I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.
Chapter Fifty-One
ELIZA'S POV
Have you ever had that out of body experience when you are simply watching your life go by? You're standing in the room and watching everything unfold before your eyes? There's that sense of fear, that sense of panic? You want to reach out and touch the person, but you can't? You can't because you are frightened that if you do...everything will end, and you will be left standing alone. Alone, and unable to fix whatever mess has just been created. Alone and desperate to have the only thing that matters in your arms. Just...alone.
I totally understand why Arizona wants me gone, but I refuse to walk away. I refuse to allow anything to break us, no matter how much it potentially could. "Arizona." Not even sure where to begin, I rest my elbows against the kitchen counter and sigh with my head in my hands. "This is so messed up."
Glancing over at the distraught blonde sitting on the edge of the couch, she has her back to me. I can see her shoulders shaking, and it breaks my heart to see her so upset. Upset, because of me. "I'm sorry." It's all I can give her right now.
"Why didn't you come home?" Her voice cold and hard, it sends a shiver down my spine.
"I needed to be alone for a little while," I mumble as I move closer to her. I need to be close to her.
"Why? What did you do that made you need time alone?"
"I didn't do anything." I sigh. "A few days ago, when I went to the hospital?" She gives me a nod and I know it is okay to continue. "When I was leaving, Lou caught me in the elevator. Asked if we could go for a drink, wanting to be friends. You know how it goes."
"Mmhmm…."
"I told her no. I told her it wasn't a good idea and that I didn't really want to be friends with her. She said we owed it to each other to try to be friends. Honestly, I don't owe her anything." I scoff. "Yesterday I was grabbing a coffee when I finished the end of my shift. I'd planned on calling to a store after work, and then coming home to ask you to dinner. I knew you were feeling better, and I wanted to get you out of the house for a little while. Figured you couldn't beat nice food and a little time outdoors."
"But you didn't come home, and you didn't ask me to dinner." She furrows her brow. "Instead you spent the evening with your ex."
"When I was at the coffee cart, Lou appeared. It's like she has some sort of freaking radar." I try to lighten the mood, but it fails. I get nothing but a blank look from Arizona. "She asked again if we could meet up, and instead of telling her no, I decided that yeah, yeah I would totally be up for a conversation with her. I told her if she wanted to talk, we would talk there and then." I can see Arizona going through a mass of different emotions, but I have to get this out now. "We went outside, took a seat away from the entrance. One of those benches to the side of the hospital." Giving me a nod, she knows where I mean. "She started asking how I was doing, how long I'd been in Seattle. She was okay at first. I told her how amazing you are, how happy I am to have found you. I knew she didn't like what I was saying, but I had to tell her. I figured if she knew how happy I was, she would back off. I figured it didn't really matter to her since she has Andrew, and well, I'm not available. I never will be available."
"So you told her how great I was?"
"I did." I smile. "I may have gone a little overboard, but I needed her to really hear it. I needed her to know that I'm happy, and I'm settled, and I'm where I should be." She gives me a slight smile, but I know inside she is heartbroken. I hate this. I hate how people have to interfere to make themselves feel good. "She just, God."
"Say it, Eliza."
"She just…kissed me. Just, did it." Her shoulders slumping, she tries to hold back the tears but it's no use. "I-I slapped her. My first reaction was to just get her off of me, but then I slapped her."
"She kissed you…" Her words aren't a question. Arizona is saying them out loud so she knows it's real.
"She kissed me." I cry. "Arizona, you have to believe that I didn't want her to. Yes, I shouldn't have met with her, but that's where the blame ends. I didn't give her anything whatsoever to make her think it was okay to kiss me. Nothing. I swear."
"I could kill her." Fists clenched, I've never seen this side to Arizona before. Coming to rest in front of her on my knees, I take her hands in my own and I'm thankful that she doesn't pull away.
"I went to Joe's. I had to get away for a little while. I just, I needed to think. I'd had all kinds of ideas about our evening together, and it had just turned to shit in front of me. She told me I didn't have to tell you. That we could keep it between ourselves. I couldn't, though. I had to tell you. We always said no secrets, right?"
"Right." She gives me a nod.
"I love you, Arizona. I'll only ever love you. Please believe that." My heart heavy, she gives me another nod but doesn't say anything. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I'm worried if I say them she will reject me. She will laugh and she will reject me.
"Stand up." She says. My heart is pounding in my ears and I don't know what is about to happen. If this woman asks me to leave, that's me done. Finished. I've never loved anyone like I love Arizona, and I know that this is make or break for us right now. I've never cheated in my life, and if there is one thing I know for sure, I would never risk my relationship with Arizona. She is too important. She means the world and more to me. "Eliza?" She breaks me from my thoughts.
"Y-Yeah?"
"Stand up." She stands and pulls me up with her.
"Arizona, do you really think that if I had any intentions of cheating, I'd have text you and told you I was with her? Do you really think I'd be here begging for you to believe me? I just, please…please don't ask me to leave. I love you."
Taking my hand, she pulls me into the living room and towards the stairs. I know she asked me to get my stuff out earlier, and right now, I know that is exactly what she still wants me to do. If I take another step, I'm going to break down. My legs are heavy, and my heart is in my stomach. This cannot be the end for is. If I'd have done something wrong, I'd hold my hands up and own it, but I haven't. I made a stupid mistake in meeting with Lou, but that's all. I never thought for one minute that she would kiss me. I certainly wouldn't have gone to her if I'd have known what was coming. Stopping dead on the stairs, Arizona turns to face me. "I can't." Tears falling, I shake my head. "I can't go any further, Arizona. I'll leave right now, but I cannot pack my stuff up just yet. I'm sorry."
