Thank you for the review sorry its taken so long again I was planning of updating this a week later.
Enjoy
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Numbness fell over her as she gingerly moved her body slowly down onto the hospital bed, her body aching all over, her waist bruised from his grip as he thrusted inside of her, her mouth sore the taste of him still there, the throbbing between her legs not fading. The reminder on her arm where he cut her with his initials, there wasn't any part of her body that didn't hurt.
Her hands running over each other and her wrist aimlessly, the marks of the rope still there from where he pulled her arms hard above her head tying them to the bed, as if they were still there.
"we're nearly done here" the nurse said to her as she pulled the blood out of her arm
"If you've finished prodding her, can you give her something" Brian asked them frustrated seeing the pain etched on her face as she tried to hide it
"We'll get something for your heart and blood pressure, Sergeant just hang in there" the nurse replied gently to her.
Her gaze moving up to Brian, as his fingers entwined with hers "he got what he wanted" she replied softly
His hand gently on the side of her head slowly pushing it against him, his insides were breaking, the anger seething through him, wanting to do something instead he had to hold it together for her.
"We just need to do a rape kit Sergeant, if that is ok, we just need to be sure …." the nurse asked her gently re-entering the room
Tell me if this is going to hurt you Olivia as he mercilessly entered her with punishing thrusts
"Want me to stay Liv" Brian asked her softly, he couldn't tell her that he knew that he saw it, that the look on her face that she was trying to hide it, he knew.
Shaking her head her eyes moving down fiddling with her clothes "No, I …. I'll be fine" she managed to whisper
Squeezing her hand gently "I'll just be outside Liv, if you need me"
"This might hurt sorry Sergeant" the nurse told her gently as her legs were put in the stirrups "Did William Lewis rape you?"
The tears forming in her eyes, hanging her head down, she knew she shouldn't be ashamed that it wasn't her fault, how many times had she told people that, but this time it was her fault she went there, she went to him "yes" the answer barely audible "and …. oral" she managed to squeeze out before bursting into tears.
Her hands were sore where her finger nails had dug in, trying to remain brave, her eyes screwed up in pain, her insides already sore from him, the slightest touch hurting her
"I'm sorry Olivia, it won't be much longer" the nurse replied gently to her "Do you want me to call someone in to be with you, your boyfriend"
"No… it's not your fault" she managed to say as her eyes moved around the room, trying to focus on something ,anything other than the pain that she was feeling.
"it's finished now, Olivia, we managed to get some semen from the vagina and your mouth, want me to call Detective Cassidy back in"
"NO…. I …. I just need a moment"
She had tried to hold it together, the rape kit, his blood on her face all of it, she should feel relief that he was dead instead she felt nothing, pain but nothing, she was numb "They were all bait, for me, he wanted me I was stupid, so stupid for going, I should of known, I should….." she whispered to herself
"What Olivia what should you" her inner voice said to her "you should of let him die, you knew what Lewis was like, you knew he would do whatever it took, you did what you had to do, you killed him"
"he killed himself" she cried out
"that bullet was for you, he saved you Olivia and you hate the fact, that you got yourself into that situation and that bullet that was for you, he took" her inner voice continued "you knew what he would do to you, but you still went, it is who you are, you're a good person Sergeant Benson and you would do it again, you thought he had a innocent girl, Brian and your daughters, you did good"
"No, I … my daughters could of lost their mother, it was stupid, just plain stupid, I didn't think" she whispered
"You did think, you put them before yourself that is who you are, you accepted what would happen, you knew what would happen yet you still went to save them, knowing what he was like, there was nothing else you could of done, stop beating yourself up, you are here and you're alive and he's dead" her inner voice told her sternly
"is he?" she questioned herself, was he really dead "he knew what he was doing"
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"He couldn't of…. Even for Lewis" Fin managed to say "the blood, there is no way he could of survived this"
"We can't let Liv know" Nick said to Fin searching the room
"he can't of just vanished" Fin said in disbelief "Search every inch of this room, then outside he has to be here somewhere"
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She walked shuffled inside the apartment her mind racing from the afternoon Brian's hand on her arm "I'm fine Brian, I can do it" she snapped at him meeting his hurt gaze "Sorry"
"Want a tea, glass of wine, something to eat" he asked her walking into the kitchen
"I think I just want to rest, and see my daughters" she replied softly
Gently putting the rug over her body bringing it up covering her, lowering himself onto the floor "I'm so sorry Liv" tears forming in his eyes
"Don't Brian, you ….. it was my decision to go there" she replied flatlly
"Because of me, he used me, you thought he had me" he replied blinking back the tears the image of the stained sheets in his mind "I'm so sorry babe"
"please stop apologising, I went there, it was my choice, you didn't make me go there" she replied frustrated "I can't do this I just want my daughters"
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He walked his mother back to her apartment giving Olivia the time she needed with her daughters "This is all my fault, Lewis got to her again"
"Stop that Brian Cassidy, you need to be strong for Olivia again, be there for her like last time"
This wasn't like last time, last time he wasn't able to….. he couldn't say it "I never thought I'd be happy to see someone dead"
Stopping outside his mother's apartment his hand running down his face, wiping the tears that were forming starting to run down his face "I don't know how she is going to get through this" he replied brokenly
Her hand enclosing his wrists "you listen to me Brian Michael Cassidy, she will get through this and together, you just need to be there for her again, she has you and her daughters it will take time"
"I'm not sure…. I'm pretty sure this time he raped her, that on top of seeing him kill himself" he cried feeling his mothers arms engulfing drawing him towards her the look of shock, horror on her face not wanting to believe it
"That's all the more reason love, she loves you don't let that come between you, now go back in there with Liv and look after her she needs you more than ever"
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"Fuck how can he just disappear" Amaro asked Fin in disbelief, there is no blood in the car park, no blood leading out of this room, there is no way he could be alive if he shot himself in the head"
"we have to call it in" Fin replied "Let Murphy know and IAB"
"we need to let Liv and Cassidy know" Amaro replied his gaze on Fin
"Not yet, Liv doesn't need this, we need to speak to the owner, see the CCTV footage, try to make sense of this, he just cannot vanish without a trace" Fin replied the frustration in his voice
"Maybe Liv, thought he shot himself, she was in shock"
"No way Nick, the amount of blood here isn't from Liv, whatever happened in here, I don't see how he could survive it" Fin said in frustration
"Good evening Fin and Nick" Matt from CSU said arriving in the room "where is William Lewis, has the ME already taken his body, she should know better than that?"
