Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama Island, Action or the Season That Must Never Be Named. They all belong to Teletoon and Cartoon Network. I also do not own the alphabet theme; that belongs to Frank15 and his mega awesome story Total Drama Alphabet. I do however own all twenty eight OC's that appear in this story so please do not steal them.

The Warning: This chapter contains some slight naughtiness, electrocution, rotten fruit and all round hilarity. You have been warned but it is nothing M rated nor will it ever be.

Pairings: SpiderxQuana BarneyxLavender JimmyxEleanor AndyxMable GaryxRaven OscarxXaria

Current Poll Stats: So far it seems most of you want Spider to win; he ahs three votes. Second is Lavender with two votes. Eleanor, Jimmy and Tabitha tie for third with one vote each. Keep voting as the poll will be removed when the next chapter is submitted.

Note: I'm alive! Sorry for the long wait guys; I've been busy with real life; specifically 6th form. I could talk about the large amounts of (shudder) homework that has kept me busy … but you don't want that do you? No! You came here for laughs and laughs you shall receive!

Party on dudes!


Bright stage lights shone down from the rafters above the stage. In a large room at the Playa Des Losers a big number of people were sitting in the audience with popcorn and toffee apples while waiting for the latest episode of Total Ousted Alphabet to begin. It was going to be great … or at least it had better because some people in the audience had spent money no rotten fruit and veg to throw at Kasimar and maybe Nakia too.

Eddie and Sasha were sitting in their chairs waiting to be given the signal to start the show. To the right of the stage was a large high rise sofa with three rows to it. Along the bottom row were, from left to right, were Yessica, Irene, Fifi, Daisy, Patch, Hector and Gary with Raven sitting on Gary's lap. On the middle row, from left to right, were Zita, Wallace, Vinnie, Uzuri and Carlton. On the top row were Mable and Oscar.

Eddie was writing notes in his notebook and had a serious expression on as he jotted some stuff down while flicking back to previous pages every now and then as if to make sure the notes were consistent.

Sasha was, as usual, playing on her DS; the sounds of beeps and whooshes from the game could be heard. It seemed like she was playing a sort of platformer.

"You're on in three, two, one." Said an intern from behind the camera.

Eddie pocketed his notebook and Sasha reluctulently paused her game. Both smiled for the camera.

"I'm Eddie Lynmoire." Said Eddie.

"And I'm Sasha Tasset." Said Sasha.

"Welcome to another exciting episode of Total Ousted Alphabet; today we'll be interviewing an interesting mix of the campers. Some that the fans loved … and some that the entire fandom hated." Said Eddie as he tipped his hat.

"I think that Nakia and Kasimar were about as hated as the rival bat in Pong." Grumbled Sasha.

"What do you mean?" Asked Eddie with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you don't know." Blinked Sasha. "That rival bat is evil! It moves faster than the player and always knows exactly where to go. I consider it the first video game villain."

"I bet it was such a villain that it made players cry when they lost!" Mwahahahahaha!" Laughed Wallace evilly from his seat.

"Only kids and immature people cry when they lose at a video game." Said Daisy stiffly. "Of course; I believe that all video games suck."

"You take that back." Scowled Sasha.

"Make me!" Sneered Daisy.

"Anyway." Continued Eddie to stop a possible fight. "Today we're going to interview the six most recently voted off campers; some full deserved what they got … and others didn't."

"And before we start the interviews; if you look over to Gary you will all see he is out of the wheelchair and has made a full recovery from when Kasimar hurt him." Said Sasha with a smile while the audience cheered.

"I had my casts removed about half an hour ago." Said Gary with happily. "I made sure to stay in the wheelchair so I could run Kasimar over though. I think he's been in the medical wing for treatment, he'll need it after we kicked his ass!"

"I for one am glad you're all better." Smiled Raven. "And with Kasimar being eliminated on the same day I think this is definitely a great day."

"Thanks Ravy." Said Gary as he gave Raven a peck on the cheek.

"Tonight's first guest dates Mable, was blackmailed by Tabitha, returned to the game back on day fifteen and he Cosplayed as Sonic the Hedgehog; give it up for Andy!"

Andy walked out from backstage as the crowd cheered loudly. Andy sat down in the interview chair and relaxed.

"Welcome back Andy." Greeted Sasha. "It's been a while since we last had you here. A lot has happened since then huh?"

"That would be an understatement; both good things and bad things have befallen me … but all in all I'm happy with the way things have turned out." Replied Andy.

"Only five campers are left in the competition, and Tabitha is among them. What are your thoughts on that?" Asked Eddie as he knew Andy didn't like Tabitha.

"I can only hope that she doesn't get much further; now that all her allies are gone I wouldn't think she can retreat from her downfall for much longer; at least I hope so." Murmured Andy.

"Tabitha is mean! I wish she'd get locked in an outhouse after Owen used it!" Pouted Uzuri.

"Whoa … that's a pretty extreme punishment." Remarked Yessica.

"So? She deserves it!" Declared Uzuri. "Who agrees?"

"Me!" Said a large number of the peanut gallery in usion.

"I agree too." Smirked Andy. "But toilet humor aside I think it is safe to say Tabitha isn't gonna get much further without allies. Jimmy, Spider, Eleanor and Lavender are close friends so the next time that she doesn't win immunity she's gone."

