A/N: The final chapter of this story. Thank you to all who reviewed and have stuck with me through my slow updating and my cliffie chapter ends. I'm very happy to finally see this story reach its conclusion. I got a lot of reviews asking for me not to let the story end badly and to give it a "happy" ending. But it's really not up to me anymore. The characters and the plot will push the story in the direction it needs to go. And not all stories can end the same.
I apologize to many of my reviewers who did not get a direct reply and thank you from me. There were just so many that I never got around to doing it. But I appreciate every single one. And I'd appreciate it even more if everyone reviewed this last chapter. For old time's sake? XD
So just so you guys know, and don't go all "wtf..?" while you're reading, I kinda mixed together the book and the movie when Draco and Dumbledore are in the astronomy tower. If you've seen/read both you'll see what I'm talking about. But for those of you who've only seen/read one or the other you might still have some Wtf moments. *shrugs* it's fanfiction. Deal with it. :P
Thank you to my many beta's who've helped me through this story. Latona Selene, Eulalie, Rainbow, and most of all my extra special Neko Chan who did the brunt of the work. She's awesome and deserves cookies. ^_^
Speaking of Betas, this chapter wasn't Beta'd. It's been finished for a while but poor Neko is so busy she hasn't been able to get it back to me. :[ … Buuuut, I felt so bad about the long wait that I decided to post this up anyway. It'll probably be reposted in the coming weeks. But still, if you see any mistakes, feel free to point them out in a review.
Enjoy the chapter.
Chapter 43
Draco paced back and forth for a long time, twiddling his wand between his fingers. His thoughts only on how long it would take Harry and Dumbledore to return. He didn't want to even think about killing Dumbledore yet. Though he'd never been terribly fond of the Headmaster and his sparkling knowing eyes, he certainly never wanted to hurt him. Killing a person… in theory it should be simple. Human beings were not that strong, especially at the age Dumbledore was. It should be easy. Draco was luckier than he'd be if he were a muggle. Then he'd be reduced to using his hands, to being spattered with the hot, sticky blood of his victim; the evidence of his deed. As a wizard all it took was two words, a little intent and magical knowledge. There was no blood. There were no screams or mistakes; no victims left half dead for second chances at life. Except in the case of one…
Which brought him back to Harry. He was past the point of crying about it, far past the point of feeling the deep tearing pain in his chest, as though someone had decided to switch the blood that pumped through his heart with acid and broken glass. No, in the past two hours, Draco had matured far more than he had in all his previous 17 years combined. He hadn't hid from his sorrow, or tried to bury it. He put on the bravest face he could manage and let himself feel all there was to feel of it. He sank to the very depths of it, and upon reaching the bottom, and realizing he hadn't spontaneously combusted, he found new strength. He had faced the fathoms of his pain and stood strong. He could not feel any worse than he already felt, and so he was not afraid.
That did not stop it all, however. He knew he was doing the right thing and he let the adrenaline coursing through his veins dull the excruciating pain he would've felt to little more than a dull ache. But the pain had not left him, it was still there. And though it was overshadowed by the flurry of other emotions he was experiencing, he had no doubt that once he was away, in the safety of whatever coward's hideout he was escaping to, the pain would return full force. But he was not afraid. At least not of the pain in his own chest.
He was terrified for Harry. He wondered if the Gryffindor would have the strength to handle it on top of losing a second father figure. He wanted to believe in Harry's strength and power, but part of him wondered if the boy would be able to withstand it all. Draco himself had been very sure, not more than an hour ago, that he would die from the emotions that ran rampant through his body. One person could not experience such grief and live to talk about it. But he supposed it really wasn't possible to die from strong emotions. He hoped Harry would know that, and wouldn't run from it all, that he'd have someone to talk to, that he'd make it out on the other side stronger for his troubles. Harry had to make it out on the other side. He had to overcome it and defeat Voldemort or everything Draco was doing tonight would've been for naught.
He sighed heavily his pacing becoming quicker and quicker until his legs began to become tingly and almost numb. Killing a person…It wouldn't be easy. Though human beings were certainly not the hardest things to destroy, they weren't fragile either. Dumbledore wasn't defenseless. It was funny, how sometimes human life could be snuffed out as quickly and easily as a candle while other times, it would smolder and smolder and refuse to die out no matter how hard you tried to stop it.
The most ironic thing of all was, though what he was about to do would hurt Harry so deeply he might never recover, Draco might not have done it if they'd never met. If he had no reason to live, no reason to fight, he would've chosen cowardice and tried to run from Voldemort rather than face this impossible mission. But now that he was in love with Harry Potter, he'd found the resolve to kill Dumbledore for the greater good? It made little sense, even to himself. But it was right, and it was the only way, sense or no.
