been wet at some point but there was mud in it, and there was mud covering half of his new shirt. And his hat, the one he'd been so proud of, was being crumbled and uncrumbled in his hands, and drips of water were falling on the concrete beneath it.
"Amy, really, you shouldn't have come, we're -"
"What happened to you? Are you okay? Are you injured?" she asked, even as she bent down to hug Ada and inspect her for any physical damage.
"Dad got in trouble and got kicked out," Ada said.
"What?" Amy turned to look at him.
"Ada," Sheldon said sharply, turning this head. "I told you that your mother is too busy with work to be worrying about -"
"Sheldon Lee Cooper, what happened?" Amy stood and demanded, planting her hands on her hips.
"There was just a scoring disagreement. And some of the children could have used better form. Or stayed in line. Or taken turns."
"Sheldon!" Amy shut her eyes and took a deep, slow breath. "But how did you get so dirty?"
"He fell in the water and everyone laughed," Ada volunteered. "And then Dad -"
"We were all supposed to stay in our assigned groups," Sheldon interrupted her, "but Owen insisted on running away repeatedly -"
"He has ADHD," Amy said.
"I know that! You told me five times and I remember after the first!" He paused and too a deep breath. "Anyway, as a I was saying, when I tried to explain the importance of staying together as a group, he took my hat and threw it in the pond at hole number seven!"
"That's when Dad fell in," Ada said.
"Okay," Amy crossed her arms. "I still don't understand what happened. Yes, Owen behaved badly and the children were being hyper and you fell into the pond, but why did you get kicked out for that? Or was it just that you wanted to come home and take a shower?"
"I may have . . . said some inappropriate things when I emerged from the pond. But, yes, I am, in fact, desperate for a shower. It was nothing but mud and slime!"
"Dad called Owen a -"
"Never mind, Ada," Amy said. "Your father and I can discuss this later. Do you have all your things?"
"Yes," Ada pouted at not being able to finish her story.
"Come on, then let's go."
"But, Amy, your work!" Sheldon protested, although he stood.
"It's lunch time. I'll take you home," she said. "I'll make a nice cup of tea and you can tell me all about it."
Her husband nodded and hung his head as he followed her to the car.
Having left her lunch at work and too confused and deflated to really care, Amy just went through a drive through. Once Ada was happily settled in place at the dining table, eating her chicken nuggets and cup of orange slices, Amy took the mug of tea with her to the bathroom, where she could still hear Sheldon in the shower.
She waited in the warmth and steam, leaning against the counter, watching her handsome husband clean himself. Under different circumstances, she would have enjoyed the show, but now she was just anxious for him to finish. If he noticed she was there, he didn't say anything. Finally, he turned the shower off and opened the glass door.
Amy held out his towel to him. "I think you'd better start talking."
He sighed as he took the towel. "Can't I at least put some clothes on first?"
"No."
Another sigh as he lifted the towel to rub his hair. "They are awful, Amy, completely uncouth and rowdy, as though they'd been raised by wolves. They were so loud and they wouldn't pay attention or stay together as a group or take turns. One child would be putting and another would just step across the green and ruin the shot!"
Taking a drink of tea - it was for her, not Sheldon - she resisted the urge to say she'd told him so. Instead, she said, "They're children. Four-year-olds. They were excited and hyper about the field trip." She took a deep breath. "So I take it that Owen somehow stole your hat -
"While I was bent over to help Ada with her shot."
"- and threw it into a pond with less than crystal clear water. You fell into the pond while trying to retrieve it. That's how you and your clothes got so dirty. Correct?"
"Yes," Sheldon said, bending over to run the towels down his legs now.
"Those events, while frustrating and, yes, poor behavior on Owen's part, were not, I gather, the end of the situation?"
"No," Sheldon pouted, stretching the towel out behind him to shake his bottom in the adorable little way he had. Amy looked away to keep from being swayed.
She waited. And waited some more, taking another drink of tea.
