I am so overwhelmed by the amount of reviews I got in just 1 day :) You guys are amazing! Thank you to every single one of you! Because you have all been so amazing, here is the next chapter to keep you going over the weekend. I have already written most of Chapter 51, so I'll update that Monday or Tuesday
Only one person so far has told me who they think should be the new king or queen - so now I will give you all the choice out of a couple of people, just to help the process along. It won't have much of an impact on my story after the next few chapters anyway, but it is crucial to name a new king or queen!
So the options are: Nathan Ivashkov - I know that in the stories he wouldnt be able to because he is Tatiana's relative, but hey, this isnt the real story is it :)
OR Lissa Dragomir (keep in mind she wants to stay close to Rose now that she has her back!) OR Abe Mazur (Now I know he isnt Royal BUT maybe thats what the Moroi community needs!)
A big thank you to snowgoose as always for her help and her speedy betaing hehe thank you so much!
As always...Re
Chapter 50
RPOV
The minute I said Tasha's name, I saw Dimitri's features change. He had gone from being curious and concerned to be completely outraged.
"How could you?" He yelled glaring at Tasha. She flinched and moved a few steps backwards, towards the door. I quickly stood in front of him ready to hold him off if he stormed at her. "Get out!"
"I...I..." she stammered unsure what to say. I knew this was a big shock to her as well.
"Dimitri..." I tried but he cut me off.
"No, don't you dare tell me to calm down!" By now his fists were clenched tight, his knuckles white. I put an arm out in protective gesture. "Rose, move out of my way. If she won't leave on her own, I will make her!"
"Rose...Dimka...I"
"Don't speak. You don't have the right to speak to me (us) anymore Tasha!" Dimitri bellowed.
"Dimitri, calm down. She didn't know! They were under the influence of compulsion." I soothed trying to reason with him and somehow calm him down.
"How can you stand there and defend her Rose? You nearly died and she had a hand in it!" He yelled.
"She didn't know." I said raising my voice a little.
"She should have known better. She shouldn't have put herself in that position. Now, I am warning you again Natasha, get out of my house!" He went to step around me but Christian and Eddie flanked me quickly, blocking him from moving.
"Dimitri, think about what you are saying. Calm down...please. For me, calm down." I tried to meet his eyes. He wouldn't look at me.
"Calm down...Calm down? How can you be so calm?" He cried. I put my hands on his face and forced him to look down at me. Finally, he found my eyes.
"You of all people should know how it feels to find out you've been under the influence of compulsion Dimitri. She didn't put herself in that situation, she was forced into it the same way you were." I said gently and I could tell that my words hit home. I could see the rage fading away and in its place was regret. "Tasha had no idea Comrade, not until now...she had no idea she was involved. None of them did."
"I just can't believe it Roza, surely she had some idea of what was happening."
"Did you have any idea that Lissa used Compulsion on you?" I asked while keeping eye contact with him.
"No...I didn't." His shoulders slumped in surrender.
"Exactly, so why would she be any different? Voda is strong in compulsion. She's had plenty of years of practice. Now I know this is hard for you to deal with, and understand, but this situation is no different to the one you were in three years ago. Neither of you had control. Your control was taken away from you."
"But she almost killed you Roza"
"No she didn't. Tatiana almost killed me; not Tasha, not any of the others, just Tatiana." I could see that he was finally seeing it from my point of view. Reminding him of his time under compulsion was the only way I could get him to understand.
"I'm sorry Roza, I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." He whispered pulling me into his arms.
"It's ok Comrade. I kind of expected it, hence the reason I made you promise before I told you the names. Now you need to honour that promise."
"I don't know if I can."
"You can and you will Comrade." It was then that I looked around the room and noticed that the only person left with us was Adrian. Everyone else had gone. I looked at him and attempted to raise my eyebrow, silently asking where everyone had gone.
"They all left. I think they knew Dimitri needed some space." He answered my unasked question.
"Then why didn't you follow?" Dimitri snapped. I glared at him.
"Because I wanted to make sure that Rose was ok." His face showed that he was dead serious.
"What are you talking about Ivashkov, I would never hurt Roza?"
"I know you wouldn't. Not intentionally anyway. But dude, you're pretty damn scary when you're angry." Dimitri flinched and looked down at me.