The door to the vanishing cabinet creaked open.
Draco's feet stopped dead in their tracks and his eyes slid shut.
"Ready?" Snape murmured to him.
"Ready."
Xx-XxX-xX
Harry was breathing hard as he returned to the astronomy tower with Dumbledore in tow. He threw his broom down and immediately went to Dumbledore's side, making sure the weak man was steady. But somehow, learning from Madame Rosmerta that the dark mark had been cast over the school had been like a shot of energy to the old man. From what depths that energy came from, Harry could not guess. He already had his wand out and ready, as did Dumbledore. But Harry had the added protection of the invisibility cloak.
"You must go and get Severus." Dumbledore started.
"But sir—" Harry went to interrupt.
He paused and looked at the door when he heard foot steps coming up the stairs. Dumbledore motioned for Harry to move back from the door and Harry obeyed without questioning. But he was tricked, though he'd thought Dumbledore wanted him to be ready for battle, the next thing he knew, he'd been charmed motionless and speechless. Before Harry even had a chance to question, not that he would've even been able to, the door slammed open.
Dumbledore, having wasted precious moments in securing Harry had barely raised his wand before the intruder shouted, "Expelliarmus!"
Harry watched in horror as Dumbledore's wand went skidding across the floor, far out of reach to the old wizard. He struggled against the magical bind, but was unsuccessful. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he could only watch. His eyes widening in fear and disbelief as Draco stepped forward from the shadows, his wand pointed straight at Dumbledore's heart.
Harry wanted to scream, and for a moment, he thought he felt the spell breaking under the sheer force of his will but it stayed in place. What was Draco doing here? Why was he… This couldn't be happening.
"Good evening, Draco." Dumbledore sighed softly with a small smile.
"Don't even start." Draco snapped, his voice stabbing at Harry like daggers, "Don't try to disarm me with your kindness."
"Ah but Draco, I know you don't want to do this." Dumbledore weakly tried to reason, his hands already coming up in surrender.
"Tell me something I don't know." Draco replied darkly, his wand shaking with the tremors what were most likely wide spread in his body. His eyes were wild, flickering around the room as he shuffled forward cautiously. It was then that he noticed the brooms. Two of them, to be exact.
Draco's eyes went back to Dumbledore's face shock and outrage written there, "Where is he?"
Dumbledore shrugged noncommittally, "You knew I would not be alone this night. Just as you are not. Or am I mistaken?"
"You aren't." Draco bit out as though trying to threaten, trying to scare Dumbledore into simply forfeiting a fight not yet even started "There are Death Eaters here tonight."
"Yes… It was you who figured out a way to let them in, I'm assuming." Dumbledore continued the conversation while Harry fought for all he was worth beneath the enchantments that bound him.
Why were they only talking? Why was Dumbledore acting as though this was a normal occurrence? Draco had apparently gone insane or something of the like. But no… he wasn't acting crazy. There was sanity and resolve settled in his pale eyes. But what was going on? Harry seemed so slow to catch up while Dumbledore and Draco seemed to understand everything.
"Of course it was me!" Draco replied, "It had to be me. No one else could."
"No, I agree." Dumbledore said nodding his head, "Only you could've done this. You're an extremely intelligent young man, Draco. But you're not a killer."
The challenge hung in the air for a long moment and Harry watched the emotions flicker over Draco's face, "You have no idea, Dumbledore. You don't know what I'm capable of." He bit out so roughly that to Harry, the words seemed to be those of a murderer.
"I know what you have done." Dumbledore replied softly and for the first time he looked grave and not prepared for Draco's words, "But I am curious as to how. How was it that you smuggled in the Death Eaters?"
Draco's arm slackened slightly, Harry was sure he was not the only one to notice it. And yet Dumbledore made no move to defend himself.
"There's a vanishing closet in the Room of Requirement. It leads straight to Borgin and Burkes. Even broken as it was, it was a huge oversight on your part to let it stay in the castle." Draco accused.
"Indeed." Dumbledore agreed without hesitation.
A yell sounded from outside the door and their attention was averted for a few moments. There was a fight raging out there.
"The Death Eaters on their way?" Dumbledore inquired.
"We met some resistance. Your Order of the Phoenix." Draco replied. It made Harry cringe. Not that his words had been particularly biting. But he'd said we. He referred to himself with Death Eaters.
"So then the mark in the sky was for one who died." Dumbledore reasoned.