"We need your opinion on something Andy." Said Sasha. "Tabitha may be pretty nasty; but she isn't as bad as Kasimar. Remember how horrified she was when Kasimar killed one of the baby ferrets?"

"I can understand that; I would say that while Tabitha isn't exactly as chaotic evil as Kasimar is she still has a lot more bad qualities than good qualities. The fact nobody knows her true nature as well as her being very intelligent makes her quite a powerful adversary. I just hope the others can catch on before it's too late."

"What puzzles me is why Tabitha would do all this to get a million dollars when she is already rich." Said Eddie as he flipped to a previous page in his notebook. "I looked up on Tabitha's family and Tabitha's wealth and financial standing lies somewhere between obscenely rich and unfathomably rich; she's in one of the top ten richest families in the world. I can't help but be suspicious."

"She might be greedy." Pointed out Zita. "I can attest to that as I kinda like money as well."

"Who doesn't?" Asked Daisy. "Money is a wonderful thing!"

"I like trains." Said Patch dumbly.

A few of the peanut gallery members stared at Patch in confusion for a brief moment.

"If I may ask you Andy; how are things going with Mable?" Asked Eddie sounding interested.

"We're going steady; things are pretty good at the moment." Smiled Andy with a wink at Mable which made her giggle. "Usually we relax around the pool bar and talk or flirt; nothing too interesting."

"I wouldn't say that." Grinned Irene suggestively. "I saw you squeeze her butt the other day when she was in her blue bikini!"

"Irene!" Blushed Andy in extreme embarrassment as he covered his face; Mable did a similar action.

"That was private!" Groaned Mable.

"What can I say; I notice things." Grinned Irene goofily.

"Well … what would your ideal boyfriend be?" Asked Andy in an attempt to turn the tables.

Irene blanched and looked at her feet; the others didn't actually know about her sexual preferences.

"Somebody nice." Replied Irene.

"I think we should move on." Giggled Sasha.

"But I want to hear more embarrassing details about Andy and Mable's relationship." Laughed Vinnie.

"Come on guys; I think we've embarrassed the poor boy enough." Said Fifi with an amused eye roll.

"I'll say!" Frowned Andy though he seemed to be suppressing a smile.

"Big question Andy, which is better … Star Wars or Star Trek?" Asked Eddie.

"I'm a 'trekkie' and proud of it." Said Andy promptly. "Spock was the best character in my opinion."

"Star Trek is for nerds." Whined Daisy. "Seriously; nerds are freaks and just plain weird."

"What's so bad about somebody being weird? Weird people make the world interesting." Glowered Andy.

"Whatever; the fact you're dating a blue haired bimbo says a lot about your already abysmal IQ." Said Daisy arrogantly.

Sasha lifted the arm of her chair and pressed a button. Instantly a large amount of slimy and sticky blue jelly fell down on Daisy and somehow didn't splatter anyone else in the slightest.

"MY CLOTHS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAIYEEEEEEEEEE!" Screamed Daisy in horror as she ran backstage; the sound of a crash and some equipment collapsing was heard.

"That never gets old." Chuckled Hector.

"So who would you like to win the competition out of the remaining five?" Asked Sasha while giggling at Daisy's reaction to the blue jelly.

"I'd say Eleanor; after what Kasimar did to her I think she deserves to win; and besides, she's one of the nicest of all of us. Though I wouldn't mind if Spider won … or anybody besides Tabitha really."

"Fan mail time." Said Eddie as he took out a decently sized sack of letters. "More people have written to you since last time it would seem."

"It's nice to know that people are fans of me." Smiled Andy.

"Right; let's get to it." Said Eddie as he opened the first letter. "The first letter is from Willy. He says, dear Andy, I died, what should I do? Hmm, that was … different."

"I think that comes under the term spam." Said Andy with a raised eyebrow at the stupid letter.

"This next letter if from Zune. Isn't that a sort of MP3 player?" Asked Eddie rhetorically as he began to read the second letter. "Dear Andy; what is your favorite flavor of jam and do you order Chinese takeaways on a daily basis?"

"Ok; my favorite flavor of jam is plum … and no; I do not order Chinese takeaways everyday. First of all I'm Japanese, not Chinese, second of all it is really fattening, I need to be in my prime to be an astronaut."

"Chinese food is SO good!" Grinned Wallace. "It's very fattening … it's so evil! Mwahahahahahahaha!"

"One more letter." Said Eddie as he opened a third envelope. "Dear Andy; you were amazing during your time on the show! It is completely terrible how Tabitha treated you with blackmail and threats. Seeing you and Mable together shows that love is beautiful and that no matter the type of relationship it is still love. From Sunny."

"That was a nice letter." Smiled Andy. "I've heard of people who don't like interracial relationships, but that letter proved a valid point, it is still love."

"Love is scary; girls can get really angry." Whimpered Carlton.

"I assure you not all of us do." Said Fifi comfortingly.

"It's been great having you on the show again Andy." Smiled Sasha. "We need to move on but I'm sure you wouldn't say no to sitting next to Mable eh?"

"You guessed right." Blushed Andy as he moved over to the tripled rowed sofa and sat on the top row next to Mable.

"Our next guest started out as grumpy and cynical but revealed to have a genuinely nice sweet side. She also helped Oscar force feed Wallace a tainted star fruit and made it to the final ten; give a cheer for Xaria!"