"No, Matt the body wasn't here when we arrived" Fin replied still unable to believe it, he could see the disbelief on his face
"Fin, Nick" Murphy called out walking towards the room
"Lieutenant, we have searched the grounds and found nothing, we're off to speak to the owner/manager now and to access the CCTV footage" Fin tells Murphy
"No, at of this moment this is no longer a matter for SVU, IA is on it's way along with homicide"
"Let us look into it Lieutenant" Fin pleaded with him
"You need to let it go, as of this moment the case is no longer ours" Murphy ordered them "Where's Sergeant Benson?"
"Cassidy took her to the hospital, she" Fin started unable to finish
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She couldn't stop her body from shaking and trembling holding Charlotte against her, not wanting to let her go, breathing in the fresh scent of her hair, body, the soap kissing the top of her head "I'm so sorry baby girls, I'm so sorry Charli and Evie"
Resting her head on top of theirs gently "I …. I don't know why…. The thought of never seeing you again, that nasty man can't ever hurt mummy again or anyone else" she mumbled into her hair
His heart was breaking watching Olivia hold Charlotte, the thought of losing her, what she went through he was trying to keep it together, his insides breaking knowing what happened, that she was raped wondering if she would open up to him, he wanted to comfort her, hold her never letting her go, instead he quietly moved into the bedroom letting the tears fall down his face that he was holding in, the floodgates open unable to contain them, this all happened because of him she went to Lewis thinking that he had him, he was unable to protect her.
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She wanted to forget the way she knew how best, fucking , fucking without feeling she didn't want to feel anything, the numbness she felt at being raped gone, the numbness at everything "I'm inside of you, you will never forget me now"
She didn't care how sore she was down there, that her insides had been torn apart by the brutal vicious attack, or that she had a knife shoved inside of her and twisted around, she just wanted to forget everything that had happened, how stupid she was
"Brian just fuck me senseless"
"I'm not sure this is what you need Liv" he replied concerned
"I don't care" her arms snaking around his neck pulling his mouth down towards her kissing him hard "I just want you inside of me"
"Liv"
"please Brian, I need this, this is what I need " she pleaded with him
She felt his member at her entrance lying on her stomach, feeling him slowly entering her, his thrusts gentle not wanting to hurt her
His hands gently on her hips as he thrusts in and out the silent tears falling from her eyes
"I guess that's enough for now" as he pushed off her standing up letting his eyes linger on her
"That was everything I thought it would be and more, that was so worth the wait, if we have time I might even do it again"
"one more time, now open your mouth or I will throw you onto your stomach and pummel into you, until you scream" he threatened
"What's it going to be…. Make sure I come"
"If only your boyfriend could see you now"
"enjoy the pleasure that was given to you, before I inflict the pain"
Her cheeks becoming wet from the floodgates now silently pouring down she had been raped, climaxed she could still feel him inside of her, still taste him
She could feel Brian's rhythm getting faster and faster as he breathed heavily on her neck, planting kisses running down her neck. He was about to spill into her she could feel it as he came before slowing down still inside of her his arms encircling her still on top of her before pulling slowly out of her covering her body with kisses
Her whole body wracked in pain, the bandage on her arm and the reminder that he gave her, she was a fool, an idiot to believe him, to trust him, she should of known better, she was a Sergeant
"Liv he whispered softly his hand trailing down her face
She could feel the sobs building up a dam about to burst open, shuffling quickly to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
The warm water falling over her body, trying to scrub away the reminder of what had happened, scrubbing her face, the blood no longer there but she still felt unclean, he was on her, inside of her he was still with her.
Leaning against the tiles, sliding down onto the floor, her arms encasing her knees as she rocks back and forth
This is probably going to hurt,
It was a lie I don't have your boyfriend or your daughters
I got what I wanted
What would he say knowing you had sex with me
I want what all men want
Oh Olivia as he thrusted harder into her
Her eyes moving to the outline of the cut on her arm, his initials standing out "why, how stupid so stupid I should of known" she cried silently to herself
"you did know Olivia you knew exactly what could of happened when you met Lewis" her inner thoughts screamed out at her "yet you still went and you would again you accepted what would happen the moment you hopped in the car" the tears falling freely down her face her body wracked with sobs