"That was to get you to come here quickly. But yes, some are dead. And you will soon join them." Draco said, though he sounded to be reassuring himself and not threatening.
"Forgive me, Draco but I don't believe you." Dumbledore chuckled softly and Harry saw the flush of anger and embarrassment on Draco's cheeks, "If you wanted to kill me you've had plenty chance. I am here before you, unarmed and yet we have been only talking for some time now."
"You will die tonight." Draco said so softly that it seemed Dumbledore was convinced. There was no posturing in that voice, no dramatic or childish yelling. There was only seriousness.
"There are other ways." Dumbledore tried again, his voice passive and calm the entire time, his pale blue eyes never dulling their knowing sparkle as he sized up his teenage attacker.
"Other, but not better." Draco said, "If there was a better way I'd have taken it. This is best. You probably know that."
The sounds from outside began to get louder and louder and the conversation ceased for a moment as they listening. The fight seemed to be waging just outside the door it was so loud.
"You don't have to do this." Dumbledore continued, he was leaning against the railing, his legs seeming to be losing their strength with each long minute that ticked by.
In his mind Harry was agreeing 'He's right, Draco. Whatever you're thinking, stop! You don't have to do this. Just stop and look at what you're doing. Please!'
Draco let out a weak chuckle that sounded more like a whimper, "And that, old man, is where you're finally wrong. I have to, or it'll fuck everything up for everyone. I have to… or he'll kill me."
Dumbledore sighed. Already there were more footsteps coming up the stairs and Harry was so angry and frightened and overwhelmed he didn't know what to do, what to think or feel. Not that he could've done much about it even if he'd been able to sort through his jumbled thoughts and found a course of action.
Only a few seconds before the doors flew open Dumbledore eyed Draco seriously and whispered, "We already have an audience."
It seemed to take the blond a minute to figure it out but he gasped and looked around, his normally cool eyes looking frantic and panicked, "Here!" he asked in a strained whisper and luckily none of the other Death Eaters seemed to notice as they filed in around him. Dumbledore only offered a nearly unnoticeable nod.
Harry wanted to scream again, but this time not at Draco. What the fuck was going on here? Why did everyone else seem to be in on this while he was just barely catching up? If Draco was the enemy, why would Dumbledore alert him to Harry's presence?
Bellatrix's laughter resounded through the astronomy tower and she patted Draco on the shoulder causing the blond boy to wince and jerk away slightly from her touch, "Well done, Dragon." She said leaning close to him. So close, Harry would've snapped her thin, insane neck if he'd been able to move.
"And we all thought you couldn't do it, but look at this. He will be proud." She giggled maniacally.
The other Death Eaters, Harry had not seen before but they all looked to be surprised and happy that Draco had his wand pointed at Dumbledore's heart. They moved around the room slowly, like hungry wolves slowly closing in on their prey.
There was a bit of tense silence after the congratulations before Bellatrix shoved Draco's shoulder roughly, "Well? What're you waiting for?"
Draco didn't answer, his eyes busy flicking around the room looking for something he knew was there but couldn't see.
Another of the Death Eaters barked out a harsh laugh in a voice that barely sounded human, "So much for his success, he's too terrified to move!"
Bellatrix looked angry now, "You'll not mar the name of the Malfoys or the Blacks! Do it! Kill him!"
Draco's eyes were starting to look panicked again, his wand was shaking so much he would probably miss even if he did manage to loosen his tighten jaw to utter a hex.
"Stand aside." Snape said stepping forward and raising his wand, "We've no more time to waste." He's black eyes seemed to waver in indecision for a moment before his face set into the grimmest look Harry had ever seen on it, which was saying something considering Snape's usual disposition.
Dumbledore's face darkened considerably, "Severus." He pleaded with a whisper, "Please."
There were a few split seconds of time in which Harry fought so hard against the spells he thought he might faint from the strain. But it was impossible to stop now, he was frozen in place unable to defend Dumbledore. He could only watch, his heat pounding away in his chest as his ears heard the words he never wanted to hear again in all his life.
"Avada Kedavra."
Xx-XxX-xX
Draco flinched when the bright green light flashed through the air and hit Dumbledore straight in the chest. As soon as the light disappeared, he thought he heard the smallest of whimpers. Which could've well been his imagination but considering what the old man had said before the others had come for him, Draco thought it wasn't.
Dumbledore's body fell right over the railing over which he'd arrived and disappeared into the night.
"It's done then." Bellatrix said nonchalantly though it seemed as though she was a smidge disappointed it wasn't her family, or better yet, herself who'd gotten to stop Dumbledore's heart. But she was satisfied.