Xaria walked out from backstage as the audience burst into applause. Xaria sat down on the interviewee chair and the interview began.

"Welcome to Total Ousted Alphabet Xaria." Greeted Sasha. "Glad to have you here."

"Well it's not like I really had a choice if I attended or not." Replied Xaria with her usual snarky smirk. "But I predict Kasimar will suffer during his interview and I wouldn't miss that for the world."

"Same here." Grinned Oscar.

"So Xaria; where to begin?" Asked Sasha as she crossed her legs. "You were definitely one of the more interesting contestants of the season, a dark horse even. You definitely had a number of finest moments."

"I fondly remember force feeding Wallace his tainted star fruit." Said Xaria while smirking at Wallace.

"Well I force fed you a raw jalapeno so we're even!" Replied Wallace with an immature huff.

"Some of the contestants as well as Chris tended to call you bumble bee; we know you don't like that, but why did you dye your hair anyway?" Asked Eddie curiously.

"To be honest I just did it as a statement of individuality and because it looked cool. It's black and yellow, not yellow and black! No similarities to bumble bee's whatsoever." Explained Xaria.

"Technically it is similar to bumble bees." Pointed out Hector.

"What's so bad about bees anyway?" Asked Zita. "They pollinate our world and make honey."

"Honey is SO good; it tastes like a rainbow." Drooled Irene.

"What was your favorite challenge?" Asked Sasha.

"The human snooker challenge; after all, I was the last person standing in that." Said Xaria in fond memory. "Though I also quite liked the cosplaying challenge."

"I certainly didn't." Frowned Uzuri as Vinnie gently gave her hand a comforting squeeze.

"It is quite obvious that you did not get along with Kasimar; Oscar had a big conflict with Kasimar, would you say that it contributed to your already huge dislike of Kasimar?" Inquired Eddie.

"I can honestly say that even if Oscar wasn't in the competition I would still hate Kasimar. At times I think he cared more about hurting people than he did about the prize." Grumbled Xaria.

"I think that that's the general idea." Said Raven. "He's a complete sociopath; I wonder if his mother did drugs when she was pregnant with him; I seriously don't think anyone could be that evil without something like that happening."

"Chris being the host is a clear sign to Kasimar that he could do pretty much whatever he wanted." Sighed Andy as he remembered the pinball challenge.

"But we kicked his ass just an hour or so ago, so it's ended up mostly alright." Said Xaria as she rested her head in her hand and her arm on the arm of her armchair.

"Mostly." Murmured Sasha. "Xaria; I recall you mentioning that you own a NES; what is your favorite game for it?"

"Easily Super Mario Bros 3." Replied Xaria swiftly. "It may be retro but it's a really giant game, no pun intended due to the fourth world being giant themed."

"You seem to like arcade type games." Noted Eddie. "By any chance did you ever win a toy on those skill crane games? I never could."

"For those you have to rely more on luck than skill in order to be successful." Said Xaria as she crossed her arms. "They are kind of a complete rip off and you can get better things on Ebay."

"She's completely right." Agreed Gary.

"As an awesome bad guy I love rip offs! The way they make children cry is so … diabolical! Mwahahahahahaha!" Laughed Wallace evilly while throwing his arms up over dramatically.

"Don't do that!" Wailed Carlton with a fearful shiver.

"What would you say about the relationship you have with Oscar?" Asked Eddie. "It's like tic tac toe; an X and an O."

"Well…" Said Xaria while looking a little embarrassed. "I like being with him; I guess we just got used to each other over time. They do say love is blind."

"Well said Xaria." Smiled Oscar.

"And that is all I have to say on the subject; next question please." Said Xaria casually.

"Ok then; out of the five remaining campers who would you most like to see win?" Asked Sasha.

"Lavender; she's been such a good friend and is the last member of Team Grenade still in the competition." Smiled Xaria. "Though if Jimmy won it would be fine by me as well."

"Time to bring out the fan mail." Said Sasha as she took out a large sack of letters from behind her chair. "You seem to be a fairly popular contestant."

"With people like Nakia and Kasimar in the competition there was no way I could be the least popular." Smirked Xaria.

Sasha opened the first letter and began to read.

"Dear Xaria; if you could buy any car you wanted, what would it be? From Automobile Automatic." Read Sasha. "Well; looks like we're about to learn something new."

"Seeing as I've got my driver's license this is something I've thought about before." Said Xaria as she crossed her legs. "I'd say the Peugeot 206 Rally Car; it just looks cool though I'm no rally racer."

"It was the best rally car in Gran Turismo 3." Said Carlton; he looked confused when some of the others stared at him. "What?"

"I thought you were scared of everything." Said Mable.

"Not racing games." Shrugged Carlton.

"The next letter is from Clancy." Said Sasha as she neatly opened a second letter. "Dear Xaria, I'm a big fan of you, you kicked butt throughout the competition and showed that bees can be tough, ok bad joke but I was very upset when you were voted off thanks to that no good snake Tabitha. If you get onto season three, if there is one, then I'll be rooting for you! Also, why do you have an orange square on your shirt?"

"My shirt has an orange square because lots of people I've met back home have called me a square; I wore the short to mock them in a snarky way. I'd like to write Clancy back; he seems quite nice … but if he wants a date it'll have to wait, I'm taken." Chuckled Xaria.

