22
Scotch Thoughts
Charity Begins at Home
As Lee plopped himself down onto the couch this particular evening he pulled the keys to the new Corvette out of his pocket. It wasn't his classic Porsche, but it was an amazing car; sleek and powerful just like he'd wanted. Once he got over the initial shock of losing the Porsche and watching it careen over the cliff and burst into flames, he had begun to allow himself to feel excited about the new car. But now his excitement was tinged with disappointment. Maybe he just still missed the old one, maybe it was just the left over effects from the Perrine case. Actually he suspected it probably had nothing to do with either of those reasons.
After using all of his powers of persuasion to convince Amanda to get him into the car show and all his assurances that nothing would happen, it had been himself that had gotten into danger. Himself and his car, that is. He had told her that it wouldn't get dangerous, that no one would find out who he was, but they had discovered him and had locked him in a freezer. If Amanda hadn't gotten him out of that freezer he would have become a block of ice just like its contents. And then Masterson had stolen his car and allowed it to plummet over the side of that cliff. And the rest was, as Amanda had said, "history."
Maybe losing the Porsche had been a blessing in disguise. It had begun to become unreliable. This new car was pretty amazing. As he drove it out of the dealership he had been so excited to share it with someone. Actually he had been excited to share it with Amanda. There really had never been anyone to share something like that with before. He had just wanted to take her for a drive in it. But she had refused, declined was better, since he hadn't really come out and offered. He had felt kind of disappointed, almost as though his excitement wasn't quite complete if he couldn't share it with her. For some reason being excited about the car alone wasn't as satisfying as being able to share it with Amanda. Even so, he could understand her reluctance to go for a ride with him, after all it had been rather late when he had stopped by.
It was even later now, but he still couldn't shake off that sense of disappointment. Realizing that he had some serious thinking to do and he had better get it over with, he got up and poured himself his scotch. He was aware that he felt an unusual attraction to Amanda. It couldn't be a sexual one, he reasoned with himself, because Amanda was… well she was Amanda. But he was beginning to feel an attachment to her and this was concerning him. Maybe what he had said earlier about his car applied to this friendship, "you don't love a car, but you do become attached to one." He knew from his past history that he needed to be careful of becoming attached, after all look what happened to the things he became attached to….
That was why he only dated the kind of women he did, because he could never become attached to one of them. They were fun for a night or two but none of them would ever be smart enough or brave enough for him to become attached to them at a deeper personal level and risk his heart.
But the way he felt after leaving Amanda's tonight made him feel uncomfortable. He didn't want to be disappointed that she didn't go for a drive with him. He shouldn't care. He couldn't risk an attachment, even with someone who had become a friend like Amanda had over the past year. Maybe he could ask Billy for some more overseas assignments to broaden his work horizons. And maybe he should vamp up his social life again. He had been so busy working (with Amanda, a little voice in his head added) that he hadn't had the time (or the desire, the little voice whispered again) to go out for the evening or entertain. There were a number of new entries in his latest black book that he had promised to call but hadn't gotten around to yet. He just needed to add some variety into his life, after all his friendship with Amanda made work pleasant but other than that it was a dead end for him. It wasn't worth sinking too much energy into a work relationship, especially if it was causing him to become emotionally dependent on or attached to another individual. He drained the glass with determination and picked up the driver's manual for the Corvette. It would make a good night's reading.