"Out of here, quickly." Snape snapped at the Death Eaters and they all obeyed rather easily, not questioning his authority.
Draco did not budge and even as the others quickly went out the door, Snape took one long stride to reach his godson and grab him by the back of his robes, moving to pull him to the door. Draco said nothing but pulled back against Snape's arm, he glanced over at the two brooms that lay abandoned in the corner and Snape seemed to understand.
He glowered but only muttered, "Time runs short." Before leaving the room in a flurry of dark robes. They would hold off the Order of the Phoenix and make the escape route for him. Draco could not care less about that. But he had to find if Harry was in this room as Dumbledore had alluded.
He took a few hesitant steps forward as though afraid the floorboards would open up and swallow him. Not that he didn't deserve such a fate at this point. He looked around the room before he whispered, "Harry?"
"How could you?" Came the softest whisper from a direction unknown. Draco tried to pinpoint it's origin but couldn't.
"You know I didn't want to." Draco replied before he glanced back over his shoulder at the door, "There is no time. Please, don't hide."
"How could you!" Harry only repeated, ripping off what could only be his invisibility cloak and approaching Draco. He grabbed Draco's arms and shook him hard, his fingers digging so deep into Draco's flesh there would surely be bruises.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Have you lost your fucking mind?" Harry asked his voice dry and strained.
"Take this." Draco said shoving a handful of paper into Harry's pocket, "I don't have time to explain and I didn't get the chance to even prepare. I can't explain. Anything I try to say won't be enough." Draco was speaking at a mile a minute, "There's no time. I still have to give Ginny the antidote and you have to go fight to protect the school and—"
"How can you still pretend you're on our side?" Harry questioned.
Draco rolled his eyes, "Just read the fucking thing I gave you!" He grabbed a handful of black hair and pressed his lips against Harry's wind chapped ones in a dry kiss, "I love you and that won't change." The blond muttered so quickly Harry wasn't even aware of just how important the words were.
"I have to go." Draco said pulled from Harry's slackened grip and running to the door.
"Draco!" Harry called before the now Death Eater could escape. He swallowed hard, obviously conflicted and still not quite understanding all that had gone on here tonight. But he seemed to have finally caught on to the fact that Draco had just said he loved him.
He tossed something to him and Draco caught it, when he opened his palm he saw a vial with a shimmering golden liquid in it.
"Get out of here alive. So I can punch you in the face for all of this later."
Draco let out a strangled chuckle that sounded odd even to his own ears before he nodded, pocketed the vial and ran out the door.
The steps threatened to trip him up more than once, his mind seemed disconnected from his body for a moment. So much adrenaline was pumping through his body that he felt as though he'd moved into another state of consciousness. The bloody fight that had been going on down here had moved. The Death Eaters were running and the Order of the Phoenix was giving chase. Draco nearly considered swallowing all of the Felix Felicis and taking off into the night. He was already unsure even the potions help would ensure he made it out on time. The Death Eaters would just assume he'd been killed and leave him here if he didn't meet up with them soon. What would it matter if he didn't give Ginny the antidote? He would already be thought a traitor just for going with the Death Eaters. What did one more wrong doing mean?
Draco groaned at his own sense of obligation and sprinted for the hospital wing. This is what hanging out with Gryffindors does to a person. Makes them loyal to the point of risking everything. Hopefully it made him courageous enough to see it all the way through. He remembered that Madame Pomfrey was supposed to have been waiting for Dumbledore in his office for him and after hearing all the ruckus there was no way of telling where she ran off to. But that left the hospital wing empty of all those but the ones too sick to run for their lives. Or the one really.
Draco wasted no time, hastening to Ginny's side and pulling out the vial of the only antidote he had. At this point, calculating how long she'd been in her deep slumber plus her body weight, the phase of the moon they were at and everything else, the chances of Draco's antidote working were not very large. They weren't so slim it was impossible, but the margin for failure was large. Draco hesitated with the slim glass vial already poised at her lips, ready to be tipped back at a moments notice.
Suddenly he thought about something. Felix Felicis, it would make her lucky, wouldn't it? Help her chances? But Draco needed that potion to be able to get out of here. If he didn't his chance to go with the Death Eaters all that it's done would've been for nothing and he'd be no help to the Order as a spy in the future. He hesitated even more, sitting his vial down on the bedside table and pulled out the one he'd just received. He had no choice.
He was frustrated with never having any choices.
Draco uncorked the vial of golden liquid and tipped half of it past Ginny's slackened lips before swallowing the rest himself. It was a risky move. If he'd given all of the potion to one of them, he could ensure that at least one of them would live. But in splitting the potion may not have given either of them enough luck to live through this night.