"The next letter is from Flavio." Said Sasha as she opened a third letter. "Dear Xaria; you seem kind of grumpy a lot of the time. If it's ok with you; could you tell us the things that really grind your gears?"

"Ok everyone, prepare for a rant on what I don't like." Said Xaria as she cracked her knuckles.

"Let us get to the bomb shelter first." Joked Yessica which made Irene laugh.

"First of all; arrogant people, the types of individuals who have an ego the size of the Amazon rain forest. They act all high and mighty yet never do anything to back up their arrogance. You're popular at school? We don't care! You're prom queen? We don't care! You own a Ferrari? We do care because that's awesome … but most of the time we do not care at all!"

"People like Nakia then?" Said Andy.

"Exactly." Grumbled Xaria. "And then there are those people on YouTube who are like, 'sixtieth comment, thumbs up', what is the flippin point? Who cares if your comment is popular or not? And the amount of Justin Beiber hatred comments just makes me feel crabby … you know … like a crab! What did the poor boy ever do to you?"

"It seems on every YouTube video a troll is lurking around ready to upset somebody for no apparent reason." Muttered Gary.

"Trolls scare me as do most mythical monsters." Mumbled Carlton.

"By troll Gary means a person who goes online and tries to upset somebody; like an internet version of Kasimar." Explained Fifi.

"Well that's not very nice." Frowned Carlton.

"And above all; there is one thing that really rings my alarm." Said Xaria with an agitated tone. "Corpse Camp Killing! I mean; have you noticed people in world of Warcraft who kill you and then wait by your characters body and kill you again when you resurrect with half health … and they always find you and do it over and over! Not to mention they're usually a higher level than you, humans players in west fall beware."

"I agree; it's infuriating when the horde players do that." Agreed Hector.

"Amen." Nodded Wallace.

"And I think that wraps up your interview Xaria." Said Sasha. "It's been nice talking to you as it is with almost every contestant; but we've still got four more campers to interview tonight, so would you mind sitting with the rest of the peanut gallery?"

"No problem." Shrugged Xaria as she got up and then sat down next to Oscar.

"Our next guest has ambitions of becoming a singer, has a full body tan, is in a strong relationship with Spider and is responsible for shaving off all of Nakia's hair; give a warm welcome for Quana!"

Quana walked out from backstage and waved to the audience; the audience themselves burst into a thunderous applause. Quana took a seat on the interview chair with a smile on her face.

"Hey guys." Greeted Quana.

"Good to see you Quana." Smiled Eddie as he shook Quana's hand. "The show wouldn't be complete if we didn't have the person who shaved Nakia's hair among us."

"It was a fun job and somebody had to do it; after how she's acted I'd say it was justified." Smirked Quana.

"I agree; in a poll for the winner that was on the website a while back Nakia got dead last with no votes." Said Eddie before stroking his chin in thought. "Though oddly enough Kasimar got a vote."

"That's odd indeed." Blinked Quana.

"So Quana; you got really far in the game and made a lot of friends; what would you say was your favorite part of your time on Total Drama Letterz?" Asked Sasha.

"It's hard to pick just one moment because there are so many moments I really liked." Said Quana in happy remembrance. "I'd say the top three moments were the army challenge since Spider and I both won immunity, the talent show even though my team lost … and of course; me and Spider's first kiss."

"If somebody wrote a book about you two it should be titled something like, 'The Princess and the Spider'; I'd buy it." Smiled Zita as she rested her head in her hands.

"I've got to ask you this Quana; you're part Hispanic right?" Began Sasha.

"Yep; on my mum's side." Nodded Quana.

"Well; can you speak any Spanish?" Asked Sasha curiously.

"Ironically; despite the fact I have Hispanic heritage I cannot speak Spanish very well. Language classes are something I've always had difficulty in … but I can understand Spanish perfectly." Explained Quana.

"So you wouldn't mind if I said, 'Yo era la persona que hizo la inclinación torre inclinada'?" Asked Wallace casually.

"…Wallace; I know you weren't the person who made the leaning tower lean as it does." Said Quana with an eye roll. "Wait; you speak Spanish?"

"Fluently." Nodded Wallace. "Language classes are something I'm quite good at; all villains must be able to talk to foreigners for evil purposes right? I can speak English, Spanish, Russian, French, Ukrainian, Turkish and, of course, Italian since I'm Italian myself."

"I fear for the world if you ever got into political power." Said Xaria in a deadpan voice.

"You've mentioned in the past that The Circle of Life is your favorite song." Noted Eddie. "But what is your least favorite song? One that you cannot stand at all?"

"That's a tough one … but I think I have an answer; one song that really drives me up the wall is 'My Humps' by the black eyed peas; I like the band but that song was so very annoying. My advice … bring earplugs!"

"One of the biggest things to happen to you on the show was your relationship with Spider." Said Sasha with a sweet smile. "Care to tell us what you think of him and how you hit it off?"

"Well; there is somebody for everyone right? Sometimes it's not immediately obvious who you belong with." Giggled Quana with a blush. "He's smart and sweet; despite all the obstacles in his life Spider still gets by. I just love him a lot!"

"So is he a good kisser?" Asked Sasha with a sly smirk.

"And did you enjoy your game of footsies?" Grinned Eddie.

"First of all, he's a very good kisser. Out of ten I give him a thirty seven." Grinned Quana with a goofy love struck expression. "And second … it was a spur of the moment thing! I'm willing to bet other couples here have got cuddly together or at least have thought about it!"

