Chapter 51 – Daenerys – Strength
Daenerys staggered through the camp after Drogon had set her down. She had seen the masses of dead, both human and not, over the field where the battle had taken place. Drogon had breathed fire over them, so they would not become wights the next day, but it was impossible to find and burn them all.
Her body felt like someone else's. She had thought it would be alright to see Viserion die once more, she had thought she had been over his demise, but no – it felt like the first time, only now he was gone forever.
Slowly she crept through their camp behind the river where the White Walkers would not be able to hurt them overnight, and she made her way towards the main tent where surely a war council would take place. But a part of her was afraid to finally see who had not returned… Since she had been on her dragon all day, she had no idea who had survived and who did not. What about Jon, Jorah, Tyrion? Missandei was already gone…
She met many warriors on her way who treated their wounds, cleaned their weapons or simply stared into the night, trying to cope with what had happened that day. A few greeted her, apparently glad that their Queen had survived.
There it finally was, the huge tent in the middle of the camp. Passing the guards she entered terrified of whom she would see and of whom she would not.
The first she noticed was that there were at least some people inside – it would have been the worst if she would have to carry on completely on her own –, the next, that they breathed in relief, and then someone had put his arms around her and embraced her firmly.
"I'm so glad you're alive," Jon whispered into her ear. "I've already begun to worry."
"Sorry," she replied and put her head on his chest, relieved to feel his warmth. "We were burning the dead." Then she loosened her grip and looked at the others in the tent. There were Ser Davos, the Commander of the Night's Watch (with a cut on his forehead that had covered half his face in blood), Podrick (a haunted look in his eyes), Tormund, Ghost (one ear missing), and Tyrion. She smiled at her Hand but then her gaze returned to Jon quickly. "Where are the others?" she wanted to know with fear in her voice.
"We don't know about all of them," he responded sadly.
"Brienne's not back, yet. I lost eye contact of Brienne in the fight," Podrick spoke, his eyes cast on the floor in shame. "She tried to protect me, but I didn't protect her."
"It's not your fault," Tyrion insisted and there was utter devastation in his voice. He looked at Dany with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. "My brother died," he informed her.
She had never held much from the man who killed her father, but she knew how much he had meant to Tyrion. She got on her knees in front of her Hand and hugged him in a try of comfort. "I'm so sorry," she told him earnestly.
She could hear him gulp and he embraced her in return, but he didn't speak.
After a while, she stood up again, turned around and looked at Jon. "Where's your sister?" she continued to inquire concerned.
He smiled reassuringly. "With Gendry, I believe."
She nodded and then asked the final, the worst question. "And Jorah?"
Jon came to her and placed his hands on her arms. "We don't know," he finally admitted.
"No!" she gasped and sat down on the next chair. First Missandei, and now Jorah? No, not him! He had been through so much, had lived where others would have died already…
"Maybe he'll return," Tyrion offered but it was obvious that he didn't believe it himself.
The truth slowly sank in and tears blurred her vision. Jon was still standing next to her and so she leaned again him and cried while he stroked over her hair and back in solace.
A while he let her cry, then he kneeled in front of her and took her face in his hands. "Listen to me, Dany," he told her firmly. "You can't let yourself go now. You're the Queen, which means you are our greatest support. Without you, the troops' spirit to fight will fail and we will lose this war. You need to be strong. Do you understand? You need to be strong!"
Dany considered these words and she knew they were true, but sometimes it was difficult to stay strong when all you want is curl under the wing of your dragon and cry. "Yes," she lastly agreed and wiped away her tears. "You're right. The war is not over. There is still another day of fighting going on."
Jon looked at her critically but nodded. "If you like, I can coordinate everything. You just have to be visible and not looking devastated."
"Thank you," she smiled gratefully.
"Good," he announced, and his face became hard. He stood up and looked at the rest of the Council. "So, this is how I propose we will fight tomorrow."
In the next hour, the men discussed the battle plan, eventually joined by Lyanna Mormont who was then nominated as a new Council member.
Daenerys sat on her chair and looked at the map of the north-east of Westeros without seeing anything. She thought about Viserion, about Missandei, about Jorah, and why little Lyanna Mormont had survived, whereas her cousin, who had already fought against so many evils in the world, was probably lost forever…
"I know we all lost many good men and women today, "Jon spoke at the end. "But the war is not over. Tomorrow there will be another fight and we will win it this time, cleaning the world of the northern threat once and for all!"
The fellow Council members nodded with new optimism, and Dany was glad that Jon could spread this motivation to continue. She wasn't sure if she would have been able to which made her realise the perks of having someone at your side who could help you reign over the seven kingdoms.
"Please tell your troops of our plans and try to motivate them as best as possible," Jon continued. "Let's hope we all catch some sleep tonight," he sighed in the end and the council was dismissed.
Daenerys had no idea if she wanted to stay in her seat or leave to go to her dragons. The only thing she truly wanted, was for all of this to please finally stop!
"Dany?" Jon cautiously said and she looked at him as if he was a ghost. This all felt so surreal! "Will you accompany me through the camp so our troops can see you're alive and well?"
She slowly nodded and was grateful for the arm he offered her – it made walking straight without staggering easier. Only then she realised that she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, but on the other hand, her stomach already revolted by the mere idea of food.
"You don't have to smile," Jon told her when they left the tent. "But please don't look so forlorn. Only till we reach your tent. Think of something cheerful."
She tried. She thought of her dragons, how the stone eggs turned into the best that ever happened to her. She thought of her success in the last years, how she conquered Astapor, Yunkai, and Meereen, and made the places better, especially for slaves. And she thought of Jon Snow, the King in the North, how they first met, how they first kissed, and what a wonderful, reliable friend he could be, even in the darkest times, like these. She forcefully didn't let herself think of the people she had lost – Khal Drogo and her baby, Missandei, and probably Jorah – no, she stuck to the happy memories, the good ones, and having Jon directly beside her helped to put a small optimistic smile on her face.
No one intervened their walk through the camp, but the King in the North looked pleased, so apparently Dany had done everything right.
"We're here," he quietly informed her when they stood in front of her tent. Behind it there was a greater space, so her dragons could lie near her. Since Jon was now Rhaegal's rider, he slept in the tent on the other side of the small field.
The dragons were already there, and Dany was glad to feel Drogon's hot breath on her face. It made her feel safe and home. But when she looked around, she saw that Rhaegal was completely fixed on Jon and not even blinked an eye in her direction. Apparently, she had lost more than one child in the last time.
"He seems to like you," she told Jon and couldn't hide the hurt in her voice.
"Yes, I like him, too," he responded smiling and oblivious to her tone. "Who would have thought that I would become a dragon rider? Me, a bastard from the North." He chuckled joyfully while stroking over Rhaegal's nose.
"I just wished he wouldn't forget his mother," Dany retorted, annoyed.
This time Jon noticed her behaviour and frowned at her, as he went towards her. "You know that I would never take him from you. You three," he nodded to Drogon, "belong together. And maybe, since I am his rider now, this means that I belong together with you as well. But I will never turn him against you. You're his mother and you'll always be."
"Thank you," she smiled and shared another hug with him.
"He protects me," Jon spoke into her hair.
"I'm glad he does." It felt good not to be alone, and that was the reason why she refused to let him go when he mentioned they should go to bed now. "Will you stay with me, please?" she asked shyly.
He seemed shocked by her idea at first but then he nodded in agreement, even offered a comforting smile, squeezed her hand, and together they made their way to her tent where they lay together and found some unexpected sleep after a while simply because they were not alone.
