Disclaimer: This story is a fictional work of my own, and is in no way associated to ATWT, CBS, their sponsors, or the actors. The events and characters depicted in this story are purely fictional and should not be misconstrued for real life events and characters. This story is A.U.
WARNINGS/RATING: MATURE. Chapters may contain Strong Language, and Sexually Explicit Content.
"Through Thick and Thin"
Chapter: 15 (alternate ending)
"Bryan rolled off Chad and rested the palms of his hands on his forehead. He inhaled deeply to catch his breath. Chad was recovering as well. His body was trembling and his chest was heaving. Bryan turned his head and peered at Chad's satisfied face. With a smile, he caressed Chad's cheek, then with tenderness he spoke softly and honestly, "You don't have to say this back, you really don't, but I want you to know that I love you Chad." Chad was too shocked to say anything. He blinked hard, once, and stared at the green eyes staring back at him."
Chad knew he should say something back. He lowered his eyes to Bryan's chest and said, "Thank you."
Chad felt the same as Bryan, however, he wouldn't acknowledge it for fear that their relationship would fail days, weeks, or months after he professed his love. What if Bryan got tired of him? He was a professional, a doctor. Chad was just a young college student who was still questioning his decision to take business courses.
He felt Bryan's body shaking and looked up to see Bryan trying to contain a laugh.
Bryan chuckled and said, "Thank you? Was that for the awesome lovemaking or for saying I love you?"
Chad smiled shyly and asked, "You aren't mad that I didn't say it back?"
Bryan touched the tip of Chad's nose and replied, "No. I told you that you didn't have to say it back. You will when you're ready. I'm just content lying in bed with you. You could have used me to get laid, then kicked me out of bed." he joked.
Chad slapped Bryan's chest and said, "The nights not over yet. Maybe I still want to use you a few more times before I actually kick you out."
Bryan smiled. He stated, "No more tonight Angel. You need to rest, this last time sounded like you were in pain." He looked at Chad attentively.
Chad reddened and shook his head. He lowered his voice and said, "I told you before that I'm... just really vocal."
Bryan layed his hand against the side of Chad's head and pressed it to his chest. "I remember. I love hearing the sounds you make, but be honest with me okay?"
Chad nodded, not wanting to ruin their first, second and third time together with a petty lie. His voice trailed off after he said, "I'm a teensy weensy bit sore.
Bryan kissed Chad's head and ran his hand along his waist to his backside. He rubbed a well muscled butt cheek and said, "Aw, sorry baby."
"OH SHIT!" Terry exclaimed. Josh lifted his head off the pillow and asked, "What?" Terry had pulled the condom off and was holding it up. Cum leaked out in slow droplets onto Josh's stomach"
Terry had been in the shower for over 15 minutes. He had washed himself with the whole vial of complimentary liquid soap the hotel provided in the bathroom. He was crouched in the corner of the stall shivering despite being pelted by blistering hot bullets of water. His body was red from the heat and the room was steamed up. He wrapped his arms around his legs, rested his forehead on his knees and cried all alone.
Josh was in the exact same position, but on the bed. He knew he had been careless and carefree before he met Terry, but Terry changed everything once they became boyfriend and boyfriend. Josh was so very careful to clean up everything after he and Terry made love or if he cut himself and bled. This was almost like life was laughing at him. The same thing that was supposed to protect Terry from Josh's virus, may be the very thing that just may have caused him to contract it.
Josh chuckled bitterly. Nothing in his life had ever gone right until he began to crush on his best friend. He felt like the fates were with him when Terry said he would be his boyfriend. Josh had a dark past and Terry was his ray of sunshine. Then life seemed to shit on him again with his positive test results.
Josh pondered this all in his head, feeling Terry would have been so much better off not dating him. He seriously contemplated killing himself, but he didn't want to leave his loved ones with that burden. It was the ultimate act of cowardice anyway.