Gary and Raven exchanged a nervous and embarrassed glance and tried to keep their faces passive.

"Fair enough." Shrugged Sasha. "How about this then; how did you get a full body tan?"

Quana blanched and looked nervous.

"As a detective I was able to deduce how pretty easily." Said Eddie with a playful smirk.

"Me too!" Giggled Irene.

"I know as well; it would be evil to tell everyone … but it would be more evil to leave everyone in suspense! Mwahahahahahaha!"

All eyes were on Quana and she grinned nervously.

"Ask me no questions and I shall tell you no lies." Said Quana smoothly. "That's all you're getting."

"I don't blame you for saying that." Agreed Eddie. "So onto the next question. You and Nakia didn't get along; you had a hate-hate conflict through and through. How did you feel when she was voted off?"

"In one word … Yeehaw!" Whooped Quana. "It was a brilliant comeuppance for her; her chances of winning gone along with all of her hair. I've been thinking of a few bald jokes that I'll make when she's on stage."

"When she went after Spider with a pipe I thought she had lost her mind." Said Andy in an almost distant tone.

"Her mind is clouded." Stated Hector.

"Here's another question Quana; how did you feel when you were voted off?" Asked Sasha sympathetically. "Along with Kasimar you were voted off unfairly and completely unlike Kasimar you did not deserve it."

"It felt horrible." Reflected Quana sadly. "When it came down to me and Spider I was just so stunned. Kasimar was definitely supposed to be going that night; I now know that Tabitha unplugged the camera so that the votes didn't count. I admit that her strategy was clever … all I ask is why; why did she do it?"

"Because she's a horrible, lousy, festering meanie!" Frowned Uzuri in an almost cute way.

"But she did seem very horrified when Mable was hurt during the pinball challenge … and with what he did tonight." Pointed out Oscar. "I don't like her, far from it, but still, I doubt she's as evil as Kasimar. Maybe just a little less."

"Maybe so; but she plays through lies and deception; she's as bad as Russell Hantz!" Pouted Uzuri.

"One last question Quana." Said Eddie. "Out of the remaining five contestants who would you like to win? Though really this should be a no brainer to everyone."

"You got it; I would most like Spider to win. I think he really deserves it; and not just because he's my boyfriend." Swooned Quana. "Though if Spider doesn't win I wouldn't mind if Eleanor won; after what Kasimar did to her she deserves something to make up for it."

"Absolutely." Agreed Eddie as he took out a large sack of letters from behind his chair. "You are quite popular with the fans it seems; I'm a bit of a fan myself ... I had five bucks on you winning."

"Sorry to disappoint you." Smiled Quana.

"Don't worry about it." Assured Eddie as he opened the first letter. "Dear Quana; you've made Total Drama Letterz a really enjoyable show. Watching you and Spider fall in love and hoping everything would work out ok was a really exciting thing to watch! I'm such a 'Spana' shipper! I wish you all the best and I bet that if Chris McCrap got fired you'd make a wonderful hostess. Yours sincerely, Bea."

"That was a nice letter; but why does everyone show such an interest in other peoples love lives?" Asked Quana.

"Because on a reality show there is no friggin privacy." Explained Zita.

"Except in the showers." Said Xaria with a smirk.

"This next letter is from Xeno." Said Eddie as he began to read the second letter. "Dear Quana; would you like to be a pretty sacrifice to the shark gods when they devour humanity … oh; I'm just going to stop reading…"

Eddie tore up the letter and tossed the pieces behind his armchair.

"We aren't in ancient times people." Said Quana while looking a bit weirded out. "Sacrificing people ended many hundreds of years ago."

"Here's another letter." Said Eddie as he opened the third letter. "Dear Quana; there is something that puzzles me. Early on in the show Nakia was nice to you and you didn't seem to mind her. But now you both detest each other with every fiber of your being. Why is that? From Maslow."

"That's a pretty good question. You see; the reason is that originally I thought that while Nakia wasn't very bright, she may have a heart of gold, like Lindsay from season 1. I quickly realized that I was completely wrong! All she did was whine and go on about hair. But the way she bullied people for no reason really pissed me off … she's really changed into a horrible person throughout the competition … or maybe she was that way in the first place."

"If she was like that all along she didn't hide her true self as well as Tabitha did." Said Mable in disdain.

"It's been nice interviewing you Quana." Smiled Sasha. "But now we've got to move on; but I bet you won't mind waiting a little while for Kasimar's interview … we have a few things planned…"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Grinned Quana as she got up and then sat down next to Carlton.

"Our next guest dresses like a dime store pirate, talks like a pirate too, dates a smart cheerleader and has a soft spot for koi. Give a round of applause for the fan favorite Barney!"

The audience exploded into applause as Barney walked out from backstage on his crutches and slowly sat on the interviewee chair.

"Ahoy me hearties!" Waved Barney to the audience.

"Barney; good to see you." Greeted Sasha with a polite smile. "First of all; how is your leg? Is it healing ok?"

"I'm doing fine." Assured Barney airily. "It wasn't such a serious injury; the doctors reckon I'll be back on both my feet again by the end of the season. I'm a fast healer you see."

"That's good to hear." Said Andy. "And I'm sure Lavender will be happy to hear that as well."

"Here's hoping." Grinned Barney.

