Josh's Point of View.
Growing up as a future Alpha, failing wasn't an option. It just wasn't, if you fail once then you fail an entire pack. Every decision made directly or indirectly, effects the pack in a positive or negative manner.
Finding Maya. Positive, we got our Luna. Having a Luna only makes the pack stronger. My father always said that strong leaders mean a strong pack. I always looked up to my father in that regard, he and my mother were one of the best Alpha's and Luna's in our pack, to this day. So as I was training and growing up and getting older, I did everything in my power to impress my father. To show him that I was worthy of becoming alpha that I could take the pack he created and mold it to become even better.
Ever since I was 5, I was learning how to fight and I would be in the room when my father needed to make tough decisions. Later, he'd explain to me how and why he made that specific decision. I was training before I even realized it. Once Maya entered my life, I wanted to do anything and everything to impress and protect her. To impress and protect my other half, the woman who was the other part of my soul, the she-wolf that the Moon Goddess destined specifically for me. All thoughts of showing my father I was capable flew out the window, and all my energy shifted to her.
I wanted to show her that I could lead this pack.
I wanted to show her that I could love her and protect her.
Unfortunately, I didn't do either of those. Love her, yes. I will love her with everything inside of me no matter what. Even after we die, I'll be waiting with open arms when we walk to the moon together. I will always love Maya. The Moon Goddess blesses us with our soulmates even after this life.
But, I failed. I failed as a leader while she was gone. I completely succumbed to the depression. I failed protecting her because for 48 days she was in that hell hole. No, that was worse than hell. It had to be. My heart aches whenever I picture that disgusting place we just left. If Thomas wanted her, then why? Why would he let this happen to her? This isn't the same she-wolf I fell in love with. She's lost too much weight, I can see bones protruding from her bruised skin. She's got scars from lashes all over her, even on her beautiful face.
I have to pry my eyes away from her. But that doesn't stop the tears, Jax is begging me to look at her again but I can't. I should, I should look at her and make that my own form of punishment for letting her down. I mind – linked everyone to stay in their rooms, I don't want them to see their Luna like this. Specifically, Maya wouldn't want to be seen like this. As soon as I enter the pack house, it's completely silent. I'm just happy everyone listened. 'Cory, my room now.'
Kris is practically hovering over me trying to get a glimpse of her, I just hold her tightly to me and growl. He returns it immediately, and Jax almost takes complete control. We're feeling very territorial over her. Only 1 male besides myself will be around her, Cory. I don't even trust Dr. Packwood, Cory has been taking care of her since she was a pup. "MINE!"
"Enough." My father's voice echoes through the hall filled with authority, "Kris. She's here, she's safe but unwell. Back off, she needs healing. Josh, go." Kris is clearly fighting with his wolf but I don't wait to find out who is winning.
Cory is already waiting in our room when I got there. I shut the door with my foot and hold back my tears. "Help her please." My words are so broken I'm fairly sure it was barely audible.
His eyes fall to Maya in my arms and I can see his orbs glistening with unshed tears. "Goddess." A few tears fall before he hesitantly walks towards me. Cory understands how protective I'm going to be over her. But right now even Jax knows he's just going to help her. "Let's um, let's get her in a bath and we'll go from there. I can't make anything out." His focus shifts to the floor before rushing into the bathroom to turn on the water. I follow behind him and am about to tell him to leave when he starts talking, "I'm going to get some supplies from the hospital wing. I'll set everything up in here so she'll wake up in a familiar environment." Good idea.
He shuts the door on the way out once I don't say anything. I rip her filthy clothes off of her until she's bare in my arms. I just watch her while the tub fills up with the warm water, she hasn't bathed since she was kidnapped. That much was obvious, but I inhale deeply. I don't smell another male's scent in her. Thank Goddess, I don't know what I'd do if they hurt her that way. Though I would have felt it if that did happen, I just needed reassurance.
