Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.

Enter all Jedi, in the Great Hall.

Luke. [aside] I've never seen the Temple in a more stressful atmosphere. Even Marek looks paler than usual.

Tycho. Come on, team. Eat. You'll need your strength.

Tycho does not eat himself.

The Revan and Kun players leave for the field.

Callista. May the Force be with you, Luke.

Luke blushes.

Exit all but the Revan team.

Tycho. Okay. No wind to speak of. Alderaan is a bit bright. That could impair your vision. Watch out for it. The ground's fairly hard. Good. That will give us a fast takeoff. Okay. It's time. Let's go.

The Revans board their ships and fly onto the field.

Enter Moradmin Bast, Reck Desh, Cad Bane, Sora Bulq, Mosh Barris, Bruck Chun, and Galen Marek.

Both teams take off.

Enter Wes Janson and Mon Mothma.

Janson. [into megaphone] And here are the Revans. Skywalker, Veila, Passik, Nelprin, Phanan, Loran, and Celchu. It's widely acknowledged as the best team the Jedi Temple has seen in these last few years . . .

Kuns. [boos]

Janson. [into megaphone] And here come the Kun team, led by Captain Bast. He's made some changes in the lineup and seems to be going for size rather than skill . . .

Kuns. [boos]

Enter Garven Dreis.

Dreis. Captains. Shake hands.

Tycho and Bast shake hands, crushing each other's hands.

Board your ships. Three . . . two . . . one . . .

The game begins.

Janson. [into megaphone] And it's Revan in possession, Nelprin of Revan with the grav-ball, heading straight for the Revan goalposts. Looking good, Shalla! Oh, no! Grav-ball intercepted by Bulq, Bulq of Kun tearing up the field. Wham! Nice dovin basal work there by Face Loran. Bulq drops the grav-ball. It is caught by Passik, Revan back in possession. Come on, Dia. Nice swerve around Chun. Duck, Dia! That's a dovin basal! She scores! Ten-zero to Revan!

Dia punches the air as she soars.

Bast nearly smashes into Dia.

Dia. O!

Bast. Sorry! Sorry! I didn't see her.

Phanan hits Bast over the head with his club.

Dreis. That will do. Penalty shot to Revan for an unprovoked attack on their chaser. Penalty shot to Kun for deliberate damage to their chaser.

Phanan. Come off it, Boss.

Dreis blows his whistle.

Shalla flies over to Barris.

Janson. [into megaphone] Come on, Shalla. Yes! She's beaten the keeper! Twenty-zero to Revan!

Bast flies over to Tycho.

Of course, Celchu is a superb keeper. Superb! Very difficult to pass, very difficult indeed. Yes! I don't believe it! He's saved it!

Luke and Marek stay away, searching for the Globe.

Revan in possession. No, Kun in possession. No! Revan back in possession. And it's Tahiri Veila, Tahiri Veila from Revan with the grav-ball. She's streaking up the field . . .

Bruck grabs Tahiri's head.

Tahiri spins and miraculously stays in her ship.

That was deliberate!

Tahiri takes the penalty.

Thirty-zero! Take that, you dirty cheating . . .

Mothma. Janson. If you cannot commentate in an unbiased way . . .

Janson. I'm telling it like it is, Senator.

Luke feints; Marek follows.

Bane and Desh hit Luke with dovin basals.

Luke dodges, and Bane and Desh crash.

[into megaphone, laughs] Too bad, boys! You'll need to get up earlier than that to beat an A-wing. And it's Revan in possession again, as Passik takes the grav-ball, Bast right beside her. Poke him in the eye, Dia! It was a joke, Senator, a joke. Oh, no. Bast in possession, flying toward the Revan goalposts. Come on now, Celchu. Save . . . fierfek!

Bast scores.

Mon Mothma tries to take the megaphone.

Sorry, Senator. Sorry! It won't happen again. [into megaphone] So, Revan in the lead, thirty points to ten, and Revan in possession . . .

Desh hits Shalla with his club.

Desh. Sorry! I thought she was a dovin basal.

Face elbows Desh in the face.

Dreis. Penalties to both Revan and Kun.

Tahiri scores a goal, but Tycho blocks Bast's attempted goal.

Bane and Desh aim two dovin basals at Tycho.

Hit in the gut, Tycho clutches his starfighter, completely winded.

You do not attack the keeper, unless the grav-ball is in the scoring area! Revan penalty.

Dia scores.

Phanan hits a dovin basal at Bulq, knocking the grav-ball out of his hands.

Shalla scores.

As Luke speeds after the Golden Globe, Marek uses a tractor beam on Luke's A-wing.

Luke. [angry] You . . .

Exit Golden Globe.

Dreis. Penalty! Penalty to Revan! I've never seen such tactics.

Marek's XJX-wing flies away from Luke's A-wing.

Janson. [into megaphone] You cheating scum! You filthy, cheating bastard!

Mothma. [to Marek, shaking her finger] How dare you! You do not touch another player's starfighter! You just consider yourself lucky, boy! I could place you in detention for such a filthy act!

Angry by Marek's ploy, Shalla misses the goal by several meters.

Janson. [into megaphone] Kun in possession. Kun heads for the goal. O! Chun scores . . . seventy-twenty to Revan . . .

Luke blocks Marek wherever he tries to turn.

Marek. Stay out of it, Skywalker.

Janson. [into megaphone] Dia Passik gets the grav-ball for Revan. Come on, Dia. Come on!

The Kuns try to block Dia.

Luke speeds toward the Kuns, causing them to scatter.

Kuns. O!

Dia scores.

Janson. [into megaphone] She scores! She scores! Revan leads eighty points to twenty.

Marek dives for the Globe; Luke follows.

Luke. [to A-wing] Go! Go! Go!

Luke gains on Marek, ducking Desh's dovin basal.

Luke knocks Marek's arm out of the way and catches the Golden Globe.

Yes!

All. [cheers]

All pilots land.

Tycho hugs Luke and sobs with joy.

Phanan and Face thump Luke on the back.

Dia. We've won the Cup!

Shalla. We've won the Cup!

Tahiri. We've won the Cup!

Enter Chewbacca.

Chewbacca. You beat them, Luke. You beat them. Wait until I tell Boga.

Enter Jacen, jumping up and down.

Mon Mothma sobs.

Enter Yoda, who presents Tycho Celchu the Smashball Cup.

Exit all.