He sat up and fingered the pendant on the necklace Terry had just given him. He murmured, "love, healing, and indestructible spirit. Oh Terry I hope I haven't contaminated your beautiful body!" Josh yelled out. A fresh river of tears spilled down his cheeks. He needed Terry right now, to hold him and tell him how much he loved him and needed him. How they would get through this together no matter what. He grabbed a tissue off the nightstand and wiped his eyes. He pulled on a pair of boxers, unsure if they were his or terry's, and padded to the bathroom. He gently rapped on the door and called out, "Terry? Babe are you almost done?"
He heard Terry mumble.
Josh turned the handle and walked into the steamy bathroom. He saw his lover sitting on the floor of the shower and bit his lip to keep from crying. He quickly turned and grabbed a towel from the rack. He turned off the water and knelt next to the tub, then wrapped the towel around Terry's shoulders.
"Come on, lets get up."
He dried off Terry; rubbing his body and drying his hair as best as he could with the towel. Terry began shivering uncontrollably.
They walked into the bedroom. Josh lifted the blanket and coaxed Terry to get into bed. He tucked him in, then walked around to the other side of the bed. He slipped under the covers and pulled Terry close.
They lay on their sides, their bodies facing each other. Terry pressed his cheek to Josh's chest. Josh rested his chin on the top of Terry's head and rubbed his back.
He whispered, "It's okay Terry. I promise that I'll be here for you just like you're for me. I was gentle with you so maybe there should be just a minuscule chance that you'll have it." Josh prayed in his head. "I know you'll be fine. Okay?"
Terry cried harder thinking that this is what Josh must have gone through when he found out he had HIV. The fear, unsureness, Terry shuddered. He didn't know if he had the virus coursing through him now, but even the slim chance that Josh talked about seemed like a gaping hole instead of one the size of a pinprick.
Terry sobbed and his voice trembled, "Y..You w..won't leave.. m..m..me?"
Josh brought Terry's face up by lifting his chin. He wiped the tears from Terry's cheek with the pad of his thumb, then let the palm of his hand cradle that side of his face. He gazed into Terry's troubled eyes and said, "I would never leave you baby. I love you." then blinked back his own tears. His lips brushed his lips against Terry's cheek then on his lips.
Terry looked into Josh's brown eyes with trust and devotion. He whispered, "I'm really scared Josh. I'm.. I'm s..sorry for ruining your birthday."
Josh looked at the bedside table and back at Terry. He smiled and kissed his forehead. "You didn't ruin my birthday. It's after 2 a.m., a whole new day. Lets try to get some sleep, huh?"
Terry nodded and closed his eyes.
Josh's fingers played with the damp hair at the back of Terry's head. Soon, Terry had let out a deep sigh and commenced breathing evenly and softly.
Josh layed awake for a short time longer. He wouldn't wish what Terry was going through even on his worst enemy. He ran his hand across Terry's shoulder as he fell asleep.
+++++++++
Noah, Luke and Toke were sitting cross legged on the large bed talking about Mick and her sudden interest in her new boss, Bryan.
"I don't get it." Toke said with a fair amount of frustration in his voice and an undertone of disapproval. "It's not like she has a chance with the guy."
Luke put an arm around Toke and said, "Lighten up man. I'm sure she's just interested in getting to know him for the job. She's probably very grateful to Bryan."
Toke looked at Noah and said, "What do you think Noah?"
Noah's eyes widened in surprise. He asked, "Me? You want to know what I think?" he cleared his throat and said, "Well, Bryan has that sense of mystery about him, but I think Luke is right. She probably idolizes him because he gave her a job. The fact that he's gay probably has her pretty intrigued.... I know I am." he giggled.
Luke chuckled and pushed Noah's knee. "Me too, but that doesn't help." he turned to Toke and said, "Talk to her and see what she's thinking."
Toke sat up straighter and said, "I don't fucking care anymore. I don't give a shit what she does."