The tub was filled to the brim, I let my tears fall once I set her in the water. It becomes a murky brown after a few minutes. I grab my body wash and gently cleanse her arms, legs and the rest of her body. All the while being careful with her wounds. I focus on Maya, pushing all my anger aside, this is about her. She needs me, she needs me to be calm mostly. After inhaling deeply I grab the shampoo and massage her scalp. After several minutes of me just washing her hair, I drain the water from the tub and take the shower attachment to rinse her clean.
I lift up her arm and see the cuts on her bicep. "47...48... Son of a bitch." He cut her there every day. My blood begins to boil, she'll always have a constant reminder of those days. He scarred her up for her to remember it, emotional and mental torture for the rest of her life. He has no idea what he is in for.
After breathing in and out over and over again, I get up and grab some clothes from our closet. My tee shirt and a pair of her shorts. After drying her off gently, I'm able to see her beautiful face. The face I let get beaten, she's swollen and bruised, her pouty lips are cracked and it breaks my heart. I slide on the shorts and tee shirt then cradle her in my arms. "I love you so much baby girl."
Stroking her cheek, I come to the realization I don't even want to leave this room. I've missed her so damn much, and I know that she needs treatment but I don't want to share her. Inhaling deeply, I remind myself I'm doing this for Maya. Once I leave the bathroom, Cory is already setting up our bedroom to accommodate to my mates needs. "Alpha, you're aware I am going to have to look at her body."
I growl but make sure not to tighten my grip on my mate. "Yes."
"I'm not going to ask you to leave but please try and remain calm." I nod and lie her down gently on the bed. I sweep the hair out of her face and I actually stare at Thomas' mark for the first time. I avoided it while I was bathing her but there it is. Plain as day, I can already tell that it's fading since she's around her true mate. But that doesn't matter, I can feel my canines elongating. "Alpha please don't."
We want that mark gone. The remarking of her true mate will get rid of that shit right now.
"You'll only hurt her more." I snap my canines up and I can feel Jax whimpering inside of my head.
Cory gets to work, he starts on her hands and works his way up towards her bicep. His eyes are closed sometimes I see him squint his eyes when he runs his fingers over specific bones. Even though Maya hasn't had her wolf due to wolfsbane, she can still heal quicker than the average human. "We're going to have to re-break some bones so they set properly. These lashes, I'm not sure if silver was involved. If not, then her wolf will help heal once Amber comes back. If there was silver, then I'm afraid the scars will stay."
I stare at her face with my chin trembling and trace the one over her eyebrow and follow the trail down towards the bridge of her nose. That'll always be there, I still find her absolutely breathtaking but I know how she is about her back. I gulp and nod for him to continue, "She's malnourished, dehydrated. Her ankle has a pretty nasty cut that got infected, her wolf wasn't there to prevent the infection. That needs to be treated with penicillin." Do we even have that? "Can you roll her on her back?"
I nod and watch as he lifts up her shirt. I don't even look, not even when I hear him suck in a sharp breath. "Why Goddess?" He gulps and doesn't dare touch her skin. "I'll h-have to stitch up some of these. From the looks of it he never let up, some of these look infected."
"Do what you have to." He nods in understanding and rushes out of the room, he mentioned getting more supplies but I didn't hear him. My full attention is on my mate, I have to stop crying for her. I need to be strong for her. I feel Jax pressing at the barrier in my mind, so once I'm off the bed I strip, and allow him to shift. I can't deny him his mate.
As soon as he opens his eyes, a loud whimper bounces off the walls. Slowly and carefully he climbs onto the bed and nudges her with his snout before licking her cheek gently. He sniffs around her body and whimpers again when he sees her back. He instantly tries to heal Maya, his tongue brushing against the whelps on her skin. Over and over, I can see them slightly healing but as soon as Cory opens the door he stops him. "Alpha Jax, I'm sorry some of those are infected I need to treat them first and then you can heal them."
