A note: Elissa finds out something about choices and consequences. As always, indebted to my Beta Kubar.
Disclaimer: Bah
The Elven Alienage was rather all Elissa had feared. What she had not expected was to be struck with admiration for the Elves they met who somehow managed to keep their heads high and their integrity intact despite the horrible conditions they were living in.
She was no stranger to the fact that the all the elves she had met in her life, except for Zevran who always seemed to be an exception in any regard, had been servants. And not only servants, she reminded herself, but performing the most menial tasks. She had briefly wondered why they did not all run away to join the Dalish, but leaving house and home for the unknown was easier said than done she guessed. It had been a long time since she felt such satisfaction in killing humans as when she dispatched these Trevinter slavers one by bloody one. She grinned at Alistair as they were standing side by side, hands on knees, regaining their breath.
"I'm so glad to have you with me." He panted.
"As long as you need me I'll be there." she promised.
"Lovebirds! We have more coming this way now!" Leliana warned while grabbing a new handful of arrows from her quiver. She looked like an avenging Goddess.
Alistair straightened with a groan. "Why does everyone feel free to boss me around lately? I swear you are a bad influence on morale Elissa."
"I certainly hope so." she quipped back.
"Oh do shut up, or I might feel tempted to singe one of you. You are quite sickening." the Witch muttered.
Elissa would have liked to say afterwards that she had never felt tempted by the Trevinter Mage that offered them the opportunity to greatly enhance their bodies at the cost of the lives of the Elven slaves and his freedom. As if she would have let him get away with his life after taking such a deal. She had been tempted, yes. She could even had rationalized saying the deed was intended to stop the Blight, but she knew she could not. Maybe Riordan had been wrong, she was not ready to do anything after all.
She left the Alienage behind her with a mixture of hope and despair.
She rejoined her companions as they were dining in the guards hall. She knew she could have insisted to join Alistair and Eamon at their formal meal, but she had no heart to witness the Arl slowly weaving the net tighter around his would-be-king tonight. She wanted to laugh with her friends this evening, and forget about the Landsmeet and what it would entail.
Eamon had suggested she should visit the Queen who for some reason had expressed a sudden desire to speak with her. Elissa would rather have her eyebrows shaved off than having a chit-chat with Anora. She made no mention of that to the Arl though.
The Prince came running up to her the moment she entered, Sten must have fetched him from the kennels. When the Marbari had finished his worship of her face she was pleasantly surprised to notice the Senior Warden seated with the others. Zevran was obviously regaling him with one of their exploits, no doubt exaggerating his own part just a bit.
"Good to see you again Riordan. I suggest you filter that story heavily for the truth." Elissa smiled as she squeezed down between the Assassin and the Bard
"That leaves the ands, the buts, and a few wherefores." Leliana reached behind Elissa's back to poke the elf with a finger.
"Always you twist the knife in my heart with your cruelty." The elf exclaimed. "Now you must both kiss me before I bleed to death."
Elissa obliged by giving him a peck on the cheek, before reaching across the table. "Now! You know the drill friends, hand over every morsel of food left."
"One cookie I will give you, no more! You'll get fat and slovenly." The Qunari tossed her a small biscuit that she neatly caught with her mouth, to general applause.
The rest of the meal went on in the same vein. The mood was exhilarated. Together they had faced the most gruesome trials and triumphed. Zevran and Oghren started a drinking contest which they tried to get Riordan to join. He declined with a wink at her saying he had already judged the competition, and it was way to fierce for him. Elissa hid her face in her tankard to escape the jeering.
Sten and Leliana showed off a few tricks they had taught The Prince. Calling in the others to judge which was the best. Sten had the Marbari roll over and play dead at the command of 'Dwarf breath' and the Bard had taught him to cover his eyes and whine piteously at the sound of 'Elissa naked'. It was a close call until Morrigan triumphantly exclaimed.
"Go find the Templar!" The Prince obediently stormed out and returned with an old shoe which Morrigan pretended to give a careful inspection before stating. "Oh so very close, but still too smart and too sweet smelling." Naturally she won hands down.
As the banter continued to fly around the table Elissa suddenly noticed something that made her pause. The Witch was turning on a level of charm at the Senior Warden she had never known she had in her. Riordan seemed amused, and why not? The witch was certainly beautiful. In her mind she could hear Alistair mutter 'She's up to something.' This made her suddenly long for his company. It was not right that Alistair was absent tonight. This was where he belonged, not cooped up with Eamon. She decided to go and get him.
At the mention of her name Elissa's hand stopped before touching the handle on the door to the Arl's study. She was not proud of it but she needed to hear what Eamon was saying to Alistair. How else could she counter it? "The Cousland girl again? I understand that you are infatuated by her, I may be old but not blind."
"I'm not infatuated by her. I love her." Alistair said simply.