He gently massaged Ginny's throat encouraging her to swallow faster as he poured the antidote into her mouth. He glanced over his shoulder, aware of each second that passed and widened the distance he'd have to run to catch up with his party.
Ginny coughed and sucked in a deep breath before coughing again. Her deep brown eyes snapped open quickly and she struggled to sit up but fell again, weak from lack of movement for so long.
"Stay in bed. It's safe here. I have to go." Draco said in a hurry before suddenly acting on the impulse to pull the redhead into a hug. He pulled away and held both her shoulders tightly looking straight into her eyes, trying hard to convey how much he meant his next words "Take care of him."
She was confused obviously but she nodded none the less, not that Draco really saw it. He was already sprinting out the door. Out of Hogwarts and away from Harry for Merlin only knew how long. But it was not the end. Now he understood how Snape found the strength, or at least he thought he did.
He had wondered in the past how Snape managed to bow to Voldemort and report back to Dumbledore without ever constantly switching sides. He often wondered if the man had even chosen a side or if he simply liked the safety straddling the fence could provide. But Draco knew beyond any doubt, as he ran to catch up with the Death Eaters, which side he was on. And even if none would see it now, even if in the history books he would be written as a traitor or never written in at all, even if Harry never found it in his heart to forgive Draco for his faults, he was immutable.
Draco would die before he saw Harry fail.
Xx-XxX-xX
Ginny was still weak but she was slowly awakening. Her dreams had been odd and often. The times she lay awake had been only a few. And the time she had truly been just asleep and did not even notice time passing had been plenty. So much so that she surprised even herself at how quickly she adjusted, as though she'd known all along this is the way things would be.
She shivered as vague flashes of dreams she couldn't remember flitted through her mind. But this wasn't the time for that. She had dressed hastily, putting on many layers of clothes to keep warm, her body quite weak and thin. She had followed the destruction that lay in the castle outwards. She heard the roar of whispers, the sound of sobs and followed it as though still walking in a dream.
She should've stayed in bed. She would've been safer there, just as Draco had said. But she couldn't. No one even noticed her leaving, their attention focused on healing the injured from the battle that had been fought here. She had to come outside, to find Harry. Because she just somehow knew, this was the moment that he needed her.
She could not get Draco's eyes from her mind. The look he had given her had been the most unguarded she'd ever seen on his face. She wondered if even Harry had ever seen him like that, though she assumed that he must've. Suddenly she understood how someone could fall in love with Draco. The things she'd seen of him all the years she'd known him had been washed away in his few hurried sentences. The two vials he'd left on the side table left record of what he'd done for her. And those eyes.
Pure and open down to the quick of his soul, begging her to look after Harry when he could not. She had never seen anyone so desperate before. It was the sound of his voice, the look on his face, the depth of his eyes that had truly awoken her. Left to her own devices she might've only rolled over and slept again. But he had left her with his urgency and the luck that she could feel rushing through her propelled her to the right place at the right time.
She slipped through the throng of students and teachers, even hearing some gasps as people recognized her. But most were focused on what lay in the center of the crowd. She reached the edge at last and there, laying still in death, was Dumbledore. She sighed softly, her heart sinking when she realized Draco had left her with no easy task.
Harry was kneeling beside the body of yet another dead loved one. He was watching Dumbledore's face, a blank look etched on his own. Hagrid moved forward and tried to pull Harry away but the boy would not budge.
She slipped forward silently and knelt beside Harry slipping her hand into his. He turned to look at her, his eyes not even widening in shock. His face was schooled into perfect serenity, his mind already working to stave of the storm it knew was coming.
"Come to the hospital wing with me Harry."
He stared at her, and seemed to consider the offer a little more than he would've had it been anyone but her. But he turned away resolutely and looked at Dumbledore again before replying, "No."
Ginny only smiled a little and simply stood, pulling Harry up with her. He stood obediently and she guided him slowly out of the crowd. The students helpfully parted for them. She didn't know why she knew he would follow but she didn't question it. He didn't need to be staring at Dumbledore's dead body right now.
"I'm not hurt." Harry half heartedly protested.
"Everyone is there. Ron, Hermione, Lupin, McGonagall." Ginny replied.
"Hurt?" Harry asked, alarm obvious in his voice.
"No." Ginny said, "But a few are. You need to be in the company of friends right now."