"Fine," Sheldon finally related to the silence, wrapping the towel around his slim waist. "Once I emerged from the pond looking more like the Swamp Thing than a human being, I may have . . . called Owen an imbecile," he finished in a mumble.
"Okay." Amy nodded, after silently counting to five. "So they kicked you out for calling Owen a name? I'm not condoning your behavior or word choice - at all - but that seems a bit of an overkill for a single word."
"Well, it was more than that," he whispered.
"Oh." Amy raised her eyebrows. "Go on."
"I - I called him an imbecile who would never function in society just as all the varmints in his class wouldn't either because their parents were all geologists and others with lesser minds who hadn't taught them any manners, basic mathematical skills, or even the simple notion of trajectory."
Amy swallowed and took another deep breath, before replying slowly, her thoughts sorting, "Okay, well -"
"I may have also told Owen that he was just as hyper as Wile E. Coyote and someday he was going to be smashed with anvil. There may have been some yelling involved."
Amy reached up to rub her eyes behind her glasses. This really was terrible. She was going to have write an apology to Owen's mothers, maybe even break out the monogramed stationary Mother had bought her.
"I see." Amy took another drink. Then she frowned. No, this was not her fault. And not her problem. She turned and sat the mug down on the bathroom counter with a loud noise. "You know what, I don't have time for this. Get dressed so you can watch Ada the rest of the day."
She marched out of the bathroom, leaving the dirty mug behind for Sheldon to deal with, only stopping to say good-bye to Ada before she went back to work, more disappointed in Sheldon than she had been in a very long time.
On Wednesday evening, having waited two days for Sheldon to bring up Book Club, to tell Amy he didn't want to have Book Club this month, Amy decided to broach the subject herself, even though it wasn't the last day of the month. He had been moping around for two days, quiet for him, denying Ada's requests to play the indoor golf game with her, and his obvious guilt had softened Amy some. She still did not believe she was the one who should take any steps to rectify this situation, but Sheldon was so pitiful she felt remorse for the way she had just walked out on him, without any advice or understanding. She had just left him alone to wallow in his shame instead of trying to help him find a way out of it. And leaving behind the dirty cup had been petty and childish on her part. Yes, the sooner this Book Club was over and done with the better.
"Sheldon?" she said softly that Wednesday evening, sitting on the sofa next to him, having put Ada to bed, the smell of the pecans pies she was making for Thanksgiving at Raj and Stuart's filling the great room. "I'm curious. Am I correct that you've already finished this month's Book Club selection? That perhaps you finished it before the field trip on Monday?"
He nodded and sighed, looking away from her.
"I know it's not the last day of the month, but I thought perhaps it would ease your mind if I let you know now that I am not expecting a Book Club this month given the . . . events of this week. You clearly choose The Legend of Bagger Vance because it's a golf-related book, and the mini golf has passed." Sheldon opened his mouth and Amy put her hand up. "But I know how much you need closure. So, how about I tell you what I thought of the book right now, just a brief exposition, and you can just nod or shake your head, and we'll call it Book Club?"
Sheldon tilted his head. "Maybe. Go on."
"It was okay. I didn't dislike it, but I really didn't like it, either. Of course, all of the golf terminology and descriptions were lost on me, but I anticipated that. I understand the character of Bagger Vance was meant to be inspirational, that it was meant to be a sort of explanative allegory that each person should strive to find their essential, true self, the best possible version of themselves; and, that only when that is obtained, can the meaning of life be gained. But I thought it was all a bit heavy handed. You know I don't like to be repeatedly and forcefully fed a moral message as though I don't have the intelligence to figure it out on my own." She leaned back in the sofa and waited for either Sheldon's agreement or disagreement, and then they could put this whole mini golf debacle behind them for good.
After a pause, Sheldon nodded. Amy smiled at him and then started to get up.
"What do you think that weird ancient war meant?"
Raising her eyebrows, Amy sat back down. "I'm not sure, honestly. It seemed incongruent to me. Maybe that all wars are really the same, that history and mankind are doomed to repeat themselves without reason."