Luke frowned and asked, "What do you mean? You're not going to break up with her! You've been together for two years!"
Toke shook his head and said, "No, on and off for two years. I love her to death, but the same shit keeps happening."
"Sorry man. You're really gonna break up with her because of Bryan?"
Noah asked.
Toke looked at Noah and replied, "No! It's not Bryan's fault. It's hers."
"There's more here that you're not telling us isn't there?" Luke asked. "Because technically she has done nothing wrong except admire a good looking guy. So what's up?"
Toke looked down. "Yes there's more."
Toke looked up. He gazed into Luke's eyes and said with a grin, "Uh Blaze, I can't fight these feelings anymore. There's something I need to tell you. I'm in love with you."
Before Luke could react to the statement, Toke started laughing. He got up on his knees and jumped on top of Luke, then pinned him on the bed. Noah watched, laughing uncontrollably.
"Toke you jackass! Let me up! Noah? Help me instead of sitting there like a buffoon, laughing your ass off." Luke was face down and strained against Toke, trying to throw him off.
After Toke let Luke up, he got serious again and said, "Actually, we had a talk yesterday. She wants to take it easy and I agreed because... well, I want to make her happy.. give her what she needs. She said she still wanted to come with me to the party tonight, so I thought she had a change of heart. Like she still wants to be together, but slow the hell down... again."
"Can you blame her though?" Luke asked with his head tilted to the side trying to gauge Toke's emotions. "I mean nursing courses sound really hard, maybe she needs more time to study and concentrate."
Toke shrugged. "That's true, but like I told ya Blaze, she's a genius. I don't know, she loves me then she hates me."
Noah said, "Not to sound like the devil's advocate Toke, but maybe she's changing and growing and you're not."
Luke and Toke stared at Noah with puzzled looks on their faces. Luke spoke up and said, "Noah, that has to be the most moronic thing you've said in a long time! He has changed. He quit smoking for one thing."
"Yeah, NOEL!" Toke laughed. "What the hell? You on her side? I thought us men are supposed to stick together... or are you the so called "girl" in the relationship?" he chuckled.
Luke pushed Toke's shoulder and said, "Hey! Noah is ALL male!" he looked at Noah and winked, then added, "Right babe?"
Noah smiled, then looked at Toke and said, "There is no "girl" as you put it in our relationship, that's a dumb stereotype. What I meant to say is that Mick is changing her appearance and who she hangs out with. You said she's making new friends in her nursing classes right? So maybe she's just trying to fit in."
Toke shook his head side to side hard. "No! She isn't into impressing anyone." He stared at Noah's face while he thought, then yelled, "Jesus Christ... I think you're right! Fuck!"
Noah crossed his arms proudly and grinned.
Toke got off the bed and walked to the door. "I'll be back!" he shouted, then stopped and turned around. "That is... if you don't mind?"
Luke looked at him and teased, "I don't have a problem with you staying here. You can sleep between us... like a Toke sandwich!"
Toke made a face and shook his head. "I can take the couch, it pulls out right?"
Noah elbowed Luke because of the sandwich remark, then answered Toke, "Yes, it pulls out."
Luke giggled and leaned into Noah, then whispered suggestively, "And in, and out, and in, and out..."
Toke closed the door behind him when he left.
Noah immediately tackled Luke. He held him down and said, "I'll show you in and out!" He lowered his head and met Luke's cocky smile with his lips, then forced his tongue inside his mouth. He dove his soft moist tongue in the warm cavern, swirled it around the tip of Luke's tongue. He pulled his tongue out, then repeated the whole process over and over again.
"UHMM!!"
"OHH!!"
Noah reached down between their writhing bodies and placed his hand on Luke's erection. He rubbed it with the palm of his hand until it was at it's full length and hardness.
"UHHH... Noah!"
"Mmm... Luke! My little 'girl' !" Noah chuckled.
"Shut up and get me naked before Toke comes back."
+++++++++
Toke walked to his and Mick's room and knocked on the door with his knuckles, then waited.
