Disclaimer: Not mine! All the characters you recognize belong to JE, I'm just playing. While this is an AU story, it has the potential to possibly spoil or mention something from any of the books 1-18.
A huge thank you to everyone that has offered words of encouragement and support. You are all amazing! Thank you! To all the guest reviews, I really appreciate your support and thank you so much for letting me know you are out there!
Anita (FanFictionAficionado), I know I thank you daily, but really…YOU'RE THE BEST! Thanks for everything.
Tissues may be needed.
Previously:
I had only made it a few steps when I felt like I would crumble from my sadness. Just as I felt my knees starting to go weak, strong arms enveloped me. With a choked "Daddy", I collapsed in tears.
Ch. 48
I will never forget that July day when Dad came to my rescue in the airport. Without his support, I would probably have still been there days later, unable to leave. He whispered to me all the way to my Jeep that everything would work out, that Carlos was a strong, capable man who loved me and had every reason in the world to come home safe. When I told him that Carlos' drill sergeants had suggested Ranger school, he assured me that meant he was good—really good—and that this should ease my mind some. But it didn't. I worried and worried, until a day in early August when I received an email on my school account. It was from Carlos.
Babe,
I hope this email address is still good for you…it's the one I've always used.
As I'm sitting here writing this, I am missing you so much!
War is nothing like I thought it would be, but somehow it's still everything I expected. Oh, and can you believe it...Les and I are stationed only a few miles apart!? We see each other about every third day.
I can't tell you exactly where I am, but know that you are here with me in my heart. I think about you often, and fantasize about the day when we are reunited. More than anything, I miss holding you in my arms, Babe. I love you.
I've got to run, but I'll email you again soon.
Forever,
Carlos
I quickly created a folder called "Carlos" where I could save our correspondence. That first note created a cycle of emails between us that would continue for years. And on the days when I didn't hear from him, I would read and re-read his past notes. I also received emails from Les, Bobby, and Cal. I assumed Carlos shared my email address, and I was grateful. It was so great hearing from my guys.
Bobby wasn't stationed near Carlos and Les, wherever that was, but he said he was pretty tight with his squad. A guy named Manny had become his closest friend. Manny hadn't lost anyone on 9/11, but knew several people who had, and it spurred his desire to join. He also knew what it was like to lose a family member, so they connected on that level. Bobby said he felt as tight with Manny as he imagined he would with a brother. I was so happy he had a good friendship and someone to watch his back.
Cal was still in Tampa, but said he was expecting to be deployed very soon. It was vague, but it was the best information he could give me. He was going to be allowed a weekend off sometime after the first anniversary of 9/11, and wanted to come to Miami for a visit. I threatened bodily harm if he didn't, to which he replied he wouldn't want to tangle with a softball star. Cal always knew how to make me smile.
Les emailed nearly as frequently as Carlos. He was always asking how Bridget really was, as he didn't believe the cheery attitude that came across in her emails. In truth, she was about as sad as I was, but I told him we were both managing. That was the best I could give him, though he clearly didn't believe me, and accused me of being more secretive than the U.S. government.
I loved the emails from my guys. They made it seem almost like they weren't in another country fighting for their lives...almost.
Bridget and I thought about giving up the apartment; we didn't really need a three-bedroom, and weren't excited about having a new roommate. However, neither of us could walk away from the rooms where we had made so many memories with the loves of our lives, so we decided to suck it up and make it work. We didn't add a roommate, we just spent more than we wanted on rent. I wasn't sure if it was better or worse sleeping in the same room where Carlos and I had made love countless times. Most days I would say better, as I could still catch a whiff of his lingering scent. God, I missed him.
Early September was very difficult for me. Not only was Carlos not there, but it was also nearing the first 9/11 anniversary—the reason that he had joined. I hated walking around campus seeing everyone acting as if they didn't have a care in the world. It was almost as if people had forgotten all that happened a year ago. I was in the middle of a really good pity party when I received a phone call from Val.
"Joe proposed!" she screeched after my mumbled hello.
"What?" I asked, somewhat incoherently. It was barely eight on a Saturday morning, and I had stayed up late watching sappy movies and crying my eyes out. Bridget had gone back to Kentucky to visit her family for the Labor Day holiday, and I was extra lonely.