He huffs and places his snout on Maya's pillow. His tail protectively wrapping around her legs. "Alpha Jax, I'm going to start an IV. It's a needle that will go into her vein and feed her fluids." He's explaining everything to Jax. Cory is very smart, he knows that a wolf doesn't really know what's happening and seeing Jax in full control can be slightly intimidating. He nods and rests his head again. The entire time Cory is going into detail on what he's doing. Giving her different shots and sowing up some of her wounds.
Jax whimpers again and nudges Maya with his nose. "Alpha, she's shut down." He stands up immediately on all fours and towers defensively over Maya, not understanding, I don't even understand what he means by 'shut down'. Cory puts his hand up in surrender, "She's okay Alpha, she'll wake up. But her mind has shut down, it's her way of escaping the pain she was put through."
Jax immediately relinquishes control to me after he finishes speaking and I shift without wasting time. He's devastated and broken, he retreats deep into my mind and places his tail over his eyes. He feels like a worthless male. "Welcome back Alpha Josh." I nod in acknowledgment and get dressed before lying down beside her.
"How long till she wakes up?"
He shrugs and places a bandage on her ankle. "I'm not sure. It depends on her and how she's coping with the pain of it all. I'm hoping after a few days Amber will come back and give her some assistance if Maya doesn't wake up on her own." After a few minutes Cory stops what he's doing and glances at me, "I'm going to have to re-break a few bones."
My eyes pool with tears again, "Will she feel it?"
Cory lifts a needle and places it in her IV. "I'll wait a few minutes. I'm not sure if she'll feel it when she's placed herself in a coma like state. I'd like to think not, but just in case." Once I furrow my brows, he becomes defensive. "Please understand I've never dealt with anything to this magnitude. People I help have wolves who heal a good portion of the time and prevent their minds from shutting down. This is all on a whole other level. I'm taking it one wound at a time."
"Go ahead, do what you need to do Cory."
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We ended up having to take her to the hospital wing so he could do an x-ray.
After it was all said and done he had to re-break her wrist; one of her ribs, and her arm. There was a lot more that had been broken, like her cheekbone and the bone around her eye. She had broken a total of 3 ribs. I say 'she broke' but she was dealing with broken bones. I was in tears again by the time I had carried her back to our bed. I moved Cory and Topanga to the spare bedroom on our floor in case I needed Cory in a hurry. Kris is curled up on the floor in front of our door and though it annoys me because he's too close to my mate I ignored it and laid beside her.
'Father.'
'Yes?'
'Did you find Kermit?'
I can hear the frustration on his end of the bond, 'No. I'm sorry son, we're searching.' I growl lowly and hold my mate tighter to me. 'I have a proposition.'
I'm just wondering how the hell Kermit got out of our grasp. We were so close, I'd much prefer to have Kermit over Thomas. What the hell has this pack come to in my absence? I only have myself to blame but we were the strongest pack in the nation. How can one wolf just up and disappear like this? I should have made Kermit a top priority, and I take full responsibility. 'What?'
'Let me take the reins for a while son.'
'What?'
My mood is completely sour, I nuzzle my face into Maya's neck and relish in the fact it's a strong scent unlike the ones on her clothes. 'Hear me out. 1 month, let me take the lead and run this pack. I'll keep you informed but – Cory informed me the condition of Maya and you need to be there for her.' As an Alpha I was trained to put the pack first, even though Maya would always come first. I don't know how my dad did it. 'I would do it if it was your mother in her situation. We don't have to make an official announcement, we can have everything go through Lucas and the Gamma's and they can bring it to me. The pack needs a leader, and you need to focus on Maya.'
I nod my head in agreement because he's right, we need to get our bearings back. I'm going to take this opportunity and make the most of it. I'm actually incredibly excited, for 1 month I won't have any pack duties and I can stay here with my mate. We could lay in bed and never get out. I can't wait till she wakes up, I want to hear her sweet as honey voice and see those ocean colored orbs. '1 month. Please make finding Kermit your top priority.'