"I understood the rest. As you pointed out, it's impossible not to since the author spares no opportunity to pound it into our brains. The moral is that all challenges are really within our minds, within ourselves. We have to believe in our power to succeed in order to succeed. Mind over matter."
Amy smiled. "Yes, I think that's the primary moral, too. There are others, of course." She paused. "Do you want to discuss them?"
Sheldon tilted his head again. "Isn't that what we do during Book Club?"
"Okay." Amy nodded. "I also think there is a pretty strong message here that it's not about winning or losing, that Junah shouldn't worry about that. Rather, he should just work on being as good as he could be. That he should find his true, authentic self and remain loyal to that, even if that meant he would lose."
"Integrity." Sheldon nodded. "Yes, definitely. Being true to one's self and one's morals. Like when Junah admits that the ball moved and he has to take a penalty, even though no one else saw it."
"There's also an element of pride goeth before a fall," Amy said softly. Then, to lighten the mood, she added, "This book really was an endless list of old adages, wasn't it?"
He smiled, which Amy took that a good sign, and he said, "Yes, it was. I presume you're referring to when Junah started to make excellent shots and then failed miserably because he became too cocky?"
"Yes. The first time, it's because he loses touch with himself, but then the second time, he makes the exact same mistake because he's being prideful, he wants to prove that the same decisions will lead to a better outcome this time. But they don't, of course."
She waited for Sheldon to reply, but he never did, looking away from her again, out into the middle distance. Finally, Amy reached for his hand and whispered, "Sheldon?"
"I'm sure you immediately grasped why I selected this book," he said, not turning to look at her. "I thought it would instill me with all the secrets of golf so that Ada and I could have the best possible scores at mini golf."
"I know," Amy said softly. "But unless you were studying golf much more than me - which wouldn't surprise me - all of the technical details in here were just confusing. It's obviously written by a golfer for other golfers, I think."
"I know you think I'm angry about the field trip," Sheldon said. "But I also know you think I behaved appallingly, that you don't feel sorry for me, because this is natural punishment for my behavior."
"Sheldon, I -" Amy started, although she didn't really know where she was going to finish, as she was not going to lie to him.
"You're correct." He turned to look at her. "You were right all along. I put too much emphasis on winning when it was really just for fun. I was over confident in my abilities. Apparently, it's a very good thing we decided to only have one child, because I'm completely hopeless with more than that."
"That's not true." Amy turned closer to him and squeezed his hand. "You're a wonderful father. And I'm confident you would have been so even if we had more children. You're good when the other kids come over to play."
Sheldon grunted.
"However," Amy said, "I do think your competitive nature can be too overwhelming at times, especially when it comes to children. Ada is used to it, she can take it. Plus -" Amy smiled softly "- I sometimes think she gets her own competitive streak from you. But part of being an adult is instilling the importance of good sportsmanship in your children or those children under your care. How to be a graceful loser. And being a good sportsman yourself. Sometimes, and I do understand this is hard for you, you need to check your ego at the door. You need to teach Ada, that, too."
"See, you are angry with me." Sheldon pulled his hand away and lowered his face into it.
"Not angry. Disappointed, yes. And you're correct that I don't feel sorry for you. You made this bed, and you either have to lie in it or remake correctly."
"How can I do that?" Sheldon asked, lifting his face out of his hands, his eyebrows high. "I doubt I'll be allowed on anymore field trips."
"I don't know. Maybe you need to search your authentic self to find the answer." Amy bit her lip. "Here -" she reached for her Kindle. "I did mark two sections." She located the first. "'Junah let out a breath, frustrated. "Please don't confuse me again, Bagger. I thought you wanted me to win." "I couldn't care less about winning," the mysterious fellow answered. "I care about you."' And this one -" her fingers ghosted over the screen "- '"I stand by your side always. I will never abandon you. No sin, no lapse, no crime however heinous can me desert you, nor yield up to you any less than my ultimate fidelity and love.