When there was no answer, he used his fist and hit it hard. "MICK! Open the fuckin' door!"
Mick pulled the door open. "What?! What do you want?"
Toke put his hands in his pockets and asked to come in. Mick stepped out of the way.
"When you said you wanted to take our relationship 'easy' what exactly did you mean?" Toke asked through narrowed eyes. His brows were drawn together suspiciously and he was frowning.
Mick wouldn't meet his eyes. "Toke I love you, but I think we need a little break. I thought tonight I could reconnect with you, but it didn't work. I just want time to find myself."
"What the fuck does that mean... 'find yourself?' Come on Mick! What are you saying?! Just fucking SAY IT!"
Mick began to cry. "I don't want to be with you anymore. I'm sorry."
Toke winced. Mick had a habit of breaking up with him, then wanting him back. He was sick of her playing with his emotions, treating him with disregard.
"YOU'RE sorry? I'm sorry I ever took you back the last time Mick! I'm done with you. Don't expect me to take you back when you come crawling back to me!"
Mick bit her lip and lowered her head. She crossed her arms and hugged herself tight.
Toke looked at her with his mouth open. "Oh shit! You already have someone don't you!!! You cheating whore!"
Mick replied between sobs. "No, we're just friends, but I want..."
"Yeah, I know what you want, you want to fuck him don't you!" Toke yelled.
Mick stood still, not saying anything.
"DON'T YOU!!!"
Mick jumped and grimaced. She nodded her head slowly.
Toke walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders firmly.
He shook his head with tears in his eyes and said, "Who is the bastard Mick? Who?!"
Mick took a risk and looked into Toke's brown eyes. There was so much grief in his eyes she quickly looked away. She mumbled, "He's going to be a doctor. You don't know him. I met him a month ago and we became friends."
He took her chin gently and brought her face back. "Is it serious Mick? Just tell me that."
"I don't know. I'm attracted to him." Mick began to cry again.
Toke leaned down to kiss her, but she pushed him away. "Don't make this harder than it already is, please." she begged. "I'll take the couch, you can have the bed, okay?"
Toke backed away and looked around the room. He saw his bag. With shaking hands, he picked it up. He walked to the door, then turned around.
Mick had her face buried in her hands sobbing.
Toke took a unfulfilled breath of air and let it out. He left without another word and walked down the hall.
+++++++++
Noah had just taken his shirt off and he was working on Luke's. His fingers made light work of the buttons. He peeled the shirt back revealing Luke's lightly covered hairy chest and moaned at the sight. He lowered his head and strategically placed kisses and light traces of wetness around each pert nipple.
Luke groaned and ran his fingers through the hair along the side of Noah's head. He pulled Noah's head up to his face and captured Noah's upper lip, then sucked it into his mouth.
Noah plunged his tongue into Luke's mouth and flicked the tip of it against Luke's tongue.
They moaned together as Noah ground his erection next to Luke's.
Luke began to beg, "Noah, I wanna..."
"I know Luke.. me too." Noah interrupted and smiled. He started to unbutton Luke's jeans.
Luke sat up and put his hand on Noah's shoulder. "No Noah, you didn't let me finish. I wanna fuck you, umm make love to you. Take your pants off."
Noah grinned and did as he was told. He had never been that interested in being a bottom boy before he met Luke. He had been a few times with Chad, but it was no big deal, he'd rather be on top. That all changed when Luke returned from the kidnapping. He gladly laid down for Luke knowing sometimes Luke needed to take him like this. He loved the feel of Luke inside him. It made him feel euphoric.
"UHHHHNNN!"
Luke had just entered Noah's ass and had started rocking back back and forth, in and out when there was a knock on their door.
"No fucking way." Noah whispered.
"Oh shit! Not now. Please not now!" Luke whispered back. He stopped moving and listened with his head cocked to the side.