Harry didn't say anything further and Ginny didn't offer anything more. As they were walking through the silent corridors there came a sound. It started quiet but grew louder and louder. It was a birdsong. Not just any bird, a phoenix. The warbling voice was so sweet and sorrowful that Ginny's heart clenched as the sound seemed to travel through her. She struggled not to cry. She knew Harry could be faring no better behind her. Neither of them commented on Fawkes' song, but continued on to the hospital wing where Harry would have to break the news to a group of his friends.
'Take care of him,' he says Ginny thought. They paused a little outside the doors to the hospital wing as Harry regained what little composure he had and tried to stay strong while the weight of the world threatened to snap him in two.
She looked over at his face, watching the way his eyes hardened. Harry's hand squeezed hers tightly.
No easy task, indeed.
Xx-XxX-xX
Harry was only slowly coming to terms with all that had happened. Frequently, he would close his eyes and hope that if he opened them, it would all be over. He'd wake up from this terrible nightmare. But of course, he was awake and there was no escaping all of his troubles. Dumbledore was dead, Draco was gone… Two important people in his life taken from him in one fell swoop. And he'd had to stand and watch. He hadn't really gotten any time alone since that night. He was constantly surrounded by people, teachers and students trying to get him to tell them more about Dumbledore's death. When he could escape, it was usually only to the hospital wing, and even there, he wasn't alone. He was surrounded by close friends that weren't sure how to approach him.
Ron and Hermione constantly bugged him about what he planned to do now. With Dumbledore gone, everyone seemed to be looking to him for leadership on how their side of the war should proceed. Harry didn't even want to think about the war right now, let alone make any important decisions about it.
Ginny stayed by his side almost constantly, and he could tell everyone assumed they were back together again. She hardly ever let go of his hand. She was quieter, which was saying something considering she'd never been too talkative to begin with. It was obvious her magically induced coma had not simply been cured without side effects. She was thinner, weaker and consistently faint. She fell into deep sleep often and easily. She also fell into trances when she was awake. In her chocolate brown eyes Harry saw a wisdom that wasn't previously there. She'd always been clever and quick witted, but there was more than that now. Harry was curious, but not so much as to ask about it. He didn't want to know if she'd seen anything in dreams.
He was grateful for her company. She was unassuming and very comforting. But even with her by his side, it did not take away from the fact that Draco was gone.
The first time Harry managed to slip away was more than two days after Dumbledore's death. It was late in the evening and though there were no classes, the students were allowed to stay for Dumbledore's upcoming funeral. Harry ignored his housemates and closed his curtains before sitting in his bed. He couldn't find the will to lay down and make himself comfortable so he just sat for a few moments still not entirely accepting everything.
He reached into his pocket and fingered the bundle of parchment that Draco had shoved into it before he left. He was afraid to read it. Afraid that his fragile self control would shatter. But it was impossible to avoid. Hands shaking a tiny bit, Harry took hold of the parchment and pulled it out of his pocket. The first pages were stiff as though they were new and the last one was old and worn. He decided to read the new ones first. He bit his lip as his eyes grazed over Draco's handwriting.
Harry,
I've got not time to even explain but this was the only way for me to do this. As you should've read in my mother's letter it was impossible for me not to take the dark mark and god I'm sorry I had to. But now that I have the mark Voldemort controls me and I couldn't stay. I'm sorry.
I knew from the beginning of the year that I would have to kill Dumbledore. I never wanted to. Snape swore the unbreakable vow to help me complete the task if I couldn't. I'm so sorry, Harry. I know you must be feeling terrible right now but please stay strong. We'll get through this and defeat Voldemort.
I'll come back and help you. I don't know how long it'll take but I have to. I may be on the wrong side, but I won't let you lose. Don't give up on me. And please try to understand. I know you've already forgiven me for so much and I can't expect that you'll forgive me for this. But whether you hate me forever or not, I'm on your side. Never forget.
I don't know how long it'll take for me to work my way up his ranks. Considering I technically didn't complete either of the tasks he gave me. Keep Ginny close. Protect her and try to keep the fact that she's awake sort of secret. She can see some of Voldemort's thoughts.
I have to go. But by the time you read this, everything should be long over. I couldn't say I loved you while in secret I knew I had to kill Dumbledore. But now that you know everything. I love you. It's not enough to only write it but it's true.
Sorry this letter is so disjointed and is nowhere near enough to explain everything. Burn it when you're done reading.
You'll win this Harry.
I love you
The letter was unsigned but Harry knew Draco's handwriting well enough. It was scribbled quickly with splatters of ink and smudged words but Harry gently caressed the paper with his fingertips as though he was somehow touching Draco. He sat the letter down and picked up the worn folded parchment. He remembered this. Well not really, it could be any piece of paper but this was only dated for last August and looked as though it was ten years old. It had to have been read many times. Harry remembered when he first came to the tower room, when he first spoke to Draco, he'd been reading a letter and… crying. At the time he hadn't known how rare Draco's tears were.