"This is unfortunate. That will make it harder for you to do what has to be done."
"What has to be done? I don't understand this constant insistence that I should put her aside. I have agreed to be put forward as a pretender to the throne. Is that not enough for you?"
"I've told you a dozen times already. You must marry a woman with connections that will bolster your power, not someone who's family is extinct."
"If I manage to become King, that would surely not be your decision." She could hear him retorting with anger in his voice. She almost wanted to cheer him on.
"That is what your father would have wanted." the Arl played one of his better cards.
Elissa could envision Alistair starting to wander restlessly around the room drawing his hand through his hair in the manner he always adopted when pressed.
"I know nothing of my father or his wishes. I don't care." he said, but a bit less certain now.
"But you care about the realm, about Ferelden? Did not this Grey Warden, what was his name, Duncan, teach you anything about honor and duty?"
"He did. More than anyone else have ever done." That was as much of a challenge as Alistair would allow himself, and only because the Arl had made the mistake of drawing Duncan into the game. Elissa nodded with approval.
As if sensing the same The Arl's tone changed, became fatherly instead of stern. "Alistair, don't get me wrong, I knew your father better than almost any man. I know he would approve of you. You are a fine young man, your heart is in the right place. It is not your fault you were not prepared for this future. "Damn, the old fox was craftier than she would have thought." She reached out for Alistair, she could sense confusion and conflicting emotions together with a sense of hopelessness.
"I would let you follow you heart if I could." the Arl continued in his most reasonable tone. Elissa did not believe one word. "But I can't. The safety of the realm must be put before both our desires. Surely you see that." Stubborn silence followed.
When the silence continued to grow she could hear Eamon speak again."Alistair, you know I will help you as much as I can, but you must have a queen of statue, to bear your children. To ensure the continuance of the realm. The lack of offspring from Cailan is what have caused this unrest, just when we need unity the most."
"My children?" She could sense that he was really shaken now. Why? She was as able as anyone else she guessed, if they survived the blight.
The Arl must have seen something in Alistair's face that made him pause. She could imagine him laying a hand on his wards shoulder. "Perhaps I was tactless. In which case I apologize, son. Plenty of time to think of that later." The Arl seemed as perplexed at Alistair's reaction as she was. "Maybe you should rest. You have had a hard day and another is ahead of you."
"Thank you. I think I will." The image of herself was suddenly projected from Alistair's mind with a desperate sense of urgency.
She and The Prince managed to beat a hasty retreat, and she was to answer the door in an almost normal voice. "Come in." The Marbari was still agitated, in his mind all this running was some kind of game and predictably assaulted Alistair as he opened the door.
"Down! Down I tell you beast." He tried to catch her eye, pleading for her to call in the Marbari.
"Down." Elissa barked. Immediately the dog went to lay at the feet of the bed. "What could be the reason for this nocturnal visit?" she enquired, trying to keep her tone light.
Alistair sank down on her bed. "There is something I need you to know. Something I should have told you a long time ago" Her heart skipped a beat but she managed to keep her voice steady.
"How much you have missed me?" she sat down at his side.
"That too." he turned to look her in the eye with a smile, but she could tell it did not reach his eyes. When she said nothing, he rose restlessly to stand at the window.
"You're scaring me." she whispered.
He closed his eyes for a moment as if collecting himself. "There's one more thing about being a Grey Warden I still haven't told you."
She was perfectly still. "Such as?"
"You will probably never be able to bear a child, being a man I might. The two of us together, almost impossible." He did not meet her eyes. "I'm so sorry I kept it from you. I was afraid, I hoped it would never matter."
This was really too much. Suddenly he was a stranger to her. The man she loved, the man who she had been certain would always give her the truth. She managed to keep her voice calm as she asked him.
"And what suddenly brought this little lapse to mind."
"Nothing, I just realized I had never told you that's all." he glanced away as he said it. "Alistair Theirin, you really are a horrible liar." she thought bitterly.
"There will be no pattering of little Grey Warden feet for the two of us then, is that what you are trying to say?"
"More or less." he was finding the shadows cast by the candles on the walls fascinating.
What could she say, she had not walked into this relationship blind-folded, she had had strong suspicions where it would end, yet, in her foolishness she had let herself cling to hope. Now it was time to face the truth. She went up to him and drew her hands along his sides.
"Even if I wish you had told me earlier that is not your fault." he buried his head in her chest nearly crushing her in the process. "I'm so sorry, for everything." She acknowledged his pain, past, present and future.
"Sssh, we'll get by somehow." She kissed his neck. He responded with a desperate urgency and the way he seemed to commit every inch of her body to memory told her all she needed to know. As soon as he was asleep Elissa silently buckled on her armor, tonight she would not be a broken hearted woman, but a warrior. This time she was ready to do what was necessary.