"Last night Joe took me out to dinner at Pino's while his Mom watched Angie, and as soon as we got home, he asked me to marry him!" I could hear the giddiness in her voice.
"That's great, Val. Congratulations. Have you decided when you'll get married?" I was trying not to sound bitter. I was happy for her, I really was, but I was also extremely jealous.
"We don't want to wait long, so we decided on Christmastime."
"Val, that's only two and a half months away!"
"I know. Mom just about had a fit when I told her, but she's already gone into super-planning mode, and is pulling every string she can to get the church and the VFW hall for us."
"Wow." I didn't know what else to say. "Hey Val, I'm sorry, I've gotta run. Congrats again."
"Thanks, Steph!" I didn't even hear whether she said goodbye as I hung up and buried my head under the pillow. I thought I had cried all the tears I had the previous night. I guess they repopulated while I slept.
XXXXXXXXXXX
The semester flew by, and before I knew it, it was finals time. My courses that semester were all really interesting, except for a "core requirement" geography course that had no value to me, but the professor was excellent so it was tolerable. My favorite was a textiles class that I learned a lot from, and I was able to immediately incorporate it into my work with Donna. Bridget was in that class with me, which made it all the more fun. I was actually sad to see the semester end, except for the fact that it put me one step closer to seeing Carlos.
For my 21st birthday that October, Abuela Rosa invited me over for a lavish dinner with Alex, Mari, baby Benji, Grandma Mazur, and Bridget. I thought it was cute that they broke out a bottle of wine in honor of my finally being able to drink alcohol. Little did they know…! Later that night, Bridget and a few friends from my Interior Design classes went out to celebrate with me. I didn't get drunk, but I did get a nice buzz. It proved two things to me: one, that I'm a complete lightweight when it comes to alcohol; and two, that even a nice buzz couldn't keep me from missing Carlos so much that I physically ached. I wasn't surprised by the second revelation. I had received a beautiful birthday letter from Carlos telling me how much he missed me, and how sad he felt missing "the big one". I fell asleep that night with his letter clutched in my hand.
Val had asked me to be her maid of honor, and of course I had agreed, despite my unwavering jealousy. I wasn't jealous because she had Joe—Lord knows that I loved Carlos with all of my heart—I was jealous because she was getting her happily ever after now, and I wasn't. Petty, most definitely, but I couldn't help it.
I'd found a bridal store in Miami to get my dress measurements done, as I didn't want to go back to Trenton before the Christmas break. Grandma Mazur seemed to share my thoughts—avoid Mom at all costs when she was in planning mode—so we celebrated Thanksgiving with Abuela Rosa, Alex, Mari, baby Benji, and Bridget. It was a wonderful holiday despite the fact that Carlos wasn't there. I always enjoyed spending time with Grandma and Abuela; they never failed to make me smile. Especially when Grandma called Abuela Rosa "Rosie", and they would bicker over the best way to cook some dish. In truth, they were both excellent cooks. So no matter how a dish was made, it was going to be delicious. But they seemed to enjoy the banter, so no one ever interrupted or offered a simple, "You're both right".
Benji was the perfect baby. He was always happy and gurgling, and loved to play with my hair. Every time he tugged on it and gave me his "Manoso smile", as Abuela Rosa called it, I would melt. He reminded me so much of Carlos, with his chocolate brown eyes and the way his smile lit up his face. I often found myself dreaming of my "someday" with Carlos when I spent time with Benji.
Bridget enjoyed spending Thanksgiving with us, and was thrilled to hear Alex's stories of holidays when he and Les were younger, before their parents passed away. We laughed for hours at some of the stunts that Les had pulled to sneak a taste of dinner before the food was brought to the table. That night when we went home, Bridget said she felt closer to Les than she had in months. I was so glad she had gone with me.
Donna was thrilled when finals were over, as she got me full-time for a week before I had to head back to Jersey for Val's wedding. Business was booming and we didn't seem to be able to design plans fast enough. Donna praised me left and right, saying she had more requests for my work than for her junior partner Mark, and nearly as many as for her. It was a huge ego boost and I thrived on it. For the entire week before leaving for Jersey, I busted my butt on projects. I turned out more work than nearly everyone else in the company, but was still surprised with the Christmas bonus I received the day before I left.
