A/N: This is a really long chapter! You've been warned.
Chapter 44: Fred
The day went on fairly smoothly. Harry had nearly finished all his homework when he checked the time. 2 am. I've been here a while. He looked around the common room, the fire was dying and he remembered the day Sirius talked to him through it. Tears prickled at his eyes. He tried to blink them back but failed. His tiredness fueled the emotional fire. He knelt on the floor in front of the smoldering embers, tears streaming down his face, hoping that somehow Sirius would appear again. Harry shook his head at his own absurdity and picked up a piece of glass from within the fireplace. He cared not about its origin as he pressed it into his wrist, hissing. The relief hit instantly. Tears streamed down his face, splattering in the blood streams on his arm. He sighed and leaned against the couch behind him.
"Hey, mate," a voice said quietly behind him. Harry jumped and threw the bloody glass into the fireplace as he turned to face the intruder. He squinted in the low light but couldn't see who it was.
"Who's there?" He quietly demanded, while trying to pull his robes over his injured arm. A figure walked closer. Fred. Harry thought as the light illuminated the ginger hair. "Oh. Hi."
"Hi," Fred said with a hint of sarcasm. "Are you alright Harry?"
"'M fine," Harry mumbled, distracted by the puddle of blood forming on his sleeve.
"May I see?" He asked sincerely. Harry didn't know why, maybe it was the late hour or possibly because he was just giving up, but he pulled back his sleeve. Fred stepped closer and knelt beside Harry, studying the bleeding slit. He grimaced slightly but quickly concealed it. Harry noticed and pulled back. "It's not what you think. I… I 'm not judging you. I remember a time when I was here, in a similar position. Exactly where you are now." Harry looked up quizzically, tears dripping from the corners of his eyes. Here," Fred said softly, taking Harry's arm and waving his wand. The blood disappeared from the carpet, but was still dripping down his arm. "Do you have-" before he could finish his question, Harry pulled a gauze wrap out of his school bag and wrapped it around his arm.
"There," Harry said, trying to break the uncomfortable silence. When Fred still didn't reply he said, "What do you mean you've been here before?"
Fred sighed. "A while back, I was going through some rough stuff. My grades were slipping—but not for the reasons you're thinking. I had a boyfriend. I was trying to hide him from everyone… My parents, George, Ron… I wasn't exactly out yet. I'm still not. Anyway, since I was with George all the time, I had to sneak away at night to see him. The lack of sleep was draining and I started falling asleep in classes, professors began worrying… Eventually I started considering breaking it off. I was going to—before we left for the summer. But that night I walked to his room to tell him, he was waiting for me…" He trailed off lost in his own thoughts.
The scent of coffee hung in the air. His platinum blonde hair glowed in the moonlight creeping through his windows. He walked closer to me, whispering my name, I could tell he'd been crying. "What's wrong?" I asked but he didn't answer, he just pulled me into a hug and cried into my shoulder. When he looked into my eyes, I saw the desire, the wanting, his need. He pulled me gently toward his bed, passionately kissing me as he never had before. We made love for the first time… two virgins intertwined in the sweet agony of sex. "I love you, I love you," he whispered until we fell asleep. The next morning I woke with the sun, he was already awake beside me, stroking my hair. When I opened my eyes, he smiled back a sad smile and whispered "I love you Fred." I loved him too, he stared at me, on the verge of tears. "I love you too." He visibly relaxed before me with my admission, pulling me closer to his side. I could feel his ribs against mine, then his lips were on my chest, making their way up. My neck, my jaw, finally my lips. We would have made love again, had we not been interrupted. Severus Snape burst through the door without warning. He and I jumped apart, but the potions master saw enough. He stared with an empty expression for a minute straight. Just as my blonde angel and I exchanged worried glances, he spoke. "I hope you two are happy." There was a clear sincerity in his voice, he knew love when he saw it. When neither of us replied, he spoke again. "Get dressed and get to class, both of you" he added, staring at me. He turned on his heel and left. My blonde angel turned to me as we pulled our clothes on. "I told my dad." I knew what he meant, he'd come out to his father. I stared back at him not knowing what to say. "He told me… He said I…" He started crying again. I tried to hug him but he pushed me away and walked to his trunk. He walked over to me and handed me a letter:
No son of mine will lay with a man.
That was it. One sentence. I turned to my angel and pulled him into a hug. He mumbled something about his mum into my shoulder. She was dead, killed in a horrible muggle car accident. She would have accepted him. I held my angel until he relaxed. We finished dressing and walked to potions together. The following three days of school were gone in a blur and before I knew it, I was bidding my love farewell for the summer. We promised to write.
Harry cleared his throat and Fred was pulled back to reality and sighed. He wasn't sure when he had started crying, only that Harry was now handing him a tissue. "Where were we?" Fred asked as he took the tissue, not sure of when he stopped speaking.
"You went to your secret lover's room," Harry whispered.
"Right. In short, we made love that night. It was…. Both our first times." Harry smiled at him, encouraging him to go on. "That morning, we woke up beside each other. We would have done it again, but Snape came in the room and told us to get dressed and ready for classes" Harry gasped and Fred smirked.
"What did he say?"
"Just to get to class," Fred lied. "Anyway, my love was upset because he'd gotten a letter from his father saying 'No son of mine will lay with a man'. He showed it to me before we went to potions that day. There were only a few days left of the school year… on the last day, we promised we would write over the summer
"A week in, I owled him." He recited the letter from memory:
Angel,
I miss you already! How's the summer going? Mum's got me doing more chores than I could imagine. I really hate chores and can't wait until I can use magic outside school. Won't that be great? All the pranks George and I play at school, we could do at home! I have to go, mum's calling! I love you lots, hope to hear from you soon!