He unfolded the letter:
My dear son,
I'm writing this letter to inform you of things you must know. In doing so, I risk my life so please, listen to my warning. I was there when you father told you to take the mark and you refused. I know what his response was and I know you were angry with me for not interfering but there are circumstances you're not aware of.
Your father may not be the kindest man but he does not want the Malfoy line to die out. He wants you to live; never question that. When the Dark Lord returned two years ago, your father was under a lot of pressure. The Dark Lord was very displeased with him and Lucius was to be punished severely. Instead, to gain the Lord's favor again he promised his loyalty and the loyalty of his family. The Dark Lord held him to his word.
They stole into the manor in the night, and bound you to the Dark Lord. I know you were unaware of this but do not be afraid. You will be safe as long as you take the mark. The bind stated that when the Dark Lord called for you, if you did not come, you would die.
Do not refuse him, Draco. You must promise both me and yourself you will do whatever necessary to survive.
I love you, my dear Dragon
Stay strong
Narcissa
Harry blinked as he finished reading the letter. No wonder Draco had cried. Harry crumpled the letter in his hand and hung his head. Suddenly, all of the times Draco said 'I can't,' made sense. He sighed softly and grabbed up both of the letters in his hand before pulling back the curtains and getting out of bed. He needed a shower and a good ten hours of sleep but he couldn't rest.
Somehow, even after reading the letters, it still felt unreal. But Harry was coming closer to realizing all that had happened. His heart clenched painfully, mourning the death of Dumbledore. But somehow, his sorrow over Draco's abandonment was lessened. Draco wasn't leaving him. He planned only on helping Harry. He was doing what was necessary. The Order needed a spy they could trust and obviously, Snape was a traitor. Draco had just understood the circumstances better than Harry had. Though Harry couldn't help but be angry that everyone seemed to like leaving him in the dark about things that concerned him, he was relieved that Draco's loyalties had not changed.
Harry opened the locket that hung around his neck. It had been empty, and before, Harry had been content to leave it that way. But he had finally found something suitable to put inside. He tore into part of Draco's letter to him, gently taking the one phrase he wanted to keep and ripping it out of the rest of the letter. He stared at the small piece of parchment on which, in Draco's graceful scrawl, were the words "I love you". Harry carefully folded it and placing it inside the locket. He smiled bitterly before he charmed it closed, not wanting it to ever fall open.
He walked down into the common room, Ron was holding Hermione in his arms and they were whispered about something. Ginny was sitting in an arm chair, her knees pulled up to her chest as she gazed at the blazing fire. They looked up when they heard his foot steps. Harry gave them a small nod of acknowledgement before he stepped forward and threw the letters into the fire. No one moved as they all watched the parchment curl and turn to ashes in the fireplace.
"I'm not coming back next year." Harry said still only looking at the fire, "I have to find the horcruxes and I have to end this damned war once and for all."
"I know." Hermione replied, "And I hope you know, you won't be going alone."
Harry turned to look at them and offered his friends a small smile, "We'll win. We have to."
It wasn't in Harry's character to be so confident in his abilities but his friends didn't comment. Harry nodded before he turned to go to the portrait hole. It was after curfew but the Death Eaters wouldn't be coming back. It was a warm early summer night, and as Harry passed windows he could see the sky was completely clear, the stars bright, the moon a small but shining sliver that hung high in the sky. It would be beautiful to look at from the window in the tower room. He needed that right now.
He needed to lay on the window seat and burry himself in the cushions that still carried Draco's scent. He walked up the narrow steps to the owlery; there was no landing where the door was, but there was one step that was a little wider than the others. Harry stopped on it but there was nothing so he continued up. The door must've been farther up that he remembered. He continued climbing the steps his eyes trained on the wall, the niches in the stone all empty.
Harry began to get a sinking feeling in his stomach but he refused to accept it. He continued up, thinking it must just be a little farther until finally, he reached the owlery. Harry's hand turned to fists as panic began to gnaw at his heart. He ran back down the stairs. He'd made this trip so many times. He knew what step it was. He knew how far up the door was. He stopped at the familiar alcove and looked in, but where the door had been there was nothing but smooth stone.
"No…" Harry whispered.
He fumbled as he pulled out his wand and cast a few secret revealing spells at the wall, hoping that the door would reveal itself. It didn't.