"Stephanie, you've more than earned it," Donna said. "One of these days, I'm going to make you my partner."
"Oh God, Donna, I would love that! Thank you so much! I can't tell you what this job means to me."
"I should be thanking you. My company hasn't been this profitable...ever. You are truly a gift, Stephanie Plum."
I blushed. I loved the praise, but was still embarrassed by it. "I'll see you right after New Year's," I told her, gathering my things to leave.
"Have a wonderful Christmas with your family, Stephanie."
"Thank you. Hey, you never said what you're doing for the holidays?" I asked.
She hesitated before saying, "Working, of course. I have a business to run, remember?"
"Well, of course you do, but you must be taking some time off, right? What about your family."
She seemed lost in thought for a moment, before saying she didn't have a family to celebrate the holidays with.
"I thought your parents were still alive?"
"No, dear, they died a long time ago. And after Allen..." and she stopped. She never mentioned more about Allen than his name.
"Why don't you come to Trenton with me?" I asked her, surprising myself.
"What?"
"Sure! My mom loves to play hostess, and Val's wedding is going to be a huge party. Come on."
She thought about it for a moment before saying, "Sure. Why not?"
I gave her my flight information and she called the airline while I waited. It cost her a pretty penny to book last-minute, but she made it onto the flight with Grandma and me the next day. I left her with a solid piece of advice: "Make sure you pack warm, it's much colder in Jersey," and headed home.
XXXXXXXXX
Valerie made a beautiful bride! Not that I was surprised—she had always been beautiful—but on her wedding day she was absolutely stunning. She was glowing, and the smile on her face never wavered. Her gown was a Princess-style in antique ivory, with a beaded top, lace-covered long sleeves, and a full satin skirt followed by a small train. She wore a beautiful lace veil, though not over her face.
The wedding party was small, consisting of me, Connie Rossoli—a friend of Val's from high school—and Angie as her flower girl. Connie and I wore matching dark green dresses, which seemed to compliment both my lighter skin tone and Connie's slightly darker skin. Joe had his brother Anthony as his best man, his cousin Mooch as his other groomsman, and his nephew Anthony Jr. as the ring-bearer. He was so adorable holding Angie's hand down the aisle. The smile on Joe's face was the same one he'd had when Angie was born, and I knew he truly loved my sister. I teared up throughout the ceremony, and got lost in thoughts of Carlos during the wedding Mass. Val had been able to get her marriage to Steve annulled in the eyes of the church, so she and Joe were able to have a full Catholic wedding, which thrilled both of their mothers.
The reception was beautiful as well; the VFW Hall had never looked better. How Mom managed to secure that venue the Saturday before Christmas is beyond me. When Val and Joe shared their first dance as husband and wife, I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom. I missed Carlos terribly, and this was the first Christmas in two years that we weren't going to spend together. When I finally dried my tears, fixed my mascara, and left the bathroom, the traditional dances (father/daughter, mother/son) were finished, and the various party-goers were doing the Chicken Dance. I couldn't help but laugh at Donna flapping her arms and shaking her tush. She had hit it off with my family right away, and seemed to really be enjoying herself. Of course, the open bar didn't hurt, either.
As the reception wound down, it was obvious that Donna wasn't going to be able to drive herself back to her hotel room. And despite Joe's Uncle Sal's best efforts, I wasn't letting him drive her. I helped her climb into my father's Buick before heading off for the Marriot at the end of State Street. We were nearly there when she started to cry.
"Are you ok, Donna? Do I need to pull over?"
"I'm fine, Steph. I just realized that I'll never get over him."
I knew I shouldn't pry in her alcohol-induced state, but I couldn't help it. "Who? Allen?" Donna nodded, and I continued. "You never said what happened between the two of you."
"I loved him with my whole heart and he loved me too."
"So why did you split?"
"We didn't."
"Huh?" Eloquent, I know, but I didn't know what else to say.
"He died," she whispered, "in Desert Storm. My Allen was a soldier too. Only he didn't come home to me like he promised. I hope your Carlos can keep his promise." And with that, she closed her eyes.
I felt tears prick my own eyes, and whispered to her now-sleeping form, "Me too."
TBC…
Author's Note: I would love to know your thoughts on this chapter.