'Of course. We picked up a few personal belongings that carries his scent and I've handed them over to our trackers. I've placed warriors on your floor and at any entrance or exit to the pack house.'
I link him 'thank you' and pull Maya even closer to my chest. It feels so good to hold her again. I purr in happiness, she's definitely banged up but she's here and she's with me and in my arms. Jax hasn't removed his tail from his eyes. He's so ashamed, I've tried reassuring him that it wasn't his fault but he just whimpers and curls up tighter. I sigh, we're so broken.
All 4 of us. Maya, myself, Jax and Amber.
I don't know what's going to happen whenever she wakes up, but I'm on edge for her to do so.
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It's been a full day since I've found her and she is still sleeping. I haven't gotten out of bed, I've had meals brought up to me and I already have a meal prepared for her when she wakes up. I was going to get her, her favorite but Cory said we need to start off easy.
She hasn't had a real meal in Goddess 49 days now, so we don't want to hurt her stomach. She could potentially throw up and make everything worse. Hurting her ribs, and yet again losing weight. There was a knock on the door, stifling a growl, I just hover over her when I allow them to enter. Lucas steps inside with his head bowed and neck out, "Alpha."
"Yes?"
My voice came out surprisingly calm, "I just wanted to check on Luna."
I sigh and feel my shoulders deflate, we trust this male. I remove myself from hovering over her body and lie back down beside her. "She's still sleeping. Lots of injuries that are healing but she's still asleep." He nods and takes a step back. It was then I remembered that Riley was in the hospital. "How's Riley? Why was she in the hospital?"
A big grin covers his face, "You can't tell Luna yet. But, well first Riley was really upset about Luna. Secondly, she's pregnant. We're going to have a pup Josh."
For the first time all day I rise off the bed and embrace him in a hug. "Congratulations Lucas, that's incredible. I'm so happy for you man."
"We're so happy. Riley smiled, for the first time since Luna Maya left. A genuine honest smile. That's why she's been sleeping so much, she wasn't eating so the pup was taking away what little food she was eating thus her energy."
I admit, I'm a little jealous that I don't have a pup. But, looking back on it I'm lucky. If she had gotten pregnant, I would have lost my pup. He wouldn't have survived. I shake off the thought and pull him into another hug. "That's awesome. Is she awake now?" He nods, "Does she know about Maya?"
He agrees again, "She wanted to come see her but I knew it'd be best if she didn't. Seeing her best friend, well sister like this I don't think it would be good for her or our pup. Especially since she's already stressed out about it."
"I agree." Sighing, I crawl in the bed again and pull her back into my chest. She snuggles into my embrace and I smile, even if it was subconsciously she did it. "Is Kris still out there?"
Lucas chuckles, "Yeah. He hasn't left, I barely got through the door. I don't think he's seen his mate in almost 2 days."
"He needs to, it'll calm him down. Bring her to him when you get a chance. Don't touch her, his wolf is on edge but maybe she can unknowingly ease some tension."
He gives Maya one final look, bows his head in acknowledgement to me and leaves the room. "When are you going to wake up baby girl? I need to see your gorgeous eyes and hear your sweet voice."
I stroke her cheek and brush her hair behind her ear, "I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you will become –" I'm cut off whenever I see her eyes fluttering open. My heart speeds up and I hold her tighter against my chest a huge smile forming on my lips. "Hi baby girl. I missed you so much. I love you. I love you so damn much." I whisper before kissing her head. The words 'remain calm' are running through my mind. I don't want to scare her.
Leaning back, I stare into her eyes. But what I found was more heartbreaking than anything else. They weren't Maya's warm and welcoming orbs that I saw. They were empty, nothing was there. The once bright light they held, the fire she always carried with her has died out.
And took me with it.
There was no familiarity in her eyes. She just blinked and looked up at me.
My next words were enough to make Jax howl in sadness. My voice cracks as I fight the tears that have filled my eyes to the brim. "Y-You don't remember me?"
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So that happened… but at least she's back… Right? Don't hate me.