"I'm so sorry Roza, I shouldn't have lost control like that."
"It's ok Dimitri. I knew it would be a lot for you to take in, especially with everything else that involved Tasha. Dimitri, I need you to try and get past this with Tasha and not let it ruin your friendship with her"
"I don't think I can do that babe"
"Please...think about it. Tatiana knows how close you guys have always been." He flinched when I said this. "That's why she used Tasha the way she has. She knew of our feelings for each other, and she also knew how close you two were, that's why she used Tasha. Because she knew if it would ever get out, it would come in between you two, therefore ruining yet another Moroi Dhampir relationship." I reasoned with him.
"Rose is right Dimitri. Although she was probably hoping that one day Rose would find out about Tasha being involved and go bananas. Given that at the time you and Tasha were an item, she would have been expecting Rose and Tasha to argue and for you to take Tasha's side, therefore ruining any kind of relationship between the two of you."
"He's right Comrade; and if you let this get in the way of your friendship with Tasha, then Tatiana wins."
"Ok, I'll try...But I can't guarantee anything Roza."
"That's a start and it's all I ask."
"Adrian, where did they go? I think I owe Tasha an apology at least." Dimitri turned to Adrian for the first time.
"Um I'm not sure. I think they were heading to Lissa's room." Adrian replied looking at me. I quickly went into Lissa's head to see where she was. Sure enough, she was in her room and Christian and Tasha were with her. Tasha was visibly shaking and Christian was trying to sooth her. I got out of her head and turned to the boys.
"She is with Lissa in her room. Come on, I'll come with you." I said and I grabbed his hand and together we walked to Lissa's room, Adrian following us silently.
I didn't bother knocking on the door; I just opened it and walked straight in. Lily ran up to both of us and gave us both a cuddle. I looked around the room. Tasha had backed up to the other side of the lounge room and Christian and Eddie were in front of her. Alberta and my mother were standing in front of Lissa. They obviously thought Dimitri would still be in a rage. I knew it would be up to me to prove he wasn't.
"It's ok, he's calmed down. Understandably, he was a little upset, but we have spoken, and I have reminded him about the compulsion used on him, and he understands a little now."
"I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." Dimitri said coming further into the room, still holding onto Lily.
All tension seemed to disappear from the room as soon as he spoke.
"You are one crazy dude when you're angry." Christian said. "Remind me never to get on the bad side of you." Dimitri growled at Christians words. I knew he hated how they now thought of him.
"Tasha, I deeply apologise for the way I spoke to you. Out of everyone in this room, I understand better than anyone what it is like to be controlled by compulsion and have memories wiped. I should have been more understanding towards you."
"Dimka, it's ok. I am just as horrified as you are. I always thought I had a strong resistance to compulsion." Tasha replied. Taking a good look at her now, I could tell she had only just stopped crying. "Rose, words cannot express to you how truly sorry I am. You have to believe that I would never do something like that."
"It's ok Tasha. I know you had no idea that it was happening. Tatiana made it clear in the journal that all four of you were under Voda's compulsion and your memories were wiped as well."
"The one thing I have to ask you Tasha, is did you have any idea at all? Over the past two years have you ever had any vivid dreams about Rose, or experienced Déjà vu? Even though Lissa had wiped my memories of our relationship at the academy, along with my feelings, I still had vivid dreams often; I could just never see her face clearly. I never realised the connection. Did you ever experience that?" Dimitri asked.
"No, never; I have never dreamed of, Rose." She said never taking her eyes away from his. I knew she was begging him to believe her. I don't know about him, but I did. I could see she was being honest.
"Why then? Why did I have them and she didn't? I don't understand. You must have had some idea?" He begged.
"I swear Dimka, I had no idea. And I promise you, I would tell you if I did. You know me Dimka, I wouldn't lie to you."
I heard Dimitri mumble 'well you have once before' and then he started towards the door. Before walking out, he turned to me. "I'm going to head home with Lily and get her fed. See you when you get back."
"Ok, I won't be long babe." I said as he walked out the door. My heart ached a little watching him leave. It was the first time he'd ever left without giving me a kiss goodbye.
"Is he ok Rose?" Lissa asked finally coming over to me.