"So Barney; first question … boxers or briefs?" Asked Sasha jokingly.

"Boxers; I'm wearing SpongeBob boxers as of this moment." Replied Barney promptly.

"I was only joking; but … I guess that's something to add to the wiki." Chuckled Sasha.

"Barney; you played match maker for Spider and Quana and helped them get together … but how did you know all that stuff if you've never had a relationship before the show?" Asked Eddie.

"In four words; internet, cartoons, comics and Disney yaaar … actually that's six words come to think of it … but yeah; I just picked up on these things over time me heartie." Reflected Barney. "No thanks necessary; I'm just doing my job as a guy with frenchness in his blood savvy."

"I didn't know you were French." Said Vinnie.

"Well he's French American Canadian, that's hardly French." Stated Wallace.

"You have quite a fan base Barney." Said Sasha sounding impressed. "A lot of people were rooting for you to win; in fact, you seem to be the most popular of the contestants judging by the reviews."

"Reviews yaaar?" Repeated Barney.

"The reviews on the website." Explained Sasha. "So; what do you think of having such a large fan base?"

"Well; it feels nice that so many people wanted me to win yaaar … I actually feel kind of bad for letting them down savvy." Said Barney apologetically. "I guess I was liked for my funny personality and quirks right?"

"That's one of the reasons; some liked you because of your love of pirates, others because of how easily you stood up to Kasimar and Nakia." Said Sasha. "Care to guess who has the fewest fans?"

"…Nakia yaaar?" Guessed Barney.

"Bang on." Confirmed Sasha.

"I've got a question for you Barney." Said Eddie suddenly. "We all know you're an A student … why do you hide that fact from everyone?"

"Well … I saw how Harold was treated last season and I didn't really want to experience that yaaar. So I just let out my fun loving side and kept my intelligent side hidden." Explained Barney hesitantly. "Seriously; I like Lord of the Rings, I play D&D, I have a level twenty eight Human paladin … I'm a dork."

"There are worse things than dorks … like hall monitors." Assured Zita.

"And celery." Added Patch.

"Thanks guys." Smiled Barney.

"You were the person directly responsible for ending Nakia's reign of terror in the game; how did it feel to bring about her downfall?" Asked Eddie.

"It felt great; I don't take joy in the suffering of others or anything, but when her hair was gummed up and when I watched Quana shave off Nakia's hair I couldn't help but feel a sense of fulfillment."

"That is completely natural; everyone likes seeing their worst enemies get what's coming to them." Said Hector.

"Apart from the enemies themselves." Pointed out Fifi.

"True, true." Agreed Hector.

"In three words how would you describe Lavender?" Asked Sasha.

"Smart, sexy and sweetie." Replied Barney with a goofy grin. "But could I use a few more words next time?"

"Luckily for you my next question is what are your overall thoughts on your relationship with Lavender?" Asked Sasha with a very sweet smile.

"Well; where to begin me hearties?" Said Barney with a blush. "I really think we have something good going for us. We had kind of been attracted to each other before we hooked up savvy and I did always like smart girls. She's smart and despite the fact she looks like she'd be mean she's actually one of the nicest people I've ever met and probably will meet yaaar. Plus … well … she's a really good kisser! Yaaaar!"

"Boy; all this talk of love makes me wish I had a relationship." Lamented Irene.

"Maybe you'll find somebody someday." Said Mable supportively.

"But not Oscar!" Said Xaria friendlily.

"No problems there." Giggled Irene shyly.

"What was your favorite challenge?" Asked Sasha curiously.

"Probably the boat race; I really enjoyed it and Team Puzzle won! Yo ho!" Grinned Barney.

"Before we get to the fan mail, here is one more question." Said Sasha. "Who do you want to win out of the remaining five?"

"Lavender without the slightest high tide of doubt yaaar." Declared Barney. "While I'd be fine with anyone but Tabitha winning I personally want Lavender to win the most … you know, because she's my girlfriend and all yaaar."

"Time for the fan mail." Said Eddie. "Where's Barney's fan mail Sasha?"

"Be right back." Said Sasha as she quickly ran backstage.

Sasha returned a few moments later dragging a giant sack of letters behind her. She flopped down onto her armchair looking tired and took a letter out of the sack.

"Ok; let's get right to the fan mail." Said Sasha as she opened the first letter. "Dear Barney; are you on Team Edward or Team Jacob? From Meggy. Oh great; another twilight fan."

"Well; seeing as I'm a guy who isn't a softie or obsessed with pickles … I'm on Team I don't give a crad!" Replied Barney. "I prefer Lord of the Rings and the CHERUB series."

"What would pickles have to do with … in fact; it's probably best that I don't even ask." Said Sasha with an amused shake of her head as she opened another letter. "Dear Barney; if Sir Topham Hatt hot into a fight with a giant hippopotamus who would win? From Ronald. … That's … a bit odd."

"That's a very good question." Said Barney in a serious tone. "When it comes to physical strength most people would be expecting the hippo to win … but I assure you that such a conclusion is complete and utter crap. For you see … the actually winner if the fight would be … the hippo's angry mail man."

"Err … what?" Blinked Gary.

"You see; Sir Topham Hatt and the hippo share a hate-kill relationship and often send each other death threats savvy? The mail man, due to pressure of his job, would eventually get fed up and do the rightful thing. March up to the hippo's house, knock down the door, stop for a drink of ale yaaar… and grind the hippo into several tens of kilo's of hippo bacon that will feed Sir Topham Hatt for many months to come. It's delicious and also quite nutritious yaaar. Mmmmm … bacon."

