"Mr. Cobblepot, Mr. Maroni on line one for you," His secretary said.
"Thank you, Candy," Penguin muttered. He snatched the phone up.
"Maroni-"
"Oswald, I understand that my guests were close friends of yours?"
"Yes, Maroni," Penguin muttered. "What's this about?"
"The state of the room, Cobblepot. Strictly the fact that you owe me a new paint job, new carpeting, a new bed frame, a new mattress-"
"What the bloody hell did they get up to in there?!" Penguin spluttered.
"Well, let's just say it looks like they filmed a Rob Zombie movie in there. Now, I hope you understand that even though you supply me with such good business, I can't make this issue just disappear. Especially since they killed a maid."
"They killed a maid?"
"Yep."
Penguin sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Paid in full or installations?"
"Installations if that's more preferable to you, Cobblepot."
"I need your help!"
"We haven't even watched The Walking Dead yet, and you're already asking for help?" Evelyn asked, smirking. It was Girl's Night In for the two friends, and Evelyn had decided that they were going to watch her favorite tv show.
It had been a few weeks since the wedding and what Maggie had dubbed the 'Double Trouble Debacle.'
"Do you have any idea of the month I've had?" Maggie demanded.
"Oh, do enlighten me."
"Two crazy women bought me hideously alcoholic drinks, Harley Quinn – Harley fucking Quinn – dragged me into an awkward conversation with Poison Ivy-"
"Oh, Ivy's really nice."
"Of course, you'd get along with her. She told me she used to date Two-Face and gave me this look!"
"Oh! Was it this?" Evelyn asked, pulling a snarling glare.
"Yes! And I've been invited to some shindig – what the hell is going on?!"
"You're now a Rogue's Girlfriend. Get used to it. Now let me watch my-"
"You and the zombies!" Maggie wailed, flopping back on the couch. "I'm losing my mind here!"
"Well, it's a good start."
"Good start? Me losing my mind is a good start?"
"Do I need to answer this or was it a rhetorical question, Maggie?"
"Evelyn!"
"Maggie!" Evelyn mocked.
"I need your help!"
"And I need to get caught up! They don't let me watch this in Arkham!"
"Gee, I wonder why. A movie about zombies for the woman that kills people and calls them zombies? It's a real mystery," Maggie muttered sarcastically. Evelyn flicked her.
"Sarcasm gets you nowhere. First off, it's a show. Not a movie. Second-"
"I really need your help! Please?" Maggie begged. "I'll buy the entire season for you when it comes out on DVD."
"You do realize I am considered a criminal yes?"
"Yes."
"Therefore it would be safe to assume that I could just steal a copy, right?"
"Evelyn!"
"Fine," Evelyn groaned before turning the TV off.
"My life has been turned upside down," Maggie moaned. "All of my friends have stopped speaking to me! I'm seriously considering giving up my job at this point-"
"Why?"
"Because the servers are so damn edgy around me! Worse than usual!" Maggie paused and tilted her head back, letting it rest against the back of the couch. "It's everywhere."
"You agreed to it."
"I didn't think-"
"You're a novelty. People want to know how far they can go to break you."
"Do I have to go to Arkham?" Maggie's lips quivered. "I've never even had a parking ticket!"
"Batman won't care," Evelyn muttered, crossing her arms.
"Oh god. Batman?! Do you think he'll come after me?"
"Have you done anything more criminal than sleep with Harvey?"
"No."
"Then it's fine," Evelyn waved her off. "You know, if you tell Cobblepot about the servers-"
"Really? And make them even more on edge around me?" Maggie snorted. "No thanks."
"Well, it's either that or live on Harv's dime and your pride would never let you do that."
Maggie groaned, her head in her hands. "Maybe if I found a new job-"
"Everyone in Gotham knows about you and Harvey. They'd never hire you."
"How does everyone know?"
"Reaper and Dead Switch. Get a couple drinks in them and they'll spill about anything."
"Really? How'd you know that?"
"Dead Switch had a few drinks and leaked a copy of a sex tape throughout-"
"What?!"
