Chapter 51

Something wasn't right, he could sense that even before the light died away. He felt different. Strange. He couldn't quite explain it. But he knew he didn't like it. Or did he? The feeling wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong either. And as the light died away he finally realised what it was that was wrong. The First was gone. Completely gone. She wasn't in front of him and she wasn't inside of him either. Gasping in alarmed surprise, he clutched his head. He wasn't in pain exactly, well not physically. But after so long with the Mistress inside of him, to be torn from her like that…

Beside him, his distress was joined by that of Kaiba, Tristan and Yugi, as he slowly realised it wasn't just the First who was missing. Dropping to his knees, he broke down into tears.

'Why is she gone, why is she gone?' His voice was little more than a miserable wail. 'Why can't I feel her anymore?'

'Because you are her,' Arados sounded almost too calm, 'and she is you.'

'No, no, no, that isn't right. I still feel like me. She's gone. She's gone. I want her back.'

'You can't have her back, because she isn't gone. You've reached your final evolution. You are each other now.'

'No, no, no,' his moans were joined by those of Kaiba and Yugi, 'this can't be right, this doesn't feel right.'

'What… what happened?' Jo shook her head in confusion

'Ni wasn't causing their evolution Jo,' Crovell shot her a look, 'he was just killing the mortals they were bound to. That's not how this situation was supposed to work. That's why our father... our Silkoneon father couldn't let go. Because the evolution was always supposed to make them one and the same.'

'In a few more years this would have happened of its own accord anyway,' Lus lowered his head, 'as soon as we picked up the weapons we could sense what was really going on. What we were really supposed to do.'

'This isn't ideal,' Arados took over, 'speeding up the natural order will make things very confusing for a while. In a lot of ways it'll make them vulnerable. But they were fusing together anyway. For the past eighteen years the Mistresses and Win have been becoming our parents; they knew it, but they also knew there was a give and take to it.'

'Everyone else assumed it was the other way round,' Drake gave a strange half laugh. 'Even we did, right up until we picked up the weapons. Then it all became so blindingly obvious to us.'

'The only ones who could really sense what was going on were the Mistresses and Win. That's why the First allowed herself to panic when Ni was taunting our Dad. She could sense she was becoming him and couldn't tell the difference between them anymore. So she reacted like she did whenever she got her voices confused with herself. She reacted with fear.'

'But that fear is gone now,' as Drake spoke, Taylor's eyes scanned the group, 'because they were never meant to prevent this from happening. This is how things are supposed to be.'

'Does that mean...' Jo hesitated. 'Does that mean they'll accept us now? I mean, they're gods so... so they'll understand why...' her eyes turned towards Crovell. 'They'll accept us now, right?'

'I never wanted acceptance Jo,' Crovell's voice was mute, 'I just wanted you. So long as I had that, I could live in exile.'

'Well I couldn't,' tears began to roll down her cheeks. 'That's why I had to... that's why I wanted them to... Why I agreed for Ni to... I can't be exiled, Crovell, I'm Order. I'm Order. I can't be Order in exile, I just can't.'

The conversation which had been going on around him failed to sink in. He felt nothing but confusion and pain, neither of which he could fully comprehend. But what he could comprehend was the growing distress of his daughter. His heart welled in compassion for her and he found himself reaching out to comfort her. Instantly she fell into his arms.

'I'm not sorry for what I've done,' she wailed, 'I'm not sorry for how I feel. But please don't exile me Dad, please. I can't... I can't live in exile.'

'Shh,' he hushed her.

'I'm not sorry, I'm not. Me and Crovell it's just... just how... I can't stop needing him and I can't make it feel wrong. And I can't live in exile. I just can't.'

'I know,' so many thoughts were swirling round his head he wasn't even sure where to begin trying to understand this situation.

'I'm sorry Dad,' she pulled herself into him. 'I'm sorry for what's happened to you. I'm sorry for what's happened to them. I'm sorry you're in such pain. I'm sorry they were forced to do this to you. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you deserve, but please... please don't exile me for how I feel. Please don't exile me for what I can't be sorry for.'

'I'm sorry Jo, but I can't... I can't get my head around all this right now. I need... I need to know what I am. I need to know what happened to the Mistresses.'

'You are the Mistresses.' Arados's voice was almost too calm.

'No,' he shook his head, 'no, don't tell me that. I need you to tell me what really happened to them.'

'That is what really happened to them. You are them or rather they are you.'

'I… I don't understand.'

'You are their final evolution,' Lus's voice was dry, 'the Mistresses as they were don't exist anymore.'

'No!' His own wail of anguish was joined by Kaiba and Yugi's.

'Make them come back,' he sobbed, 'make them come back.'

'We can't do that,' Drake's voice was tearful, 'they don't exist like that anymore.'

'No!' All three wailed again.

'Make them come back.'

'We can't,' Lus shook his head, 'you are them.'

'How can we be them, if they're gone?' Yugi's voice tinged with despair.

'Because you have become them. You have fused together with them into your final evolution. You exist as one. You are the Mistresses now.'

'No!' Their combined wail was louder and this time joined by Tristan's.

'It's alright,' Lus took a hesitant step towards them, 'it's okay; it's not as bad as you think. It's… it's nothing like you think.'

'He's right,' Arados nodded. 'It may be confusing for you now, but what you are... its how things were meant to be.'

'How can losing the Mistresses be how things are meant to be?' Kaiba's voice was filled with more pain than Joey ever thought possible.

'Because you haven't… you haven't lost them. Not exactly. Not the way you think. You are them, why can't you comprehend that?'

'How can we be them, if we've lost them? It doesn't make any sense.'

'Dad, Kaiba, Yugi,' Crovell's voice trembled as he spoke, 'I need you to understand what we're saying here, there's been a change in the order of things. A big change.'

'The heirs have taken over?'

'No,' he swallowed hard, 'the Mistresses are still in control.'

'How can they be in control if they no longer exist?' Yugi shook his head miserably.

'Because you are the Mistresses.'

'How can we be if they don't exist?'

'Because they're not the Mistresses they were anymore.'

By this point Joey was so confused and heartbroken he no longer felt able to listen to what they were saying. He certainly couldn't take it in. He felt like he was being crushed by his own misery and the only thing that would make it better was the presence of the First inside of him again. But she was gone. And she was never coming back. And he couldn't understand why. Why had the multiverse been so cruel? Why had they taken her from him? From everyone? Why was she gone? Why? Why? Why?

'Dad, Dad,' Arados's voice broke through to him, 'Dad please, you've got to listen to this. You've got to comprehend what we're saying. You've got to know what's happened to you. You've got to understand. Please snap out of it. Please listen to what we're telling you. Don't let the shock overwhelm you. Please... listen to us.'

'How can I listen when I've lost the First?'

'Because you are the First.'

'The First is gone. My Mistresses is gone.'

'No she's not gone. She's not gone. She's just different now. She's not the Mistress she used to be.'

'She's a Master now,' Crovell suddenly took over, 'I guess you could say she's a Master now, if that helps you to understand. A Master of Light. You're a Master, Dad. You're the First Master of Light.'