Despite my cheery acquiescence, this has literally been the worst morning ever. I woke up from a coma, got undressed by a guy I had the hots for so I could take a bath, tap-danced all over Kan's feelings like an ass mountain, made out with a giant troll after said ablutions, resulting in...embarrassing...results, got yelled at by a tiny asshole, had a panic attack, and am now going further my wallowing in the hole of shame and chargrin by telling everyone and their gogdamn brother about the fact that I. Am. Flushed. For. Gamzee. Motherfucking. Makara. With a stupid smile on my face that won't go away no matter how many dead puppies I think about. And they are fucking awful.
Don't get me wrong, my knickers are totally in a bind over him. I'm just...so not cool with...official. For so many reasons that have nothing to do with this situation. Just more of my own gogdamn hangups. Hooray. Fucking trolls and their batshit insane rules! Or, really. Fucking Karkat. And HIS batshit insane rules. His guano piles measure in fathoms, if not light years.
But I am not doing that shit with the stonk of my own pheromones giving my indiscretions away, dammit. I shoo Karkat out of the door, and when it finally, finally closes over his scowling face, I turn my attentions to my grinning suitor. Who is literally inches away from me. Smiling a shit-eating grin to end all shit-eating grins. Like he consumed Karkat's obscene mounds of guano and won a fucking contest, whose prize was me. Distracting. Very.
His eyebrows waggle in a pitiful attempt at smarminess, "You're up and cool with us getting our redrom on, then? Motherfucking thank all the fucking miracles in the Void, Rosesis." A less than familiar thrill sets in my bones when his hand finds my face and brings it closer to his. I see the tantalizing pucker of his well used lips as they descend toward mine. If I don't say something, I'm not going to be able to. Gogdammit use your words, woman! I'm no wanton heathen! Well...yeah.
"Gamz." His lips change course, brushing my nose. "Yeah, mamacita?" Deep breath, crazy woman. "Let's not call it 'redrom', as you say. I'm not a troll, you're not a human. It would be foolish to play by the rules of either species." He nips at my nose in thought, furrowing his brow. "Ah...I'm guessing we'll be all listening up motherfucking hard to what all our bloodpushers sing at us? Ain't like I've got the know on what to do."
My own brow matches his in consternation. I lean my forehead on his chin as he kisses the frownies away. "Neither do I. But I can only imagine either of us expecting the other to be cool with cultural differences would lead to trouble." Not to mention I'd be fucking jealous as hell if he busted out his clownshoes dumbass moves on someone else. His hum enters my thoughts, "Yeah. Can't be saying our loving on each other ain't gonna be a little awkward-like. Gots me a mighty hard" gogdammit internal snicker, "belief we'll figure that shit out just fine, though." My greedy mouth finds his for a quick kiss.
Supposedly quick, anyway. His hum picks up a diesel-engine like growl as he pulls me in, like he can't quite get close enough. Know the feeling. In-between light pecks and deeper kisses, I hear him mutter under his breath, "My. Fucking. Rosesis, motherfucking miracles." like a mantra. It makes my heart flutter in uncomfortable ways, but I can handle it. I can't bring myself to answer in kind, but he seems content to have contact and reassurance. Kinda cute. Kinda...hot.
Anyway. It's Gamzee. He's...fuck. Different. My 'bloodpusher' does another flip-flop in my chest. That's a disquieting realization. Fuck. Stop thinking about that bullshit. I will not let those old-ass, grabby-handed, dead assholes ruin a cute as hell moment. I'm the one with trust and intimacy issues, not him. I tamp down unpleasant thoughts for later examination. I'm sure as hell not going to let that shit boil over again, fucking hurt the first time. I pull him in for a fevered kiss, both hands wrapped around his horns. That gets his attention. The breathless words stop, for a time, replaced with chirps and moans. Neat.
We come up for air when we hear a commotion outside my room. I know one voice is Karkat's, but I can't quite hear the other. I push with my Sight into the corridor behind my door, upon which my butt is precariously placed. Oh fuck my hot life in the inner ear. Kan. I can't 'hear' what they are saying, but it looks like Kar is trying to keep her out long enough to give us time to straighten ourselves out. Like I'm ever that lucky. She's already half-pushed the shouty straight jacket out of the way.