"He will be…I think. He just needs to process it all. First being told that the cure is me being cut open, and then finding out that Tatiana used Tasha like that, I think it's just too much. I think his hatred is more for Tatiana right now than anyone else, but he is in shock. He'll be ok by tomorrow." I hope I added silently.
He will be Rose. He's been dealt some big blows lately. He probably just needs some time to think and he'll be ok by morning.
I sure hope so Liss.
What's wrong Rose? You're feelings are all over the place.
I can't help but feel like this is my entire fault. If he hadn't of come to that concert, everything would be normal right now. None of this shit would be happening.
"Rosemarie Hathaway don't you dare think like that." Lissa cried out, alerting everyone to our internal conversation. Suddenly, all eyes were on us and I felt the blush creep into my cheeks. I shook my head silently telling her to shut up, but of course it was too late.
"Think like what?" Christian asked coming to stand at Lissa's side
"It's nothing." I said quickly.
"Rose here thinks that life would be easier for all of us if we had never gone to the concert that night!" Lissa spat. Yep, she was pissed alright.
"What do you mean?" Christian asked. I groaned.
"Well, if we hadn't gone to that concert that night and taken Dimitri with us, then you guys wouldn't have been alerted to the fact that Marie was Rose. You would all still be in the dark and Rose would still be with the band pretending that's where she belongs." Ouch that hurt. "Dimitri would still be under compulsion and confused and Tatiana would be getting away with everything, not to mention the fact Rose, that you would probably be dead." She had gotten progressively louder with each word she spoke. She hated to think of what could have happened if she wasn't there that day.
"Rose,…are you serious? Come on, you can't be thinking like that." Eddie came over to my side. "Is it that bad being back here with all of us?" I could hear the hurt in his voice.
"For me, no it's not bad being back here. As hard as these last few weeks have been, being here with you all, it's been the best few weeks I have had in a long time. I'm talking about all of you. Your lives have all been turned upside down. All I ever seem to do is destroy people's lives. I made a mess of Dimitri's which has in turn destroyed his friendship with his best friend. Because of me…"
"Enough, Rose, you haven't destroyed any lives. My Aunt has destroyed lives, not you. Tatiana and her little minions have ruined lives, but never you. All you have done is, look out for those closest to you. What is happening in our community now, is a good thing, not a bad thing. She needed to be exposed and now that she has, things will finally change. The way Dhampir's and non Royal Moroi are treated will finally change and they will be treated fairly and with respect. Dimitri is upset, yes, but do you really think he wishes you weren't in his life? What about Lily? If you hadn't exposed yourself at that concert, you wouldn't have your beautiful daughter back in your life." Adrian said. Just hearing Lily's name was my undoing. All the tears I had been holding in came crushing down. Lissa's arms quickly went around me and she walked me over to the lounge; rubbing her hand up and down my back trying to soothe me.
I don't know how long I sat there crying with Lissa. I kept saying things like 'I'm sorry', 'ruined so many lives' and 'Can't do it anymore' over and over. I just couldn't control the guilt I was feeling over everything that had happened. I had ruined so much of Dimitri's life; I didn't understand how he could even want to be with me. I had made Lissa lie to everyone for years, which I am sure must have had some impact on her relationship with Christian. Adrian's whole family was a mess, but he was the worst. He was so close to Tatiana; I couldn't even imagine how he was feeling. And Tasha…Poor Tasha, she hadn't only lost her boyfriend, it had cost her, her best friend. They were all so sad and confused and it was because of me. But the part that made me feel the guiltiest was that I was happy to be back in their lives. Even after all the turmoil that had followed. That alone, made me feel guiltier than anything else.
Eventually, Lissa's arms were replaced with a stronger pair and when they started to mumble soothing words to me, I looked up to meet Dimitri's eyes. As soon as our eyes locked, the tears started to come down faster. He pulled me tight into his arms and held me until the sobbing stopped. He just kept soothing me with words in Russian. Eventually, the sobbing stopped.
"Are you ok?" Dimitri asked. I nodded not sure what to say. I don't know how he knew that I needed him, so I wasn't sure what he was told. "I'm sorry I walked out like that."
"Don't be" I mumbled. "I'm sorry that you once again had to see me crying like a baby."
