Me: Hi peoples! Sorry about the delay! Now, time for the review letters!
Canada: (Hands over review letters)
Me: (Reads half of the letters) ...Why do I get requests now? I actually planned out the last few chapters! ...Can't be helped. ^^; (Reads a letter) I'm well aware of that Peruvian fact. I imagine Peru thinking fuzzy animals are adorable and saying something along the lines that guinea pigs are 'cute enough to eat!' Japan would add it to the 'list of foreign meals that must never be imported' (list examples: escargot, balut, etc.)
Japan: (Reading over the list and becoming worried about the strange things some people eat, as he contemplates whether to have raw fish with or without seaweed)
Me: (Reads another letter) It's not that someone told Philippines to keep the door unlocked, he just forgot to lock it. (Reads another letter) Yeah... Uh... I've yet to get into Homestuck- (Ducks head to all the outraged cries and bricks) It's not that I haven't tried, just my computer crashed the first time I tried getting into it so I lost my place and it would take for-freakin'-ever to catch up. I, at least, know the names of some of the characters because Tumblr has spoilers for everything, whether you're in that fandom or not.
Canada: (Jumps as a random brick hits the Fourth Wall)
Me: (Reads yet another letter)(WARNING: RAMBLING) You have excellent taste in requests. I'm in a film class and we just watched Casablanca. Actually, I'm starting to like a bunch of the classic actors in old films (cough Peter Lorre cough). I was actually thinking of making a Hetalia-version of Casablanca fic. Though, it would be a bit tricky to decide who would be Rick, Ilsa, and Renault because I can't pick which characters would fit. The key problem would be who to play Ilsa because that would determine the main pairings. I would pick England to play Ilsa, but America doesn't fit Rick much. My backup would be to have Seychelles play Ilsa and have England be Rick, but that pairing is not as popular and it totally irks me when people say things like 'Hmmm... I like the story but I hate the pairing. You're going to have to write extra good if you want me to keep reading' and it makes me nervous as hell that if I become an author, people won't want the last book of a series that I work on for god knows how long just because their OTP didn't become canon in the previous one (or worse, I have to keep contemplating whether to kill off a character or not just in the event of a shipping war similar to that of the Naruto fandom because there are three major characters). The only trouble with Renault is that he's the French-est one there but I need France to play Laszlo because yes France should be in charge of the French freakin' Resistance. So, um, yeah, gonna make that request a fic. Second request: Next chapter, I swear I'll incorporate it, even if it's just a bit.
Me: (Reads one last letter) 'Course you can call me sensei! Now for all the requested nations. Romano, Greece, China, Romania! (Casually sprinkles vampire powder on Romania on her way out)
Canada: Requests are officially closed; the last two chapters have already been based off a request that has been postponed for months. Bri does not own Hetalia, otherwise there would be something like this...
Me: By the way, I recall that in chapter 24 I made Mochimerica sound like America. Someone asked if that were true since it wasn't animated yet. Well, it finally got animated in episode 3 of Beautiful World. I've always wanted to say this so... CALLED IT!
"Hi peoples! I'm the United States of AWESOME-"
"America! Get on with it!"
"Okay! I'm America and welcome to 'Whose Country Is It Anyways'! Remember, nobody gives a crap about the points, only about the fact that you're trying!"
America gestured to the desks full of nations with telephones. "Remember that we're playing today for the special... uh... 'Ouse-hay Unds-fay Charity'! So remember to call!"
England crossed her arms. Around her neck was a small sign that said 'Team Western Europe'. "This is ridiculous!" she said.
"This is for your ceiling!" America answered.
China sighed. She had 'Team Asia' around her neck. "The ceiling that fell on me, aru."
Molossia frowned at the 'TEAM 'MURICA' sign she had. He pointed at it with an exasperated look. "Uhhh...? Can we get this changed?" Canada nodded behind her in agreement. Costa Rica mumbled something about 'at least it's the whole continent'.
Iceland shrugged at her 'Team Northern Europe' sign.
Italy was trying to doodle on her 'Team Central Europe' sign.
Russia was just daring one of her teammates to fix the sign round her neck. What once read 'Team Eastern Europe' now read 'Team Mother Russia'.
Australia, who was wearing the 'Team Oceania' sign, was trying to coax Wy out of a facepalm.
Prussia was talking to his team. Swinging round was a sign that used to say 'Miscellaneous Team', which now say 'AWESOMELY AWESOMEST TEAM OF AWESOME ON AN AWESOME SANDWICH'. Sealand, Kugelmugel, and Seborga were listening excitedly. Egypt and Ladonia were facepalming.
America clapped his hands and a giant television set lit up. There were several small boxes that had categories on them, but not scores.
"Thanks to our special offscreen rock-paper-scissor match, Team Western Europe gets to pick first."
"Um... World Rankings...?"
"Good! Now come on over to our SCORE WHEEL!"
Suddenly a giant wheel similar to the one from 'The Price is Right' popped out of the wall. The scores ranged from 1000 to 9001.
England walked up and pulled down the wheel with as much strength as possible. Then slowly the wheel settled to the number... one.
England stared at it blankly while scratched his head. "Dude, I don't even remember putting that number there."
Regardless, all of the teams hovered over the buzzers on their podiums.
Their host pulled out a flash card and cleared his voice. "'Which country has been voted the title multiple times of 'Happiest country on Earth-'"
Costa Rica slammed his fist down on the buzzer and jabbed a thumb in his direction. "MEEEEEE!"
"...'in Europe.'"
