AN: OMG, you guys are the best! I can't believe I got to 150 (squealing and jumping down excitedly)! I never could have done this without you! As always, this one's for you (actually, they all are). Let me know if it's too boring, and I'll quit, unless you want me to continue.
Disclaimer: I'm sure you all know this by now, but I don't own any of the characters on Instant Star. Here's the latest chapter. I hope you like it!
Chapter 46:
Jude immediately started pacing, then stopped abruptly. "No," she said, "I won't."
I was shocked, to say the least. We both knew what Darius would do if she didn't comply with his wishes, as he called them.
"Jude, you know what's going to happen if we don't do what Darius wants," I warned.
Jude rolled her eyes, and said, "Darius can go shove it for all I care. Anyway, who gave you permission to change the subject?"
"I just thought…" I said weakly, then let it go.
"And that's your mistake, isn't it? Thinking, I mean. It really isn't your strong point, you know," Jude's insults were clearly intended to hurt me, which they did. She smiled sweetly, knowing she'd succeeded.
I'd had enough. "Jude, what's your problem? Besides the fact that I keep hurting you, and I'm sorry, and you don't care. What is it?"
Jude paused, debating whether to be open or not, and decided to let it out. "The fact that you think you can keep hurting me. You never say anything you mean. You can't be straight with me, because you can't be straight with yourself. You try and be all nice, when it's all just an act that you've done a hundred times. You insist that you love me, when you've said the same thing to hundreds of girls that you roll off of and forget about within a few hours. So tell me, Tommy, who's really got a problem?"
I couldn't believe how well she knew me, even more than I knew myself. I'd kept myself so hidden from the public eye that even my closest friends didn't know about my past. But Jude wasn't a close friend. She was more than that, and she'd always be more than that. No matter how much we fought, no matter how many tears were shed, she deserved to know the truth.
"You're right, Jude," I said, as Jude looked on in amazement. "I do have a problem. But it's not the kind that you think it is. You always rant about how your problems are so huge that you don't know how to deal with them, how your parents' divorce is affecting you, how Sadie drives you crazy, and how hurt you were when Jamie broke up with you? You think you have more problems than anyone else? Well guess what, Jude? You're wrong. You don't know anything about me. You don't know about my parents. They never supported me, or spent time with me, and they didn't want me to join Boyz Attack, because of what their friends might say. They didn't want to be reminded that their son, who had no professional aspirations, left a perfectly good home environment to waste away in some god-forsaken nightclub, where drinks were endless and there were plenty of girls to distract me from remembering who my parents wanted me to be. They never showed up at any of my concerts, and I haven't seen them or spoken to them since I joined Boyz Attack. You don't know about my older brother, who'd always made fun of me for dropping out of school. He didn't want to be known as the brother of Tom Quincy, who never even finished 7th grade. He was a straight A student, the model son that my parents always wanted. He hated having my parents push him to keep me in line, with grades, with everything. He lectured me about how I shouldn't throw my life away, that I'd never amount to anything if I didn't get a good education, that if I did what my parents wanted, I'd always have something to be proud of, because my parents told him to. And my younger sister? She desperately wanted nothing to do with 'lil Tommy Q.' On the outside, she was the dutiful daughter. She was a perfect little angel, always trying to help, always caring and loyal. But when she was with her friends, she did what she wanted, whenever she wanted. And no one thought otherwise. My parents and their friends thought she could do no wrong. They couldn't see her for what she really was, for what they all were. They all had issues, but I was the one to blame, the black sheep, just because I abandoned the family for my own 'musical aspirations'. My family was supposed to love and support me no matter what I did, but they didn't. So you want to know why I always put on 'an act', as you call it? Why I'm all work and no play? Because I don't want to remember how painful my memories are. Because if I can be the best writer/producer out there, then maybe one day my family will accept me as I am, and not who they want me to be. Is that a good enough explanation for you?"
Jude nodded, sniffling a little at the vivid description of my family members, then said, "Tommy, I'm sorry, I didn't know."
I wouldn't let her off that easy. "You never bothered to ask."
Jude gave me a tentative smile. "So, you want to get to work?"
I smiled back, seeing as how quickly she changed the subject. "Depends, do you still want me as your producer?"
"Yes," Jude pleaded. "Kwest is great, but he's nowhere near as good as you are."
"But you know I'll be hard on you," I reminded her.
"It's OK, I can take it," Jude assured me. I knew the old Jude had come back.
"So, where does this leave us?" I was dying to hear her response.
"I don't know. Let's just take it slow, OK?" Jude looked as confused as I felt.
"It's a deal," I said. We went to work.
AN: Sooo, what do you think? Will Tommy be able to control his emotions? Will something happen between them that they'll regret? Lots more drama to come, if you want me to continue. Otherwise, this is it.