Who walked his path beside me
Feels my hand upon him always.
No effort he makes is wasted,
Nor unseen, unguided by me."'"
Then she shut the cover of her book, leaned over, kissed Sheldon tenderly on the forehead, and whispered, "I love you. The answer is already within you."
Amy studied the tiles of the backsplash, seeking to find the answer there. Her quest was interrupted by the sound of Sheldon and Ada coming down the hallway. Well, she wasn't likely to find the solution to her current predicament in the grout, anyway. She shook her head, turned, and smiled.
"Good morning, you two! Who's ready for cereal day?"
"I am!" Ada cheered as she climbed up into her chair at the table. Amy lifted the milk she'd been holding pointlessly when Sheldon came up close.
"Are you alright? You're up early," he whispered.
"I'm . . . as well as can be expected. I just don't know what to do about this situation with Bernadette," she admitted. "I couldn't sleep, thinking about it."
Sheldon brushed his hand along her hair. "You'll figure it out. You're the wisest person I know."
Smiling sadly, Amy went to join him and Ada at the table, choosing cereals and pouring milk and discussing the day's plans, which included getting the Christmas tree out of the storage space downstairs and putting it up. Then Sheldon said, "Ada, I have something very important to say to you, and I want you to listen to me closely."
Amy looked over at him sharply. His eyes darted to hers, but he otherwise didn't reply to her unspoken question.
"Okay," Ada said, in her most serious voice.
Leaning close to his daughter's chair, Sheldon rested his hand on the back of it. "I owe you an apology. I behaved very poorly on your field trip earlier this week, and I'm very sorry that my inappropriate actions both ruined your day and did not embody the virtues of fair play and kindness that your mother and I always try to encourage you to display. I set a very bad example for you and your classmates, and I do not wish for you to ever follow my lead and behave that way. Do you understand me? Will you forgive me for ruining your day and cutting your field trip short?"
Ada nodded and Amy smiled.
"Good. Of course, I also need to apologize to your teacher and to Owen and to others, but I can do that when school resumes." Sheldon sat back up. "And how about we go play mini golf again this weekend? I thought we could invite Jacob and Fenny and even Lucy might be old enough to play."
Her eyebrows shooting upwards, Amy opened her mouth but didn't speak.
"Oh, can we?" Ada bounced slightly in her chair. "And can I wear my sporting attire?"
"Of course. But, listen, Ada, we're going to play differently than we did last time. You and I have played at a real course now, but the others may not have. So we're going to be helpful and kind, and no one is going to raise their voice. And we're not going to keep score, we're just playing for fun and to learn something new."
"But -"
Even Amy's brows fell. Poor Sheldon, he really was contrite if he wasn't going to keep score.
"No buts. It's not whether you win or lose, Ada, it's how you play the game. Good sportsmanship is more important than the score," he said firmly. Then he turned to look at Amy. "The wisest person I know taught me that lesson."
Amy smiled at him and nodded her head. He had found the solution he sought, and she couldn't be more pleased. Now, if only she could find a solution -
"Are you coming, Mom?" Ada asked. "It's so much fun!"
"Oh. I don't know, I hadn't considered it," she confessed, turning to her daughter.
"Maybe, Ada, since Jacob and Lucy will be with us, your mother might like to spend some time with Aunt Bernadette. I'm sure they have things to talk about," Sheldon said.
Her head snapped back toward Sheldon, his blue eyes almost blinding her with their intensity behind his glasses. Of course that was the solution. She'd known it all night and all morning, although she hadn't been ready to swallow her pride and admit it yet.
"Yes," she nodded. "Bernadette and I have things to discuss."
"Just remember," Sheldon said softly, "don't apologize for being your authentic self."
Amy nodded again.
"What's your authentic self?" Ada asked.
"That is an excellent question!" Sheldon turned back toward their daughter. "Your authentic self is . . . "
The corresponding After Dark chapter is Chapters 50: The Argument.