Costa Rica slumped down in his stoll. Canada silently gave him a little golden maple leaf that said 'You tried'.
Iceland pressed down on the buzzer. Everyone on Team Northern Europe pointed at the grinning Dane who was pointing both thumbs at himself. "MEEEEEE!"
"Correct!"
A single point appeared on the scoreboard at the front of their podium.
"Okay! Since you guys won the point, you get to pick the next category."
Norway spoke up. "We pick-"
Suddenly there was a loud blaring siren. The tv screen started flashing 'FAMOUS LINE TIME'.
"Okay! Here's how this works! You have to come up to the front and say a line that has something to do with your country. Anything. Be it referencing you directly, or setting of the story you're thinking of, a story made in your country, filmed in your country, or even just the nationality of the character! Just come up here and say a line. You get at least one hundred points for having the balls to come up here and get more points the better the line is!"
Immediately, Spain jumped down to the front and shouted "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"
The scoreboard flashed -100.
"Wha..." England sputtered. "What the hell! You said we earn one hundred points! Why is it negative?"
America smirked. "Because no one expects a Monty Python reference!"
England sighed. "Looks like I'll have to fix this." She casually strolled up to the front and calmed started with: "One does not simply walk into Mordor."
The 'Oh crap' looks on the faces of the other teams spread as England started quoting: Lord of the Rings, James Bond, Doctor Who, Sherlock Holmes, Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter, and finally worked his way down to The Hobbit. The scoreboard now said 9001.
Japan finally spared everyone utter defeat when she went up and tapped England on the shoulder.
"Oh? Did you want a turn, Japan? I'm sorry, go ahead."
Japan slightly bowed and thanked England. She cleared her throat and did a perfect Godzilla impression. It was completely worth 7000 points.
Germany went up and started a long emotional speech.
In German.
She raised an eyebrow when she only earned one point.
"Dude... What the hell was that from?" America asked.
"From M," she answered.
"Can you do an English line, please? Because one: I can't even Google that movie. Two: It's old as crap and entirely in German. Three: Author can't write German so we can't even tell what the line is."
Germany was about to step off when Italy ran up and grabbed her hand. She had a huge smile on her face.
"Germany, I want you to stay up for this. I have to say this to someone."
Germany sighed. "Oh gott, please tell me it's not that li-"
"I forgot to tell you," Italy started.
"It is that line. Go ahead."
"You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you." America burst out laughing. Romano facepalmed. "But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you. They'd have to torture me to make me say it."
"Say what?" Germany asked reluctantly.
"That I want to make love to you - not just once, but over and over again!" America was on the floor by now. The entire room was laughing and/or failing at trying to hide their laughs. "But I'll never tell you that. I'd have to be crazy to tell you. I'd even make love to you now..." Hungary whooped. "Right here for the rest of my life."
Instantly, Team Central Europe won 10,000 points.
America wiped a tear from his eye. "Oh my god, that was great! I'm so done!"
Then China went up. "Let's get down to business!" she sang out. "To defeat-"
"NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! COPYRIGHT! COPYRIGHT!" America shouted as he flailed his arms. "GET OFF THE STAGE, CHINA! DISQUALIFIED! OFF!" America started shoving China off the stage and Team Asian's scoreboard read 'NOPE'.
"W-Why am I disqualified, aru?!"
"Because I don't want our asses sued by Disney! That is an argument we just can't win!"
"But we were watching Disney movies eleven chapters ago!"
"But we weren't on TV watching Disney movies!"
"You Americans and your lawsuits, aru!"
Finally, America calmed down and continued the game. He was enjoying teasing all the other nations with incredibly obscure questions. Such as:
"Okay! Odds and Ends for nine-thousand and one! A couple in Indiana almost got arrested after they raised and nursed back to health a baby what? Each of you write down an answer."
The contestants stared at each other in confusion.
"What the hell is in Indiana? Isn't it just corn?"
"Yes, Molossia, they raised and nursed back to health a baby ear of corn."
"It's probably something random and endangered, aru! Like a panda!"
"Why? Can't we think logically?"
"I am thinking logically: Odds and Ends questions have the weirdest answers ever."
"Just because you were right about the drunk driving on a segway and the Russian space dog does not mean you're always right!"
"Trust me, aru!"
America smirked at most of the answers in his hand. "The answer was a deer-"
"WHAT THE HELL?"
"WHY WOULD YOU GIVE US SUCH A NORMAL ANSWER?"
"America, don't you smirk at us like that! You come down here and play if it's so easy!"
America shrugged. He had a huge grin on his face as he put on the 'TEAM 'MURICA' sign.
Until he ended up with Geography for 9001.
The TV screen had a black and white, unlabelled, unmarked, map of Europe.
"America. Find Estonia."
"A stony what now?"
"Estonia. Find it on the map."
America gulped and pointed to a random country.
"That's Austria."
He moved his hand.
"That's Bulgaria."
Moved his hand again.
"That's Germany. That's Denmark. That's Croatia. That's my house. That's Lithuania. That's Portugal. Just admit you have no idea what you're doing."
"I-"
India hung up one of the phones and called out. "We've earned enough!"
"AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE!" America cheered out. "See you next week-"
"No."
"Next month?"
"No."
"Next millennium?"
"Not even."
"ANYWAYS, THANK YOU! GOODNIGHT!"
Me: Some of the questions used for the game show were actual questions asked during Jeopardy games in my Government class.
England: (Facepalm)
America: Who won?
Me: You said the points didn't matter!
America: Review, please!