"… Oooooooookaaaaay." Said Andy in confusion.

"Quite an intelligent debate Barney." Said Uzuri in understanding.

"You understood that nonsense?" Asked Vinnie.

"Of course; who wouldn't?" Smiled Uzuri.

"Let's read one more letter." Said Sasha as she opened a third letter. "Dear Barney; do you like fluffernutter? From Kelsey."

"Indeed I do like Fluffernutter; such a cute little wolf!" Grinned Barney.

"…I'm not even going to try and make sense of that." Chuckled Sasha. "It's been a pleasure having you on the show Barney; but we have to interview the next guest even though I'm sure all of us can't stand her. Could you sit with the others?"

"Not problem gamer girl." Nodded Barney. "Could somebody on the bottom row move so I can sit down? Only that I can't really climb to the top while on crutches yaaar."

"Okey dokie pokey." Said Patch dumbly as he climbed to the middle row while Barney slowly sat down on the bottom row of the peanut gallery sofa.

"Our next guest returned to the game and caused misery, she tried to cripple Spider with a pipe, obsessed over her stupid hair and in a twist of irony ended up bald; you love her, you hate her ... well, you hate her anyway, here's Nakia!"

The audience booed with no cheering but nobody came out onto stage.

"Get out there; by contract you have to get interviewed!" Said an adult's voice from backstage.

"No! You can't make me you ugly person!" Whined a very whiny voice that sounded like a whine.

A few moments later Nakia was pushed out from backstage and onto the main stage; instantly a few people threw rotten tomato's and other foul things at her. Nakia was wearing a wig that resembled her hair before it got shaved off. Nakia slipped on a tomato skid stain and fell over; her wig flew off and landed in the audience.

"Alright! A souvenir!" Cheered a member of the audience.

Nakia's bald head was now revealed and she wailed in horror as she shakily sat down on the interviewee chair.

"So; we meet again Nakia." Said Eddie. "But something seemed different about you the last time we saw each other; what could it be?"

"Oh I know! She had hair last time!" Chimed in Sasha.

"Shut up!" SCREAMED Nakia in rage. "I do not deserve this!"

"Actually you kind of do; you tried to cripple Spider with a pipe! That's way past normal horridness." Frowned Sasha.

"He deserved it!" Said Nakia with a smirk while trying to ignore the audience members who were laughing at her baldness.

"In what way did he deserve that?" Asked Eddie. "He never did anything wrong; you were just being a whiny, self absorbed brat."

"Because his hair is ugly; are you that retarded?" Asked Nakia with an ugly sneer.

"Well you're not much better; are you bald or is your head blowing a bubble?" Asked Eddie.

Everyone in the audience and peanut gallery began laughing while Nakia began to turn bright red in anger.

"Bald jokes are so evil and offensive! Mwahahahahaha! … Let me try." Grinned Wallace. "Nakia; every time you take a shower you get brain washed!"

Everyone laughed again while Nakia screamed in anger.

"Shut up you #bleep# crippled retarded autistic losers!" Screamed Nakia in fury.

Everyone was silent after what Nakia had said.

"That isn't very nice." Said Uzuri looking quite hurt. "I'm autistic."

"It's probably why you're such a loser!" Sneered Nakia.

"Let me at her!" Growled Vinnie while Wallace and Zita held him back. "C'mon! Let me mess her up!"

"As deserved as it would be she's not worth the trouble." Said Zita while glaring at Nakia in anger.

While Vinnie had been restrained Quana had stood up and walked towards Nakia. She stopped a few steps away from her and looked at Nakia with … pity.

"Oh; you gonna tell me off? As if." Laughed Nakia insidiously.

"You know Nakia … I pity you. I pity you because you are too shallow, prejudiced and horrid to ever to able to live a good life and experience all the things that most of the rest of us can. You'll never find love because nobody would want you after how you've acted. You'll probably never get your so called 'popularity' back now that everyone knows what you are like. And the thing I pity about you the most … is that you're so boring; you're like a stuck record. Seriously Nakia; grow up."

The audience applauded Quana while Nakia looked completely stunned. After a couple of seconds she snarled.

"Shut up you Hispanic Horse! Go back to the ghetto." Frowned Nakia.

"That's it! It's go time!" Growled Quana as she lifted Nakia above her head and tossed her off the stage.

Nakia landed in a large tub of hair; shaved hair of people from all around the world that Eddie and Sasha found on Ebay.

"AAAAAAAAAARGH!" Screamed Nakia as she leapt out of the hair and ran out of the showing room in humiliation.

Quana took a few deep breaths as everyone else applauded her; she sat back down in her seat and looked sheepish.

"I don't know what came over me." Admitted Quana.

"Don't worry; that was VERY satisfying." Smirked Fifi.

"Looks like we won't be reading her fan mail." Said Eddie.

"It was all hate mail anyway." Shrugged Sasha. "Shall we move onto the final guest?"

"Might as well; I have been really looking forward to this. Ga'fahahaha!" Laughed Eddie while rubbing his hands together in an almost sinister way.