There it was again. A light rap on the door then a voice, "Blaze? Noah? You guys are you in there?"
Luke sighed and hung his head. His eyes met Noah's eyes.
Noah started to laugh which made Luke smile.
"Coming Toke!" Luke called out.
"You wish Luke." Noah continued to laugh as he put his jeans on.
Luke walked to the door as he did up his jeans. He opened the door shirtless and saw Toke with his bag.
Toke rushed past Luke and went straight to the sofa. He threw his bag in the corner of the room and began whipping the cushions off the sofa, tossing them on the floor.
Noah and Luke exchanged a look of confusion.
"Umm, Toke?" Luke asked, "What happened?"
Toke looked up and glanced at Luke, then Noah. He huffed and turned away. He pulled the bed out and said solemnly, "We broke up. She has some fucker on the side."
Luke couldn't believe it. Noah gasped and gave Luke a look, then motioned with his head to go to Toke.
Luke walked over to Toke and stood next to him. He heard Toke sniffle and wipe his nose. Luke looked back to Noah, then back to Toke.
"Toke? I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. That sucks man." Luke said with an apologetic tone in his voice.
Toke nodded and took off his shirt. He tossed it near his bag, and took off his jeans. He got into the hide a bed and covered up.
Luke sat on the bed and touched Toke's arm. "Is there anything Noah or I can do?"
Toke turned towards Luke with tears on his cheeks and said, "No offense Blaze, but
I don't need any comfort. I'm tough, I can deal with it. She's done this before and she always comes back. Always."
Luke scoffed, "That's beyond senseless! What right does she have...."
"LUKE!" Noah yelled. Luke looked at Noah, startled. Noah pursed his lips and pressed his index finger to his mouth. "Shhh." he whispered.
Luke pouted and turned back to Toke who was facing the other way trembling.
"Toke?"
"Leave me alone dude." Toke answered with a cracked voice. "Seriously don't touch me. I don't want any fucking hugs or back rubs. You gay guys can do that shit, but not me!"
Luke's shoulders slumped when he stood up.
"Come on Luke. Lets get some sleep." Noah didn't like Toke's attitude towards Luke, but he let it slide because he knew Toke was hurting. It wasn't an excuse because Luke just wanted to help, but Toke stated he wanted to be left alone. Noah remembered how he felt when Chad told him he wanted to experiment with other guys when they got back from their vacation. It broke his heart, but it was the best thing that could have happened to him because he had the love of his life, Luke, to help him through it.
Luke climbed on the bed, still wearing his jeans, and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to cuddle up to Noah, but not with Toke in the room. He didn't want to make Toke uncomfortable, especially after the comment he had made about gays.
Noah felt a cloud of despair hanging over Luke's side of the bed. He understood that Luke respected Toke and that's why he wasn't snuggling up to him. Noah decided to turn on his side. He took his finger and pushed the hair on Luke's forehead to the side, then cupped his cheek and turned his head.
Luke gave him a sad smile and mouthed, 'I love you.' then blew a silent kiss at Noah.
Noah grinned and moved his head forward. He whispered, "I love you too." and delicately kissed him on his voluptuous lips.
He whispered, "You taste so good. I wanna lick your cock."
Luke's eyes widened. "Noah!" he whispered back, "Don't say that shit here with him in the room."
Noah covered his mouth with his hand and chuckled. When he was done he brought his hand down to Luke's zipper. His hand cupped and massaged Luke's softness until Luke took Noah's hand by the wrist and moved it back to his chest.
"Stop that. What are you doing that for? We can't, with him in the room!" Luke whispered.
Noah pretended to brood.
Luke smiled. He knew they had unfinished business, but they couldn't do anything about it.
They continued to whisper back and forth.
Noah suggested, "Let's go to the truck."
Luke shook his head. "It's too cold out."
"The restroom in the restaurant?"
"Too public. Someone might come in."
Noah started to scoot his body down, intending to move to kiss Luke's waist.