Love,
Fred
"A couple weeks passed and I'd heard nothing from him. I thought it remarkably odd, but waited patiently. Eventually, a letter came. The handwriting was messy, the parchment wrinkled and blood-splattered. It looked as though it was written in a hurry:
Fred,
I love you so much. So undeniably much. Please don't forget that. You're my best friend and lover. Thank you for everything you've given me. You're an angel. I'm sorry it has to be like this. You made my life worth living. I'm sorry I won't be able to hold on for you. I love you. I love you so much. You always called me Angel… now I'm going to be one… I'll be in the sky protecting you, Freddie. Please don't write back. I love you.
Love,
Angel."
Fred looked up to see Harry staring at him teary-eyed, but nodding for him to go on.
"I read the letter five times before the words sank in. I couldn't stop the tears streaming down my face, I was numb and cold. There was a knock at my door but I ignored it. Later that night I pulled myself together long enough to go to dinner. When I returned to my room I cried, I don't know how long. The summer passed slowly. I did my chores and hid my pain as much as I could. George noticed and kept asking about it. Eventually he got sick of hearing "nothing" and quit asking. I wanted to feel SOMETHING again, so I picked up a kitchen knife and cut. I felt the pain…. At least it wasn't numbness.
"Finally summer came to a close and I was anxious. I hoped there was some way that my blonde angel was okay. I boarded the Hogwarts Express and searched high and low for him, but he wasn't on the train. I didn't eat at the feast that night. Come to think of it, I hadn't eaten much at all lately. George kept looking at me as though I was going to vanish into thin air, fear plastered in his eyes. Merlin, I wanted to disappear. After the feast, on my way back to my dormitory, Snape stopped me and told me to come to his office. When we arrived, he sat me down and told me my angel was dead. I didn't cry, I'm not sure how I managed it but I asked, 'how?' Snape grimaced and I knew it couldn't have been good. He explained that the ministry had been contacted when my angel had done accidental magic. When the ministry arrived, they found my love's body stuffed in a closet. He'd been beaten to death. There was evidence of magic used against him as well. An autopsy revealed his body channeled his raw magic and cast shields around him, but it was too late. I nodded to Snape and thanked him, leaving his office.
"The following weeks were terrible. Everywhere I turned, I saw him. Everyone started avoiding me and there were malicious rumors of how my angel died. The only thing I wanted to do was sleep… I had the most peaceful dreams I'd ever had before," Fred took a deep breath before going on. "George started forcing me to leave my room. He didn't know what exactly was wrong, but figured it had to do with the student that 'died a horrible death' over the summer." He smiled slightly. "He made me go to all the classes, meals and extra-curricular things I could manage. All I wanted was to crawl back in my bed and go back to dream-world. One night, I had a particularly vivid dream. I was with Angel and he was telling me about his little brother, how worried about him he was. I promised him I would try to talk to his brother and help him out. I did manage to have a word with him, but the boy didn't care to speak to me. The next night, I told Angel that. He nodded and said that he understood. I asked why he was in my dreams. "Because you need me," was his reply. He was right. I did need him. One night I asked him if we could do what we did the last night I came to his room. Angel shook his head slowly and said 'they let me see you and help you, but for an angel to lay with someone who is still mortal will destroy the balance of the world. I'm sorry. I love you and I'm waiting for you to come home.' Eventually the number of times I saw him in my dreams became less and less. He still comes about occasionally and we talk as though no time has passed," Fred concluded with a distant look on his face and sighed. Harry didn't know what to say. "Mum still doesn't know about me, though. She has her suspicions."
"Does Ron know?" Harry asked, grateful for something to say.
"I'm honestly not sure. The only one I've told is George." And I guess you know now." He smiled at Harry. He smiled back and yawned. "Get to bed, Harry, you need some sleep," he said with a small smile.
"G'night, Fred," Harry said, standing. He walked a few steps away and came back.
"Yeah?" Fred asked. In response, Harry wrapped his arms around him.
"Thank you for being here for me. It truly means a lot. I'm so sorry about Angel." Fred pulled him closer, a tear made its way down his cheek. Harry let go and went to bed, leaving Fred alone in the common room.
Fred walked slowly to the window and pressed his hand to the glass, tears in his eyes. "I miss you Angel," he whispered as he looked out over the landscape. He took a white-gold pocket-watch from his pocket and turned it over in his hand. He rubbed his thumb over the initials engraved. ALM. Alexander Lucius Malfoy. The hand on the window suddenly got bitterly cold and Fred smiled. He looked up to see Angel's blue-gray eyes staring back at him, his hand touching the other side of the window. He smiled at Fred, his shimmery, white, feathered wings spanned out brilliantly behind him. "Angel," Fred whispered quietly, "I love you."
"I love you too," he mouthed through the window. He couldn't speak very loudly outside of dreams.
"I miss you, all the time."
"I miss you too," he said softly, melting through the window to stand beside Fred. "Thank you for helping Harry."
"No problem. He's important to me"
"As is Draco?" Angel asked with a smirk, referring to the time Fred helped him. Fred laughed
"Harry's a bit easier than your arrogant little brother." Angel laughed and smiled at him. He kissed him on the cheek.
"I have to go…" Angel said softly.
"Go?"
"Just back to my dream form. Go get some sleep, Freddie. I love you."
"Love you too, see you in my dreams," Fred said as Angel melted out the window. He put his hand back to the glass and kept it there until the chill melted. Sighing, he stood and walked back to his bed. Try as he might, he couldn't sleep. Memories from years ago played through his head as though they happened yesterday.