"Babe, don't ever be sorry for showing your emotions. Cal told me what happened, the things you were saying. Roza, I know things have been tough since the concert, but I wouldn't change any of it. I would go through all of it all over again, as long as I ended up back by your side. That's where I want to be, where I need to be. Without you, I am not whole. I know I lost my temper earlier, but it wasn't because of anything you have caused to happen. It is all at Tatiana. I just took it out on the wrong people earlier. I have already apologised to Tasha."
"But Dimitri, since you've had me back in your life, it has been chaos. It's the only way to describe it. I have ruined so many people's lives over the years." He cut me off by putting his finger on my lips.
"No. You didn't ruin anyone's lives Roza. Not once have you ruined anyone's life, including mine. Things may have been meddled for a few years, but you did the right thing. I am so proud of you for the decisions you have made over the years, even though they were hurting you so much. I would never have been able to make them. Now enough of this talk. I love you and right here next to you is where I want to be for the rest of my life. Ok?"
"But if that ever changes, and it gets too much for you…I get too much for you, then you only have to say I.." I was cut off by Dimitri smashing his lips to mine. It was only a quick kiss, but I could feel all the passion and longing that Dimitri was putting into it. When we pulled apart, I looked around the room realising that once again, we were alone.
"Where is everyone?" I asked.
"They have gone to do some research to find the reversal spell for the charm. Cal took Lily with him to Mia's place." I smiled at that. Cal and Mia were spending a lot of time together now. It was good to see them both so happy.
"Ok. Let's go and help them." I said standing up off the couch. I took his hand and pulled him up with me.
"Are you sure? I'm sure they won't mind if you go back to the apartment and rest."
"Do I look that bad do I?"
"Roza, you could never look bad. I just know how exhausting it is to cry like that." I cringed. I hated that he had seen me so weak lately, but I had given up on trying to keep my tough exterior up, It was too hard.
"Let me just go and freshen up, then we'll go get Lily, then meet the rest of the gang."
"Ok" he sending kissing me on the top of the head before I walked into the bathroom.
I went into Lissa's bathroom and washed my face. I knew it wouldn't make much difference to my appearance, but it made my skin feel better. My eyes would be swollen for at least a few hours.
As I was walking back out of the bathroom, I heard Dimitri's phone beep, alerting him to a text message. He quickly read it, smiled then looked up at me.
"That was Cal. Mia's been called into work to sort some paperwork out, so he and Lily are walking her there. He's going to let Lily have a little play on the jumping pillow and get some dinner and ice cream while they wait for her, then he will come and meet up with us all later."
"Ok, sounds great." I said with a smile. Then I realised that Cal had messaged Dimitri, and not me. That made me smile even more.
"What are you grinning about?" He asked as we walked out the door.
"I just realised how close you and Cal have become. He messaged you and not me. I'm glad you two get along so well."
"He's a great guy. He's been helping me with some stuff lately and I think it's made us closer. You're lucky to have a brother like him."
"What has he been helping you with?" I was curious. What could Cal possibly be helping Dimitri with?
"Oh nothing" he said slipping his guardian mask on. Now I knew he was up to something. I didn't get a chance to bug him though because we were interrupted by Lissa running up to us waving a piece of paper in her hand.
"We've found it. Oh my god Rose, we've found it?" She cried laughing like it was Christmas morning and she'd just opened a present she had always wanted. I had to laugh with her. "Now we just have to wait until Oksana returns and we can cure you."
Everyone else walked around the corner a moment later and smiled when they saw Lissa still jumping up and down like a cheerleader.
"Thank you all so much." I said.
"No need for thank you's Rose. That's what friends are for." Eddie gave me a hug. One by one, they all came to me and hugged me, each telling me that they couldn't stand the thought of me not being around.
My mother's hug was the biggest one of all. She held me tight and I could tell she was fighting tears. "I never want to hear you talking like that again, ok. We would all be lost without you in our lives. You are far too important to all of us"
"Thanks mum. I love you." I said putting my arms around her.
"I love you too sweetheart." I loved that we could say that to each other without any awkwardness now. Our relationship really had grown over the past two years.
"How about we head out for dinner? Cal just messaged Dimitri and said Mia's been called into work, so him and Lily are already there. We could meet up and have some food, because I don't know about all of you, but I'm starving." I said causing everyone to laugh.
"It's good to see the old Rose surfacing occasionally." Christian laughed, and it was; I just had to keep reminding myself of the positives rather than dwell on the negatives of my return.
