So here is that filler episode that we all love and hate. But I thought it was very important to clear up some... I'm not sure, I like references so I thought it would be best to clear some of those up.
When Kakashi first heard of the team he knew what to expect.
They each had files but there was no need to review it. A girl who was born into a civilian family. One that loved and encouraged her with no experience in the shinobi world; a recipe for delusional. The second heir to a prominent clan born in the shadow of his genius brother. Longing for the same respect from his father who only believed in results; until he died. Betrayed by the one person he loved the most and now after revenge and power. And last but not least an orphan. And not just any orphan but one seal with the nine tailed beast that drew fear and hate on the faces of the village and isolated him to become thirsty for attention and recognition.
A melting pot that he wouldn't even feed to the dogs. But the Hokage had been trying to get him to keep a team since God knows when and he had no right to refuse.
He made an excellent Anbu captain so therefore he would make a great teacher right?…. But Anbu never whine, complained, they never wanted…Anything. To Anbu the only thing important was the mission and the village, their own lives came third.
Anbu were not children. He didn't know how Minato or the other jounin did it but teaching children was a punishment worthy of torture and interrogation.
But he took them in and they passed.
It stung to see the Uchiha brat act like him. They had both lost important things, had the sharingan and so he made it his personal project to fix him.
Sakura understood, she wanted Sasuke to improve….
Naruto was the problem.
It was struggle to see Naruto as...Naruto. Because he looked so much like his father sadness kept creeping in. He had expectations that Naruto should be more advance, smarter, mature a prodigy as well and each day it seemed a new level of disappoint filled him. Even Kushina hadn't been this stupid. But he never showed it because he was a good teacher. But it was always there.
Still they were improving, getting better.
And that's why he recommended them for the chunin exams not realizing it would be his greatest regret.
That Orochimaru was there.
That they were planning a war.
That the Shukaku was around.
And all his plans began to burn.
Sasuke began to close off again, Sakura was worried and Naruto… Well he gave Naruto a very capable teacher in his opinion one that could teach him the basics since from that battle with Kiba it was clear he was lacking. And he didn't mean to miss Naruto's battle with Neji something came up.
What he didn't expect was that Naruto would find his own teacher and that person would be none other than Jiraiya. And that Jiraiya would teach Naruto a summoning.
The third died and itachi attacked and Kakashi could feel everything they had worked toward breaking….
Friendship…
Hope…
Forgiveness….
Gone in an instant.
But maybe he was too busy wallowing in his own sorrow because he didn't realize how badly it had gotten until the hospital when the two duked it out and almost killed Sakura.
The fact that Jiraiya had taught that move to a still immature child like Naruto was dangerous as it was and he said as much
Out loud
While Naruto was there.
But he chased after Sasuke and bared his soul as if it would change the boy's mind; and it hadn't.
He had just come back from a mission when he heard the news and was sent out to track his team.
Sending Naruto was silly. Sasuke and Naruto were rivals that hardly ever got along. Sasuke was jealous of Naruto's growth and Naruto still begging for recognition like a dog for scraps. How was he supposed to know that to the both of them they saw each as best friends/ brothers. Naruto had only told him much later.
He gave up on Sasuke.
Sasuke didn't want help so what could he do.
Sakura didn't believe him anymore.
And Naruto had a new teacher that would make him actually strong.
He was drowning….
When Naruto returned it was like the sun appearing after years of rain. He had never realized how bright Naruto had been until he saw that smile.
The determination and courage.
The self confidence and hope that he had seen die in the eyes of many around him.
Naruto had it.
It was then that Kakashi began to look at the boy.
He saw the way he seemed to change people and make them better,
And he was jealous
He too wanted to be saved and he was like a moth drawn to the light that was Naruto.
That is why he wanted to stay close,
Why he was willing to train him,
He wanted the light that was Naruto.
And then Sakura just had to kiss him.
He didn't think anything was wrong with him until that moment.
He had never hated Sakura more.
When had his feelings of awe and admiration become so possessive?
So when he realized that Sakura was going after Sasuke he went too hoping to end the drama that had poisoned their team.
Hoping to free Naruto.
But he failed.
When had Naruto's blonde hair seemed so warm and his blue eyes so bright?
Before he had thought they reminded him of his teacher but now as he couldn't stray from looking he realized they were a different blue. Where Minato's reminded him often of the ocean, Naruto's reminded him of the sky,
He was falling for his student,
Falling for his teacher's son.
He never really cared about relationships before to be honest. He was no virgin but there was just no way he could commit to any relationship to care. Gender didn't matter and looks didn't; It was just a way to relieve an itch.
But Naruto was something he wanted…..
He just couldn't have.
The War didn't leave time for that. And losing the only people he had left had broken him.
Kakashi just wanted to die.
Naruto visited and Kakashi would just silently drink away his worries hating the way Naruto could still find a way to smile but at the same time loving that he could still do it when Kakashi couldn't.
Sasuke died…
Then Sakura….Shikamaru had come then…
"He needs you"
Kakashi snorted throwing back another drink, slightly buzzed already. He had already lost everyone, if he couldn't even protect his students what good was he,
"HE HASN'T CRIED ONCE!"
That caught his attention. Kakashi looked at Shikamaru and only then did he see the bags under his eyes, the thinness in his face and the desperation in his posture. Shikamaru bit his lip looking as he was about to cry but shook it off.
"You're the only… you're the only one left… he needs you…."
Kakashi looked down the bottle nose smelling the putrid alcohol raise. What would Gai have said about this? The thought made him laugh sardonically
"I can't…"
And he couldn't. He couldn't help anyone like this, certainly not Naruto. Shikamaru sighed not completely disappointed as if he knew he was going to be rejected anyway and that was most likely the case.
"Then at least help me. I've been researching on a way to fix things and you maybe the only one who can help me, it has to do with the fourth's technique…."
He didn't help Shikamaru then and he hadn't helped Naruto at all.
And Naruto came the next week smiling as usual becoming less like his father and more like the handsome leader he had always wanted to be.
And Sometimes, just sometimes Kakashi hated him. He wished Naruto would suffer more… Wanted Naruto to drown in the despair that he felt he was drowning in… Wanted to taint him in a sense.
Because even among the blood and dead bodies Naruto was just too bright and pure.
And he got his wish. His evil and cruel wish had come true in a halting instant...
Iruka died
Kakashi stared out the window. Since Konoha began to fall apart there wasn't much to look at, and the torrential downpour was not making the scene any prettier.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
His bone trained instincts caused him to jump even though his mind wanted it to be the end.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
He sighed. There was no way an enemy would knock.
He opened to the door sluggishly to see a disheveled, wet and panicked Nara; He couldn't even imagine such a thing.
"He's… gone"
Apparently out of breath too,
"Shikamaru what are you talking about?"
Rough hand grabbed his shirt and snatched him close,
"HE'S GONE! NARUTO FOUND OUT IRUKA DIED AND DISAPPEARED!"
Ah… Iruka, that would do it.
Naruto loved Iruka like no other. Shikamaru just need to calm down. Obviously the kid would be sad that was a given but still….
"please …. He needs help."
Kakashi couldn't see his face but he saw the tears fall on the ground. Felt the shaking in the young man's hands and heard the break in his voice.
He sighed, he just couldn't be completely heartless after all.