"Apparently Riddler likes to watch himself and Reaper-"
"Oh God! Too much, too much!"
"And they say Victor and I-"
"I get it, I get it," Maggie cut her off gloomily. "We'll watch your damned TV show."
Evelyn grinned and turned the TV back on as they settled back.
Throughout the opening credits they were both silent and then-
"How the hell do you know about that sex tape?" Maggie blurted.
"Victor just so happened to find a copy on a zombie."
"Oh, God above-"
"Shhh!"
"I can't-"
Evelyn was quiet for a few moments. "You know...Harvey has one too."
"WHAT?!"
"I bet if you asked nicely, he'd show it to you."
"Oh god," Maggie whimpered, mortified.
"In fact, I'll bet he'd love to watch it w-"
"Please, please, please shut up. Please."
"Fine, I was just saying," Evelyn smirked. "Does he have any kinks?"
"Evelyn!"
"What? I'm just curious! What side comes out more? Smooth or rough?"
"Evelyn!"
"Well-"
"I don't see why you'd want to know."
"You asked about Victor and I," Evelyn reminded. "I distinctly remember that. So? Kinks? Personalities?" Evelyn smiled and nudged her friend.
Maggie went red and muttered something quickly.
"What?"
"It was...the other guy, alright? Harvey's the gentleman," Maggie couldn't believe she was talking about this. "He likes...he likes me to call him...Big Bad Harv."
Evelyn froze before exploding into laughter. "Are you kidding me?"
"Shut up!" Maggie elbowed Evelyn as she laughed. "It's not funny," Maggie glared at Evelyn. "I'm going to the bathroom."
"Oh, come on, Maggie, it's hilarious," She called after her friend.
"No it's not, it's-" WHOMP "What the fu- Oh my GOD!" Maggie screamed, the glassy eyes of an elderly woman and man she had tripped over gazing up at her from the floor of the bathroom.
Evelyn rushed over to her friend and sighed, her shoulders slumping as soon as she saw the bodies.
"Of course. That is what I forgot to take care of before you got here."
"You forgot to take care of two dead bodies?!"
"I'm sorry, but it was a rushed job. You were on your way and Victor was being a little...distracting."
"So, Zsasz, finally came to one of our little gettogethers," Firefly grinned.
"Evelyn said I needed to leave the house for the night. She was having a friend over," Victor muttered, looking around the room at the men he'd accidentally met up with.
Harley Quinn had once called this group of misfits The Pervy Twerps – the name was almost self-explanatory. They were perverted and they acted like twerps. The name had stuck, and thus, The Pervy Twerp Club had been borne.
The two founding members were Harvey Dent and Killer Croc. They'd collected Deadshot, Firefly, and, he couldn't quite understand why, somehow Killer Moth had been brought along.
"Ah, yeah. Maggie said something about hangin' with Evelyn," Dent muttered. "So...how was the wedding night?" He grinned, looking at Zsasz.
Moth turned red and stammered before heading off to the bar. He had no want to be anywhere near this conversation.
Lynns, Lawton, and Jones, however, chuckled.
"Come on, Vic. Tell us. How's Evelyn in bed?"
"It was no different than any other time that we'd had sex," Victor muttered, glaring at the men. "That is all I will say. I don't want you menaces knowing anything further about mine and Evelyn's sex life. Now, if you'll excuse me," Zsasz grabbed his coat and stood.
"Aww, leaving so soon, Zsaszy?" Lawton asked.
"Should I tell Raven where to find you Floyd? I'm sure she'd love to send you off to Blackgate. Again."
Deadshot glared at Zsasz. "Fuck you, Zsasz."
"I'm sorry to break your heart, Floyd, but I'm simply not interested."
A/N:
Haha, chapter 52! Super excited! We're getting close!
Again, thanks to Stitcher for helping me write this :)
Batty:
I hope you enjoy this one just as much and laugh just as hard, hopefully :)
Stitcher:
Well, you've been helping me write this so, of course you get a mention!
Haha, yes, well, that's a story for another time :) And your wish is my command!
Jenicide24:
Haha, well, that was the point :) And you should look forward to some stories featuring the two :)
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