"Eliza…" She tightens her grip on my hand. "Please just come with me."
"I can't." Sobs shaking my body, I release my grip on her hand and try to turn back around. Gripping me by the shoulders, Arizona turns me around and wraps her arms around my waist.
"Stop." She gives me a hard glare. Placing a soft kiss on my lips, all breath leaves my body. "I need you to come with me."
She has a look in her eyes that I'm a little uncertain of, but suddenly, a little fear has left my body. Giving her a slight nod, the tears continue to fall, but I take her hand and follow her up the stairs. The emotions I'm feeling right now are almost too much to take. Was that a final kiss? Was that the end of what we had going for us? Was it the end? "Arizo-" Cut off by her lips crushing into mine, it takes me a moment to register what is happening.
Before I realize where I even am, I'm being guided into the bedroom, my tank top quickly removed, and I've been thrown down onto the bed. Arizona is hovering above me, and as I watch her remove my shorts, I take a hold of her wrist and stop her from going any further. "I-Is this it for us?" My voice breaking, she shakes my hand from her wrist and removes my shorts. Coming to settle on top of me, she gives me a sad smile and brushes a stray hair from my face.
"No, baby." Hearing those words causes a fresh stream of tears to fall, but I don't care. Right now Arizona is on top of me, and she is the only woman in the world to ever love me like this. I know I messed up, but I'll be eternally grateful for her seeing that I didn't intend to hurt her in any way. I'm grateful that she has my back in this.
All thoughts of the past hours removed from my mind, I flip our bodies and now Arizona is underneath me. "I love you." She is underneath me and I swear as long as I live that I will never give this woman up. Never. Tugging at the silk material that is holding her robe together, it falls either side of her and I'm met with that breathtaking sight I thought I'd never see again. I don't know how anyway was created as beautiful as this, but she's here, and she's mine.
My lips trailing kisses along her collarbone, she turns her neck a little to allow me better access. Her scent is driving me crazy, and right now I need to worship her. I need to worship her, and I need to love her, forever. Stroking and pinching at her hardening nipple, she releases a guttural moan and arches her hips up against mine. "Eliza, I need you now."
She can have whatever she wants. I don't care. If she needs to feel a release now, then she can have that. Slipping my hand between our bodies, I find her soaked center ready and waiting for me. Her nails digging into my back, I run my fingers through her slick folds. The heat is unbearable, but I have to give her what she wants. Right now, I'd happily die for this woman. Slipping two fingers deep inside, she releases the sexiest moan to ever grace my ears, and I find myself grinding down against my own hand. "Y-Yes." Is all she is able to gasp out.
Her walls tugging and pulling my fingers deeper inside, I bring my thumb up to rest against her clit, and her body rocks beneath me. "Let go, Arizona." Her eyes slamming shut, she releases one hand from my back and fists it in the sheets beneath her. Her breathing labored, she bites down on her bottom lip and her body takes over.
Convulsing beneath me, I keep up my pace and take great pleasure in sending this gorgeous woman into oblivion. I don't know what I've ever done to deserve her, but she is mine, and in this moment, I find my mouth defying my brain. I find it so desperately wanting to tell her everything I could ever possibly say.
Coming down from her unexpected high, her blue eyes flutter open and she simply stares back at me. I know she is hurting, and she has every right to be, but I cannot spend another moment with the thoughts I have running through my head. I cannot allow her to ever think that she is less than anything but amazing.
Running my thumb across her bottom lip, her eyes remain fixed on mine and a single tear slips down my face. Her brow is slightly furrowed, but I'm in too deep right now. My own thoughts consuming me, I feel the intensity of our love hit me square in the face. Those eyes that tell me everything just stare. They stare into my soul, and I cannot ever imagine not seeing them again. I almost lost that less than an hour ago, but I find myself here, in bed with my girlfriend, and wanting to give her everything this world could ever possibly offer. Another tear slipping down my face, I continue to run my thumb over her bottom lip, and she gives me a sad smile. Taking in her features, my heart pounds out of my chest, but it's a good pounding. It's not anxiety or fear, it's just letting me know that I'm alive. That my heart's still beating. My heart that beats only for her. For Arizona.
"Eliza?" A look of worry settles on her face, but I don't say anything. I just stare. She's trying to read me, but even I can't read myself right now. Tilting her head slightly, she narrows her eyes and attempts to open her mouth to speak.
Leaning my head down so my lips are only millimeters from her own, I breathe in and run my thumb across her cheek. "Marry me."
"W-What?" She pulls herself completely from her slight daze but doesn't move.
"Be my wife, Arizona." The words have been said, and no matter the outcome of them, I know in my heart that they are genuine. I know in my heart that I can only see this woman in my future. I know that no matter what life throws at us, she is the one I want standing beside me. She is the one I want to see every morning and every night. The day I take my last breath, I want her name to be the last I ever say. Her face to be the last I ever see. I want to grow old with her, and I know that she can be the only person to ever make me want any of that. She is the only one in my life who can make me dizzy with the pure love that radiates from her being. She is the one.
"Y-Yes…."
Hit it, guys.