"Let's get ready to dish out karma; a dish best served with a side of fries." Grinned Sasha. "Our final guest of the night crossed the moral event horizon, terrorized and tormented his competition throughout his stay on Wawanakwa, put the moves on several unlucky girls and in the end was defeated by a child. Get ready to boo and jeer because here's Kasimar!"

Kasimar hobbled out from backstage; he was covered in bumps, grazes and bruises. He also had some bandages around him and had his left arm in a sling. His mohawk also had a piece ripped right off. The crowd booed loudly and threw things at Kasimar such as rotten fruit, empty cans, full cans, rocks and even, somehow, a bicycle. Kasimar wailed in pain as he sat down on the interviewee chair; even in his current state he still had a nasty expression and looked scary.

"So Kasimar … we finally meet." Said Eddie. "The displeasure is mine."

"Shut up douche nozzle!" Spat Kasimar.

"We just want to ask you a few questions." Said Sasha. "Nothing more and nothing less … maybe."

"Fine; ask away, but piss me off and I will kill you." Growled Kasimar.

"First of all; you are quite a sadistic sociopath. You've committed so many atrocities throughout the game; all that for money? The disturbing part is that not only ado you show no remorse … but you actually enjoyed doing what you did." Said Sasha sounding a little unnerved.

"Duh; I just love seeing people in pain. It really creates a pleasant feeling when I see somebody in agony or crying." Chuckled Kasimar. "Eleanor's tears were magnificent to behold and Mable's bloody wound was very satisfying. It's a form of art like the poster I have of a naked women being hanged."

"…You are a sick fuck." Said Xaria in repulsion.

"Did you by any chance escape from hell?" Asked Gary.

"He's certainly going there when he dies sad and alone." Murmured Raven.

"Say whatever you please; your anger and ill feeling towards me just amuses me." Smirked Kasimar.

"What was your, dare I say it, favorite moment during the competition?" Asked Eddie while looking disgusted.

"I'd say … when I killed Eleanor's rat." Shrugged Kasimar. "Just doing my bit to help with overpopulation."

"Well; I bet your least favorite moment was when you were deservedly voted off and humiliated." Countered Sasha.

"He cried like a little baby." Grinned Oscar. "Like I always said; he's a coward."

"Shut up!" Screamed Kasimar.

"Want to know how you were voted off?" Asked Sasha.

"I bet Tabitha backstabbed me; I oughta stab her in the heart for that." Growled Kasimar.

"Actually … it was Jimmy who was responsible for your downfall." Smirked Eddie. "Can you guess how?"

"Like a weakling like him could do that to me; I'm big and he's small." Bragged Kasimar.

"Well; he did defeat you." Smirked Eddie. "He switched the votes on you before the ceremony. Jimmy has a crush on Eleanor you see; and you should know that Jimmy doesn't like it when somebody upsets his friends to tears."

"Not at all." Nodded Barney.

"What… … …" Whispered Kasimar while sounding completely stunned.

"I think we've wasted enough time now; it's time for the real fun to start." Said Sasha with a snarl at Kasimar as she took out a remote and pressed a button.

Instantly metal binds emerged from the interviewee chair and Kasimar was completely restrained; he squirmed and struggled but he was unable to free himself.

"Oi! Let me out!" Threatened Kasimar. "I'll hurt you if you don't!"

"You don't seem to be in a position to make threats." Said Sasha as she pressed a red button on the remote.

ZAP!

Kasimar was electrocuted as electricity spread throughout the chair. He screamed in pain.

"My turn!" Grinned Eddie as Sasha passed him the remote.

ZAP!

"OW!" Wailed Kasimar.

"Come on guys; everyone gets a go; pass the remote around." Said Eddie as he gave the remote to Yessica.

ZAP

ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP!

ZAP!

Kasimar was soon looking blackened and injured; he looked like he was about to cry.

Finally the remote came to Oscar.

"This is going to hurt you WAY more than it's going to hurt me." Grinned Oscar as he pressed the button hard.

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

"Owwwww!" Wailed Kasimar as he began to cry.

"I think the remote is busted." Said Oscar. "The electrocution is stuck on."

"…Who cares?" Asked Xaria.

"I think before we end the show we can do one more thing." Grinned Eddie.

As the remote was handed back to Eddie he pressed a different button … and from the intercom around the room the SpongeBob Squarepants theme song began to play … loudly.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SpongeBob Squarepants!

"Nooooooooooooo!" Screamed Kasimar while still getting electrocuted.

"And that's about all the time we have." Said Sasha. "We hope you've enjoyed the show; I sure have. We'll be back in a few days with three new guests to interview so sit tight!"

"From me Eddie Lynmoire, goodnight." Said Eddie.

"And from me Sasha Tasset goodnight." Waved Sasha.

"And see you next time." Said Eddie and Sasha in usion.

"And we're off the air; good job you two." Said a camera intern.

The ex campers and audience minus Kasimar began to disperse but before Sasha got out the door Kasimar wailed.

"Let me out! Help!" Sobbed Kasimar.

"Don't worry; we'll come back and let you out … when we start to care." Smirked Sasha. "TTFN; ta tah for now!"

Sasha left the room while Kasimar screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Screamed Kasimar in great pain and despair.


And that's that! Kasimar and Nakia have both got what they deserve … and maybe more humiliation will be in store … maybe. I hope you all enjoyed the episode; let me know what you think by writing a review!

Next Time: Wallace is up to no good and it's up to the final five to stop him!