I duck under Gamzee's arms, grabbing a hand to haul him to the bathroom. He doesn't offer resistance, questioning in a shy tone,"What the motherfuck is up, Rosesis? Can't say I mind all using your ablution trap and all, but, ah, I usually, do it alone? Less Karbro is giving me a hardcore epic papdown?" Wow. Totally don't have time to process that level of weird. It's probably too late already. Ew. Naked Karkles. Just. Ew. Bluh.
I start to swing the door shut as the door shooshes open, allowing entrance to the tangled bodies of Kanaya and Karkat, who seem to be having a very spirited shoving match. I yell "Sorry! Please don't follow me!" into the room and slam the door behind me. Gamzee looks so flustered and confused I let out a peal of nervous laughter, grinning like an idiot. Oh wow. I probably look like a predatory pervo right now, grinning and cackling like a super-villian. Speak, LaLonde!
I catch my breath and look at him apologetically, "Sorry, I just...^wheeze^ I wanted to get us washed up so we wouldn't stink like pheromones. Or at least I hope that's a thing we can do, so you know...um..." I look pleadingly in his direction, willing him to not make me say it. His face settles back into a slightly naughty, lazy grin, "So's not everybody on the ship gets the down low on all of a motherfucker's activities?" His look and drawl make my skin prickle in a pleasant way, but I ignore it. "Yes. That was the plan, anyway. Is that possible?" A crooked smile is my only answer as the two tusslers on the other side of my door continue their rampage in my room.
"He Is Being LEWD!" I can literally feel his eye roll, "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL FUCKS IN PARADOX SPACE, MARYAM, THEY JUST WENT INTO THE ABLUTION TRAP ^TOGETHER^. SHE FUCKING PULLED HIS CLOWN-ASS IN THERE. IT MAKES MY PROTEIN-CHUTE CHAFE IN DISGUST. PLEASE DO NOT OPEN THAT FUCKING DOOR AND FORCE MY SEE-ORBS TO WITNESS WHATEVER CHUCKLEFUCKERY THEY ARE DOING IN THERE. I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH OF THEIR BRAZEN ADVANCES TO LAST ME A LIFETIME. FUCK. NO. ALL OF MY LIFETIMES. EVEN MY DOOMED SELVES WERE SICK OF IT." I hear her clipped footsteps stop outside the door. Kan's primly pressed lips mute some of her words, "What exactly...noise noise...that mean?" The sounds of their argument quiet and move further into the bedroom. At least my gambit worked, even though I doubt it looks good from the other side. Shit. So much for avoiding rumors.
Gamzee crooks a finger, signaling me to come closer, making me squint dubiously. Closer might not help our situation of others not 'knowing our activities.' Leaning back against a wall, I arch an eyebrow. "You still haven't answered my question, Mr. Makara. I am not overly fond of waiting." If it is at all possible, his smile slides into something that very clearly would have been illegal in most of the southern states of my former planet. "Motherfuck, Rosesis. All formal and shit." He slinks forward, if that is a thing a clumsy clown can do.
"Ain't a thing. Most us troll motherfuckers gots us a good set of smell sponges, we do. Hard to cover shit up, like. Shower might get most of it," He stops in front of me, eyes mildly predatory, "But some like Terecita's gonna up and smell it anyhows." If I was capable of becoming one with the floor and wall simultaneously, I would. This really is the best/worst morning ever. Cool hands settle on my hips like they belong there. Proprietary motherfucker! I roll my head back with a thunk, glaring a little, "What is your recommendation for our predicament, then?" His salacious grin threatens to split his face in two as he leans in closer, the gravel in his voice making me shiver, "Make it worse."
And we do. I am a flying idiot, who cannot say no to a sexy clown. Because I ^^really^^ don't want to. Damn him. Right in his shame globes. The fuck are those, anyhow. Seriously.
Note: Thanks to Maria, Yumi, Kitty-bandit, and KSV for awesome reviews, and thanks for all of the likes and follows! Have a good night, all!