"Noah, show some freaking restraint. Come on, go to sleep." he pulled Noah up by his bicep.
Noah smiled, knowing he had lightened Luke's mood.
"Um, Blaze?" Toke spoke up.
Luke and Noah froze thinking they had been overheard.
Luke answered cautiously, "Yeah?"
They heard Toke hesitate, then he said quietly, "I'm sorry for making that remark earlier. I had no right to lash out at you or say that shit just because you're gay."
Noah squeezed Luke's hand. Luke smiled and said, "Thanks, that means alot to us."
"Good night gays.. I mean guys." Toke laughed at his own joke.
Luke and Noah giggled and said goodnight too.
+++++++++
The following morning....
Bryan woke up with the right side of Chad's body laying on top of him. His face was resting in the crook of Bryan's neck, breathing warm moist air onto his body.
Bryan smiled recalling their first time together yesterday. He sighed and rested his head against Chad's blond head.
Chad stirred and kissed Bryan's neck. He whispered, "You awake?"
Bryan stroked Chad's back and said, "Yes. How did you sleep?"
Chad breathed in the faint smell of cologne on Bryan's neck, then kissed it again.
"Mm, I slept great. You?" Chad lifted his head and fixed his gaze on Bryan's green eyes.
"Great! I got to sleep with the man I love after making love to him for the first three times."
Chad smiled and lowered his head. He kissed Bryan deeply.
Bryan broke the kiss then said, "I have to leave at 10am Chad. Would you want to shower with me and eat breakfast before I leave?"
Chad nodded and asked, "Do you really have to leave?"
"Yes Angel." he kissed Chad once more. "I do."
As soon as Chad and Bryan were dressed and ready to leave, an urgent knock on the door startled their kisses.
Bryan pecked Chad once more and answered the door. Josh entered looking haggard and disheveled.
"Bryan." he said anxiously looking at Bryan, then at Chad. "Chad, can I talk to Bryan alone, please? It's really important."
Chad looked at Bryan and said, "I'll be down in the restaurant." He grabbed his bag, gave Bryan a quick kiss and left.
Josh faced Bryan and said, "I need your help. Um, I need you to keep this confidential okay?"
Bryan nodded and told Josh to sit on the bed. Josh looked ready to break down.
"What's the matter Josh?" Bryan asked. "You look like something is bothering you."
"Um... Terry and I.... He doesn't know I'm here. He's still asleep so I have to make this quick." Josh spoke rapidly.
"Calm down Josh, just tell me what happened." Bryan sat next to him on the bed.
Josh couldn't calm down. This was his boyfriend they were talking about. The words came tumbling out of his mouth. "I made love to Terry last night and the condom had a hole in it! What do we do?"
Bryan's face showed concern. He placed his hand over Josh's hand and said, "Just relax. He needs to be tested. There's nothing else you can do. If you want, I know a good counselor you both can talk to, if you two want to see someone."
Josh hung his head and sighed heavily. "I don't want to talk to some stranger. I'm sure Terry won't either."
Bryan took his wallet out and gave Josh a card with his cell and pager number on it.
"Call me then. I will be there for both of you. To listen or help out any way I can."
Josh pocketed the card and thanked Bryan. He stood up and asked, "What are the chances that I infected him Bryan, I need to know. If I got him sick I..."
Bryan moved his hand to Josh's shoulder and squeezed it. "I'm sure he is going to be fine. Just continue to take precautions when you make love. You had to be using the experimental anti-HIV lubricant, right? Isn't that what they recommend?
Josh nodded, "Yeah, but like you just said, it's experimental."
"Yes, it is." Bryan nodded. "Josh, you have to look at this in a different light. Be strong for Terry. He's going to need you. Do you want me to talk to him?"
Josh shook his head. "Nah, you're right. I need to be there for him. Thanks Bryan."
"No problem. Now go take care of your boyfriend." Bryan smiled, then picked up his bags. He followed Josh out the door.