Harry threw his wand down and punched the wall not caring as the pain vibrated all the way up to his shoulder. Fate could not do this to him. How much had he already lost? He constantly gave, he constantly did the right thing. And yet, at every turn, something was being taken away from him.
"NO!" He screamed to the world that wasn't listening, "You can't take this too! You can't!" He continued to pound on the wall, forgetting his wand as it rolled away from him and down a few steps.
All of the frustration he'd been holding in forced its way out of him at once and he choked on his breath. His sorrow was so strong that it crippled him with its force. He slid down to his knees sobbing as his heart clenched. So real was the feeling that he checked to see if he'd been stabbed or not. He clenched his shirt just over his heart as he whispered Draco's name in both question and prayer.
Why… why did everything bad happen to him? He couldn't take it anymore. He began to think maybe it'd just be easier if he died. Ron and Hermione were strong. They could do it… They could kill Voldemort. The Order was strong and would recover from the blow of losing both Dumbledore and Snape. They would be able to fight the Death Eaters. No one needed him.
He just needed to rest. To close his eyes and sleep forever. He needed to hide away from this terrible pain that ached through every inch of his body. His head throbbing and his eyes burning. His muscles and joints tight from lack of rest. And his heart squeezing itself into nothing at the pain it felt in losing a part of itself.
Part of him registered that the physical heart that beat in his chest should not have truly been affected by the grief that he felt. But nonetheless, it was. He'd never understood the term heartache until this moment. Despite the fact that he knew there was no physical reason for this pain, it was very real and continued to twist in his chest over and over.
In his distraction he did not notice the person slowly climbing the stairs. But when the sound of footsteps penetrated into his otherwise occupied mind, he turned to look.
Ginny stopped to pick up Harry's wand before going up to Harry's side. Harry stared up at her, unable to say anything, unsure whether he wanted her to leave or stay. The fiery haired girl did not make any moves for a moment. Her face was serious as she looked up at the wall Harry had previously been pounding on. There were a few small smudges of blood from his scraped knuckles. She then looked down at him before crouching down to gently guide him into a sitting position, his back resting against the wall that had once lead to a place his heart still longed to return to. A place Harry would never be able to get back.
She sat down beside him and gently wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Harry, though still angry with the world let that emotion wane and simply fell into Ginny's arms letting her hold him.
Ginny said nothing the entire time as Harry clung to her like she was a rock in the tumultuous ocean that was the world.
Xx-XxX-xX
Miles away, in a dark basement Draco curled up in the corner. He'd already experienced what being a Death Eater was like after having to complete his first assignment since coming to the Dark Lord's side.
He had to interrogate and torture a muggle-born until they admitted that they were evil. And then he had to kill them, with his bare hands. It was the first step in being initiated as a true Death Eater. He'd be permitted to kill with his wand later.
His palms still stung from the feeling of the young woman's smooth skin. His ears still heard her screams of anger and her pleas for mercy. Draco was changed once more, aging further than he had even after leaving Harry.
And the pain, the deep ache in his chest never left. It was as though someone had reached inside and ripped out something vital. He clutched at his shirt just over his beating heart. But his mind was resolute. He would live through this; he had to.
When Draco looked back honestly on his life he realized that he'd never done anything very good, or even very noteworthy. But this, he could do. He hated being the weakling he had been for so very long and he knew that he had to change it himself. No one was going to help him out of the hole he'd been digging himself into. He knew the things he had to do, but he felt small beside the great tasks he needed to complete. He didn't know where he'd find the strength…
It was frustrating, logically knowing that his chances were slim and yet wanting so badly to make it. Many nameless emotions were churning inside him and he didn't have time to sort through them.
The door opened and Draco tried not to wince from the light. A few others who were also in the room all looked up wanting to see who would come and disturb them so late into the evening.
Draco looked up into Snape's dark eyes and just like that he knew something awful was again coming his way. It never seemed to end.
"Draco." Snape said firmly, "Come with me."
Draco only stared at the man for a few seconds. His face was placid but internally he was struggling with himself. He could give up. He could run off to his little coward's corner. He could let the Dark Lord kill him and never have to think about the war again. Did he have the strength to stand up? To leave this small haven of peace and venture back out into whatever horrors awaited him?
Only a few short seconds passed before Draco did stand up. He'd never felt so heavy before, as though gravity had just somehow become stronger. He felt as though he was very firmly anchored to earth; and something about that saddened him. He took a few more seconds to center himself before he nodded at his past professor, his face set in a serious frown.
And so, with his feet now set firmly on the ground, Draco stepped forward to meet his future.
Xx-XxX-xX
That's the end. Thanks for reading and leave me a review. Sequel or no?
